


just a dream

by laurenjauregui



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2018-09-15 22:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 160,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9260408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurenjauregui/pseuds/laurenjauregui
Summary: Camila Cabello is officially a solo artist. She left Fifth Harmony and is getting ready to start her solo career. Except she wakes up the next day, and she's sixteen, about to start her junior year of high school, and Fifth Harmony doesn't exist.She's pretty sure it's all just a dream. It can't possibly be anything else.





	1. prologue

**_December 18 th, 2016._ **

Camila Cabello is no longer in Fifth Harmony.

And honestly, it’s a total relief. When she was finally told that she no longer had any contractual obligations, she was happy to get out of there. She wants to have full creative power over her music, and working with four girls that she’s not on the best terms with anymore was too hard.

She used to be close with the girls, but then fights over her solo endeavours occurred and it seemed like everyone was against her, except maybe Dinah. Even Lauren had turned on her in the end, after those social media hacks that leaked a bunch of stupid things she said when she was fifteen.

She doesn’t check Twitter; she knows it’ll be a mess. She wants to make sure that the fans are okay, because the last thing she wanted to do was upset them. She cares about them so much.

Instead, she goes to bed and thinks back to four years ago, when things were incredible. When she was starting her dream with four other girls who were like sisters to her. Now, she’s leaving four people who are practically strangers to her.

-

She wakes up feeling groggy. She checks her phone straight away, deciding that it’s probably time to post a statement giving her side of the story.

She goes to unlock her phone, but her heart stops when she sees the date.

**_September 5 th, 2016._ **

That’s not right, and she doesn’t know what the hell has happened to her phone. Why wasn’t it showing the right date? She hadn’t done anything to it before she’d fallen asleep.

(Also, it’s 7am, and she’d fallen asleep at like, five in the afternoon. She can’t have slept for fourteen hours.)

She’s about to get up and check the time and date somewhere else, because clearly her phone’s fucked up, but then her mother opens her bedroom door with a smile. “Morning, mija.”

“Uh,” Camila rubs at her eyes, “mom, what time is it?”

“Seven,” Sinu tells her, “you need to get up and ready for your first day back at school.”

 _School_? Camila thinks, her eyes widening. “I don’t- I don’t go to school. I’m _nineteen_.”

Sinu laughs. “You’re not nineteen for another two and a half years. You’re _sixteen_. Is this some sort of weird prank? Are you trying to convince me to let you off school? Because it’s not going to work.”

“Okay, what the hell?” Camila frowns. “Are _you_ pranking me? Did you change the time on my phone or something?”

Sinu’s expression changes from relaxed to concerned. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I… I’m just… _confused_.” Camila mumbles. “I- I have to go to _high school_ today?”

“Yes, mija, it’s your first day of junior year,” Sinu replies, “did you think you still had a few days off? I know you can lose track of days in summer.”

“I… yeah.” Camila nods, not wanting to worry her mom, but seriously freaking out. “Yeah, it’s just that. School. Junior year. I- I totally remember now.”

Sinu sends her a look and nods. “Alright. See you down for breakfast in a few minutes.”

Once her mom leaves the room, Camila jumps up and sprints to the bathroom, looking in the mirror and seeing her sixteen year old self staring back at her.

She wants to scream. She doesn’t know what the hell happened or _how_ , and she doesn’t care to find out. She just wants to go back. She was _finally_ free to do what she wanted with her music career, and she wakes up to this?

It’s too much for her to wrap her head around and she feels like crying.

Instead, she has to face high school for the first time in years.

She checks her closet, and after finding some clothes that aren’t ridiculously childish and staring at the collection of bows and wishing she could _burn_ them, gets dressed and heads downstairs.

She settles on a slice of toast for breakfast, but for the first time in forever, she doesn’t feel like eating. She has a few bites, and sits with Sofi and watches cartoons – happy that there’s still _something_ normal in all of this craziness – when her mom gets her attention. “Mija, Dinah’s outside for you.”

Camila blinks in confusion. _Dinah_? In _Miami?_

Logically, the closest thing she had to a friend in Fifth Harmony should be across the country. Three thousand miles away.

But she’s right outside the front door?

She walks outside after having a backpack passed to her by her mom, and sure enough, Dinah’s sat waiting in a car. Cautiously, Camila gets in the passenger side, and Dinah sends her a bright smile. “Hey, Walz. Ready to deal with the next year of school?”

 _A year_? Camila can’t handle a day.

“Um… sure.” Camila nods, and when Dinah starts driving, quickly buckles her seatbelt. “So… how- how was your summer?”

“You should know, you spent all of it with me,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “your mom mentioned you were acting weird. Everything okay?”

 _No, apparently I’ve jumped into some kind of alternate universe where everything is weird and I’m three years younger than I actually am, but no big deal_ , Camila thinks. “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

“Clearly everything’s _not_ fine,” Dinah laughs, “Mila, you know when someone says they’re fine that they’re not fine. I’m your best friend. You can tell me anything, you know.”

“I- I know.” Camila nods. “It’s nothing, seriously. I’m fine.”

“Is Mahone bothering you again?” Dinah asks, and Camila frowns. _Austin_? Why the hell would he be here? “If he is, I’ll go kick him in the nuts for you.”

“No violence is necessary, Dinah,” Camila says, “I’m just super tired. Didn’t sleep much last night.”

 _Sleep_. Yeah, that’s it. This has all got to be some kind of crazy dream. _Clearly, I’m going to wake up and everything will be back to the way it was. Even if this is all scarily vivid._

“Okay. As long as you’re sure.” Dinah smiles at her, and Camila’s gut aches, because Dinah hadn’t been this concerned about her for a long time. “Have you checked your schedule online yet?”

“I- no?” Camila frowns. “Am I supposed to?”

Dinah laughs. “ _Duh_. You’re so forgetful. I told you to last night so we could check what classes we shared!”

“Oh,” Camila shrugs and tries her best to change the subject. She uses guesswork, because if Dinah’s here, anyone else could be. “Have you- uh, seen Ally lately?”

“Okay, something is _seriously_ wrong with you.” Dinah stares at her like she’s gone crazy, and Camila thinks that yeah, she probably has. “Ally hung out with us yesterday. What drugs are you on?”

“None, I swear,” Camila rests her head against the window and sighs. “I just want to wake up.”

“You’re… _insane_.” Dinah frowns at her. “Something’s weird. You’re acting different.”

“I’m just tired,” Camila knows that she can’t explain her situation. She’s hardly accepted it yet. “What about Lauren and Normani? Have you seen them?”

“Jauregui and Kordei?” Dinah asks. “No. Why would I have seen them?”

“Okay...” Camila tries to think. Someone like _Austin_ is in this weird, fucked up dream, but Lauren and Normani aren’t? “Well, who else-”

“Walz, we spend ninety percent of our time together. If I’ve been hanging out with Lauren and Normani, you have too.” Dinah interrupts her. “What’s wrong with you today?”

“Nothing,” Camila reiterates for what feels like the one millionth time, “I just didn’t get much sleep. I told you that.”

Dinah’s eyes narrow. “There’s something you’re not telling me. But I’ll find out.”

Camila really hopes she doesn’t, because she’d probably be committed to an asylum if she tried to tell someone what the hell is going on. Plus, she doesn’t really know herself.

 _It’s just a dream_ , Camila tells herself, _just a dream that you’re going to wake up from soon._

After she tells herself that it’s just a dream over and over, she finally decides that she’s going to see how this plays out until she wakes up.

Because it’s definitely just a dream.


	2. one

“Mila. Check your damn timetable,” Dinah tells her as they pull up to a building that she assumes is her school. “Then we can figure out which classes we share.”

“I don’t- how do I do that?” Camila pulls out her phone and tries to unlock it, not sure what her passcode is. She tries her current phone password, but it’s denied.

Dinah rolls her eyes. “Your passcode is your birthday, dumbass. 0303. And your password to the school’s website is Sofia03.”

“How do you know that?” Camila isn’t sure if she should be concerned that this Dinah knows all of her passwords. _Her_ Dinah certainly didn’t.

“Walz, you told me it. You let me use your account to print a bunch of stuff out because I ran out of printer credit.” Dinah stares at her like she’s crazy. “I’m going to ask you again-”

“I’m _fine_ , Dinah,” Camila unlocks her phone and finds the school’s website in the safari bookmarks. Then, she types in the password that Dinah had given her, thankful that the username is remembered on the website, and finds her class schedule, holding it out. “There.”

Dinah reads it over with a smile. “We’re in almost everything together, except math, literature and history. Other than that, we’re good.”

Camila looks down at the schedule with a frown. Apparently, this day isn’t bad enough, because she has literature first, something she doesn’t share with Dinah, and she’s never stepped foot in this building in her entire life. How the hell is she supposed to find the classroom?

She makes an excuse to leave Dinah in search of the classroom, trying to decipher the room code on her schedule as she goes. Why is this so complicated? Why is this even happening to her? She hasn’t done anything to deserve this weird, fucked up dream, and all she wants to do is wake up.

After searching around for what feels like forever, a bell rings, and the crowds in the hallways start thinning out. So, she makes a split second decision and walks over to a dark haired girl who doesn’t seem to be in any rush to get to class. “Hey, excuse me, can you-”

Camila’s breath catches in her throat when the girl turns around and bright green eyes pierce through her very soul. _Lauren_. She doesn’t know if she wants to laugh or cry. Probably a mixture of both.

Lauren’s looking at her like she’s crazy, and Camila feels like she is, because the girl who used to be her best friend is staring at her with absolutely no recognition in her eyes. It’s like she’s looking at a total stranger.

“Um…” Lauren breaks the silence and looks around, as if she’s expecting Camila to be addressing someone else, “did you- did you want something?”

Her raspy voice makes Camila’s heart ache, and she swallows the lump in her throat, nodding. “Uh, yeah. I- I don’t know where this classroom is, and… and I was wondering if you could help me.”

Camila holds out her phone, open on the schedule, and Lauren looks her over with a frown. “I- um, I thought you were a junior?”

“Look, I know it’s weird, but just... _please_ help me?” Camila practically begs. The Lauren she knows would’ve smiled and been happy to help, but this isn’t her Lauren. This is someone else’s Lauren, and she hates it. “I’m really lost and I’m having a bad day…”

“Okay,” Lauren shoots her a look like she’s the weirdest person on earth. “I, uh, have a free now, anyway.”

With that, Lauren closes her locker, and Camila jumps in surprise, before following her down the hall. Lauren leads her out of the building and into a separate one, and up a flight of stairs. The older girl makes no attempt at conversation, and Camila feels more and more awkward by the second. Her Lauren – at least, before she turned on her, too – would’ve been making dorky jokes and trying her hardest to make Camila feel welcome.

This Lauren acts like she wants her gone.

When they arrive outside the classroom, Camila notes that the class is already in session, and she’s going to feel incredibly awkward walking in late. She turns to thank Lauren in an effort to delay the inevitable, but the older girl has already turned on her heel and walked back in the direction they came in.

She heads into the room and mumbles a small apology to the teacher – she’d seriously forgotten how awkward it is to walk into a class that’s already started – and takes a seat next to a brunette in the back corner of the classroom.

When the girl looks up from the paper, Camila frowns. “Hailee?”

Hailee stares back at her. “Um… hi? Sorry, what’s your name?”

“Camila,” she replies instantly, “Camila Cabello.”

“Oh, okay,” Hailee nods, “was there something you wanted?”

“Oh, um,” Camila thinks up an excuse on the spot, “do you have a pen I can borrow?”

Hailee smiles and pushes her pencil case over to her. “Take your pick.”

“Thanks,” Camila busies herself with looking through Hailee’s pencil case, but she can’t hold back her smile. She’s happy that Hailee is here; she’d kind of neglected their friendship, and she’d missed her a lot. Maybe they can reconnect.

Of course, none of this is _real_. Obviously. She’s just thinking that maybe if she fixes things in her dream, she’ll feel refreshed when she wakes up.

Her next plan is to find Normani. Out of all the Fifth Harmony girls, her and Normani were on the worst terms. Normani had never forgiven her for the solo work or for the stupid things she’d said in those messages, and while Camila had never made an active attempt to win her over again, she could always try now.

For the sake of her feeling good when she wakes up, _obviously_.

-

She finds Normani at lunch time, but doesn’t talk to her. Mostly because she’s sat with Lauren, and Lauren didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to her this morning.

So, she stares over at Normani and Lauren until Dinah grabs her. “Something is weird. Why are you staring at them? First you asked me about them this morning, and now you suddenly want to be best friends? They’re like, the most popular girls in school, and they’re seniors. It’s not like they’ll be around much longer.”

Camila’s eyes widen when she sees a familiar face walking over to Lauren’s table. _Lucy_. They were kind of acquaintances before, maybe Lucy would help her talk to Lauren and-

Her train of thought comes to a screeching halt when Lucy sits down next to Lauren, and Lauren greets her with a wide smile and a kiss. _So that’s one thing that hasn’t changed,_ Camila thinks.

She remembers when Lauren had first told her and the other girls that she was dating Lucy. How she’d felt hurt and empty, but she knew she had no right to feel that way, because she didn’t have any kind of claim over Lauren. She was nothing more than an almost-ex to Lauren at that point in time, anyway.

She’d never dated Lauren, but it wasn’t like she didn’t _want_ to. She was scared, and Lucy got there first. That’s all there is to it.

“Hello? Earth to Camila?” Dinah waves a hand in front of her face. “Ally just texted and wants to know if we’re going to hers tonight. She offered up cookies, too.”

 _Ally_? Camila thinks to herself. _Ally’s still my friend_? “Um… sure?”

“Alright. I’ve texted back.” Dinah tells her. “Her last class is at two today, so we can head to her apartment straight after school.”

“Okay,” Camila nods and tries to distract herself with food, but like that morning, she doesn’t have much of an appetite.

Dinah stares at her. “We can watch _American Horror Story_. That’ll cheer you up.”

Camila sighs. “I guess. Maybe.”

Dinah huffs. “Look, if you’re just going to mope around all day, pretend you have a migraine or something and go home.”

“I’m fine,” Camila tries her best to smile, but she’s already sick of this stupid dream. She just wants to wake up and get on with her life. “DJ, we’ll always be friends, right?”

“Of course,” Dinah replies instantly. Camila genuinely beams, but then remembers that none of this is even real. It can’t be. “Why are you acting like you’re dying or something? Wait, is that why you’re acting so strange today? You’re not dying or moving away or-”

“No,” Camila interrupts, “just…” _leaving the girl group we’ve been in for the past four and a half years,_ “wondering.”

“Okay,” Dinah stares at her. “Just promise me that if whatever’s going on continues, you’ll tell me about it.”

“I promise.” Camila says, because she knows she’s going to go to sleep tonight, and wake up back where she was. A fresh start and ready to go ahead with her first solo album. “China? I love you.”

“Love you too, Chancho,” Dinah holds out her hand, “now give me your pudding cup.”

Camila smiles. Usually she’d protest, but she’s not that hungry, so she passes it over without complaint. “There. Now you can never say I’m a bad friend.”

Dinah laughs. “I’d never say that anyway.”

Camila’s smile fades a little. “Yeah. I guess not.”

“Cheer up,” Dinah kicks her under the table, “or I’ll be forced to find out what you’re so upset over the hard way.”

“The hard way?” Camila raises her eyebrows. “I promise you it’s nothing, okay. Just a… weird dream I had.”

“It was that fucked up?” Dinah blinks at her, “Well, you’ll probably forget about it in a few days. No big deal.”

Camila tries her hardest to smile. “You’re right. It’s… no big deal.”

“Anyway, let’s head to physics. We can hang out in the classroom for the rest of lunch period and get decent seats.” Dinah says as she pushes Camila’s empty pudding cup out of the way and stands up, practically dragging her out of the cafeteria.

Camila shoots another sad look in Normani and Lauren’s direction, her heart constricting when she sees Lauren snuggled up to Lucy.

Dinah manages to cheer her up – all through their double period of physics, they start swapping terrible science puns, and bad jokes are Camila’s favourite thing. When the final bell rings, Camila has to admit that she’s a little nervous to see Ally, because she wasn’t all that close to Ally when she’d left the group, and she figures her subconscious would bring that into play.

Dinah’s car pulls up in front of an apartment complex, and she leads her up a few flights of stairs, making a comment about how Camila _isn’t_ complaining about the elevator being broken, which makes the Latina force out a statement about how much she hates exercise to appease her.

When they finally stop climbing the stairs and stop outside a door, Camila assumes that they’re at Ally’s apartment. She doesn’t have time to ask, because Dinah’s already knocked on the door and started to speak to the apartment’s occupant.

“Ally, Mila’s being weird,” Dinah announces as the apartment door they’re stood in front of swings open, and they meet a smiling Ally. “Give her cookies and make her normal again.”

Ally sends her a sympathetic smile as Dinah pulls her inside and pushes her onto the couch. “Dinah mentioned you had a bad dream over text. I baked my _I’m sorry_ cookies, but they’re more like… comfort cookies.”

When Ally holds out a plate of cookies in her direction, Camila blinks in surprise. “Cookies? You baked these all for me.”

“Well, Dinah gets a few too,” Ally laughs as she sits down, “but mostly for you, since you’re so upset today. Want to talk about it?”

“Not particularly,” Camila answers, shrugging. “Things are just… weird. Like, you baking me cookies is strange-”

Ally frowns. “We baked together last week when Dinah was busy. Are you sure it’s just a bad dream, Mila?”

“She was saying a bunch of weird stuff this morning, too,” Dinah says, “asking if we knew these girls at school that we’ve never talked to before. Didn’t know how to get on the school system either. I think she’s high or something.”

“Mila would never,” Ally rolls her eyes, “remember that time she asked what the difference between pot and weed was, not realising that it’s the same thing?”

“You guys really don’t need to worry,” Camila interrupts them, “I’m totally fine, I didn’t sleep much because of my dream and my head was a little fuzzy. That’s all.”

Dinah narrows her eyes. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Camila reiterates, for what feels like the fiftieth time today. “I promise. Now… can we watch a movie or something? I just want to get my mind off this weird day with my best friends.”

Ally grins and hands her the TV remote. “Take your pick from my Netflix, Mila.”

While things feel kind of incomplete right now, since only two of the girls are with her, Camila decides she’s going to make the best of this dream and have fun with Dinah and Ally.

Then, when she wakes up, she’ll feel better about the way she left things between them.


	3. two

**_September 6 th, 2016._ **

When Camila wakes up the next day, for a moment, she’d forgotten about her weird dream. She’s a little too groggy to realise what had happened, and when the details of the dream come back to her, her eyes widen and she nearly falls off her bed when she goes to grab her phone.

She doesn’t even have to look at the date. The thing that really freaks her out is the text she has from Ally, because over the last year, the only thing Ally had texted her was reminders about being on time, and those texts weren’t even directly to her, they were in the group chat.

**_Allycat (6:54AM): Hope you feel better today, Mila! I’m making Dinah call round before school to pick up the leftover cookies from last night, hopefully they’ll put a smile on your face._ **

Camila blinks down at the screen, not believing that the text is real. It can’t be. Maybe Ally had made a new friend called Mila and she’d baked _them_ cookies. Because she definitely can’t still be dreaming.

She remembered going to sleep last night. She’d asked her mom to drive her to the store for some over the counter sleeping pills, and she’d taken two and snuggled down in bed. She even remembers her dream from last night, too – she was performing her first ever single, except the audience was composed of hundreds of copies of the Fifth Harmony girls.

She’s pretty sure she can class _that_ as a nightmare, but _this_ is something else entirely. Everything is too vivid and too _real_ and while it seems like it _is_ real, it can’t be. Alternate universes aren’t real, and only crazy people walk around claiming that they’ve hopped into some alternate universe in their sleep.

She just has to figure out how to wake up. Maybe she needs to speak with all of the girls on good terms and then her subconscious will be satisfied. She doesn’t know. Either way, she decides that today, she’s going to talk to Lauren and Normani. If it means it’ll help her wake up, then she’s going for it.

“Are you serious?” Camila jumps when she hears Dinah’s voice, and the younger girl waltzes into her bedroom with an amused smirk. “You’re not ready yet?”

“I was just, uh,” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and shrugs, “picking out something to wear.”

“Still acting weird, huh?” Dinah narrows her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll push you for answers later. Let me pick out what you’re wearing now.”

Before Camila can protest, Dinah has headed over to the closet and started raking around. “I can dress myself, Dinah.”

“You’d be a fashion disaster without my help,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “Which bow do you want to wear?”

“No bow,” Camila says, a little too quickly, “I think they’re a little too childish.”

“And you’re not?” Dinah snorts. “Mila, bows are your thing. I don’t know who you’re trying to impress or whatever by not wearing one, but they’re cute. I’ll pick one for you.”

Not wanting to argue, Camila lets Dinah pick out her outfit, and decides that she’ll get rid of the black bow that Dinah makes her wear once she’s out of the Tongan girl’s sight.

As Dinah picks out her clothes, Camila feels horrible, because it sucks that the last time they do this is going to be in some weird dream that she can’t seem to wake up from. Out of all the girls, she misses Dinah the most. Lauren is a close second, but Camila had been missing her for a while; Lauren had distanced herself a long time ago.

“Dinah,” Camila asks her friend after she changes into the summer dress Dinah had picked out, “Can you help me talk to Lauren today?”

Dinah frowns at her. “Jauregui? You don’t have a thing for her, do you? I’ll hit you if you do, because you need to stop crushing on people who’re taken.”

Camila cringes, but if she says no, what will she use as her excuse? She needs to get to Lauren, and she’s a little worried about doing it on her own. So, lying through her teeth, she nods. “Um, yeah. I like her.”

“You’re an idiot,” Dinah huffs, “not only are you after a girl that’s _taken_ , she’s one of the most popular girls in school and doesn’t know you exist.”

“Not true,” Camila counters before thinking, because _her_ Lauren knows she exists. Even if they weren’t talking as much over the past year, Lauren was always civil. “She knows me.”

Dinah snorts. “Sure about that?”

“Yeah, yesterday when I-” Camila cuts herself off, because if she tells Dinah that she couldn’t find a classroom, the Polynesian girl would definitely go back to interrogating her. “I got a little confused and she helped me out. And she knew I was a junior.”

Dinah shrugs. “She probably just guessed. Anyway, let’s go, because I want to get started on the cookies Ally gave us.”

“Wait,” Camila says before she follows Dinah out of the room, “Are you going to help me with Lauren or not?”

“Like I said, girl’s taken,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “so you’re on your own. Besides, I thought you liked _Shawn_?

Camila’s face betrays her; she pulls a disgusted expression before she can help it. Shawn’s like a brother to her, so the thought makes her feel a little sick. “Uh, no.”

“Damn,” Dinah says, “got over that one fast, Mila.”

“Uh… yeah,” Camila nods in reply. “I guess so.”

When they arrive at school and go their separate ways, Camila tries her hardest to locate Lauren. She checks the locker she’d seen her by yesterday, but there’s nobody there, and she’s running outside to check the school’s courtyard when she bumps into someone.

Literally.

She lands flat on her ass, and she sighs, because she thought her days of being clumsy and tripping at every possible opportunity were over. But when she looks up at her assailant, she doesn’t feel as bad.

Normani.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Normani helps her up, and Camila feels a distant pang in her chest. She’d missed Normani’s friendship, but they’d never been the same after the solo work and those leaked texts. “Didn’t mean to walk into you. You’re… Karla, right?”

“Uh…” Camila nods, “I prefer Camila.”

“I’m Normani,” Normani flashes her a warm smile, “anyway, sorry again for running into you. You look like you’re in a hurry. Late for your first period?”

Camila hadn’t even thought about that on her quest for Lauren. She looks up at the clock on the wall and realises that she’s almost ten minutes late for her first period class. _God_ , she misses not having to worry about these things.

Eventually, she nods. “Yeah. I don’t even know what class I have, to be honest. Timetable changes and all that…”

“I get it,” Normani replies, “I have a free period now. You need help finding the room?”

Camila nods, thankful for Normani’s help, and opens up the school’s website. She logs in again and checks her schedule, a little confused when Normani grimaces down at it. “What’s wrong?”

“The teacher you have,” Normani explains, “she’ll literally murder you for being late. Seriously, my best friend got a week’s worth of detention last year for being two minutes late.”

Not liking the idea of _detentions_ – seriously, she hasn’t had to deal with this stuff since she was like, fifteen – Camila decides to do something she wouldn’t normally do. “I think I’ll just… skip this class, then.”

“Wise choice,” Normani smiles, “I was heading over to the library to study. You could join if you want? Actually use your newly acquired free period to study?”

Not wanting to pass up a glaringly obvious opportunity, Camila nods. “Yeah, definitely. Thanks for the offer.”

“It’s no problem,” Normani says, leading Camila in the opposite direction, “my friend and I were just going to listen to music and play iPhone games. Maybe we can help you study and do something productive.”

Not wanting to sound too eager or inquisitive, Camila frowns. “Your friend?”

“Oh, you probably won’t know her,” Normani replies, “her name is Lucy. She’s my best friend’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Camila tries not to make it sound too forced, but she feels a little spark of jealousy somewhere in her chest. “How long have they been together?”

“A year,” Normani answers, and Camila’s stomach drops, “they’ve been off and on sometimes, but they’re mostly going strong.”

“Nice,” Camila half-heartedly comments, “you’re friends with both of them?”

“I met Lucy through Lauren, but yeah,” Normani nods, pushing open the library door, “so, what’re you going to study? Like, the class you’re missing, or something else?”

“I don’t know,” Camila shrugs, “it’s only the second day. I won’t miss much.”

“True,” Normani laughs as they approach a table with one other girl on it – Camila recognises Lucy straight away, “Hey, Lucy. This is Camila. She’s skipping class and clearly a bad influence on both of us.”

Lucy sends her a welcoming smile, and Camila tries to push down whatever jealousy is bubbling at the pit of her stomach. She’s over _her_ Lauren, anyway. They could never be together, especially after she’d split from the group. But if she can have a little time in a dream… she wouldn’t be opposed to that.

“Hey,” Lucy smiles, “It’s nice to meet you, Camila. Why’re you cutting class?”

“Didn’t want to get yelled at,” Camila shrugs, “I would’ve been late.”

“Makes sense,” Lucy agrees, “so… Mani tells me we’re bringing the class to you today. Calculus to be specific.”

Camila groans. She’d never been good at math, and this is a _dream_ , anyway. She shouldn’t have to do math in a dream. She’s going to wake up soon, anyway. Once she makes friends with Lauren. “Screw calculus.”

Normani grins. “You know, Camila? I think we’re going to be good friends, because now I don’t feel obligated to help you with your math. And I suck at math.”

“Dinah’s great at math, though,” Camila comments, forgetting that Dinah and Normani don’t talk, “she’d be able to do it all for me.”

“Dinah?” Normani asks her, and Camila frowns. “Is she a friend of yours?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods in reply, “she’s my best friend.”

Lucy smiles at her. “Well… do you and your friend want to come to a party this weekend?”

Camila almost turns them down. She hates parties, but she realises that it’s an obvious opportunity. If Lauren’s best friend and girlfriend are throwing a party, she’ll probably be there. Besides, her Lauren loves parties. Maybe this Lauren will too.

“Sure,” Camila smiles, “we’ll be there.”

-

She tells Dinah about the party at the first opportunity she gets. She expects her friend to roll her eyes and make more comments about how she’s trying to get a girl who’s taken, but instead, Dinah grins at her.

“You’re the best, Walz,” Dinah announces, and Camila feels like she’s been kicked in the stomach. Hearing Dinah say things like that hurts a lot, because she knows she’s not going to say them again. “I could kiss you right now.”

“Uh…” Camila backs away a little, “no offence, China, but I’m not into you like that.”

“Nope, you’re into Jauregui,” Dinah points out, and Camila knows that her lie is going to bite her in the ass. “But I’m overlooking the fact that this is probably part of some weird scheme to make her notice you because you’ve gotten us an invite to a bomb ass party.”

Camila shakes her head. “It’s not a weird scheme. I literally just ran into Normani and Lucy, and they invited us. Don’t make it weird.”

“You already made it weird by befriending the other woman,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “I don’t know where your usual social awkwardness has gone, but I’m appreciating it a lot.”

“It’s not a big deal, okay?” Camila sighs. “I’m not going to try and split them up. I’ve seen how happy Lucy makes Lauren and… I like seeing her happy. She used to look at me like that, but-”

Dinah interrupts her. “What? When have you _ever_ spoken to Jauregui?”

Realising her slip up, Camila shakes her head quickly and tries to make amends. “No, that’s not what I meant, I mean… she used to be _single_ , so she could’ve looked at me like that. You know?”

“That’s not what you meant,” Dinah corners her, and Camila has no idea how to talk her way out of this. “Whatever you’re hiding, stop it. I’m your best friend and I’m fucking worried. Just _talk_ to me, please?”

Camila huffs and rests her head in her hands. “You wouldn’t believe me if I did. _I_ wouldn’t believe me.”

Dinah puts a comforting arm around her. “Try me. I trust you, Chancho.”

“You’ll think I’m crazy,” Camila warns her, and honestly, if she wasn’t so desperate to rant at someone, she wouldn’t be saying this at all. “If you really want me to tell you… promise you won’t laugh?”

“Promise,” Dinah says, pulling her towards the cafeteria doors, “let’s go somewhere more private. And Walz? I already think you’re crazy, so there won’t be any harm done.”

Dinah leads her into a deserted classroom, and sits on the teacher’s desk. Camila leans against another desk and sighs. “Don’t laugh when I tell you this.”

“I won’t, jeez,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “come on, Walz. Just spill already.”

Camila sucks in a deep breath and nods. “I’m dreaming.”

Dinah blinks at her. “Uh… _what_?”

“Like, right now,” Camila continues, “I’m dreaming. None of this is real.”

Dinah stares at her for a moment and laughs. “Okay, clearly you’ve watched too many conspiracy theory videos. This is real, Chancho. We’re not in some weird version of The Sims.”

“No, I don’t mean like that,” Camila persists, fully aware of how crazy she sounds. “Like, this isn’t my life. I don’t- I went to sleep one night and woke up here, and I’m sixteen and in _school_ and you, Ally and Mani are in Miami and everything is _wrong_.”

Dinah looks at her like she’s grown another head, and when she opens her mouth to speak, Camila cuts her off.

“Just hear me out, okay?” Camila says, and Dinah nods slowly. “Okay. Well, alright, so… I’m nineteen. For starters. But that’s literally the tip of the iceberg. You, me, Ally, Normani and Lauren- _yes_ , Lauren Jauregui – are in a girl group. Like, a famous one. We all met on the X Factor and we were put together in a group. Didn’t win, we came third, but out of all the acts on that season, we were the most successful. Like, we have _millions_ of fans. From everywhere.

“The night I feel asleep and woke up here… I left,” Camila slowly replies, “the group, I mean. To be a solo artist. You were the only one I was still on relatively good terms with, and you’re from _California._ Not Miami. Only Lauren and I are from here. But I woke up here and Ally’s baking cookies for me and Normani is being nice to me and Lauren’s super quiet and elusive instead of dorky and cute and she’s still dating Lucy and everything is so weird.”

After a long silence, Dinah finally speaks. “You haven’t… smoked anything weird, right?”

“Dinah,” Camila sends her a pleading look, “you promised you’d believe me and you wouldn’t laugh. I’m not going crazy, and I know it sounds like I am, but I’m not. I just woke up here.”

“I mean… I’m not laughing,” Dinah carefully replies, “but… it’s just- not what I expected. I don’t think anyone could expect that.”

“I know,” Camila mumbles, “I know it’s crazy. But you have to believe me. You said it yourself, I’ve been acting differently. That’s because I’m not sixteen. I’m nineteen and this is all a dream and I’m going to wake up feeling better but I don’t know why my subconscious is torturing me like this because I _miss_ you guys so much.”

“You- uh, miss us?” Dinah frowns. “Like… me and Ally?”

“And Mani and Lauren,” Camila finishes, “you were my best friend. Lauren was… something. Mani and Ally stopped being my friend a long time ago. And none of you will pick up my calls. I deserve it, too. But I don’t deserve this.”

“Okay, look, Walz,” Dinah pulls her in for a tight hug, “I admit that you’ve been acting different since yesterday. But this is… too much. Because I know this isn’t a dream. You’ve been my best friend since we were five-”

“No, I haven’t,” Camila protests, “I’ve been your best friend since we were fifteen. We met four and a half years ago.”

Dinah pulls away and sends her a comforting smile, “Look… I don’t think you’re totally crazy, okay? Have you hit your head or-”

“No,” Camila interrupts, shaking her head, “I just woke up after- after I officially left the group. I miss when things were good between us all, you know? When Mani and Ally were like my sisters. When you and I were closer than ever. When- when Lauren… when we would hang out in my bunk and watch movies and- and kiss in the boring parts. I even miss Lauren’s gay panic. Just… _everything_.”

“Okay,” Dinah lets out a long sigh, “god, I’m probably going to be branded as crazy too, but… I believe you, alright?”

Camila looks up in surprise, her eyes wide, “You- you do?”

“Yeah, Walz,” Dinah squeezes her hand, “I believe you. And… if you need any help… I’m here.”

Camila jumps on Dinah and gives her the tightest koala hug she’s ever given. “I love you, Dinah Jane Hansen.”

“Jeez, cool it with the affection,” Dinah shoves her off with a reserved smile, “but I love you too, Chancho.”


	4. three

**_September 9 th, 2016._ **

“ _How_ many followers did you say I have?” Dinah asks her for what feels like the fifth time. “Because like, maybe we _should_ start a girl group if I’m going to get hella famous on Instagram.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “You have like, nearly three million? And the whole point is to do things for the love of the music.”

“I like music,” Dinah answers, “but I like getting likes on my cute pics, too.”

“Trust me, you post a _lot_ of selfies,” Camila responds, sitting down on her bed when Dinah finally finishes up her makeup. “I mean, I post a decent amount, too. So does Mani. Ally’s mostly group pictures and baking. And Lauren’s feed is a clusterfuck of political rants and pictures of herself.”

“I bet you stalk her constantly,” Dinah snorts with laughter, “so like, this Lauren that’s in- uh, _your world_ or whatever, does she know you like her?”

“I- I don’t like her, okay?” Camila defends herself. “I mean, I used to. We were almost _something_ , but she was questioning herself and I was too scared to do anything. The next thing I know, she’s dating Lucy. Towards the end of everything, she stopped caring about me. We don’t talk anymore and she even went as far to unfollow me on Instagram. Twice.”

“You know, you’ve kind of neglected telling me what you did,” Dinah points out, quickly spraying some hairspray and smoothing out her dress, “I mean, we can’t have all hated you for just _leaving_.”

“That’s not important,” Camila cuts over her and shakes her head, the word _hate_ causing her heart to sink. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to talk to Lauren on good terms and wake up so I can go back to my damn life already.”

“No need to get all bitchy,” Dinah huffs, “god, you really _are_ different.”

Camila frowns at her. “What do you mean?”

“One day, you’re your normal, dorky self, and the next, you’re telling me that everything is a dream and that you’re actually famous. That _we’re_ actually famous,” Dinah explains. “And I know I said I believed you, but… I mean, I can’t tell if you’re pranking me or not. Getting me back for teasing you around Shawn.”

“Shawn’s like a brother to me.” Camila replies. “It’s not a joke, Dinah. I wish it fucking was.”

“It’s just, the part that gets to me is how you’re saying it’s all a dream,” Dinah continues, gesturing around them. “Like, _all_ of this. Because I know it’s not. This is all real, and-”

“Only crazy people say they woke up in another universe or something,” Camila interrupts, “I’m not crazy. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, and I just want to wake up. This _can’t_ be real, okay?”

“Want to test it?” Dinah sits down next to her, and after a few moments, punches Camila in the arm. “Did you feel that?”

 _“Yes_ ,” Camila answers, rubbing her arm, already feeling a bruise blossoming. “Was that really necessary?”

“Well, you can’t feel pain in dreams, right? It was either punching you or pushing you in front of a car and seeing if you died or not.” Dinah explains herself, sending her a small, teasing grin. “So there. This is real. Maybe where you came from is a dream and you just woke up now.”

“I’d remember all of this if it was,” Camila huffs and stands up, “let’s just… give this topic a rest for now. It’s giving me a headache. Besides, we’re going to be late for the party.”

“Do you think _my_ Camila is where you’re from?” Dinah continues on as if she hadn’t heard her, but follows Camila out of the door. “God, she’d be a fucking mess. She’d go all trigger happy with her twitter posts, especially after noticing the amount of followers, and probably make some bad jokes about how people are finally appreciating her comedic genius.”

Camila frowns to herself. If that happened, god knows what she’d wake up to. “Yeah… let’s hope that’s not happening.”

After a quick car ride, where Dinah keeps talking about _her_ Camila, they arrive at the party, which is already in full swing. Over the loud music, Dinah tells her, “I’m going to get drinks,” and leaves Camila’s side, and the Latina nods, watching her go.

With Dinah not at her side, she feels even more out of her depth than she usually would. She wanders around aimlessly, trying to find a place to sit, and when she spots a couch, pushes past a few people to sit down.

She lets out a sigh when she does, because she _hates_ parties, and this is genuinely the last place she wants to be, but if there’s a chance she can talk to Lauren, then there’s a chance she’ll get back to her actual _life_.

“You don’t look happy.”

Camila looks up in surprise, not expecting the voice, but she relaxes when she realises that it’s Shawn. “I’m not.”

“Dinah drag you here or something?” He asks, sitting down next to her. “Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around at any of these parties before, Mila.”

“I’m not a party person,” Camila answers with a shrug, “I’m more of a stay in and write music in my bedroom kind of person.”

“I feel that,” Shawn flashes her a smile, “but I like the occasional party. It’s good to hang out with friends, meet people. Stuff like that.”

“Yeah,” Camila hums in reply, “you haven’t seen Lauren Jauregui around, have you? I wasn’t sure if she’s here or not.”

Shawn sends her a knowing smile. “You know what I told you, Mila. She’s taken. Besides, we have to keep flirting with each other in public so neither of us are outed.”

Camila’s eyes widen. “Um… what?”

Shawn frowns. “Our pact? We made a deal that we’d fake flirt, maybe even fake date until we’re ready to come out.”

“I’m not- I’m not gay,” Camila shakes her head, “I’m- I’m…”

“Hey,” Shawn grabs her hand and squeezes it, “you don’t have to tell me again. I know it was hard enough for you to say the first time.”

Before Camila can say anything else, Shawn stands up, says goodbye and makes his way over to the drinks. Camila frowns to herself – she’s definitely not gay. Even though she’s never really labelled her sexuality before, and she doesn’t care either way, she knows she’s not gay. She’s liked boys before, like Austin.

But she’s liked girls too. She knows she’s _something_ , but it shouldn’t be labelled. Not in her opinion.

She decides to get up and find Dinah, so she heads in the direction she last saw her friend go, hoping that she’s still in the kitchen getting drinks. When she spots Dinah pouring a second drink, Camila grins.

“Oh, thank god,” She grabs Dinah’s arm, “I need to talk to you.”

“Here,” Dinah passes her a drink, and Camila takes it in her free hand, before tugging her friend out of the room and towards the stairs. A bedroom would be a quiet place to talk. When Dinah realises where they’re going, she laughs. “You know I’m not into you like that, right, Walz?”

Camila just rolls her eyes as she finds an empty bedroom. She assumes it’s Normani’s or Lucy’s. “Have I ever told you that I’m gay?”

“No, but I always figured you were at least bi,” Dinah shrugs, nodding towards the door, “thanks for coming out to me – even if you’re not exactly _my_ Camila – but I kind of want to get back to the party.”

“No, but that’s the thing, I’m _not_ ,” Camila shakes her head, “I mean, I don’t label myself, but I’ve liked boys before, so I can’t be.”

Dinah just shrugs and takes a sip of her drink. “Maybe it’s some weird alternate universe shit. I don’t know. Walz is always talking about boys, but it’s so forced. She fixates on like, the coolest boy she can, because she knows he’s unattainable so she won’t actually _have_ to date him. But anyway, I’m not drunk enough for this conversation, so talk to me later, okay?”

Camila huffs and sits down on the bed. “Okay. Is there alcohol in the drink you got me?”

“No, it’s just coke,” Dinah replies, “you’re the designated driver, _duh_. Anyway, I’m going back downstairs. You coming?”

“Um…” Camila’s eyes drift over to the bookcase in whoever’s bedroom she’s in, and decides she needs a little break before returning to the party. “No. I’ll be down in a little while.”

“Okay,” Dinah flashes her a smile before she leaves. “Later, Walz.”

Once her friend has gone, Camila wanders over to the bookcase and straight away, she spots one of her favourite books, _To Kill a Mockingbird_. She pulls it from its spot on the shelf and decides that she’ll spend her Friday night the way she usually does; reading. She sits down on the bed, her back against the wall, and opens the book to the first page.

She gets a few chapters read, and is left alone for around half an hour, when the door to the bedroom swings open. She jumps and closes the book, quickly spluttering out an apology. “Sorry, I didn’t think anybody would be coming in here because it’s a party and all of the people are downstairs and I just needed a quiet space because I _really_ hate parties and I know I’m rambling but I’ll leave if you want, I’m really sorry oh my god, I’ve probably overstepped like a million boundaries right?”

She cringes. Of _course_ her typical, rambling self would come out the second she’s slightly embarrassed.

When she looks up, she realises that it’s even worse than just embarrassing herself in front of a stranger. Instead of just a couple looking for a private place, or someone like Normani getting something from her room, she meets the bright green eyes of Lauren Jauregui.

And once again, Lauren is looking at her like she’s crazy. “It’s not a big deal. I don’t care that you’re in here.”

“Oh, um,” Camila swallows the lump in her throat, “I just… needed some quiet time, is all. Had to think. This… this is your bedroom?”

“Yeah.” Lauren just shrugs and walks past her, opening up her closet and pulling out a bottle of champagne. “It’s my party.”

“Um…” Camila gestures towards the door, her heart pounding in her chest, “I’ll just- uh, go. Or whatever. Leave you to have your quiet time.”

“You want some champagne?” Lauren asks her, passing her yet again and opening up the door. “I got it for me and my girlfriend, but you can have a glass if you want.”

“Oh, I know your girlfriend,” Camila decides that’s the best way to make conversation. “Normani introduced me to her. Lucy, right?”

“Yeah,” Lauren answers, still not too keen on talking to her, “Look, do you want some champagne or not?”

“I- um, I can’t, I’m driving,” Camila quickly answers, and as Lauren turns on her heel, Camila follows her. “I mean… one glass won’t hurt, right?”

“Okay.” Lauren replies, and instead of heading downstairs, opens up a door opposite them in the hallway. After Camila follows her through, she closes it, and the younger girl sees what looks kind of like a games room. “Luc, this girl is joining us for a glass of champagne. Says she knows you.”

“Oh, Camila, hi,” Lucy flashes her a smile. “Glad you could make it. Did you come by yourself?”

“I found her sat in my room by herself, so,” Lauren answers before Camila can. “I’m going to say yeah, she did. Thanks for not telling me you invited more people, Lucy.”

Lucy rolls her eyes. “Your parents said you could throw a party, and people are going to come no matter what. I was just extending the invitation to Camila here, because she seemed nice. Besides, Mani invited her, too.”

“Whatever,” Lauren huffs, sitting down on the couch between Lucy’s legs. She rests her head on her girlfriend’s chest, and Lucy’s fingers start weaving through her hair. “Pour the champagne, babe.”

Lucy opens the bottle, and Camila awkwardly sits on the opposite side of the couch, feeling like a total third wheel. Camila watches as Lucy pours the champagne, and holds her out a glass, so Camila takes it and tries to think about anything other than how awkward she feels.

After a few moments, Lauren stands up and says, “I’m going to find Mani,” before she heads out of the room, closing the door behind her.

“I know she seems like she’s kind of a bitch,” Lucy starts when the door shuts behind Lauren, “but she’s really not. She’s a total sweetheart, just a little awkward around new people. She barely spoke to me for the first three weeks of our friendship. She’s just shy.”

“I, uh,” Camila shrugs, “she doesn’t seem like a bitch…”

Lucy snorts. “Sure. But like I said, she’s just shy. If you hang around us enough, she’ll get used to you.”

Camila hums in thought and takes a sip of her champagne. She’s going to make Lauren warm up to her quickly, like the other girls already had. Then she’ll wake up and everything will be back to the way it was.

After a few minutes, Lauren and Normani come into the room, closing the door behind them. Normani flashes her a smile. “Hey, Camila. How are you?”

“I’m… I’m okay,” Camila murmurs, “have you seen Dinah downstairs? Do you know if she’s keeping out of trouble?”

“Dinah…?” Normani frowns, “Blonde girl I see you around with? Tall?”

“Yeah, that’s her,” Camila nods in reply, “she’s my best friend and if I know her well, she’s probably already tipsy. She was always like that when she’d go clubbing with y-”

Camila cuts herself off, not wanting to sound completely fucking insane. Not when she’s finally interacting with Lauren.

“I was surprised when Laur said she’d offered you champagne,” Normani laughs, “Anyway, have you guys met before? Lauren, this is Camila Cabello. Camila, Lauren Jauregui. She’s my best friend.”

“We’ve met,” Lauren curtly replies, “she forgot her way to a classroom.”

Lucy laughs. “You did? Haven’t you been going to the same school since like, freshman year?”

“Uh, yeah, it was just a bad day,” Camila shrugs, “I woke up feeling weird and kept forgetting everything.”

“Hungover?” Lucy asks, and Camila shakes her head. “Were you high or something?”

“No, just… disoriented,” Camila answers, glancing over at Lauren, who is back in Lucy’s lap, cuddling up to the older girl. “I’m okay now, though.

Camila lets their conversation drift onto other things, Lucy and Normani talking more than she or Lauren, and she nurses her glass of champagne until she hears a bang outside the door and jumps up when she realises who it is by the loud, “Chancho, where the fuck are you?”

Camila darts out into the hall and grabs a staggering Dinah before she falls down the stairs. “You need to go home.”

“No, what, I’m having fun,” Dinah laughs, “where have you been? Sat reading by yourself? That’s fucking sad. _My_ Camila would do that, too. Maybe you’re more alike than I thought.”

“There is no _your_ Camila, because none of this is real,” Camila counters, muttering to herself, “but come on. We’re going.”

“Is she okay?”

When she hears the voice, she frowns, because the last person she’d expected to hear is Lauren. “She’s… very drunk.”

“Are you much of a lightweight?” Lauren asks her, and Camila’s face flushes, because she’s been told that she is. “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Come on, back in here.”

Before Camila can protest, Lauren is helping her carry Dinah towards the room they’d just come out of. Dinah laughs. “Hey, Walz, it’s your girlfriend!”

“Dinah, shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, “how much did you drink?”

“Don’t know,” Dinah answers with a laugh, “stopped keeping track when the room started spinning.”

As they help Dinah into the room, Camila sits her friend down on the couch, between herself and Lucy. Lauren sits herself down on her girlfriend’s lap, and Camila feels that familiar surge of jealousy but pushes it aside.

“If you feel like you’re going to puke…” Camila trails off, “puke to the left. I don’t want any of that on me.”

“There’s two people over here, Cabello,” Lucy answers, “it wouldn’t be as bad if she puked on you. Less clean up.”

“Can we stop talking about puke?” Lauren asks, snuggling into Lucy. “Even thinking about that makes _me_ want to do it.”

Dinah groans. “I’m _fine_. Mila, want to go do some shots?”

“Uh… no thanks, DJ,” Camila says, “I’m fine.”

“God, even _you’re_ a bore,” Dinah huffs, “someone send me a party Camila instead. That’d be nice. Or- or a straight Camila, but those probably don’t exist.”

“ _Dinah_ ,” Camila rolls her eyes, “shut up.”

“Sorry your friend just outed you to us,” Lucy replies, “but I mean… clearly none of us have a problem with it.”

Camila shakes her head. “I- I’m not gay.”

“Said Lauren, two years ago,” Lauren mutters, “I mean, technically still not. I’m bi. Lucy is, too.”

“I don’t… like labels,” Camila awkwardly responds. “But- I mean, I’m not all… figured out.”

“You like who you like,” Lucy shrugs, “It’s not a big deal.”

“I liked this one girl a lot,” Camila glances up at Lauren for a split second. “But she- we were both scared. Her especially. So I never did anything about it.”

Lucy laughs. “That’s like me and Laur. She had a huge gay panic-”

“ _Lucia_. Shut up,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “it wasn’t a _gay panic_. Just… stress. If anything, it was a bi panic.”

Lucy ruffles Lauren’s hair and pulls her close. Dinah lets out a loud snore next to her, and Camila realises her best friend has fallen asleep. Normani laughs. “You guys can stay over if you want.”

“Uh, it’s my house,” Lauren points out with a frown. “But… you can stay. If you need to.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to carry Dinah to the car.” Camila shrugs. “I don’t want to cause trouble. I barely know you.”

“Well,” Lauren starts, “if my best friend and girlfriend like you, then clearly you’re okay. Besides, I don’t think you can carry your friend all by yourself. You’re like, tiny.”

“I’m pretty strong for my looks,” Camila tries to argue, knowing that she’s not telling the truth at all. “But I’m not sure if I can carry Dinah, to be honest with you.”

Normani smiles. “We can help her into the guest room now, if you want.”

“Yeah,” Camila stands up, grabbing one of Dinah’s arms. “Thank you.”

Normani grabs the other, and when Camila glances back, she gets a glimpse of Lauren and Lucy making out. She turns the other way. “I’m staying over tonight. Usually I’d stay in the guest room, but since Lauren’s family are away, I’ll probably sleep in Taylor’s room for the night. You can stay in with your friend.”

“Thanks for the help,” Camila says as she kicks open the door Normani points to and walks into a guest room. “Is Lauren always that… stoic?”

Normani laughs. “No, she’s a total dork. She just takes a while to settle down around people. She’s pretty shy.”

“That’s comforting,” Camila comments, “because you and Lucy are nice, and Dinah’s kind of my only friend, except for Ally, but she’s not at school. It’d be nice to make some more.”

“I mean, you seem kind of nerdy too,” Normani observes, “so I’m pretty sure you and Lauren will be besties by next week. If you’re not, probably the week after.”

Camila smiles to herself. At least she won’t have to wait long. She’ll be on good terms with Lauren, and then she’ll wake up. “She’s just kind of intimidating.”

Normani snorts. “She’s _so_ unintimidating that she’s literally a puppy.”

Camila laughs. That’s like _her_ Lauren. Her Lauren likes to pretend she’s a badass, but out of all the Fifth Harmony girls, she’s definitely the least intimidating. Even _Ally_ is more intimidating than her, and Ally is a literal ray of sunshine.

(Well, to everyone except Camila. Not that she blames her.)

“Alright, well, that makes me feel better,” Camila says as she and Normani lay a still sleeping Dinah on the guest bed, “what kind of stuff is she into? Just, you know, so I can find some common ground.”

“She likes reading, which I don’t get, because movies take a lot less time,” Normani replies, “she read _War and Peace_ the other week. If you’ve read that, maybe you could talk. Pretty sure she likes _To Kill A Mockingbird_ the most, and I don’t get how she’s not sick of it, because we had to do a school report on it for literature last year. You’ll probably have to do it this year.”

Camila follows Normani out of the guest room, aware of the party downstairs and a little surprised that Lucy, Lauren and Normani are keeping away from it. “So… if Lauren’s throwing a party, why isn’t she downstairs in the middle of it?”

“She was,” Normani answers, “but she got bored. Pretty sure she’s going to kick everyone out in a few minutes.”

When they head back into the room, Lauren and Lucy are making out on the couch. Normani makes a mock puking noise. “Get a room.”

“We had one,” Lucy jokes, “you walked into it.”

Feeling awkward, but not shocked, because whenever Lauren had brought Lucy on tour, she was all over her, Camila sits back down and takes a sip of the second glass of champagne someone had poured out for her.

“Want to play Mario Kart?” Lauren asks, and at Lucy’s shake of the head and Normani’s _no_ , turns to Camila. “How about you? Want to go up against the Mario Kart queen?”

Camila grins. Mario Kart is the only video game she’s good at. “I guess so. But I’m totally going to crush you.”

After a few seconds, Lauren smiles at her. The first, genuine smile she’s gotten from Lauren. “You know what? I like you.”

Camila sits down in front of the TV next to Lauren, her heart warm and her stomach fluttering. But only because she’s so close to getting out of this stupid dream.

Yeah, there’s definitely no other reason at all.


	5. four

**_September 11 th, 2016_ **

“Kaki!”

Camila’s eyes blink open, and ignoring her sister, she scrambles to grab her phone, her heart sinking when she reads the time and date. She rubs at her eyes, sighing, and lays back down dejectedly. “Hey, Sofi.”

“Can we go to the mall today?” Sofi asks. “You said you’d take me to get pizza in the food court.”

“We can just order pizza here,” Camila suggests, not in the mood to go out today, but Sofi pouts and shakes her head. “What? Don’t you want to stay in your pyjamas all day?”

“I want to go shopping too! I still have a load of money from my birthday, since mami told me to save it.” Sofi says. “And I want to buy a new shirt for school.”

Camila groans, but she guesses that this is an upside to this weird dream. At least she gets to spend more time with Sofi. Besides, it’s Sunday, so it’s not like she’s doing anything. “Okay, let me get dressed.”

Sofi grins and leaves the room so Camila can get ready, but the older Cabello doesn’t bother with her appearance much, throwing on some ripped jeans she finds and a sweater. She doesn’t do anything to her hair, and she can barely be bothered with makeup – her nineteen-year-old self can get away with that kind of thing, but when she looks in the mirror, she sighs at her chubby cheeks and her tired eyes from school. She looks like a homeless chipmunk.

She goes downstairs and makes herself some toast – she calls it breakfast, but it’s 1PM, so it’s _technically_ lunch – and watches cartoons with Sofi as she eats, before she goes to get her shoes on. When she’s grabbing her keys and is about to call Sofi, Sinu gets her attention. “Mija? Are you feeling okay?”

“Uh… yeah?” Camila frowns. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’ve just been a lot quieter for the past week,” Sinu says, “and I’ve been worried. Is something going on at school?”

“No, no, everything is fine,” Camila says, knowing exactly what her mother’s reaction would be if she said something. It’d be _you’re going to a psychiatrist,_ and she really doesn’t want to seem crazy to more than just Dinah. Telling Dinah was safe, but telling her mom isn’t. “I’m just… tired. Getting used to waking up early again.”

After a few moments, Sinu smiles at her. “Okay. But you know you can always talk to me, right?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, “I know. Love you, mom.”

Sinu squeezes her hand. “Love you too, mija. I’ll go and get Sofi for you.”

When her mom leaves, Camila lets out a sigh of relief and pulls her shoes on, smiling when her little sister comes out of the lounge with a wide smile on her face. She _does_ love spending time with Sofi, and that was one of the things she’d hated when it came to being in Fifth Harmony. They rarely had time off, and Camila hated not seeing her sister as much as she’d like to.

(She’d hoped she could amend that with her solo career, and planned to record her album in Miami so she could stay with her family.)

She grabs the car keys, and Sofi follows her outside, holding onto her hand. Camila makes sure her sister is buckled in, before she gets in and starts driving. “What music do you want me to put on?”

Sofi shrugs. “I don’t care, I’m just looking forward to going to the mall with you. You were busy yesterday, since you only came in at like, two in the afternoon after that party. Did you stay at a friend’s house?”

“Um… I guess,” Camila shrugs, “I mean, not really a friend. A friend of a friend. And I didn’t want to leave Dinah, because she got… sick.”

Sofi laughs. “You can tell me if she drank too much alcohol. Remember last year for New Year’s Eve and she came over and got really drunk? That was funny, she was super loud.”

“Yeah,” Camila agrees, not remembering that specific instance, but thinking back to all the times the other girls had gone out clubbing, and come back in wasted, “drunk Dinah is funny.”

“Was it Ally’s party?” Sofi asks. “Because she’s your only other friend.”

Camila snorts. She has _plenty_ of friends, just not in this stupid dream, apparently. “Thanks, Sofi. Really makes me feel good. But no, it was Lauren’s party. I don’t really know her, but I’ve met her girlfriend and her best friend.”

“Girlfriend?” Sofi frowns. “Like a boyfriend, but a girl?”

“Uh… yeah,” Camila answers, not sure how this is going to go down. “She’s bisexual, so she likes boys and girls, and she’s with a girl right now.”

“Oh, okay then,” Sofi shrugs, “can I have a girlfriend when I’m older, then?”

“If you want one,” Camila replies, thankful that this dream version of Sofi is just the same as the real Sofi. “It doesn’t matter who you fall in love with when you’re older. Just if they’re good to you and treat you right. If they’re not, then they’ll have me to answer to. And I’ll beat them up.”

Sofi laughs. “You couldn’t beat someone up. You’re really weak. I can pin you down.”

“Fine, then,” Camila answers, “I’ll set Dinah on them.”

“Yeah, that’ll work way better,” Sofi agrees, and Camila can’t help but be slightly offended that her little sister thinks she’s a weakling. “Are we nearly there?

Camila laughs. “Ten minutes. Don’t be impatient.”

Sofi huffs. “I hate car rides.”

“Really? I love them. Except when I’m driving, because then I can’t stare out of the window dramatically like I’m in a music video.” Camila replies, and with a wistful sigh, thinks about all the ideas she had for future music videos, where maybe she’d get a creative input. “Would you ever want to be in a music video, Sofi?”

“Um… with you?” Sofi asks, and Camila nods. “Sure! But only when you’re famous enough, so you can pay me a lot.”

Camila laughs. “Don’t worry, you’ll get fifty percent of the money.”

Sofi frowns. “I want a hundred.”

“ _Sofi_ ,” Camila lets out a mock gasp, “how would I make a living if you’re getting all of the money?”

Sofi thinks for a moment, and then shrugs at her. “I guess that’s your problem, isn’t it?”

“Damn,” Camila laughs, “getting sassed by my own sister.”

Sofi giggles along with her, and when Camila finally finds a parking space in the mall parking lot, Sofi lets out a loud cheer. “Finally!”

“It wasn’t even that long a drive,” Camila points out as she gets out of the car, making sure she has her purse with her. If she’s at the mall, she might as well buy some new clothes that she doesn’t hate. “Come on. Let’s eat first, and then we’ll go shopping.”

Sofi grabs Camila’s hand and tugs her towards the mall’s doors, making sure to drag her all the way through to the food court, Camila muttering apologies to the people they bump into on the way. Once they arrive in the busy food court, Camila scans the area for a table, but makes sure to keep hold of Sofi, in case she sees something interesting and wanders off.

“What kind of pizza do you want?” Camila asks, scanning the menu. “Plain cheese?”

Sofi nods in reply. “And you’re getting pepperoni.”

“Maybe I’m not,” Camila counters, “maybe I’ll get the hot and spicy one. Or the meat feast. You don’t know my choices. But yeah, I _am_ getting a pepperoni.”

Sofi rolls her eyes. “You’re so weird.”

“I know,” Camila squeezes her little sister’s hand, “It’s cool to have a fun sister, though. I could be boring and always ditch you to hang out with boys.”

Sofi frowns. “I thought you didn’t like boys?”

“I- um,” Camila is shocked – she hadn’t realised that Sofi knew something like that, or that she would tell her. Because Camila doesn’t like labels, and she’s pretty sure she likes both girls and boys. “I like some boys.”

“Oh, okay then,” Sofi replies, “can I get some fries, too?”

“Sure.” Camila composes herself and gets ready to order. “Which shops do you want to go in after? I think I’m going to get some new clothes, too-”

“Camila?”

At the sound of the voice, Camila turns on her heels and comes face to face with Lauren Jauregui. “Oh. Lauren. Hi.”

“Uh… hey,” Lauren looks like she’s regretting coming over, “I just- uh, wasn’t sure it was you. Is this your sister, or…?”

“Oh, yeah, Sofi, this is Lauren,” Camila quickly introduces her sister, “and yeah, Lauren, this is my little sister, Sofia Cabello.”

To Camila’s complete surprise, Lauren bends down to Sofi’s height and sends her a warm, soft smile. “Hey, Sofi. It’s nice to meet you. Like your sister said, I’m Lauren.”

“Oh! Kaki told me about you,” Sofi replies, and Camila cringes. “She said you like boys and girls, and that you have a girlfriend.”

“I, um, yeah,” Lauren answers, looking up at Camila with a questioning frown. “That’s all… factual information. You talked to your sister about me?”

“Not in like, a weird way. Just, like I mentioned I knew your girlfriend, and she was like, _oh, girlfriend like boyfriend_ and then I explained the whole bisexuality thing to her.” Camila rambles. “Speaking of Lucy, is she here, maybe she can pull me out of this hole I’m digging myself into.”

Surprisingly, Lauren laughs a little. “Uh, no, she’s not. I’m just here to return this blouse my mom bought and hated. Figured I’d get something to eat before I left.”

Sofi smiles, and before Camila can protest, says, “Want to eat with us? Kaki’s buying me lunch, and then we’re going to go shopping, because I want to get a new shirt for school.”

“Oh, what kind of shirt do you want to buy?” Lauren asks Sofi, and Camila’s surprise wears off a little. _Her_ Lauren is amazing with kids, so maybe this one is, too. “Personally, I think you’d rock a leather jacket.”

Sofi looks up at Camila with a smile. “I want a leather jacket.”

“We’ll see if you have enough cash for it,” Camila replies, not adding that Sofi has her wrapped around her finger, and could make her put cash towards it if it’s needed. “Come on, Sofi, we’re next. You sure you want plain cheese?”

“Uh-huh,” Sofi replies, “but Lauren, are you eating with us? What pizza do you want?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t-” Lauren shakes her head, “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your sister’s day out.”

“It’s not a sister’s day out,” Sofi frowns, “Kaki didn’t even want to come. She wanted to stay inside all day, ‘cause she’s weird.”

 _“Sofi,”_ Camila scolds, really not liking how embarrassed she feels right now, “But, uh, yeah. If you want to join us, you can do.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Lauren nods. “Okay then. I’ll go find us a table, if you want?”

“Don’t you want to eat anything?” Camila asks. “Like… some fries, or pizza, or…”

“Can you get me a slice of pepperoni, please? I’ll save us a table and pay you back when you get there.” Lauren tells her. “Saves you guys from trying to hunt down a table.”

“Okay,” Camila nods, and when Lauren leaves, pulls Sofi towards the counter. She isn’t sure whether she wants to be mad at Sofi for embarrassing her, or be happy that she got her a lunch date with Lauren.

(Platonic lunch date, of course.)

She orders two pepperoni slices and one plain cheese, plus some fries for her sister, but realises that she never asked Lauren what drink she wanted.

She knows that one of Lauren’s favourite alcoholic drinks is Jack Daniels and coke, so she just gets her a coke, the same as she’s getting, and hopes she’ll be okay with that. She lets Sofi carry her own food over to the table, and sets the tray with her and Lauren’s food down in front of them. Sofi sits next to Lauren, so Camila sits opposite her, sending the older Latina a shy smile.

“How come I’ve never met you before?” Sofi asks Lauren through a mouthful of fries. “I thought Kaki only had two friends.”

Camila _swears_ that Lauren snorts a bit of her drink up her nose, because she definitely snickers at that. “Um, Camila and I have only just… made acquaintance.”

“I have more than two friends, Sofi,” Camila defends herself, “I told you that in the car.”

Sofi shrugs. “Well, I’ve only ever met Dinah and Ally. I like Lauren, though. Will you come over and watch cartoons with me?”

Lauren laughs, but sends Sofi a soft smile and nods. “As long as your sister is okay with that, sure. I love a good _Adventure Time_ marathon.”

Sofi’s jaw drops, and honestly, Camila’s does too, because this Lauren genuinely _did_ seem to have that whole ‘too cool for anything’ vibe. Whereas _her_ Lauren’s badass façade was just that, a façade, she thought that this Lauren’s was actually real.

“I love _Adventure Time_!” Sofi says. “Who’s your favourite character? Mine is Princess Bubblegum.”

Lauren takes a sip of her drink. “I like Lumpy Space Princess.”

“She’s funny,” Sofi answers with a smile, “Okay, you’re my favourite one of Kaki’s friends. Can she babysit me with you next time mami and papi go out? Because when Dinah comes over, she always wants to watch Beyoncé music videos.”

“Yeah, well, Dinah’s like that,” Camila quietly replies, a little uncomfortable about how her little sister is making friends with Lauren faster than she is. “If that’s what you want, Sofi, sure.”

“Cool,” Sofi beams, and starts telling Lauren all about her favourite Disney princesses. _God_ , Camila really hopes this isn’t going to scare Lauren away.

When they finish eating, Sofi taking a little while longer than her and Lauren, Camila tidies all their garbage away, under the impression that Lauren will be leaving. But then, Sofi grabs onto her apparent new best friend’s hand and says, “Come shopping with us!”

Lauren glances over at Camila, who has been fairly quiet over lunch, and then turns to Sofi with a sad smile. “Sorry, Sofi, but I don’t think I can. I have a lot of homework to do for tomorrow.”

Sofi pouts and turns to Camila. “Kaki, tell her homework isn’t important.”

“Homework actually is pretty important,” Camila points out, “it’s up to Lauren if she wants to go home and get it all done. I don’t mind either way.”

“Are you sure?” Lauren asks her, and Camila just shrugs nonchalantly. She’s incredibly uncomfortable under Lauren’s gaze, and every time the older girl talks to her, she flounders, so she isn’t sure if she wants Lauren to stay or not.

Sofi keeps pouting. “Please, Lauren? You can show me the leather jackets!”

After casting another look over at Camila, Lauren nods. “Okay, I’ll stay.”

“Yes!” Sofi exclaims, before she spots a cupcake stand and her eyes widen. “Cupcakes!”

As Sofi runs over to the cupcakes, Camila shaking her head and smiling fondly after her sister, Lauren nudges her. “Are you sure you’re okay with me staying? You seem a little uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that, it’s just,” Camila shrugs, “every time I talk to you, I say something that makes me sound like an idiot.”

“Well, that didn’t make you sound like an idiot,” Lauren points out, and Camila can’t help but laugh a little. “Don’t worry about it, okay? That probably sounds like really stupid advice, because you seem really shy, and I mean, I can relate to that, honestly. But you can relax.”

“I don’t get it,” Camila continues as if she hadn’t heard Lauren, “I mean, why are you wanting to spend your Sunday afternoon with me and my little sister? Like, you could be with Normani or Lucy, or-”

“Sofi is sweet,” Lauren interrupts her, “and actually, I couldn’t be with Mani right now, since she has a dance class. And even though Lucy is free, we don’t hang out 24/7, contrary to popular belief.”

“Oh,” Camila answers, still a little confused. “So you’re sticking around because you think my sister is sweet?”

“Well, that, and you’re friends with my friends, so it’d be good to get to know each other, right?” Lauren points out, “Besides, after I crushed you at Mario Kart, I feel like I should make it up to you by giving your little sister a makeover.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “You didn’t crush me. Besides, I had like, one and a half glasses of champagne in me.”

Lauren raises one of her goddamned perfect eyebrows and smirks, and the look makes Camila’s heart overcompensate. “Yeah? I had three in me. Clearly I’m the rightful champion.”

“Well… whatever,” Camila rolls her eyes, “rematch when we’re both sober?”

Lauren hums in thought. “I’ll think about it.”

“Kaki!” Sofi runs back over to them and points at the cupcake stand, “will you buy me a cupcake?”

Camila frowns, because Sofi had just eaten lunch, and it’s not like she _needs_ a cupcake, but Lauren answers before she can, sending Sofi a warm smile and saying, “ _I’ll_ buy you one. A present from your sister’s coolest friend.”

Sofi beams, and drags Lauren over to the cupcake stand. Camila follows them with a smile, because she’d picked up on that key word there. _Friend_. Maybe she’ll wake up tomorrow and be back where she’s supposed to be.

When she meets her sister and Lauren at the cupcake stand, Lauren has two cupcakes in her hand, and she passes one to Camila. Camila digs in her pocket to give the money back to Lauren, but the older Latina shakes her head. “It’s a thank you for letting me hang out with you guys today. If I wasn’t here, I’d be running errands for my mom.”

Camila eats the cupcake after thanking Lauren, and makes sure Sofi eats all of hers, before they try and track down a leather jacket for her little sister. “You know, I’m pretty sure she only has like, ten dollars. I’m totally going to be subbing her for this, and I don’t have much money.”

 _I did_ , Camila thinks _, but that’s somewhere else, somewhere I’d one hundred percent rather be._

“Sorry,” Lauren laughs, “I didn’t mean to influence her. I can put something towards it-”

“You can’t do that,” Camila interrupts, “she’s my sister, and you’re only a teenager, I doubt you have the money-”

Lauren shakes her head. “I have a job. It’s no big deal.”

“You have a job?” Camila frowns, and Lauren nods. She isn’t sure if _she_ has a job in this weird dream, but she probably does, if her subconscious is torturing her like this.

Aside from Fifth Harmony, Camila has never had a job. And she isn’t good at interacting with other people, so customer service would be a literal _nightmare._

“Do you?” Lauren asks. “Have a job, I mean.”

“Uh, no,” Camila shakes her head, and without thinking, continues on, “I’ve only ever had Fifth- _anyway_ , let’s go to H&M. They have a kid’s section, right?”

Lauren frowns at her. “Fifth what?”

“Nothing,” Camila cringes, hating that Lauren picked up on her slip up, “would you ever want a career in music?”

“Music?” Lauren looks a little confused at the subject change, but shrugs. “I mean, I like to sing, and I play the piano, but… I don’t think I’d want to deal with being in the spotlight. Maybe behind the scenes stuff would be cool. You know, I nearly auditioned for The X Factor, before it got cancelled. Funny to think back on.”

Camila stares at her in shock. “Why didn’t you?”

“It was all the way up in North Carolina, and I don’t know, I didn’t think I’d necessarily stand out,” Lauren shrugs, “plus, if I actually _won_? That record deal you get has really fucked up guidelines and terms in the contract. They probably wouldn’t let me be myself, and I don’t let people control me.”

Camila thinks back to that one meeting that’d really hurt her. One day, she’d gotten a message from management, telling her that there was a meeting for the label, but when she’d arrived, only her and Lauren had been invited. It turned out that management had caught onto the whole _Camren_ thing, and decided it wasn’t good for their image. They’d told Lauren and Camila to stay away from each other in interviews and limit their public interactions so the rumours would die down.

(Little did they know; the rumours would never die down.)

Lauren had fought about it. She argued that they were just friends, that she was _straight_ anyway, and that the fans were just being silly. Camila had kept quiet, because she’d always feared management. Lauren was mad at her for a while, asking her if she even cared about their friendship, and Camila had sworn to her that she did. Of _course_ she did.

But that fake distance turned real. They grew apart, and by the time Camila left, they were merely acquaintances, so far away from the best friends they used to be.

“Uh, Camila?” Camila blinks in surprise at the sound of Lauren’s voice. “Are you okay? You kind of spaced out.”

“I’m fine,” Camila murmurs, “so, uh… The X Factor, huh? What would you have done if they’d put you in a group, kind of like One Direction?”

Lauren shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m not really into groups like that. But it’d be an opportunity, right? And maybe I’d make some friends.”

“Yeah, you would,” Camila mutters to herself, “sisters, actually.”

“What’d you say?” Lauren asks, and Camila shakes her head. “Are you sure you’re alright? You got kind of sad suddenly.”

Camila fakes a smile and nods. “Yeah. I just have a lot of things on my mind.”

“Oh, well,” Lauren points over to Sofi, who is raking through the kids’ leather jackets to find her size. “Maybe shopping will take your mind off it.”

“I really need some new clothes.” Camila comments. “And I need to get rid of all those bows in my closet.”

Lauren laughs. “I thought you liked them. I always see you wearing one, now that I think about it.”

“No, oh my god, maybe when I was younger, but-” Camila cuts herself off, realising that she technically _is_ younger, now. “I just… grew out of them, I guess.”

“Happens,” Lauren replies, “I used to wear beanies a lot, but not so much anymore.”

Camila smiles to herself, because Lauren always looked so cute in her beanies. “I bet they suit you.”

Lauren just shrugs. “Lucy doesn’t really like them, so…”

“You shouldn’t change yourself for your girlfriend,” Camila is quick to reply, “if she likes you, she won’t care what you wear.”

“It’s not like that,” Lauren quickly makes amends, “She likes playing with my hair, and I like letting her. Can’t really do that with a hat on.”

Camila frowns, but accepts Lauren’s reply. “Okay. Guess not.”

“Kaki!” Sofi runs back over and holds out the leather jacket in her arms. “I found my size, but I’m five dollars short.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll pay the extra. Let’s go to the checkout.”

Sofi carries the jacket, explaining that she wants to be the one to pay, like a big kid, so Camila gives her the extra five dollars and watches as her sister pays.

“She’s obsessed with doing that,” Camila comments, “like, doing things ‘big kids’ do. I’m there like, _Sofi, no, don’t grow up, it’s a trap._ ”

“Growing up isn’t so bad,” Lauren responds, “I like discovering myself. Figuring out who I really am.”

Camila sighs. “I miss being a kid. Like, a proper kid, not sixteen. I used to think sixteen was old, but… now I think it’s fucking tiny.”

“Five year old Lauren was a little trouble maker,” Lauren laughs to herself, “Lucy and I used to try pranking as many of the adults as we could, and they were dumb pranks, too. Like, salt instead of sugar in coffee.”

Camila smiles to herself. “You’ve known Lucy that long?”

“Yeah, but we only started dating a few years ago. I was fourteen when we kissed for the first time, and I went through this whole ‘ _I don’t like girls_ ’ phase where I’d say I was straight, but every time we were alone, I’d kiss her.” Lauren snorts. “I was in so much denial. She was really patient with me. We got together properly when we were fifteen.”

“You’ve been together for two years?” Camila frowns, since Normani had told her it’d only been one year. Also because even if she wanted to do anything with this Lauren, she doubts it’ll happen.

But she _doesn’t_ want to kiss Lauren. At all. She’s over her.

“On and off,” Lauren replies, “especially in the first year, mostly because I was scared to be open about it. Nobody knew but us. But for the past year, we’ve been good, except for a month-long break in summer this year.”

Camila frowns. “Mind if I ask why?”

“It wasn’t a big thing, we just… had a fight,” Lauren shrugs, “but it’s fine, we’re over it. I love her so much, so it’s… I’m just really happy with things.”

“Kaki,” Sofi holds out the bag her jacket is in. “I bought it. Am I going to look cool like Lauren?”

Lauren smirks at this, and Camila just rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure. You want to go home now, or…?”

“If we go home, we can’t hang out with Lauren,” Sofi frowns, “so I want to stay here. Maybe we can buy you a leather jacket, too.”

Camila laughs, and she feels Lauren’s bright green gaze piercing holes into her head. “Maybe.”

“I thought you wanted a new wardrobe?” Lauren points out, and Camila shrugs. “Well, since you’ve given up on bows, maybe we can find you another accessory.”

“Yeah!” Sofi grins. “I get to pick it!”

 _Great_ , Camila thinks as she’s being dragged out of the store by her little sister, Lauren following after them both with a teasing grin plastered on her face, _I wanted something less childish, but now my little sister is picking what I wear._

Either way, Camila puts on a smile, because she’s fairly confident that after this interaction with Lauren, she’s going to wake up right where she’s supposed to be.


	6. five

**_September 16 th, 2016_ **

Getting ready for school – Camila will never be okay with that thought – is a lot easier than it has been for the past few weeks. After spending time with Lauren at the weekend, she _hadn’t_ woken up, _but_ her wardrobe is a lot less childish, which makes her feel better.

(Granted, she’d mostly just bought hoodies and a few band tees Lauren had picked out for her.)

She hasn’t seen Lauren since, or been in contact with her – she doesn’t have her number, and they don’t share any classes at school, since Lauren is in the grade above – but she’s planning on tracking her down today. Lauren is always with Normani, and she’ll be killing two birds with one stone by strengthening her bond with them.

So, the second Dinah parks her car, Camila jumps out, shouting something back about how she’s got a meeting with a teacher before class.

She goes to Lauren’s locker – where she’d first seen her – and thankfully, she’s there, searching through for something. “Hey!”

Lauren turns around, and when she realises who it is, smiles brightly. “Hi. Where’s your friend?”

“Dinah?” Camila asks, and when Lauren nods, she thinks up an excuse on the spot. “Oh, she was a little busy this morning, so I figured coming over and saying hi to you would make more sense than wandering around all alone.”

Lauren smiles at her. “Well, I was going to go to art. I have a free period this morning, and I have a bunch of work to get done for my project.”

“What’s your project?” Camila asks, watching as Lauren gets a sketchbook from her locker and shuts it. She follows her down the hallway, deciding that this will help her. Art is personal, right? “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s portraiture,” Lauren tells her, flipping open her sketchbook to show Camila a black and white pencil sketch of Normani. “I need to get more of these smaller ones done, to show development or something. And then I can do my final piece. I’ve got to do more portraits using different materials, like collaging or whatever. I’m going to paint my final piece, so… I don’t really see the point.”

Camila hums in thought, an amazing idea popping into her head. “Well, if you need someone else to paint, I’d be a willing volunteer.”

Lauren laughs. “You want me to paint you?”

“Mhm,” Camila hums, “ _like one of your French girls_.”

Lauren bursts out laughing, and Camila beams. If she’s managed to get _this_ Lauren laughing at her jokes, then she’s definitely way closer to waking up. “Alright then. You can come over one night and we’ll work something out.”

Camila grins. “Cool. Also, thanks again for shopping with me and my sister. Sofi adores you.”

“It’s cool, Camila,” Lauren replies, “actually, it’s funny, you were in my dream that night. I guess it was us talking about the whole X Factor thing, because I had a dream that we were both on it. Mani and Dinah were there too, and someone else I didn’t know. We were in a group, like you were joking about.”

Camila freezes. There’s _no_ way that Lauren said that. “ _What_?”

“Yeah,” Lauren continues, not picking up on Camila’s mood, “it was weird. I guess it was in my subconscious or something.”

Camila stares at her in shock. Lauren is having dreams about The X Factor as if _this_ is real, and _that_ isn’t. Camila’s heart is racing, and she knows she’s panicking, because that _can’t_ be the dream.

She squeaks out a quick, “I have to go,” and runs away from Lauren before she can say anything, darting into an empty classroom and trying to calm herself down. She pulls out her phone, and texts Dinah, telling her friend that it’s an emergency and she needs help.

Dinah is there within minutes, and it makes Camila’s heart ache, because if she were to wake up, she knows Dinah wouldn’t be there. None of the girls would.

“What’s wrong?” Dinah pulls her in for a hug straight away. “God, you’re shaking. What happened?”

“Lauren- she- she- _fuck_ , Dinah,” Camila wipes at her eyes, trying to stop the tears, “she- she had a dream. About- about _us_. About Fifth Harmony.”

Dinah shushes her, rubbing comforting circles on her back. “Well, it’s probably a coincidence, right?”

“What if I’m stuck here?” Camila cries into Dinah’s shoulder. “I can’t do it, Dinah. I was finally- I was so _ready_ to write about my emotions and experiences and make it into art. But it’s- it was just taken away from me? This can’t- this can’t be real, Dinah. I’m not okay with it being real.”

“You can’t stay in school like this,” Dinah says, leading her out of the classroom. “We’re ditching. We’re going to Ally’s and she’ll make cupcakes. That’ll make everything better.”

“Ally was in Lauren’s dream, too,” Camila continues, sniffling, “Lauren said it was me, you, Normani and someone else she didn’t know. That’s _Ally_. How could Lauren be dreaming about Ally when she doesn’t even know her?”

“Come on,” Dinah leads her down the corridor, and Camila appreciates the cool air when they get outside. “Walz, it’s okay. Stop crying, I hate seeing you cry.”

“Hey, Camila?”

At the raspy voice, Camila moves faster. She can’t be around Lauren like this. Lauren will think she’s crazy and not want to be her friend and then any chance of her waking up will be ruined.

Dinah pulls her back. “Hi. Lauren, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Lauren answers, and when Camila looks up, she meets her gaze and sends her a comforting smile. “You’re her drunk friend. Um, Camila, are you feeling okay?”

“Um,” Camila shakes her head and looks towards the parking lot, “I’m not. But I think- we’re just going to-”

“I’m taking her to our friend’s house,” Dinah interrupts, and Camila is thankful that she doesn’t have to explain. “Sorry.”

“Okay,” Lauren nods, pulling her backpack onto her shoulder and tucking her sketchbook under her arm. “I’ll drive. I can come back for Lucy at the end of school.”

Dinah stops her. “This doesn’t concern you. Mila’s okay, we’re just-”

“She’s my friend,” Lauren interrupts, “and she was talking to me when she got upset. I want to make that better.”

Dinah rolls her eyes. “You’ve known her for like, two days. Leave her alone. We’re-”

“Lauren, really, I’m fine,” Camila tries to lie, “I just… have a headache.”

Lauren doesn’t look like she believes her at all. “It didn’t seem like that earlier. Seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Camila quickly replies, “I swear. I’m okay, I just feel kind of sick.”

Lauren stares at her with narrowed eyes, but to Camila’s utmost relief, nods. “Okay. Well, uh… I hope you feel better.”

 _She’s going to think I’m fucking crazy_ , Camila thinks, _but I really need to talk to Dinah about everything. Lauren can’t know._ “I will after a rest.”

With one last suspicious look, Lauren turns away and heads back into the school building. As Dinah leads her towards her car, she laughs a little. “I’m surprised you’re not jumping around with joy.”

Camila frowns. “Why would I be doing that?”

“Well, you’re talking to Jauregui. And she was all concerned about you,” Dinah points out, “you like her, right? That’s what you said.”

“I- uh,” Camila sighs. She doesn’t like Lauren like that – she hasn’t for a long time – but what other excuse can she use? “Yeah. I do.”

“Damn, Walz,” Dinah laughs, “you’re turning into miss steal your girl. Lucy better watch out.”

At Dinah’s words, Camila’s chest gets heavy with guilt. She straps herself into Dinah’s car and stares out of the window with another long sigh. The last thing she wants to do is tear Lauren and Lucy apart. Lucy has always been nice to her – in this stupid alternate universe _and_ back in the real one.

“I don’t want to break them up,” Camila says, “that’s not cool. But if they happen to break up on their own… then I’d be okay with- uh, making a move.”

Dinah shrugs. “Anyways, tell me why you got so upset again?”

Camila’s stomach dropped. She’d almost forgotten about what Lauren said. “Lauren… told me she had this dream. And it was like, the five of us on The X Factor. Including Ally, and this Lauren has never seen Ally before. I’m freaked out because what if that isn’t real? What if I’m stuck here?”

“I mean…” Dinah turns a corner and lets out a long breath. “Would that really be such a bad thing?”

Camila stares at her in shock. Is Dinah crazy? “Of course it’d be a bad thing. I have a _life_ there, Dinah. I have a _career_.”

“Yeah, you have a career,” Dinah agrees with her, “but it doesn’t sound like you have that many friends.”

Camila scoffs. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, from what you’ve said… me and the other girls in the girl group don’t like you. You haven’t mentioned any friends. Only people that don’t like you anymore.” Dinah shrugs. “Maybe being stuck here would teach you a lesson.”

“I don’t need to be taught a lesson,” Camila stares at her with wide eyes. “I just need to get the fuck back home so I can write music. So I can do what I love.”

“Maybe it’s a punishment.” Dinah suggests, keeping her eyes on the road. “When you lose a lot of friends, maybe the problem isn’t with the other person. Maybe you’re the problem and you’ve got to learn that.”

“Stop the car.” Camila orders her, and when Dinah doesn’t make a move to stop, she crosses her arms. “Dinah. Stop the fucking car right now. Let me out.”

Dinah acts like she hasn’t heard her. “You’re not like my Camila. She wouldn’t talk to me like that, for starters. My Camila has never lost a friend in her life because she puts others first. Sure, she’s a little clumsy and she makes dumb puns, and is a little socially awkward, but she’s got the biggest heart.”

Camila really doesn’t know what to say to that. “Dinah-”

“You’re here for a reason,” Dinah interrupts her. “Hurry up and figure it out. I want my best friend back.”

With that, Dinah pulls over, and without a word, Camila gets out of the car, making sure to slam the door behind her. Dinah is _wrong_. Camila isn’t the problem.

Besides, Camila doesn’t care what this Dinah has to say. She’s not the Dinah she’s been best friends with for years, and she doesn’t know how she ever trusted this weird, carbon copy of her.

 _I don’t need her,_ Camila thinks _, I’ll figure this out on my own._

-

**_September 22 nd, 2016_ **

Almost a week has passed since her argument with Dinah, and the Tongan girl hasn’t reached out once. Camila is a little offended, because _she’s_ the one in the wrong, not Camila, so Dinah should be the one to reach out first.

But at the same time, there’s this pull in her chest every time she sees Dinah sat by herself. While Camila had hung around with Dinah by themselves for the first few weeks of _whatever_ this is, she hadn’t realised that they were each other’s’ only friend. While Camila talks to Lauren, Lucy and Normani, Dinah has nobody, and it hurts to see.

Because Dinah really is her best friend. In any shape or form.

So, Camila is the one to cave.

She spends a good amount of time after her history class searching for her, and finally finds her sat in an empty classroom in the math block. When Camila walks in, Dinah rolls her eyes. “What the hell do you want?”

Camila has two options. Apologise, and take the blame for something she doesn’t feel is her fault, or be stubborn and cause another argument. But of _course_ , being Camila Cabello, world class bad decision maker, she goes with the unspoken third option.

“Hey, China!” Camila sends her a cheery smile and sits down at the table next to her. “I couldn’t find any of my bows this morning. Did you hide them?”

Dinah’s eyes widen. “Walz?”

Camila laughs. “Yeah?”

“You’re… you?” Dinah stares at her, and Camila can see the hope in her eyes. “You’re actually you?”

“Uh, Cheechee, who else would I be?” Camila asks, pretending to look confused. She _knows_ what Dinah is talking about, and knows that this is going to bite her in the ass later, but this is still better than admitting defeat. “Are you okay?”

“Oh my god,” Dinah throws her arms around her and pulls her in for a hug, and Camila’s heart breaks a little, because Dinah is happy to have gotten rid of her. “I love you so much, Walz.”

“I love you too, DJ,” Camila murmurs into her best friend’s shoulder, and she really, _really_ means it. She’d trade the world just to have her Dinah say that to her again. “So, um… why are you sat in here?”

Dinah shakes her head, the biggest grin plastered on her face. “Doesn’t matter. Come on, let’s go out for lunch.”

“Only the seniors can do that, though,” Camila points out, trying to act as much like her sixteen-year-old self would as possible. “We’re juniors.”

“Eh, they can’t tell the difference,” Dinah shrugs, “also, uh… how come you never told me you had a crush on Lauren Jauregui?”

Camila blushes, but it’s not exactly fake. Any time anyone brings up Lauren, that seems to happen. But she doesn’t _actually_ like her. “How could you tell?”

After a few moments, Dinah puts on an elusive smile and shrugs. “A friend told me. And you know how I feel about you going after someone who’s taken.”

Camila shrugs. “I’m not going after her. I mean, who’d pick me over _Lucy Vives_?”

Dinah seems fully convinced by that. When she was younger, particularly when she was fifteen and sixteen, Camila was riddled with insecurities, particularly over her self-worth.

“Walz,” Dinah smiles at her. “I’d pick you over anyone.”

Camila’s heart breaks in two, but she smiles like that’s the best thing she’s ever heard. “I’d do the same, Dinah.”

“Anyways…” Dinah shrugs. “If Lauren happened to become available… you know I’d help you out, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Camila smiles, because Dinah was always the best wing woman. Sure, she’d embarrass Camila a little, but a lot of people found that endearing. Or at least, her Lauren did. “Anyway… want to get lunch?”

“Yeah,” Dinah smiles. “I’m treating you. You can invite your girl, too. And, uh… her girl, I guess.”

“Nah,” Camila decides on the spot, shaking her head. “I want to keep it to a party of two.”

Dinah grins at her. “I really fucking missed you.”

Camila plays dumb and cocks her head to the side. “What do you mean you missed me? You saw me in first period. Probably saw me napping, actually.”

Dinah shrugs and links her arm through Camila’s. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go to lunch.”

“Yeah,” Camila agrees, “I’m hungry.”

She walks out the classroom, arm in arm with Dinah, deciding that maybe pretending was a good idea after all. It got Dinah back for her, and no bad plan could possibly end with such a good outcome.

 _Yeah,_ Camila thinks to herself, _totally the right choice_.


	7. six

**_September 25 th, 2016_ **

Camila successfully avoids Dinah for the main part of the weekend, making the excuse of homework to stay cooped up in her house. She’s kind of regretting pretending to be this universe’s Camila. She knows that if she gets one thing wrong, Dinah will know instantly, and that’s a lot of pressure.

So, she decides to go over to Ally’s. Ally won’t know anything is up with her, and it’d be nice to get some human interaction today. She asks to borrow Sinu’s car, and drives over to Ally’s apartment, hoping that she’s actually there, since she hadn’t texted.

(Apparently this world’s Camila likes to make up dumb names for her contacts, and Camila has only managed to decipher a couple.)

She gets the elevator up to Ally’s floor – or what she _thinks_ is Ally’s floor – and finds what she hopes is Ally’s apartment. When she knocks on the door and Ally answers it, Camila breathes a sigh of relief, but her friend doesn’t have her usual smile on.

“Camila?” Ally asks with a frown, and Camila is shocked, because even though her Ally isn’t her biggest fan, this is still the first time she’s ever seen her _frown_. “What’re you doing here?”

“I thought I’d come hang out,” Camila says, “I can go if you want, I know it’s last minute. I just got bored and I know Dinah’s busy.”

“Oh,” Ally replies, and her smile is back in seconds. “Well, uh, come in. I thought you were- uh, someone else.”

Camila raises her eyebrows, wondering who Ally was expecting. “If I’m cockblocking right now, I’ll leave.”

“Oh, um, no,” Ally plays her off with a laugh. “It’s fine, I’m by myself. We could bake if you wanted. You could call Dinah and invite her.”

Camila, whose plan is to avoid Dinah, shakes her head. “Like I said, Dinah’s busy. If you need a third person, I could text someone else.”

“Sure,” Ally smiles, “the more the merrier. I’m thinking about trying a new recipe, so I’ll go and get my laptop. Feel free to invite anyone else.”

Camila nods, and watches as Ally disappears into her bedroom. Her mind immediately jumps to Lauren, and she decides to test whether that dream Lauren had, about The X Factor, was entirely accurate.

**_Camila (1:37PM): hey if you’re free right now my friend and i are baking and she said i can invite you_ **

**_Camila (1:37PM): you haven’t met her but don’t worry she’s like the nicest human on earth_ **

**_Lauren (1:38PM): Is it cool if Lucy comes too?_ **

**_Camila (1:38PM): yeah that’s fine_ **

**_Camila (1:38PM): i’ll text my friend’s address_ **

Camila smiles to herself. She’s got Lauren on board. Sure, Lucy will be there too, but if Lauren recognises Ally, she won’t need to say anything. Camila will be able to tell; out of all the girls, she could read Lauren the best.

When Ally comes back out of her room with her computer, talking about a recipe she’s found, Camila nods along, and waits for an opening to tell her that she’s invited some people.

“Hey, Ally?” Camila says when Ally stops talking and scrolls through the five recipes on her computer. Ally always had trouble deciding what to bake, since everything seemed appealing to her. It’s clear that’s no different here. “I invited some friends.”

“Alright,” Ally says, still focused on her computer. “Are they in school with you?”

“Yeah, they’re in the grade above.” Camila explains. “Lauren Jauregui and Lucy Vives. They’re dating so we’ll probably be fourth wheels.”

Ally laughs. “Tell them to keep the making out to a minimum then. Or you could text someone else and then they’d be fifth wheeling to us single people.”

Camila thinks back to all the times Lauren had brought Lucy on tour, and was all over her no matter what. “You know, for some reason I think telling them to keep their PDA to a minimum would just encourage them. Anyways, with four people here, we can probably use two of those recipes.”

Ally beams and picks out one for cupcakes, already allocating that to Camila – her reasoning being ‘oh, that one is pretty simple’. She bookmarks the other one, and says she’ll work on that one by herself, as it’s quite complicated.

“If it’s complicated, then you might need help,” Camila points out with a laugh, and Ally just rolls her eyes at her. When there’s a knock on the door, Camila gets up to answer it, but Ally beats her to it.

“Hi, you must be Camila’s friends,” Ally says, and Camila can practically hear the smile in her voice. “I’m Ally Brooke Hernandez. Nice to meet you.”

“Hey,” Camila hears Lucy and isn’t surprised, since this Lauren hadn’t exactly been the most talkative with her at first. “I’m Lucy, and this is Lauren.”

When they walk in, Lauren flashes her a smile, and Camila’s stomach does ten flips in a row. She tells herself it’s just excitement, because once she’s on good terms with all the girls, she’s going to end up back home.

“Hey, Camila,” Lauren greets her, sitting down next to her. Camila notes that she glances over Ally for a few moments, almost inquisitively. “Dinah not here?”

“Um, no, she’s busy,” Camila answers, “so it’s just me and Ally today. We’ve got the simple recipe, by the way. Ally’s going to do some other, more complicated thing. I’m pretty sure Ally’s just worried I’ll end up breaking her oven or something.”

Lauren laughs. “Well, uh, the simple one is good for me, but Lucy won’t like that. She’s actually pretty good at baking. Maybe she can work on the other thing with Ally.”

“Okay,” Camila grins, “I’m sure that Camren will kick their asses with our amazing baking creation.”

“Camren?” Lauren raises her eyebrows, and Camila remembers _her_ Lauren’s reaction to that and wants to smack herself for the slip up. But, instead of literally beheading her for mentioning the _C_ word, Lauren just smiles and says, “I like it. We make a good team.”

Camila blushes, but feels a little guilty about that when she catches Lucy’s gaze and the older girl sends her a warm smile. Lauren is Lucy’s girl, and Camila isn’t going to come between that. Besides, she doesn’t even _like_ Lauren like that, and clearly whatever feelings she thinks she’s having are just excitement since she missed having Lauren as a best friend.

“Anyway, Camila,” Lauren’s raspy voice gets her attention again. “Thanks for inviting us. Lucy and I were mid argument over what to watch on Netflix when you called.”

“I was only arguing because you wanted to watch _Vampire Diaries_ again. We watched that last time,” Lucy rolls her eyes and sits next to Lauren. “It was my turn to choose.”

Camila swears she hears Lauren mutter, “You tell yourself that,” under her breath, but she doesn’t draw attention to what she heard. Instead, she gets up from the couch, simple cupcake recipe in hand, and gets Ally’s attention. “Hey, Ally, I need to ask you about something on here.”

“Oh, okay,” Ally smiles at her, “what don’t you understand? Because that’s like, the easiest recipe I could find, and you were okay with those cookies we baked last month. And you had to supervise Dinah then, too.”

Camila drops her voice and sends Ally a teasing grin, leading her friend into the kitchen. “Who were you expecting to show up? Like, when I arrived. A guy?”

Ally suddenly looks a lot shiftier than usual. “No, of course not.”

“That’s code for yes,” Camila deduces. “It’s okay, I won’t judge. Dinah’s probably blabbed about my crush to you.”

Ally rolls her eyes. “Fine. A… a _friend_ slept over last night and I thought maybe he’d come back to get something.”

“Oh,” Camila smirks a little, “a friend?”

“Yes,” Ally confirms. “Anyways… Dinah hasn’t told me about a crush. Want to tell me?”

“Can’t.” Camila says, dropping her voice even more, although she can see Lauren kissing Lucy out of the corner of her eye and knows that they’re not paying attention. “Sorry.”

Ally pouts at her. “Girl, I just told you what you asked. You’ve got to give me something.”

Camila sighs, but she knows it’s inevitable for Ally to find out anyway. Dinah will most likely let it slip. “Lauren.”

Ally glances over Camila’s shoulder to look out of the kitchen and see Lauren kissing Lucy. “So you invited her and her girlfriend and you’re going to third wheel and hope she magically likes you?”

“No,” Camila shakes her head, “I’m not going to do anything. I want a friendship. If anything else happens along the way then… that’s fine.”

Camila’s stomach turns when she realises she’s not actually lying about that part. If Lauren were to break up with Lucy, walk right over to her and kiss her, she really wouldn’t have a problem with that. But she _doesn’t_ have feelings for her. Of course not.

She got over Lauren forever ago.

-

“Oh my god, Camila,” Lauren laughs, “you’re _supposed_ to sieve it. Not just dump the flour in the bowl.”

“Eh, that takes too much time and doesn’t really do anything anyway,” Camila shrugs, “it’s all going to end up in the bowl eventually. Might as well save time.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, “The recipe says to _sieve_. No wonder you get the simple recipes.”

“Damn, she’s worse than you, Laur,” Lucy comments as she sees the mess of flour that Camila had dumped into the bowl. “I don’t get why you can’t bake when you’re good at cooking.”

“Cooking is different,” Lauren replies, “it’s easier to me.”

Ally sends Camila a teasing grin. “You know, Mila nearly burned my entire apartment building down once.”

Camila wants to have the proper reaction, and pretends to be embarrassed, although she’s quite interested in hearing this story. Honestly, it sounds like something her goofy sixteen year old self would do.

Lucy laughs. “How’d you manage that?”

 _Wish I knew_ , Camila thinks, so instead she looks at Ally and acts mortified. “Why would you tell them that?”

“Because it’s funny,” Ally shrugs. “It was more Dinah’s fault, actually. She got distracted taking selfies, and even though Camila had _assured_ me she’d be fine cooking the steaks we were having, and that ‘ _I’ll stay focused, Ally’_ next thing you know they’re snapchatting and have left the grill unattended. They ended up setting off the smoke alarm and the entire building had to evacuate.”

Camila flushes, mostly because Lauren is cracking up at the story, and really, it _is_ something she and Dinah would do. “It’s not that funny.”

Lauren composes herself for a moment and sends her a grin. “It’s pretty funny, Camz.”

At the old nickname, Camila breathes in sharply. She hadn’t heard that name come out of Lauren’s mouth for _years_ , and she hates the way it still makes her stomach flip and her heart pound, because she really does feel like she’s sixteen again. She feels like she’s with the girls, when she felt happy and free in the group and not suffocated.

She feels the way she felt that night she and Lauren had hid in the back room in the tour bus on the _Harmonize America_ tour, the night they’d watched Disney movies and had popcorn fights and acted like they were having a regular sleepover, like they weren’t on a tour bus in the middle of America.

That night Lauren had asked her about her first kiss, and Camila had admitted she hadn’t had one. Lauren had smiled at her and squeezed her hand, told her that she thought it was sweet, and Camila admitted that she wanted it over with, that there was too much pressure on first kisses and that she didn’t want to wait for something that wasn’t going to live up to her expectations.

Jokingly, Lauren had said _want me to help you out?_ Camila knew it was a joke, but admitted that she wouldn’t mind it, because at that point, she really idolised Lauren. Lauren was a year older, and seemed cooler and more experienced in every single way, and she was everything Camila wished she could be.

But then Lauren had moved closer, and before Camila could say anything, Lauren’s soft, plump lips were on hers, her warm hands cupping Camila’s cheeks, guiding her into the kiss. It wasn’t long – in reality, probably five seconds at the most – but to Camila, it felt like a perfect eternity.

That was the night Camila had realised her admiration for Lauren wasn’t just that. It was a crush, and she’s fairly certain she had from the moment she heard Lauren sing, from the second she said _hey, I like your shirt_.

For Camila, the only way to get rid of a crush is to distance yourself from them, and that wasn’t a problem once Lauren started pulling away.

“Camila?”

Camila blinks in surprise at Lucy’s voice, and turns to see Lauren, Lucy and Ally watching her. “Uh, yeah?”

“Are you feeling okay?” Lucy continues. “You got all spaced out for a second. It was like you were in another universe for a minute.”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure, Mila?” Ally asks. “We can sit down and watch some TV if you need a break-”

“Yeah, I’m good, I just… remembered something,” Camila brushes it off, and her friends go back to baking. Camila tries to close herself off, because feeling _that_ way about Lauren is never good news.

Lauren Jauregui broke her heart once. She’s not letting it happen again.

But when Lauren bumps up against her and murmurs, “Are you sure you’re alright?” Camila’s heart flutters.

“I’m good, Lauren,” Camila assures her, “Really. I was just thinking about someone that… someone I lost.”

Lauren raises one of those _irritatingly_ perfect eyebrows. “Are you sure? You seemed to… space out once I called you Camz. I won’t… I won’t do that if you don’t like it.”

“No, I like it, it’s just,” Camila shrugs, “the person I was thinking about. She used to call me that. But she’s… we drifted apart a while back.”

“Well…” Lauren flashes her a smile, “she’s an idiot for letting someone like you go.”

Camila wants to laugh, but she can’t do that without looking like a crazy person. Really, she kind of _is_ in this situation. “Anyway… it’s okay. I’m trying to fix things.”

“I hope things work out for you,” Lauren replies, “you deserve the best, Camz.”

Camila’s stomach turns, but she plasters on a smile anyway. With a split second judgement, she decides to change the subject. “Would you want to, uh, stay at my place next weekend? I have to babysit Sofi for my parents. You could… I don’t know, sleep over if you want?”

“Yeah,” Lauren answers in an instant, “I’d love that.”

“Okay, good, uh,” Camila bites down on her bottom lip to hide her smile, “I promise I won’t cook anything for you.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, I don’t want you to burn your house down.”

“Oh my god, it was _one time_ , and it wasn’t even at my house.” Camila defends herself. Or, her _other_ self. “Let it go.”

“That’s too funny to forget,” Lauren tells her. “Sorry.”

Camila allows herself a nostalgic smile. Her Lauren would always tease her like this. “Alright, fine, at least let _me_ forget about it.”

Lauren smirks. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Camila rolls her eyes. “You know, I remember Lucy assuring me that you’re a _sweetheart_ and you’re not a jerk. I think maybe she must’ve drunk too much, because _clearly_ she got that the wrong way around.”

Lauren claps a hand over her heart and pouts. “Damn, Camz, I’m hurt. Try to spare my feelings here.”

Mimicking Lauren, she smirks. “Where’s the fun in that?”

Lauren opens her mouth to retort, but before she can, Lucy says, “Hey, Lo, come and look at this meringue I just made, it looks like one from the bakery.”

Camila can’t say she isn’t surprised when Lauren goes over straight away. She deflates a little, but in all the teasing, she’d forgotten about Lucy and Ally. It felt like just the two of them, in their own little world.

She busies herself with mixing the cake batter, and trying not to get too irritated with herself. She let her walls down around Lauren, and the last thing she wants is to fall for her again. Especially falling for someone _else’s_ Lauren.

 _They’re practically the same, though_ , points out a little voice in the back of her mind, _this Lauren just isn’t famous. This one would show you off to the world. Yours would never, even now she’s out._

Camila shuts those thoughts down immediately. No, she’s not going to fall down a rabbit hole into liking Lauren land. Everything should stay strictly platonic.

 _But you did think,_ says the voice again, _that if something were to happen, you’d let it._

Well, of course she would. It’s _Lauren Jauregui_. Who’d turn her down? Camila rolls her eyes at the thought. But she doesn’t like her. She’d just be taking up an opportunity.

But when Lauren appears next to her again and flashes her that _adorable_ smile, the one where she closes her eyes and her adorable gopher teeth are on full show, Camila’s heart melts.

But _not_ because she likes her. No, definitely not.


	8. seven

**_October 1 st 2016_ **

When there’s a knock on the front door, Camila dives in front of her mother to answer it, because she automatically knows it’s Lauren; she said she’d arrive around four for their babysitting duties slash sleepover.

Not that she’s been camped out in the lounge, in the seat closest to the door all day or anything.

She’s still a little surprised that Lauren said yes; surely she has better things to do on a Saturday night than hang out with Camila and her little sister.

Camila shakes that train of thought straight away. Of course Lauren said yes. This is a _dream._ It’s all being manufactured by Camila’s subconscious and she’s slowly been forgetting that.

(It _is_ eerily real, but only crazy people announce they’re from another universe, and she’s not crazy.)

She opens the door, and her heart flutters at the person standing on the porch. Lauren is there, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail, her face free of makeup, her stuffed Nala tucked under her arm and a backpack casually slung over one shoulder.

“Hey, Camz,” Lauren greets her, “how are you?”

“I’m… good,” Camila hesitates, but flashes a smile. “You?”

“Also good. I was looking forward to hanging with you, actually. Sorry I came in my sweats but I figured since it’s a sleepover, I might as well be comfy.” Lauren smiles, stepping over the threshold. Camila closes the door behind her. “What did you do today?”

Camila spies her mother hovering behind the door to the lounge, and carefully steers Lauren upstairs. “Not much, just hung out, watched TV. You?”

“I slept at Lucy’s last night and we spent most of today together.” Lauren answers. “You know, I think she smoked too much today. She was saying all of this weird shit, but she’s always like that when she’s high. I would’ve smoked too, but I don’t want to be a bad influence on little Camzi.”

Camila’s heart sinks. People always look at her like a little sibling; even her Lauren had. That’s why her first kiss – _their_ first kiss – had been a pity one. She knows that now. “I’m not little. I’m only in the grade below you.”

“Whatever, little Camz,” Lauren teases her, “you’re still younger. So, is it you I’m babysitting, or is your little sister hiding somewhere? From what I remember, Sofi isn’t one to be quiet.”

“I think my mom is probably holding her back in the lounge,” Camila shrugs, not sure where her sister is. “My parents aren’t going out until six, so we’ve got some time to hang out without being responsible for a kid.”

“Cool,” Lauren nods, and Camila opens up her bedroom door, gesturing inside. Lauren grins at her. “Damn, I get doors held open for me here. I might move in.”

Camila flushes, but laughs. “If a little chivalry is all it takes for you to want to move in… I’ll clear out the spare room.”

Lauren snorts, and makes a beeline for Camila’s bed, sitting down on it. “So, what’s the plan?”

“I guess we’re hanging out until my parents leave, and then we’ll babysit,” Camila shrugs, wishing she’d planned this more. “Sofi goes to bed at nine on weekends, so we’ll probably put her to bed and then watch a movie or something? We can go to bed whenever.”

Lauren nods. “Sounds good. What time will you want rid of me tomorrow? I told my mom I’d let her know when I’ll be home.”

 _I don’t want you to leave at all_ , Camila thinks, but she doesn’t voice that thought. Instead, she just shrugs, trying to seem casual. “Um, whenever you want. I don’t mind.”

“Okay,” Lauren smiles, “I’ll decide tomorrow. What do you want to do now?”

“Well,” Camila gets off her bed and walks towards her television, switching on the Wii, “we could always have that Mario Kart rematch.”

Lauren grins. “You’re on, Cabello.”

Camila switches everything on, passing Lauren the second controller and flopping back onto her bed. She’s instantly transported back to the times she and Lauren had sat in the back room on the tour bus, playing video games and messing around, smiling and joking like two normal teenage girls, not international pop stars.

(Of course, now they _are_ normal teenage girls.)

“Do you do that a lot?”

Camila blinks in surprise and snaps out of her daydream. “What?”

Lauren laughs. “You seem to space out a lot. Am I really that boring?”

“No, it’s not you,” Camila is quick to assure her, “I’m just kind of… thoughtful, I guess.”

“Mind if I ask what you’re thinking about?” Lauren turns to her as Camila scrolls through the possible races. “I’m kind of good at comforting people, I’ve been told.”

“It’s not really anything big,” Camila lies, shrugging, “It’s just… I think I’ve mentioned this before, but there was this girl. And we used to hang out and play video games all the time and I’m just reminiscing. Sorry for being so emo.”

Lauren hums. “Were you guys together?”

“No,” Camila shakes her head, sighing, “I wanted to be, but we were both scared. Next thing I know, she’s got a girlfriend and they’re in love. I missed my chance and it’s my fault. I don’t blame her for moving on, but I’ll always have feelings for her. She was my first kiss, so…”

Lauren squeezes her hand and sends her a comforting smile. “Maybe it’d help to get it all off your chest. To tell her everything. It’d give you both closure.”

 _I’m telling her everything right now_. That’s what Camila wants to scream. She can’t tell Lauren, not while she’s stuck here. “I don’t know. It’s just hard because I know she doesn’t feel that way about me and it’d hurt to hear her say it outright.”

Camila’s heart flutters when Lauren pulls her in for a hug. “I’m sorry you’re going through that, Camz. If you want, I could set you up with someone? Get over her by getting under someone else?”

“No,” Camila is quick to shake her head, “I don’t think I could do that. I’m sorry.”

“No worries, Camz,” Lauren squeezes her hand, “besides, I’m sure getting your ass kicked by me will be a good distraction.”

Finally, Camila laughs. “Don’t count on it.”

-

“Kaki, who’s your favourite character?”

Camila glances over at the TV screen, and in all honesty, she doesn’t have an answer to the question. She’d tuned out the weird show that Sofi and Lauren had insisted on watching in favour of playing on her phone.

“Um, that one,” Camila points to a random character, the dog that looks nothing like an actual dog. “I like that character.”

Lauren snorts. “What’s his name?”

“Um,” Camila hedges, blushing, because Lauren had caught her in her lie, “Bartholomew?”

Sofi bursts out laughing, and Lauren smiles, shaking her head fondly. “Not even close. It’s Jake.”

“Pffft,” Camila scoffs, “I knew that. What I _don’t_ know is what the hell is going on in this show.”

“The more you watch, the more you understand,” Lauren comments, “that’s what I found out. It’s dumb because it’s aimed at kids, but the storyline is for adults and cool people like me.”

“Oh, yeah!” Sofi sits up like she remembers something, “Everyone at school loved my leather jacket! Thanks for making me cool, Lolo.”

“No worries, Sofi,” Lauren grins, “maybe some of your coolness will rub off on your sister. Though, I doubt it.”

“Shut up, Jauregui,” Camila rolls her eyes at her friend, and Lauren just grins, grabbing her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. “I think you forget I could kick you out right now.”

Lauren pouts. “You’d _never_. You like me too much.”

 _You’re not wrong_ , Camila thinks, because she really _does_ like Lauren too much. That’s something she needs to stop, because she’s never going to have a proper friendship with the girl if she doesn’t get over this stupid _crush_.

Camila almost smacks herself at the thought. _Crush_? She doesn’t have a _crush_ on Lauren. She hasn’t for a long time. Just because her stomach flips every time Lauren smiles at her, that doesn’t mean she has a crush on her. The way she always wants to be around Lauren doesn’t mean she has a crush, either.

No, her feelings are perfectly platonic.

A foreign thought, one that definitely didn’t come from her, pops into her head. _If it was really platonic, would you have to tell yourself that?_

Her heart sinks, and her throat closes over, but she pushes the thought away. She _can’t_ like Lauren. Lauren has a _girlfriend_. Lauren doesn’t like her back. And most importantly, the Lauren smiling at her now _isn’t_ Lauren. She isn’t even _real_.

 _Maybe that’s a good thing_ , that little voice says, _it’s not real so there aren’t any consequences. You could kiss her right now and it wouldn’t have any effect on your actual life_.

Camila shakes her head, snapping out of her reverie when Lauren squeezes her hand again.

“Are you okay?” Lauren asks her, and Camila plasters on a smile and nods. “You spaced out again.”

“I’m okay,” Camila confirms, her heart fluttering when Lauren brushes back a strand of hair that’d fallen in front of her eyes. “Listen, um-”

“Kaki, let’s play hide and seek!” Sofi decides, turning around and grinning. “You hide, and me and Lolo will find you.”

Camila laughs. “If anyone is doing the hiding, it’s you.”

“No, because you’ll make me hide and then you won’t come find me,” Sofi folds her arms across her chest and pouts. “You want Lolo all to yourself so you’d make me hide and then you two can ditch me.”

Camila blushes at the words _you want Lolo all to yourself_ , because she kind of does. “I promise that’s not what it is.”

“How about you both hide,” Lauren suggests, and Sofi’s face lights up. “Then I can hunt you both down.”

Camila sighs, but nods. “Alright, fine. Thirty seconds.”

“Okay,” Lauren smirks at her, “one, two-”

“No!” Sofi cuts her off, sending Lauren an affronted look. Lauren looks highly amused. “You’re _supposed_ to close your eyes.”

Lauren holds her hands up in defence. “My bad.”

When Lauren closes her eyes, Sofi looks satisfied, and darts towards the stairs, bolting up them. Camila watches Lauren, eyes closed, counting to thirty, and decides to be brave for once in her life.

She leans down and presses her lips to Lauren’s cheek. Then, she brushes back Lauren’s hair from her ear and whispers, “good luck trying to find me,” before she disappears up the stairs too.

(She misses the way Lauren swallows, her cheeks turning a faint pink.)

Camila goes into her bedroom, and decides to pick the best hiding spot for any queer person; the closet. She shuts the door and spreads her clothes out, thinking that she’s well concealed. She gets her phone out and goes to play a game, sitting down on the closet floor, since she might be here for a while.

After around a minute, Camila’s bedroom door opens, and she knows it’s Lauren. She can hear her humming through the closet door, walking around the room. After a few moments, footsteps cease, and Camila wonders if Lauren’s still there, but the closet doors swing open and an amused Lauren smirks down at her.

“Really, Camz, the _closet_?”

Camila sends her a sheepish smile. “It was the first place I could think of. Did you find Sofi?”

“No,” Lauren answers, holding out her hand to help Camila up. Camila takes it, her heart overcompensating when Lauren doesn’t let go. “You have any clue where she’d hide?”

Camila pauses in thought, but in her real life, she hadn’t played hide and seek with Sofi all that much. She hadn’t really played with Sofi at all, in the last few years. “She’s always finding new places to hide. If you want, we could relax for a few minutes before finding her?”

“Okay,” Lauren agrees, and Camila walks her over to her bed. They sit down, and Lauren finally lets go of Camila’s hand. “So, what were you going to tell me downstairs?”

Camila blinks in surprise. “Huh?”

“You spaced out, and when I asked you what was wrong, you said _listen_ , like you were going to explain something,” Lauren explains, “but then Sofi interrupted. What were you going to say?”

What Camila had nearly _blurted out_ was _listen, you’re the girl I’ve been thinking about_. Of course, she realises how dumb it would’ve been to announce that, and is pretty glad Sofi interfered. So, she feigns ignorance. “I don’t remember. It probably wasn’t anything important.”

Lauren studies her for a moment, but nods. “Okay. If you were thinking about that girl, it’s alright. I know it’s hard to get over somebody.”

“Haven’t you only ever been with Lucy?” Camila asks, because that’s what Lauren had told her. “You’re still with her. You guys have been together for two years.”

“Not consistently, you know that.” Lauren answers her. “Besides, Lucy and I… things haven’t always been as easy as they are now. Especially with me. Lucy- she’s always been comfortable in herself and was open about being into both guys and girls with me as soon as she figured it out. I wasn’t like that. It’s honestly a recent development that I’m out. A year ago, I was planning on never coming out because I was scared of what people would think. I’m lucky that Lucy is so patient, because anyone else would’ve given up on me.”

 _Yeah, just like I did_ , Camila thinks, _but you gave up on me too_.

“What changed?” Camila asks. “Why did you stop caring about what people would think and come out?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I think it was the fact that I became more comfortable in myself. I’d finally figured everything out and I’d been with Lucy for a few months without freaking out and pushing her away.” Lauren admits. “I finally decided _fuck it_ and just started telling people. It got easier the more I did it, and honestly, it’s the same with the PDA. But my point was, in that first year with Lucy, I told myself that I was going to push away any feelings I had for girls and only date guys, so I had to get over her, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I probably spaced out a lot, like you, but the more time passed, the less I was upset. The point is, even if you and this girl don’t get a happy ending, things will get easier.”

“Sometimes I think I missed my chance,” Camila admits, resting her head on Lauren’s shoulder without thinking; something she used to do when she and Lauren were close. She pulls away quickly, but Lauren pulls her back. “Like, I know I missed my chance with this girl, but sometimes I think she’s my soulmate. Of course _I’d_ be the one person who misses their chance with their soulmate.”

“While I don’t believe in soulmates in the traditional sense,” Lauren starts, “if she really is your soulmate, she’ll find her way back to you.”

 _Maybe this is it_ , Camila thinks _, maybe this is Lauren coming back to me. A Lauren that’s ready to be with me, to show me off to the world as her girlfriend._

Camila gets her hopes up, but is hit with a sickening realisation that brings her back to earth. _Except it’s not, because she has a girlfriend, remember?_

“She won’t,” Camila finally voices, “L- she’s never coming back to me.”

Camila cringes at her slip-up. If she’d said _Lauren’s never coming back to me_ , this Lauren would think she was crazy, and she’d run. Then there’s no hope of her waking up. Or going back. Or _whatever_.

Lauren squeezes her hand. “Don’t lose hope, but don’t keep your hopes high, either. Find a balance.”

 _Easier said than done_ , Camila thinks. “We should go and find Sofi. We’re being terrible babysitters right now.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Lauren stands up and stretches, “let’s go find her.”

After what feels like hours of searching, Camila finally finds her sister in the linen closet, bundled under some towels. Sofi is ecstatic about winning, and it takes them a while to calm her down with the promise of dinner – Chinese takeout.

By the time it gets there, Sofi is settled down in her pyjamas, and Camila, feeling like the odd one out, changes into her PJs too. They share out the food, and put on a movie, _Big Hero 6_ for entertainment.

Once the movie is over, Camila has to carry a kicking and screaming Sofi upstairs. She knows her sister wants to stay up with them, but her parents will kill her if Sofi is still up when they get in. The only thing that calms Sofi down is the promise that Lauren and Camila will both read her a bedtime story.

Camila reads from Sofi’s favourite book, but when it’s Lauren’s turn, the older Latina pauses, tapping on her chin in mock-thought. “I’m going to tell you a story that isn’t from a book. And it’s totally, one hundred percent true.”

Sofi nods, and Lauren catches Camila’s eye, grinning at her. “So, once upon a time, there was this girl called… Vlamila. And she was super clumsy.”

Camila scoffs, muttering _really_ under her breath. Lauren just smirks and keeps going.

“One day, Vlamila was walking down the street, being her usual clumsy self, but this time, when she fell, someone caught her. The mighty and amazing and super badass Sauren was there to save the day. Sauren is this really cool superhero with a really hot girlfriend, so naturally, everyone worships the ground she walks on. Vlamila couldn’t believe her eyes when Sauren saved her. In fact, she was so shocked, that she tripped out of Sauren’s arms, and fell flat on her butt. Luckily, Vlamila has a really big ass, otherwise she would’ve been seriously hurt, and-”

“O _kay_ , that’s enough stories for tonight,” Camila says, grabbing Lauren by the arm and tugging her out of the room, “Night, Sofi, sleep tight.”

With that, she flicks Sofi’s light off and pulls a smirking Lauren down the stairs.

“What, you didn’t like my story?” Lauren smiles innocently. “Why ever not?”

“You’re the worst,” Camila states, folding her arms across her chest, but when Lauren bursts out laughing, it’s infectious. She’s laughing so hard it makes her stomach hurt.

There’s a different kind of hurt in her stomach when she realises how much she misses this; messing around with Lauren or any of the other girls. She realises how much she regrets pushing them away.

When Lauren’s laughter subsides, Camila forces a smile, and Lauren doesn’t seem to notice it’s fake. If she does, she doesn’t say anything.

They sit in a comfortable silence, until Lauren’s voice punctuates it. “I’m having a lot of fun tonight, Camz.”

“Yeah,” Camila smiles, and this time it’s genuine, because she’s realising how much she loves being around Lauren. She misses how they just clicked with each other. “Me too.”

They stay in the lounge, flipping through channels on TV until the front door opens and Sinu and Alejandro come in, asking about Sofi and if she was on her best behaviour. When Camila assures her parents that Sofi was good, Sinu smiles, and advances on Lauren.

“I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself earlier,” Sinu says, sending a stern look Camila’s way. “I’m Sinu Cabello, Camila’s mother.”

“Yep, and that’s my dad, Alejandro,” Camila cuts in, wanting to keep this meeting as short as possible. The Jauregui and Cabello families were friends for a while, just because of Camila and Lauren, but when that deteriorated, so did the friendship between their parents.

(Camila _really_ isn’t looking forward to meeting Clara.)

Lauren puts on her most charming smile, and Camila finds it hard to believe that someone could be _that_ attractive. “It’s nice to meet you both. Thank you for letting Camz have me over to stay.”

“Laur,” Camila says, holding out her hand, “I’m kind of tired. Can we go upstairs now?”

Lauren shrugs. “I don’t mind. It’s your house.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand and turns to her parents. “We’re going up to bed. I hope you guys had fun at dinner. Night.”

She hears Sinu mutter to Lauren as they go past _she just doesn’t want us to embarrass her_ , and while that’s true, she doesn’t want Lauren to _know_ that.

When they make it to Camila’s room, Lauren sends her an amused grin. “Would they have told me embarrassing child Camila stories if we stayed? Because if so, I’m going back down.”

“Nope, that’s not happening,” Camila says, shutting her bedroom door for emphasis. “Anyway, I am actually a little tired, so we could get into bed and watch something on my TV until we inevitably pass out.”

Lauren frowns. “Are you sure you want me to share your bed with you?”

“Yeah,” Camila says, and totally not because she has any ulterior motives like _accidentally_ rolling over _in her sleep_ and cuddling Lauren. “Dinah does it all the time, so…”

At the mention of her best friend, Camila feels a pang of guilt in her chest. She’d been avoiding Dinah, but not so much to make it obvious she was avoiding her, and it hurt. It hurt to see Dinah so happy that _her_ Camila was back, even though she’s not. She can’t handle lying to Dinah, and she knows she’s going to have to tell the truth eventually, but whenever she’s with Dinah, her positive mood and how she’s so happy to be around her makes her procrastinate being honest.

Either way, Lauren seems placated. “Okay. What’re we watching?”

Camila shrugs. “I’ll just put in a random Disney movie.”

Lauren picks up her stuffed Nala from where she’d left it with her bag. “ _The Lion King_?”

Camila caves, because seeing the supposedly _badass_ and intimidating Lauren Jauregui cuddling a stuffed lion to her chest and _pouting_ is the cutest thing she’s ever seen.

She climbs into bed next to Lauren, keeping a respectable distance. Ten minutes into the movie, Lauren is passed out next to her, and it turns out Camila didn’t need to fake sleep to cuddle her. Lauren is clearly a big cuddler, judging by the way she rolls over and sleepily snuggles her face into Camila’s neck.

 _This is wrong_ , Camila tries to tell herself _, she’s taken and she’ll never be yours. This Lauren won’t be yours, and Fifth Harmony Lauren won’t be yours, because they’re both taken and you were too late._

 _But this is a dream_ , the devil on her shoulder insists _, even if it isn’t a dream, it’s not your reality. You could do anything and have no consequences. You could wake her up with a kiss right now and it wouldn’t matter, because none of this is real._

 _I don’t know that_ , Camila argues, _I don’t know how long I’m stuck here for. It could be permanent._

_(Oh god, please don’t let it be permanent.)_

She doesn’t know what she’d do if this was permanent, if everything she’d worked for had been taken away from her in an instant. She thinks she’d go crazy.

_In that case, you should take Lauren. Take Lauren because this world owes you one thing you want._

_Is that why I’m here_? Camila tries to think. _In the end, will the choice be my music career, or Lauren?_

Camila thinks it’s an easy choice. Obviously, she’d pick-

She doesn’t know what she’d pick. Her music is important to her, but Lauren and the other girls are too. Besides, building a career in music is hard, but not impossible, and she could do that here and-

 _Wait, why the hell am I even considering this_? Camila berates herself. This _isn’t_ real, and her choice should be obvious. It’s her career. Her career and her _real life_.

She finds she’s second guessing herself when she looks down and sees the epitome of beauty cuddled up next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took a long time and im sorry


	9. eight

**_October 10 th, 2016_ **

Camila thinks that maybe she’s not over Lauren after all.

It’s taken her a while to come to that _sort of_ conclusion; mostly, it’s a recent development. Ever since their sleepover, Camila finds herself wanting to spend as much time with Lauren as she can. She knows that Lucy is catching on, too; she’s ready for the inevitable confrontation, because if Lauren was her girl, and someone who was obviously crushing on her was always around, she’d be pissed off too.

(Though, she doesn’t like thinking about having a _crush_ on Lauren. _Crush_ seems too schoolgirly, and while she technically _is_ a schoolgirl, with the history between her and Lauren, she wouldn’t call it a crush.)

She finds she’s actually looking forward to school, because it gives her an excuse to hang out with Lauren without it seeming like she’s trying too hard. Her mom offers to give her a ride, because she needs to run to the grocery store, which happens to be near Sofi’s school. While Sofi usually gets the bus and Camila gets a ride from Dinah, Sinu had decided to take both of her daughters to school before heading to work. It gives Camila an excuse to be away from Dinah for a little while, because the almost daily drives to school are hard when Camila is half awake and trying her best to act like she’s _this_ Camila.

Instead of dropping her off at school straight away, her mom decides to go to the store first and pick up the stuff she needs for dinner, promising Camila that she’ll drop her off after, and then she’ll take Sofi, since the younger Cabello starts later.

That’s how Camila finds herself wandering around the supermarket at ten to eight in the morning, trying to find the specific toothpaste brand her mom _needs_.

While Camila absolutely hates having to ask for help in public places, when she can’t find the aisle the toothpaste is even on, Camila looks for the nearest employee to ask. When she spots one, she smiles.

“Hey, excuse me,” Camila jogs over to the worker, “Do you know where you keep the— _Lauren_?”

When the girl stacking shelves turns around, and she meets Lauren’s vibrant green eyes, Camila steps back a little in surprise. Lauren just smiles at her. “I believe we keep the Lauren right in front of you. Hey, Camz.”

“You- you never told me you worked here,” Camila stares at her, because honestly, when you’re used to seeing someone in a world famous girl group, you really don’t expect them to have a job in the supermarket. “But- um, yeah, aren’t you late for school?”

“No, I finish in like, ten minutes. Generally, I work one day of the weekend, and I do two hours before school on a few days, because it all adds up to more money, right?” Lauren points out, and Camila has to agree with her. “Anyway, what were you looking for?”

“Oh, it’s like, the most mundane thing ever,” Camila laughs, “my mom was looking for toothpaste.”

“Oh, aisle twenty-seven,” Lauren directs her, “if you want to hang around for the next ten minutes, I can drive you up to school. Unless your mom is doing that?”

“Uh… yeah, a ride to school would be nice,” Camila nods, “I mean, my mom has Sofi with us, so it’d be easier on her if I go with you. Don’t want to make Sofi late.”

(Even if she didn’t get a ride with Lauren, Sofi would be on time, but Lauren doesn’t need to know that.)

“Understandable,” Lauren replies, “but yeah, if you want a ride to school from me, you’ll have to hang out here for the next ten minutes. Don’t worry, we won’t be late. I never am. Once I’m done with this aisle I’ll run and get changed, and then we can set off.”

“Okay,” Camila jabs a thumb over her shoulder in the general direction of her mom. “Um… I’m going to let her know what’s happening. And… you know, tell her where the toothpaste is. I’ll be right back?”

“Okay,” Lauren turns back to the shelf she’s stacking, and when Camila doesn’t leave she laughs and adds, “the toothpaste is on aisle twenty-seven, Camz.”

Camila scoffs, “Yeah, I totally knew that. Be right back.”

Camila turns on her heel and goes back to Sinu, explaining the situation quickly before going back over to Lauren. She smirks to herself, and decides to try her hand at a minor prank.

She puts on the weirdest accent she can, and tries to drop her voice a little lower, before saying, “Damn, girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I doubt it, your nice ass probably cushioned your fall.”

“Camz, you’re an idiot,” Lauren laughs, turning around again, “if I didn’t know that was you, I probably would’ve punched you. I know my ass is nice, but I don’t want that to be the first thing someone compliments me on. Appreciate my brain instead.”

Camila smiles to herself, because _that_ sounds a whole lot like her Lauren. “I figured you’d say that. I do appreciate your brain, Laur. Promise.”

“You’d better,” Lauren smiles, “Anyway, I’m almost done with this shelf, so after this I can clock out. I won’t be super presentable when we leave though, on the days where I work in the mornings I never bother with makeup and just throw on a sweater.”

Camila just laughs. “Considering you showed up at my house the other week in your sweats, you don’t have to worry about being presentable.”

“Good point,” Lauren grins, grabbing a box cutter and opening a packet of chocolate milkshake mix. “Oh, by the way, what’re you doing after school on Friday?”

“Nothing, as far as I know,” Camila comments, surprised that Lauren is asking. “Why? What’s up?”

“Lucy cancelled on dinner and the restaurant won’t let me out of the booking, and instead of going alone and looking like a loser, I figured maybe you’d like to join me?” Lauren asks, and Camila’s heart overcompensates. If it weren’t for Lucy, it’d be a date. It’s an almost date, and Camila knows it’s all she’ll get.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Camila smiles, “but is Lucy okay with it? If I were her, I’d be a little upset if my girlfriend was taking another woman to dinner.”

Lauren shakes her head, but she’s smiling. “She knows it’s not like that. You guys are friends.”

Camila wants to point out how Lucy had been watching her for the past week, and how Lauren is clearly oblivious to it. She _knows_ Lucy is catching on, and she worries that this _friendly platonic dinner_ won’t cause a fight. Even if it’s not so friendly and platonic on Camila’s part.

“As long as you’re sure it’ll be fine,” Camila says, “it should be fun to hang out.”

“Yeah,” Lauren agrees, “I’m looking forward to it. This is dangerously close to cheesy territory, but I’m really glad I met you, Camz. Even though I’ve only known you for like a month, I feel like we’ve been friends for years, you know? We just _click_. I don’t know if that makes sense.”

Camila’s stomach flutters, because it does make sense. For her, she _had_ known Lauren for years, and at one point, they were as close as two people could get. She’s torn, because while the Lauren next to her isn’t _hers_ , the other one wasn’t either.

“Yeah. I get that,” Camila finally answers. “I have one of those connections with you that’s hard to find in people.”

_Because maybe you’re my soulmate._

Lauren sends her a soft smile as she puts the last tub of milkshake mix onto the shelf and stands up, stretching. “Alright, I’m going to go clock out and change. Probably in the other order so I can milk the extra five minutes, though. I’ll show you where the back area is and you can wait outside the doors for me.”

Camila nods, and watches as Lauren flattens the last empty box and puts it on the trolley next to her. She follows Lauren towards a big pair of double doors at the back of the store, and Lauren murmurs a quick _wait here._ After a few moments, Lauren comes out of the doors without the trolley and smiles at her.

“Sorry, we have to put the trolleys back there so they can recycle the boxes.” Lauren grabs Camila’s hand and pulls her towards a second set of double doors labelled _staff only_. “Alright, you’ll have to wait here. No customers allowed. I’ll be five minutes, okay?”

Camila nods, feeling empty when Lauren lets go of her hand. “See you when you’re ready.”

It doesn’t take Lauren long to change clothes, and she comes out of the back room with her backpack slung over one shoulder and her work clothes in a plastic bag in her hand. Camila looks her up and down and smiles.

“I have to say I prefer the ripped jeans on you,” Camila comments, “those bootcut khakis and the vest over your polo are more of a middle-aged woman look.”

Lauren snorts. “I didn’t design the outfit, Camz. I actually got a disciplinary with my old manager because I wore tight black pants instead of the regulation ones. He was a dick, though.”

“I’m just saying, even though you have a nice ass, those pants make you look like you don’t,” Camila comments with a teasing smirk. “You guys should go on strike for better outfits.”

“Like you can talk about fashion,” Lauren laughs, “I think I recall someone prancing around school wearing a bow bigger than her head.”

 _How about doing that on national television,_ Camila thinks, flushing in embarrassment. That really wasn’t her best look.

“I was _fifteen_ and did that _once_.” Camila defends herself, as Lauren cackles at the memory; granted, a different memory to Camila. “You have to wear those obviously sexy pants every time you come to work.”

“Not by choice!” Lauren laughs, grabbing a sandwich from behind a few water bottles. “Anyway, I hid this because it was the last chicken one. Do you want a sandwich? I have my employee discount card on me.”

Camila thinks about the cafeteria lunches at school and finds herself missing the catering on their tours, so she nods. “Sure, I’ll have a sandwich. I’ve got some cash in my backpack that I can pay you back with-”

“Buying you a sandwich won’t break my bank, Camz,” Lauren assures her, “don’t worry about it.”

Camila frowns. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Lauren grins at her. “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

“You’ve got to save money for college though,” Camila points out, before realising she doesn’t know if Lauren’s going to college or not. “You know, if you’re going.”

“Of course I’m going,” Lauren says like it’s obvious, which to Camila, it kind of is. “I’m going to study literature and politics for sure, but I haven’t decided where I’m going for definite. I’ve got a few acceptance letters but I’ve been thinking about Columbia a lot. I’m just not sure because Lucy’s going to Loyola in New Orleans, and I don’t know if I want to be that far apart from her.”

Camila frowns, because as someone who always follows her dreams and thinks about others later, she can’t understand that. If she was desperate to go to one college, but her girlfriend wanted to go to another one, she wouldn’t hesitate to go to her dream school. FaceTime is a thing, anyway.

“You should never compromise your dreams for someone else,” Camila recites automatically. That’s what her mom and her manager, Roger, had constantly told her when she was starting her solo career. That she shouldn’t worry about what the girls would do without her, because being in a girl group wasn’t her dream. But in reality, it was none of their dreams.

Lauren hums in thought. “It’s not like Columbia is my dream school, though. And I like the Loyola campus.”

Camila just shrugs, watching as Lauren scans the sandwiches in the self-service checkout. “If you two are meant to be, then you can handle being physically apart for a few years.”

Lauren pauses before scanning her discount card. “That’s a good point. Thanks, Camz.”

Camila smiles. “It’s okay.”

Once Lauren pays, Camila takes her sandwich and puts it in her backpack as she follows Lauren out to the parking lot. She climbs into the passenger seat of Lauren’s car and puts her bag on the floor, and Lauren puts hers in the backseat and leaves her work uniform in the trunk of the car.

Lauren starts the car and pulls out of her parking space. “What are you wanting to do after school? College, or… do you have other plans?”

“I just want to play music. Write it, produce it, anything,” Camila answers immediately. “It’s the one thing I’m passionate about, and the one thing I’m really good at.”

“I can totally see you doing that,” Lauren smiles to herself, “In ten years, I can see your name lighting up Madison Square Garden. Thousands of fans will be screaming your name and I’ll have the honour to be backstage with all of our friends, cheering you on. If you’ll let me, that is.”

Camila’s stomach flips, and she can feel tears stinging her eyes, but they’re not sad tears. The idea of Lauren and the other girls being there to support her makes her so happy, but there’s a dull hurt beneath it all, because she knows it’ll never happen for her. Not in her real life.

“That means so much to me,” Camila murmurs, staring down at her lap, “that you would want to be there to see me succeed. And I want to do the same for you.”

“Well, hey, when I start my presidential campaign, you can tell all your fans to vote for me,” Lauren grins, “I think that’d be an even trade.”

Camila smiles to herself. In a perfect world, she’d have Lauren by her side _and_ her career. She’d have her soulmate and she’d be content, even if her solo career didn’t work out. As long as she was working in music, and she had someone who loved her, she had _Lauren_ to love her, she’d be happy.

When they pull up outside school, Lauren spots Lucy and gets out of the car, pulling her in for a kiss. Camila’s stomach turns, and she looks anywhere but at them, trying to think about mundane things like what she’s having for dinner tomorrow. When she looks back the two girls are apart, and Camila catches Lucy shrugging Lauren’s arm off her shoulders.

“Hey, Camila,” Lucy greets her, “how are you?”

“I’m good,” Camila says, trying to be as casual as possible. “You?”

“I’m fine,” Lucy looks her over, and Camila feels nervous under her gaze. “Anyway, I’m going to head to class. I’ll see you guys later.”

“Don’t you want me to walk you there?” Lauren frowns at her. “I always walk you to class-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lucy says, shrugging Lauren’s arm away again. “I’ll see you both later.”

As Lucy walks away, Lauren deflates, shaking her head. “I’m sorry you had to see that. She’s not been in the best mood for the past week, and I don’t know what I did. I think it might be family troubles that she’s not telling me about, or something getting her down.”

 _Or she knows I like you_ , Camila thinks. “Okay. Well, uh, I have to get to class too, so… I’ll see you in a little while?”

Lauren nods. “Yeah. See you.”

“Thanks for the ride,” Camila tacks on as she heads towards the school building. “And the sandwich.”

Finally, Lauren smiles. “You’re welcome, Camz.”

She heads down the corridor to her locker, searching for the textbook she needs. She finds it and sets off for her next class, mentally preparing herself to act around Dinah. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get the time.

“Walz!” Dinah grabs her by the arm and Camila squeezes her eyes shut, sending a silent prayer to any powerful force that she manages to hold down her lie. “Hey. Did you finish that project?”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Camila blurts out, before she realises she should’ve said _no_. That would’ve given her an excuse to hide out in the library. “It went well.”

“Good, I’m glad,” Dinah smiles, “anyway, we haven’t hung out in forever since you’ve been so busy with your school work. We’ve got to have a sleepover. How’s Friday?”

Camila smiles to herself. “I can’t do anything on Friday. I’m going out to dinner with Lauren.”

“Whoa, wait,” Dinah stops her before she can walk towards her classroom. “You said you weren’t going to try anything with her because she’s got a girlfriend.”

“It’s not like that,” Camila is quick to assure her, “It’s just dinner with a friend. So I can’t do Friday.”

Dinah studies her for a moment, and Camila worries that she’s going to catch on. Thankfully, the younger girl just smiles. “Alright, I trust you. Saturday, then. I’ll come to yours.”

Camila tries to think of a way out of it, because it’ll be so tiring trying to pretend around Dinah for a whole night. She’s almost slipped up a few times and she _swears_ the other girl is suspicious.

(Or maybe she’s just being paranoid, with Dinah _and_ Lucy.)

“I don’t know, DJ,” Camila finally answers, “I’ll have to ask my mom if it’s okay. I might have to look after Sofi.”

“I help you babysit Sofi all the time,” Dinah points out, just as Camila realises that’s probably the case. “Besides, your house is like a second home to me. You might have to ask for Jauregui to stay over, but not me.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, any other excuses lost in her mind. She can’t spend a whole night acting like her sixteen-year-old self, but she also can’t keep avoiding Dinah so much, because she’ll catch on.

Eventually, Camila nods. “Okay, fine. We could ask Ally if she wants to come, too.”

 _A buffer will help_ , Camila thinks, _if Ally’s there, I can pawn the conversation off on her._

Unfortunately for her, Dinah shakes her head. “Nah, we haven’t had a night of just Cheechee and Chancho in forever.”

Camila grimaces, but nods, and she sees how Dinah’s face falls into a frown. So, the Latina perks up as best as she can. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Really?” Dinah asks her, sending her a serious look. Camila’s heart drops, because _what if she knows_? “Or are you just saying that? I know you’re pulling away from me, Walz. And I don’t know why. Maybe it’s just because you think Lauren and Normani are better company than me, but we’ve been best friends since we were five and for me, you’re my ride or die. I know people grow apart but that’s never been us and it makes me think maybe it’s because…”

When Dinah trails off, Camila swallows her anxiety and pushes for more. “Because?”

Dinah sighs. “What do you remember about the first few weeks of school?”

Camila blinks in surprise, trying to act casual. If she just pretends everything is fine, Dinah will never notice. “Not much. It was all kind of a blur.”

“Are you still,” Dinah stares at her, as if she’s trying to look into Camila’s very soul. Camila does everything she can to avoid eye contact. “Walz? Camila, look at me.”

Thankfully, the bell rings overhead, signalling the start of classes, and Camila blurts out a quick goodbye, wrenches her arm from Dinah’s grip, and sprints down the corridor and into her first classroom, having a minor heart attack when she sits down at her desk. When she thinks the situation over, she wants to slam her head into her table.

Why the hell does she get herself into these situations?


	10. nine

**_October 14 th 2016_ **

Camila looks herself over in the mirror again, smoothing out the dress she’s wearing. She sighs at her reflection, hoping she’s dressed appropriately for her evening out with Lauren. She’d really wanted to look nice, and Lauren hadn’t told her a dress code, so she decided smart casual was the best way to go.

She’s triple checking her makeup when there’s a knock on her bedroom door. She swallows the lump in her throat and gets up, opening the door with a smile. Lauren is stood there, in a casual black dress.

“Hey, Camz,” Lauren grins, “you look good. Come on, the reservations are for seven.”

“Okay,” Camila smiles, grabbing her purse from her dresser. It already feels like a date, even though Camila knows it’s not, and that’s something she’s got to remind herself of. “We’re going to have to stop at a cash machine so I can get some money out.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, scoffing. “You don’t need to-”

“Lauren,” Camila cuts her off, “before you start being all stubborn and insisting on paying, _I’m_ going to be stubborn and insist on halfsies. You’re seventeen, and sure you have a job, but you still shouldn’t pay for me.”

Lauren studies her for a moment, but nods. “Alright. There’s a cash machine by the restaurant that we can stop at.”

Camila smiles, proud of herself. She’s always found it hard to say no to Lauren – it’s like Lauren has some sort of special mind control over her. “Good. Anyway, um, thanks for inviting me out tonight.”

Lauren shrugs. “You don’t need to thank me. I figured it’d be fun to spend time with you. Even if it’s mostly because of the mean restaurant who wouldn’t let me out of the reservation.”

“Did you find out why Lucy cancelled on you?” Camila asks. “You said you weren’t sure-”

“I don’t really want to talk about that,” Lauren interrupts her as Camila says a quick goodbye to her parents. “She’s just… being weird around me and I don’t know what I did.”

Camila’s stomach drops, her guilt heavy in her chest. She knows it’s because of her. If Camila was Lauren’s girlfriend, and Lucy was going on a not-date with her, and constantly hanging around and asking Lauren to do things when she obviously had a crush on her, she knows she’d be upset too.

Not that Camila thinks her crush is _obvious_ , but that’s a whole other issue.

“Maybe you should… spend more time with her or something,” Camila tries suggesting. “We could cancel and you could go talk to her and-”

“Camz,” Lauren cuts in again, “it’s okay, really. I spend plenty of time with her, and if Lucy was worried about that, she’d talk to me. We’ve always been good at communication. That’s why I don’t understand her lately and how quiet she’s being. But I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Camila says, but she’s uncomfortable with the idea that maybe she’s the one causing problems. She wants Lauren to be happy, and if she keeps inviting her out to dinner, Lucy will be mad, and Lauren won’t be happy. “Can I use your aux cord?”

“Sure,” Lauren nods, and Camila grabs it, plugging her phone in. She scrolls straight down to _The 1975_ and shuffles the artist, thinking back to the early Fifth Harmony days, when she would actually hang out with Lauren on their breaks. Back then, they were inseparable.

Sometimes she’d get a random text from Lauren, asking to go out on a drive with her, and they’d listen to music and just be in each other’s presence. She hadn’t realised how much she’d missed that.

When _fallingforyou_ comes on, Camila’s stomach flips and it’s like she’s transported back to the concert she’d attended with Lauren. The band started playing _fallingforyou_ , and Lauren had turned to her, her eyes shimmering with happy tears, and pulled her in for a gentle, innocent kiss. But when she went on Twitter later, and saw all of the shippers talking about the Camren ‘date’, she’d turned distant and weird for a few weeks, and acted like the kiss never happened.

It wasn’t a date, but it had felt like one. And that’s how Camila feels right now. She can’t deny that she’s always had a connection with Lauren, and not in the same way as the other girls. It was like Lauren had some sort of lure, something that pulled her in and made her feel things she shouldn’t.

“So, um, are you dating Shawn Mendes?”

Camila blinks in surprise at the question, and then bursts out laughing. “No, oh my god, where’d that question come from?”

“I saw you guys together at my party, the night we met, and I guess I just assumed,” Lauren shrugs, “and I see you with him a lot and you guys are super… touchy.”

“We’re just really close,” Camila says, which is true in her real life, too. “I mean… I think I told you before that I’m not all figured out, but the more I think about it, the more I think I’m gay. I mean, I’ve had crushes on boys before, but if that boy asked me out, I’d always have second thoughts and wouldn’t want to actually _date_ him, you know?”

“You think it’s compulsory heterosexuality?” Lauren thinks aloud, and Camila shrugs, because she doesn’t really know what that is. Thankfully, Lauren elaborates. “It’s like… because society perpetrates this whole ‘girls have to be boy crazy’ thing, people who haven’t realised their sexuality yet have crushes on unattainable guys, or if the guy likes them back, suddenly they’re not interested anymore. For a little while, I worried that was me, but I’ve had real feelings for guys before. Just… none of them compared to Lucy.”

Camila mulls that over for a moment and shrugs. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter to me. I think it’d be nice to have a label and be all figured out, but at the moment, I’m not too worried about it. I think I’m kind of at the place where I know I like girls, I’m just not sure if I like boys too.”

Lauren smiles. “So… have you got a cute girlfriend somewhere, Camz?”

Camila snorts, because the only person she’d want to be her girlfriend is sitting next to her. “Nope. Trust me, I’m not going to be getting one of those any time soon.”

“Have you like… done anything with girls? Or boys?” Lauren asks, and Camila wonders why she’s so interested. “We’re friends, right? So naturally we’d gossip about that kind of thing, and you know my love life.”

“Everyone knows your love life,” Camila points out, and Lauren smiles sheepishly. “Besides, mine is pretty non-existent. There’s that girl I mentioned, and we used to be so close and… I feel like I’ve never stopped liking her. But she hates me now and I’m trying to accept it’ll never happen. We… she kissed me a few times though. She was my first kiss.”

“Really?” Lauren frowns. “Why’d she kiss you if she didn’t like… want to be with you?”

“She was scared,” Camila reminds her, “the first kiss was a pity kiss, I think. I was fifteen and I’d never been kissed, and we were hanging out one night and she kissed me to make sure my first kiss was from someone who loved me. The second time it was my first time being drunk and _I_ kissed _her_. And the last time was at a concert. She turned to me in a song and kissed me the way she _looked_ at me made me think she was finally ready. That we’d actually _talk_ about it. But… _a couple of people_ called the concert a date, and it must’ve freaked her out. She didn’t talk to me for weeks, and when she finally did, she acted like she’d never kissed me.”

Lauren pulls into a parking space outside the restaurant and sends Camila a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Camz. She really doesn’t deserve you, okay?”

Camila wants to laugh, but the words themselves upset her a little. Her Lauren couldn’t help being scared, and even though the way she handled it wasn’t the best, it’s not like Lauren is a bad person. Camila sees the way she treats Lucy when she joins them on tour, and how gentle and loving she is, and she knows that if the timing had been better, if she and Lauren were both comfortable in their sexualities, they would’ve been good together.

Camila feels her stomach drop when she remembers the last thing Lauren had said to her before she woke up here.

_“It’s not like I don’t still love you guys,” Camila starts, trying to defend herself, “and if we had a hiatus-”_

_“You don’t love us,” when she hears the familiar raspy voice, Camila swallows the lump in her throat and turns to face Lauren. Her usually bright green eyes are blazing with anger. “You couldn’t give a fuck if Fifth Harmony ended right now. You couldn’t care less if Dinah’s family loses their main source of income and her siblings go hungry. You only care about yourself. Don’t fucking deny it.”_

_Camila avoids eye contact with Dinah, the only girl who isn’t glaring at her. She looks to Lauren and shrugs. “It’d just be a hiatus, not a break up, and-”_

_“Stop trying to make excuses,” Normani cuts her off, “We know what you really want.”_

_Ally shakes her head and walks out of the room, sighing in disapproval but keeping whatever negative thoughts she has to herself. Normani follows after her, concerned, shooting Camila a glare that could kill._

_Camila looks back at Lauren. “Lo, it’s-”_

_“I don’t even recognise you anymore.” Lauren stares at her. “I look at you, and how much you’ve gone behind our backs and_ helped _the label sabotage us just to get your fucking solo career started, and I don’t know who you are. I can’t believe I ever lov- I was ever your friend. If I’d known what a manipulative bitch you’d turn out to be, I never would’ve bothered.”_

_With that, Lauren turns on her heel and follows the other two girls out of the room, leaving a broken Camila with Dinah. She turns to the final girl and bites down on her bottom lip nervously. “You don’t hate me too, do you?”_

_“I- I don’t hate you, Camila. You know I never could,” Dinah answers, “But… but I don’t know if I forgive you.”_

“Camz?”

Camila blinks in surprise, looking into those same emerald eyes, at the girl she’s had feelings for since she was sixteen. “Um, yeah, sorry, what were you saying?”

“I asked if you wanted to stay at my place tonight,” Lauren offers, and Camila frowns, “Lucy and Mani are coming over tomorrow, and I was going to invite you anyway, so you might as well stay over.”

“I’d have to go home and get my stuff,” Camila points out, trying to shake the sudden flashback from her head. “Like, PJs and my toothbrush or whatever. And I- I have to be home at around six on Saturday, since Dinah is coming over.”

“She can come hang out with us,” Lauren offers, and Camila breathes out a sigh of relief. There’s the buffer she’s looking for. “Text her, see if she’s down.”

Camila does just that, hoping Dinah will say yes. She’d been avoiding her, and she _knows_ that Dinah is finally suspicious, so Camila asking to hang out will hopefully lull any worries Dinah has.

**_Chancho (6:53PM): hey dj do u want to come to laurens house with me on saturday to hang?? we can chill at mine later on just us but during the day we can spend time with lauren normani and lucy_ **

**_Cheechee (6:54PM): Ok Walz I’ll come but im not gonna be ur wingwoman lol_ **

Camila rolls her eyes at the answer, but nods at Lauren. “She said she’ll come.”

“Cool,” Lauren grins, picking up her clutch, and opening her door. “Come on, let’s go in.”

Camila gets out of the car, and as she walks around it to meet Lauren so they can walk towards the restaurant, she finds herself wishing that Lauren would hold her hand. If she was brave enough, she’d go for it, claiming it’s platonic if questioned, but she knows it’s not, and she knows Lauren isn’t a cheater and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise what she has with Lucy.

(Both in this world, and her own.)

Lauren hums a tune to herself as they enter the restaurant, and when she holds the door open for Camila, the younger Latina feels her stomach flutter.

“Hi,” Lauren greets the woman stood by the big _please wait to be seated_ sign. “I have a reservation for two under Jauregui.”

The woman flips through a few sheets of paper, before looking to Lauren with a smile and picking up two menus. “Follow me.”

She walks them to a table near the back of the restaurant. It’s much quieter over here, and it feels a lot more intimate. Camila sits by the wall, and Lauren takes the seat opposite her, flashing her a soft smile before she thanks the lady.

When the woman leaves, Lauren grins at her. “You want some alcohol to drink? I’ve got my fake ID with me. I can’t have any since I’m driving, but I can order you some.”

“No thanks,” Camila says, “I’m not a big drinker.”

“Alright,” Lauren answers, glancing over her menu. “Are you more of a pizza girl or a pasta girl?”

“Pizza for sure,” Camila picks up her own menu with a smile, already settled on a pepperoni pizza. “What about you?”

“Depends on my mood. I’ll probably get pasta tonight,” Lauren replies, “but I love pizza a lot too. Kind of similar to my sexuality, if you think about it. Why not both?”

Camila laughs, and after a few moments, Lauren joins in. She knows it’s dumb, and she knows it’s _not_ a date, but this is what she wished she could’ve had with Lauren. But her Lauren was terrified to kiss her even hidden away on a tour bus; she’d never have taken Camila out to a restaurant, even in this context, where it’s not a date but it looks like one.

She thinks back to the one time she’d thought about how things would be if she hadn’t met Lauren on The X Factor. If she’d met Lauren in a school setting, or if they had a meet cute on the beach in Miami. She’d always wondered how different things would be; if Lauren would’ve asked her out on a real date if she hadn’t had public speculation making her so insecure.

“You know you mentioned you used to be uncomfortable with your sexuality,” Camila brings up, and Lauren looks up from the menu in surprise. “Why? What made you uncomfortable?”

“I mean, when you’re a teenager, all you want to do is fit in, right?” Lauren points out. “I guess I didn’t want to be seen as abnormal. And- uh, I told my mom about my thoughts and she told me it was something I should keep to myself, and that made me really insecure. It was like, if my own _mother_ can’t accept that, why would anybody else?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, because she knows Clara isn’t her biggest fan. “That’s kind of messed up.”

“She’s a lot better about it now,” Lauren assures her. “I think it’s because she’s seen how happy Lucy makes me, and all moms want their kids to be happy at the end of the day.”

“My mom doesn’t know about me,” Camila admits. While she’s so close to Sinu, she’d never told her anything about Lauren or how she’d been questioning her sexuality since she was fifteen. “Sometimes I think about telling her, but I don’t want to do anything that could ruin our relationship, and being impulsive and just blurting that kind of thing out doesn’t appeal to me either.”

Lauren studies her for a moment. “You know, you’re really mature for your age. I know I’m only a year older than you, but you’re only sixteen and yet you talk like you’re eighty.”

 _Technically I’m not sixteen_ , Camila wants to point out, but she doesn’t want to sound like a complete and utter psychopath in front of the girl she’s crushing on. “I guess that’s what happens when you suck at communicating with other people. I overthink stuff a lot.”

It’s a little pathetic compared to _oh, I was in a world famous girl group for four and a half years, and you were there too, surprise_ , but it’s a better excuse than nothing.

“Either way, it’s really cool.” Lauren shrugs, “It’s kind of why I-”

But before Lauren can finish her sentence, the waiter comes over to the table and asks them about drinks. Camila’s face dips into a scowl, because she wants to know what Lauren thinks about her, so she’s not exactly the most chipper person on the planet when she orders a coke.

The waiter takes down their food orders too, Camila going with the pepperoni pizza, and Lauren settling on a carbonara. When he leaves, Camila looks to Lauren expectantly, but the older Latina just smiles and asks a question about one of her classes at school.

“Seriously?” Camila raises her eyebrows. “I don’t like to think about school when I’m not there.”

Lauren laughs. “I feel that. I have a couple projects I need to work on that I’m pretending don’t exist right now.”

Camila laughs, subtly reaching over the table and putting her hand on top of Lauren’s. “Me too. I don’t think I’ve done a single piece of homework since the start of the semester.”

Lauren glances down at their hands for a moment, and Camila feels the lump in her throat grow larger. When Lauren doesn’t pull away, Camila breathes out a small sigh of relief, ignoring that little bit of guilt in her stomach. She can hold her friend’s hand if she wants, right? That’s totally platonic.

“How do you feel about watching a Disney movie when we get back to my place?” Lauren asks. “I promise I won’t make you watch _The Lion King_ again.”

“Sure. Wreck It Ralph is one of my favourites, we could watch that,” Camila says, “or we could throw it back to our childhoods properly and watch the Lizzie McGuire Movie.”

“Fuck yeah,” Lauren grins, “only if we can do a dramatic duet to _What Dreams Are Made Of_. That song was iconic.”

Camila’s stomach flutters at Lauren’s toothy grin. She has to pull her hand away from Lauren’s when the waiter comes back to give them their drinks, and she’s not entirely confident enough to put it back where it was.

“I really like your teeth.” Camila blurts out when Lauren smiles at her again. “I mean, uh… sorry, was that weird? They’re just nice.”

Lauren laughs a little. “It’s not weird. Thanks. Actually, I used to be kind of insecure about them when I was a kid. I figured they were too gopher-like.”

“That’s what makes it cute,” Camila decides aloud, and blushes when she realises what she’d said. “Not that you look like a gopher, you don’t, you’re really pretty, I meant-”

“Camila,” Lauren stops her from rambling, “I know what you meant.”

Camila blushes. “All I’m saying is you’re not a gopher.”

“Well, duh, I’m a human,” Lauren smiles at her, “but, uh, thanks. I’ve never gotten compliments on my teeth before.”

“I mean, all of you is pretty and deserves compliments,” Camila blurts out; apparently her subconscious is trying to dig her into a huge hole. “Not that I mean that in a weird way, it’s just kind of obvious, you know what I mean?”

Lauren bites down on her lip and looks down at her feet. “You’re really sweet, Camila. Seriously. I’m… I’m really glad I met you.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “Really?”

“Really,” Lauren confirms, looking at her shyly across the table. “You’re a good friend. I feel like maybe we were like… _meant_ to be friends. Not to be cheesy or anything. But like… it’s written that we were supposed to meet, you know? It normally takes me a lot longer to warm up to people but it’s like I’ve known you my whole life. Maybe in a past life we were best friends.”

 _More like almost-girlfriends and members of the same girl group,_ Camila thinks. “Yeah. That could be it.”

When the waiter arrives with their food, Camila grins and digs in, not noticing the way Lauren sends her a smile that would look incredibly intimate to any onlookers.

-

Lauren looks over at Camila for what feels like the fiftieth time that night. She can’t seem to shake the feeling that she’s _meant_ to spend time with Camila, and she doesn’t know what could be causing it. All she knows is that she has so much fun in the other girl’s company, and it’s rare for Lauren to find that kind of connection.

The last time she found that was in Lucy, and _no_ , she doesn’t feel that way about Camila, because she’s faithful to her girlfriend. The feelings she has towards Camila are different, and nobody could ever replace Lucy for her.

When Lauren looks over at Camila again, studying the girl’s side profile, she takes note of a few things. She finds herself gazing over Camila’s jawline, because while she doesn’t have much of one now, probably because of lingering baby fat, Lauren can easily tell by the shape that it’ll be razor sharp in a few years. Camila’s cheeks are still kind of chubby, but Lauren thinks it’s adorable, even though she doesn’t particularly like her own chubby cheeks. She knows that when Camila’s baby fat goes away she’s going to be a gorgeous woman, but she’s still gorgeous now.

“Do I have pizza sauce on my face?” Camila turns away from the movie that’s playing on Lauren’s TV and rubs her cheek. “You keep staring at me.”

Lauren looks into the other girl’s soft brown eyes and shakes her head. “No. I was just thinking.”

Camila flashes a small smile and turns back to the movie. “Okay.”

Lauren pretends to do the same. Really, she’s thinking about Camila’s eyes. It’s weird, but the first thing she noticed about Camila, on that fateful day when the younger Latina had asked for her help in finding a classroom, was how sad and utterly _lost_ she’d looked. Lauren can see so much pain in Camila’s eyes, and she knows that deep down, the other girl is hurting; not that Lauren has any idea why.

After getting to know Camila, she’d noticed that she’d been able to read her emotions through her eyes, and it’s been a while since she’d seen that initial hopelessness. She hopes Camila is happy, and she hopes she’s at least contributed to that.

“I’m going to get comfy,” Camila announces, and Lauren looks over at her with a frown. “PJs. And then I’m going to claim your bed. Have fun sleeping on the floor, Jauregui.”

“Hey, we’ve shared a bed before,” Lauren defends herself. “Besides, my bed is bigger than yours, anyway.”

Lauren remembers how she’d woken up after sleeping at Camila’s house; her eyes had flickered open and she found herself curled up to Camila’s side. Needless to say, she’d rolled over and kept her distance before the other girl could wake up, too.

“Fine,” Camila rolls her eyes, digging through the little overnight bag she’d quickly thrown together when they’d detoured to Camila’s on the way home.

Lauren turns her attention back to the movie, since she’d changed into her pyjamas once they’d gotten back to her house, but Camila gets her attention again.

“Um, Lo?” Camila looks up from her bag sheepishly. “I seem to have… forgotten my pyjamas.”

Lauren raises an eyebrow in amusement. “You _forgot_ your pyjamas… when you knew you were staying over…?”

“It’s not my fault, you told me to grab everything quickly and I guess I threw in my clothes for tomorrow and my toothbrush and stuff and missed my PJs.” Camila quickly defends herself. “I blame you.”

Lauren shrugs, plastering her signature smirk on. “Guess you’re going to have to sleep in your underwear, then. Sucks for you.”

“Lauren,” Camila pouts, nudging her, “can I borrow a sweater and pyjama pants, please?”

“I don’t know,” Lauren looks up at the ceiling thoughtfully, “you might get weird Camila germs on them and infect me with your clumsiness.”

“ _Laur,_ ” Camila shoves her, trying to glare, but Lauren can see the ghost of a smile shining through, “don’t be a dick. I don’t like those in any context.”

Lauren snorts. “Nice one. I’ll get you something to wear.”

Camila beams. “Thank you.”

Lauren gets up, stretches, and walks over to her pyjama drawer, digging through it and grabbing an old school sweater and a pair of pyjama shorts. She tosses them over to Camila. “Here. They might be a little big on you since you’re kind of tiny, but-”

“I am _not_ tiny,” Camila insists, pulling off the t-shirt and jeans she’d changed into at her house and stuffing them in her bag. Lauren feels the blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks and respectfully looks away.

Camila tugs on the sweater, and Lauren was right, it’s big on her, but if anything, that’s cuter. She pulls the pyjama shorts up her tanned legs, then flops back down onto Lauren’s bed. “Alright, there’s some comfort. What time do you want to sleep?”

Lauren shrugs and sits back down, deciding to get under the covers. Camila mimics her. “Whenever I get tired.”

“Okay,” Camila smiles, “sorry if I pass out on you, I can’t stay up late when I’ve been up since seven for school.”

“No worries,” Lauren shrugs, picking up her stuffed Nala and playing with her tail. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Camila blinks in surprise, but nods. “Yeah, sure, anything.”

“I know I said I didn’t want to talk about it earlier, but I’m kind of scared that Lucy’s really mad at me.” Lauren mumbles, because she has to admit it’s been on her mind a lot. Her girlfriend had barely texted her, and if Lauren had tried to start a conversation, Lucy sent one word replies. And _then_ in person, Lucy was avoiding her as much as possible.

“Oh,” Camila’s face seems to fall, “well, uh, why do you think that?”

“I didn’t tell you the whole story,” Lauren mumbles, “It was like, two weeks back, and she’d stayed the night and was totally normal the night before. The next morning, the alarm goes off and she’s yelling at me and telling me she doesn’t want to see me. She left before I could get a word in and has been weird with me ever since and I _don’t know what I did_. She mentioned something about cheating but I’d _never_ …”

When Lauren trails off, Camila bites down on her bottom lip. “What if it’s my fault?”

Lauren blinks in surprise. “Camz, don’t be dumb, how could it possibly be your fault?”

“Well, I mean, we’ve become really fast friends and- and I’m naturally touchy with the people I’m close to,” Camila says, looking at Lauren apologetically. “Maybe… maybe she misinterpreted that.”

“No,” Lauren answers instantly. She knows Lucy, and Lucy _isn’t_ the kind of girl that would get upset about that kind of thing. Lucy would’ve asked her about it if she even had the _thought_. “She’s not like that, and I told you we’re good with communication. I just don’t understand what’s going on.”

“Maybe she just needs a little space,” Camila lamely suggests. “It might be something bigger all together. She’ll talk to you eventually, though. She loves you.”

“Yeah,” Lauren echoes. “She loves me.”

-

**_October 15 th 2016_ **

Camila can’t shake the guilt she feels.

Lauren is hurting and it’s _her_ fault. She knows that Lucy’s hostility is because of her obvious crush on Lauren, and if she needs to distance herself, she will. Distance will make Lucy happy, which in turn will make Lauren happy.

Lauren seems surprised when Lucy actually shows up the next day. She arrives after Normani and Dinah, greeting them with smiles. When Lauren leans in to kiss her, Lucy deflects it to her cheek and goes to sit down.

Dinah shoots Camila a look, one that reads _looks like maybe you’ll have a shot_ , but it doesn’t make Camila feel any better. In fact, it makes her feel worse. Everything was better for these people, these versions of her former friends, before she came along.

Maybe she _does_ destroy everything she touches.

“No, I’m totally quitting,” Normani is saying when Camila tunes back into the conversation. “The general public are just… frustrating. Plus all the middle aged white ladies never believe me when I say something is out of stock and act like I can’t read the damn words on the computer that _prove_ we’re out of the ugly ass blouses they want.”

Lauren laughs. “I feel you, not with the clothing though. When I first started at my job, someone asked me where these really specific tinned tomatoes were, and when I told them the general area they cussed me out and told me they meant the _specific place on the aisle_ and _no wonder I worked in a grocery store_. Bitch, when I’m president, I’m arresting you.”

Dinah shrugs. “I like my job, but I guess that’s just because it’s empty all the time. Nobody tends to buy our ice cream when there’s a more popular parlour two stores down.”

“Lucky you,” Normani says, “I’m definitely quitting. I’m sick of the general public. I might become a hermit.”

 _Or you could go on The X Factor and be famous as fuck_ , Camila thinks. “At least you don’t have to wear the ugly bootcut khakis that Lauren has to wear.”

 _“Camila,_ oh my god, _I didn’t design the damn uniform_ ,” Lauren laughs, before turning to Lucy and taking her hand. The older girl shifts uncomfortably. “You still think I look cute in it, right, Luc?”

“Uh, sure, Lo,” Lucy mumbles. She lets go of Lauren’s hand and stands up. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.”

Camila watches as Lauren visibly deflates, and the guilt weighing on her chest gets even heavier. When Lauren looks over to her for comfort, Camila feigns a smile and mouths a quick _it’ll be okay_.

When Lucy comes back, she sits away from Lauren, and spends most of her time engrossed in her phone. Camila is caught up in watching her, and doesn’t realise Normani is talking to her.

“Oh, um,” Camila blushes, “sorry, what’d you say, Mani?”

Normani just smiles at her. “I asked if you’ve got a job you want to complain about.”

“Well, I mean, no,” Camila shrugs, thankful that she doesn’t, after hearing the other girls’ stories, “I haven’t had anything except Fifth- um… this dumb thing my mom used to do with me. Wasn’t really a job, she just paid me to help her out with chores and stuff.”

She glances over at Dinah, hoping to _god_ that she didn’t hear her slip up, but the Tongan girl is frowning at her. Camila expects to see rage, anger, or hatred, but all she sees on Dinah’s face is hurt.

Lauren’s laugh grabs her attention. “Maybe at age ten that’s a job. I could ask my boss if he has any openings, if you’d like?”

Camila blushes, and sends Lauren a shy smile. Unable to say no to Lauren, she nods. “Yeah, that’d be cool.”

Lauren flashes a smile, and looks back at her phone, and Normani keeps talking about how much she hates the customers at her job. Dinah looks contemplative, like she’s not sure if she’s going to confront her or not, and Camila doesn’t even notice Lucy sitting down next to her until it’s too late.

“Hey, Camila, can I talk to you?”

Camila’s heart pounds. Obviously, it’s time for the whole _stay away from my girlfriend_ speech. She’d known this was coming; it was inevitable to her.

She glances between Lucy and Dinah, not sure which confrontation would be worse, and eventually decides she’d rather have a jealous girlfriend than an upset best friend. So, she sends a timid nod Lucy’s way, and follows her out of Lauren’s lounge.

When they’re away from the others, Lucy studies her for a few moments, like she’s trying to figure about a complicated math problem. “You’re _you_ , too.”

Camila blinks in shock. That’s the _last_ thing she expected but it’s doing nothing to quell her anxiety. “Um… what? Are you high?”

“I wish,” Lucy answers, breathing out a long sigh and a nervous laugh, “but- like, Fifth Harmony. That’s what you were going to say, right? When Mani asked you about jobs.”

“ _What_?” Camila’s heart rate is definitely not healthy right now, but _none_ of this is. “How do you… how do you know about that?”

“Because _I’m me_ , too,” Lucy tells her, the desperate look in her eyes proving she’s telling the truth. “From that… that world. At first I thought this was some fucked up drug induced hallucination, but… if you’re here…”

“Wait… this whole time you’ve been you?” Camila stares at her in shock, unable to believe it. She can’t believe that _someone else_ is going through this too. Turns out she’s _not_ gone fucking insane; she guesses that’s a plus. “You’re _you?”_

“How long have you been here?” Lucy’s face sinks into a frown. “I’ve only been here two weeks. I woke up the day after Lauren and I broke up and I was in bed with her and-”

“You broke up with Lauren?”

Camila cringes when the question slips out. She knows that’s the least of her concerns right now; really, she should be more surprised about Lucy, but if Lauren is single again…

Lucy lets out an awkward laugh, like it’s the last thing she wants to talk about. “Um, yeah… I basically told her to never talk to me again. She… she cheated on me. I went home furious and heartbroken and went straight to bed and then woke up here. I was… kind of shocked. I yelled at her when I woke up, because obviously, I thought Lauren had snuck into my room and tried to make amends, but by that point I knew I was done with her. But then she was so confused and everything else was _different_ and… then I realised I wasn’t twenty anymore. I was seventeen.”

“You’ve been here for two weeks?” Camila asks, thinking back to what Lucy had said before. “I’ve been here for nearly two months. The last day I remember is December 18th. But when I got here, it was September.”

“The day you left,” Lucy realises, breathing out a loud sigh. “Clearly it means something. At first I thought I was going crazy.”

“Yeah,” Camila murmurs, “I feel that.”

“Do you want to meet up and talk more about this later?” Lucy asks, and Camila notes how desperate she looks. She’s probably just relieved that Camila is going through the same thing, and honestly Camila is too. She finally has someone she doesn’t have to act around. “I’d just… really like to talk things over.”

“Yeah, sure,” Camila nods, hoping that they can figure this out together. While she’s grown to not mind this world, she wants her life back. “Text me where to meet and I’ll be there.”

“Hey, you guys aren’t hooking up behind my back, right,” Lauren comes out of the lounge, sending them both a teasing grin before throwing her arm around Lucy, who looks extremely uncomfortable. “Come on. Mani says she wants to make a taco run and I’m all for it.”

“Sure,” Camila smiles, nodding and following her back into the lounge, not missing how Lucy shrugs Lauren’s arm from her shoulder, and Lauren looks incredibly hurt.

Dinah casts a look over at her, and Camila can’t decipher it, but she knows she doesn’t have to worry about a confrontation while they’re with the others. Dinah isn’t one for drama, so Camila knows she can put the inevitable off so long as she has a buffer.

(Admittedly, she’s putting it off because she _can’t_ lose Dinah for a second time.)

Once Lucy sits down, Lauren grabs Camila by the arm. “Camz, can we talk?”

Camila blinks in surprise. “Um, sure, Lo. What’s wrong?”

Lauren tugs Camila back out into the hallway. Before Camila can ask what’s wrong again, Lauren launches into a rant. “Did she say anything about me? Because she’s still being weird and I know you think it’ll be fine but I just feel like she’s pulling away from me.”

After all the information her brain has already had to process, it takes Camila a few moments to grasp what Lauren is talking about, and even then, she isn’t sure what to say. She can’t exactly tell the _truth_. “I don’t know. She didn’t say anything to me, so you’d have to ask her.”

“I can’t ask her,” Lauren looks at her like she’s crazy. “She’ll be like _what the fuck_ and then it’ll make it awkward and what if she _dumps_ me? I don’t know if I could-”

“Lauren,” Camila interrupts, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand. “Relax. Lucy didn’t say anything bad about you to me. But if- if she did break up with you, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. It’d hurt a lot, but you never know, you might find someone better.”

Lauren stares at her for a moment, shaking her head. “I can’t- just tell me what she said.”

“We were just talking about jobs,” Camila makes up, “she heard when I said I’d never had one and wanted to know if I needed help looking.”

“Okay,” Lauren breathes out, nodding, “alright. Thanks, Camz. I’m really glad I have you.”

Camila’s heart hurts from lying. If Lucy’s story meant anything, then she’s probably going to break up with this Lauren, too. Camila can imagine how much that’d hurt this Lauren, so much that she’s ignoring her selfish thoughts that she might have a chance, because Lauren’s feelings are more important.

Lauren seems to have brightened up a little, and she holds out her hand for Camila. “Come on. Let’s go get some tacos.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand with a smile.


	11. ten

**_October 18 th 2016_ **

Camila taps on the table, a nervous tick of hers, as she waits for Lucy to show up. The other girl had been AWOL, and the only contact Camila had with her was a text, asking to meet at this specific coffee shop after school on Tuesday.

Lauren hadn’t seen Lucy either, and Camila can see how stressed and upset it’s making her, which is something she’s going to address when Lucy arrives. It’s not fair that Lucy is making Lauren so confused and hurt, because _this_ Lauren is completely innocent.

She sips on her hot chocolate, double checking her phone to make sure she’s in the right place, but she doesn’t have to worry when Lucy walks through the doors and spots her. The older girl smiles at her and pulls out the chair across the small table Camila had chosen.

“Hey,” Lucy greets her, shrugging her coat off, “sorry I kind of disappeared, I just can’t be around Lauren right now and she’s so… persistent.”

Camila worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “You need to talk to her. None of this is fair on her.”

“What am I supposed to say?” Lucy sends her an incredulous look. “ _Hi, Lauren. I’m not actually your girlfriend, I’m from another universe and god knows where this version of me has gone. Also, my version of you cheated on me and that’s why I can’t look at you anymore. Sorry._ She’d get me sent to an asylum.”

Camila sighs. “I know you can’t tell her the truth, but you need to say something. Avoiding her is hurting her way more than… than a clean breakup would. It’s not fair on her.”

“Since when do you care about what’s fair to her?” Lucy snaps. “You’re the one who left Lauren _and_ the other girls struggling. They had no idea if they’d be able to go on without you. You don’t know how many times Lauren cried to me about it, so you can’t talk about what’s fair when you did that.”

“I was _depressed_ ,” Camila glares, annoyed that she has to tell someone clearly _still_ biased her reasoning. “I was fucking depressed and trapped somewhere I couldn’t express myself. Sue me for wanting to be fucking _happy_ for once.”

To her credit, Lucy looks chastised, but it doesn’t take her long to bounce back. “You could’ve just told them that and you know it. They were your _sisters_ at one point. You know they would’ve done everything they could to help you.”

Camila feels the familiar sting of tears at her eyes, but she holds them back. Towards the end, after _I Know What You Did Last Summer_ , she felt like she couldn’t talk to the girls about anything, let alone her mental health, something so private to her.

“Look, fighting about this isn’t going to help anything.” Camila finally answers. “We’re both here for a reason and we need to figure it out.”

“You’re right, we shouldn’t argue,” Lucy relents, shrugging, “you came here after leaving Fifth Harmony. I came here after leaving Lauren. There’s a pretty obvious connection here.”

“What, you think it’s all about Lauren?” Camila frowns. “We’re supposed to battle to the death for her affections or something?”

“No,” Lucy studies her, and Camila realises she’s probably wondering why she’d come to that conclusion. “We both lost a friend on the nights we left, right? Well, you lost four friends. Before we dated, Lauren and I were best friends, and we were both sceptical about dating in case we broke up and never spoke again. After she hurt me I told her I never wanted to see her again. I lost my girlfriend and my best friend in one night. Maybe I’m supposed to fix things with her. Our friendship, I mean.”

Camila frowns. “Aren’t you in love with her, though?”

“She was the first person I ever truly loved, yeah,” Lucy agrees with her, and Camila’s heart sinks; she’d had a little bit of hope that Lucy would say no. “But I value our friendship just as much, and even though she hurt me… I’ll always want that idiot in my life. Maybe I’m here to rebuild our friendship. You’re probably here to fix things with the girls too. Lauren in particular.”

Camila tries to push aside her _duties_ for now. “You should talk to her, then. Let her down gently. Avoiding her won’t get you out of here and back to your actual life. This Lauren didn’t cheat-”

“They’re the _same person_ ,” Lucy interrupts her, shaking her head. “I can’t be around her straight away. Lauren is Lauren, and Lauren cheated. I can’t just… act in love with her again, even if a part of me will always feel that. Not after what she did.”

“But _she_ didn’t do that!” Camila insists, because she knows how much Lauren is hurting right now. “ _Our_ Lauren might’ve, but this one didn’t do a thing. And now she’s terrified she’s losing the person she thinks is her soulmate.”

“Don’t think I don’t see the way you look at her.” Lucy looks right at Camila as she says it, and the younger girl feels incredibly vulnerable under her stare. “You never stopped loving her, did you? That’s probably why you’re here. It’s partially how I figured out you were you.”

Wanting to change the subject, because Lucy is the _last_ person Camila wants explain her feelings for Lauren to, Camila frowns. “How _did_ you figure it out?”

“You were all spaced out and weird a lot of the time. Also, the way you looked at Lauren. And your occasional slip ups.” Lucy lists. “Besides, everyone else is acting like themselves at that age. You’re not. But don’t change the subject.”

Camila sighs, shaking her head. “I know I never stopped loving her okay? But it’s not- it’s not about _me_. Lauren loves you, and you make her happy. That’s what matters.”

Lucy studies her for a moment, and Camila can see the hurt behind her eyes. “You’ve changed so much. The last time I saw you it was November and you couldn’t have cared less about other people’s feelings as long as you got what you wanted. You’re different now. Better.”

Camila just shrugs, because she doesn’t particularly feel like she’s changed. “Being stuck in an alternate universe does that to a person, I guess. But just… try and take it easy on this Lauren. She’s completely innocent.”

“I feel bad about it,” Lucy says, “but after what she did… it’s just hard to be around her. I’ll… I’ll talk to her soon, okay?”

“Okay. I just… can’t believe Lauren would do that,” Camila mumbles, because even _Fifth Harmony Lauren_ , as dumb as she can be sometimes, wouldn’t have done that. Not as far as Camila knew.

(But then, Camila hadn’t really _known_ her the last few years of her Fifth Harmony career.)

Lucy scoffs, and Camila can see the anger in her eyes. “She tried to blame it on me. Told me that I wasn’t _fun_ enough anymore. That she was getting _bored_ , so I couldn’t blame her for cheating. She told me it was my fault she didn’t love me enough anymore.”

Camila is speechless, mostly because she can’t imagine Lauren ever saying something like that. At least, the Lauren she was best friends with. But three years had passed since she and Lauren were close, and people could change.

“I won’t be mad if you two…” Lucy trails off and shakes her head, “she’s not mine anymore. The Lauren here was never mine, anyway. I still love her, but I can’t be with her. If she can make you happy… you have my blessing.”

Camila pulls Lucy in for a hug. “Thank you, Lucy. God, I’m so glad I’ve got you here. It confirms I’m not completely insane.”

“Well, that’s debatable,” Lucy laughs, and Camila finally smiles too. “A lot of your old Vines would prove you’re a little nuts.”

Camila cringes at herself. “Yeah, some of those are pretty bad. Probably because I only made Vines when I was hyper.”

Lucy laughs. “You know, when I first met you, I was really jealous of you. I saw the way Lauren looked at you and I knew she felt something for you. The feelings I thought she’d never have for me.”

Camila flushes. “I felt the same way when I saw you with her. I felt like I was enough to kiss in secret in a dark bunk, but not enough to take on a date. She’d take you out and not worry about the fans seeing but she wouldn’t even look at me in interviews.”

“She’s an idiot, like I said,” Lucy shrugs. “I suppose you’re right about talking to Lauren, though. It’s going to hurt to break her heart but I just _can’t_ pretend like I’m fine with her. Not when I need to move on from what our Lauren did.”

“Just… tell me when you do it.” Camila says. “She’ll need a friend when it happens.”

“I will,” Lucy promises her, “and thank you for meeting with me, Camila.”

“Why would I have said no?” Camila frowns, shrugging. “We’re both in the same fucked up situation here.”

“I don’t know, I always felt like maybe you didn’t like me,” Lucy shrugs, “maybe that was just being paranoid.”

“You weren’t being paranoid. It wasn’t that I didn’t like you, though,” Camila is quick to assure her. “I was jealous for two reasons. One, you had Lauren. Two, you were so nice that I couldn’t dislike you even though I wanted to.”

Lucy laughs. “Thanks, I guess.”

“Anyway, while you’ve got to talk to Lauren, I’ve got someone I need to talk to myself,” Camila sighs, thinking about the confrontation she’s been waiting for. She thought that when Dinah arrived to pick her up for school, there’d be an argument. Instead, Dinah didn’t show, and Camila had had to call Lauren in a panic, asking for a ride. There’s been radio silence, and it’s completely unnerving.

So, Camila plans on forcing that confrontation herself.

She says goodbye to Lucy and gets into her mom’s car, turning the key in the ignition. _At least I woke up somewhere I have a driver’s license_ , Camila thinks, thankful for the few lessons her dad had given her before she’d quit, announcing that she’d inevitably run someone over no matter how good she got.

(Thankfully, she’s yet to do that.)

She pulls up outside Dinah’s house and lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. She’s got the supplies she needs – a box of Dinah’s favourite chocolates and a bottle of red wine smuggled from her mom’s cabinet – and she hopes it’ll soften her friend up enough.

She knocks on the front door, her heart pounding in her chest. The door swings open, but it’s not Dinah, it’s Milika, with little Regina peering out from behind her mom’s leg.

“Hi,” Camila awkwardly announces, trying to hide the smuggled wine. “Is Dinah here?”

“She’s in her room,” Milika says, sending her an amused look. “Don’t think I didn’t see that wine, Karla Camila.”

Camila flushes. “Oh, uh, it’s a present for my abuela. I’m going there after and I… I didn’t want to leave it in the car in case someone broke in to steal it.”

“Mhm, sure,” Milika rolls her eyes, “give it over.”

Camila sighs, but reluctantly gives Milika the wine, and then the woman moves to let her in.

“Hopefully you can cheer her up,” Milika says, “she’s been in a mood for the past few days.”

Camila swallows her guilt and nods. “Yeah, I hope I can cheer her up too.”

Camila walks down the hallway and knocks on the door she knows is Dinah’s. When the younger girl calls out _come in_ , Camila lets out another nervous breath and opens the door.

Dinah sees her and immediately looks away. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to apologise,” Camila answers, closing the door behind her and slowly approaching her best friend. “I brought chocolates, too. If that helps.”

Camila puts the chocolates on Dinah’s bedside table and sits down on the bed, watching her friend. Again, Dinah doesn’t look angry, just hurt.

“I just…” Dinah finally speaks, but trails off, “I don’t understand why you did it. I don’t get why you pretended like I had my best friend back. Did you want to hurt me, or…?”

“No, I swear, that wasn’t what I wanted,” Camila is quick to assure her, “It was kind of like the opposite. We were fighting and I missed you so much, because no matter what, you’re always going to be like a sister to me. I swear, Dinah, you mean so fucking much to me, in any goddamn universe. That’s why I did it. I knew you didn’t want me. You wanted that Camila. _Your_ Camila. And I’m sorry that I… I taunted you with the idea of having her back. I’m sorry I made you hate me. I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”

Dinah bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “I don’t hate you, Camila. You know I never could. But I don’t know if I forgive you.”

The words hit her square in the chest, because that is the last thing Dinah said to her before she left the group. It’s like the words are a fist, wrapped around her heart and squeezing it so tightly that it shatters into pieces.

She hates herself for bursting into tears.

She _knows_ she shouldn’t cry. She doesn’t have the right to, not when she’s the one who screwed Dinah over. But those words hit her like they did the first time, and all of the pain she feels from losing _her_ Dinah hits her like a ton of bricks, and the emotion overwhelms her entirely.

Her heart feels heavy and she quickly stands, blurting something out about how she needs to go, how she forgot she had to babysit Sofi, because she just _knows_ Dinah will think this is a ploy for sympathy.

But Dinah Jane Hansen, being an absolute _godsend_ , pulls her back and into a tight hug. “It’s okay. I’m sorry, okay? I forgive-”

“No,” Camila manages to gasp out, “don’t.”

Dinah doesn’t reply; just grips Camila tighter as the Latina sobs, one hand gently rubbing circles into her back. When Camila is slowly calming down, she hears sniffles from behind her, and turns to see the younger girl crying too.

“I’m so sorry,” Camila pulls away, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I never should’ve pushed you away. I can’t do this without you and I’m _sorry_ I’m not your best friend and I don’t know where she is. I’m sorry I just came here and fucked everything up for you, because you were _happy_ and I ruined it. _God_ , we were all happy and I just _ruined_ it by sneaking around and believing everything my mom and Roger whispered in my ear. I lost my _sisters_. Oh my god, I lost them, I can’t-”

“Hey, don’t start crying again,” Dinah squeezes her hand, wiping away her own tears. “You’ll set me off too.”

“I’m sorry, Dinah,” Camila murmurs, resting her head on her best friend’s shoulder. “I made a stupid decision and I’m sorry. I can’t- I can’t do this without you, but I know you’re not ready to forgive me and that’s okay. I’ll give you some space.”

Dinah is silent for a few moments, before she sighs. “You don’t have to give me space. You’re right, I’m not ready to forgive you for lying to me, but… the chocolates give you a few bonus points. I know you can’t help being here and you didn’t choose to wake up here. It’s not totally your fault.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you, Cheechee,” Camila assures her. “I’m really, really sorry for hurting you and lying to you and I promise it’ll never happen again. I swear it on any chance – however tiny – I may have of dating Lauren. That’s how much I mean it.”

Dinah finally laughs, and reaches over to grab the chocolates. “Alright, Walz. I believe you. Want a chocolate?”

“No, they’re yours,” Camila says, “I brought some wine for you, too – smuggled it from my mom – but Milika confiscated it at the door.”

“She’ll probably give you it back on the way out,” Dinah shrugs. “Anyway, uh… how’s the whole alternate universe slash dream thing going for you? Finally accepted this is real life or no?”

“I… I’ve accepted that, yeah,” Camila answers, feeling awkward talking about this with Dinah. She doesn’t know why, but it feels like Dinah is wondering when she should ship Camila off to the asylum. “Lucy is… from my- my _world,_ too. That’s what she wanted to talk to me about at the weekend, over at Lauren’s place.”

“Wait, _what_?” Dinah blinks in surprise. “So you’re _not_ crazy? You’ve got someone else to back your story up? And it’s your girlfriend’s girlfriend?”

“Okay, first of all, Lauren isn’t my girlfriend,” Camila is quick to deny _that_ , though she’s not too happy shutting down that idea. “And apparently she isn’t Lucy’s anymore. Not where we’re both from.”

“Oh, _god_ ,” Dinah rolls her eyes, shoving another chocolate in her mouth. “Don’t say you’re both here to _battle to the death_ for Jauregui’s affections.”

Camila shakes her head, laughing a little. _God_ , she’d missed Dinah. “ _No_. Lucy told me Lauren cheated on her and now she can barely stand to be around her. She’s going to- uh, break up with this Lauren soon, and I know that’ll crush her-”

Dinah snorts. “So you’re going to swoop in to be the shoulder to cry on, and then you guys will have comfort sex or something while she cries about her girlfriend dumping her.”

Camila chokes. “No, of course not. Obviously I’m going to comfort her, but because we’re _friends._ I care about her a lot.”

Dinah hums, unbelieving. “Yeah, sure. Anyway, do you know when Lucy’s going to dump her?”

“No,” Camila answers. “I met up with Lucy today and she didn’t say when she’d talk to Lauren, just that she’d tell me when she did it. I know it’s weird, but I’m really glad she’s here. I always kind of admired her underneath the jealousy. Like, I wanted to _be_ her, you know?”

Dinah frowns. “Like how I want to be Beyoncé?”

Camila laughs. “Sure, I guess. I just wanted to be enough for Lauren.”

“Well, once your newfound friend dumps her, you can swoop in,” Dinah points out, “and I told you I’d help you out if she’s single.”

“She won’t be ready for anything for a while,” Camila dismisses her. “I’m not going to push Lauren into anything because she’ll need time. She can’t just bounce back into a relationship once she loses the girl she thinks is her soulmate.”

“That’s true,” Dinah agrees with her. “But when she’s ready you best bet I’ll be dressing you up and parading you around like a prized show pony and showing Lauren what she’s missing.”

Camila laughs. “Thanks, Dinah.”

“No problem, Walz,” Dinah grins, “so, uh… do you feel like having a surprise sleepover?”

Camila lets out a mock gasp. “On a school night? That’s practically unheard of.”

“Like you care about school, miss _I’m from another universe._ ” Dinah rolls her eyes. “It’d count towards you making it up to me?”

Camila just grins. “Sleepover it is.”


	12. eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots and lots of camren this chapter

**_October 28 th 2016_ **

“I did it.”

Camila closes her locker and turns around in surprise, not expecting anyone to talk to her, especially Lucy. After their talk, Camila had expected an immediate breakup with Lauren, but Lucy had just gone back into hiding, and left Camila to deal with a mopey Lauren, ranting at her and asking her what Lucy’s silence could mean. And Camila, unable to tell her the truth, had felt guiltier by the minute.

“I broke up with Lauren,” Lucy elaborates when Camila doesn’t reply. “I know I should’ve done it sooner and I feel so bad about it but-”

“But you couldn’t stay with her.” Camila finishes for her. “Because of what Fifth Harmony Lauren did. I know.”

“In a way I guess I’m glad I did it.” Lucy shrugs, but Camila can see the guilt in her eyes. “I know  _she_  technically didn’t do it, but you were right. It wasn’t fair of me to be so cold with her.”

“Breaking Camila’s heart now, too?”

Camila turns on her heel and spots an angry Normani walking towards them. Well, more like  _stomping very angrily_. “Mani- what-”

“ _Someone_  just  _dumped_  Lauren for  _no valid reason_.” Normani glares at Lucy. “She’s fucking heartbroken. Not three weeks ago you were telling her you loved her and you were going to marry her, and now this? You don’t just  _suddenly_  fall out of love with someone who  _didn’t do anything wrong_.”

Lucy shakes her head. “It’s not like that-”

“No, you’re going to fucking apologise to her,” Normani snaps, “she’s completely heartbroken because  _you_  took her friendship with Camila the wrong way, and now she won’t leave her house because she’s so broken.”

Camila feels a lump in her throat, not wanting to be dragged into this. “Listen- um, Lucy was telling me it wasn’t that, and-”

“Mila, you can’t really be that naïve, can you?” Normani shoots her an accusatory look. “I saw the way Lucy was watching you the past few weeks, and I know it’s not your fault that she’s a total  _bitch_  who wouldn’t communicate-”

“You know what, Normani?” Lucy cuts in, rescuing Camila from Normani’s rant. “If I don’t want to date her, I don’t  _have_  to. I know she’s heartbroken, but it’s like you think I don’t feel guilty for that. It hurt me to hurt her, okay? But the longer it went on, the more it would’ve hurt. She’ll get over it-”

“She called you the love of her life,” Normani folds her arms across her chest. “She risked  _everything_  to come out for  _you_ , and you just-”

“I’m  _sorry_ , okay?” Lucy interrupts again, “But I can’t be with her and I don’t owe anybody a reason except her, and I gave her one.”

“Yeah, a  _bullshit_  one,” Normani argues, “ _we’re better as friends?_  Since fucking  _when_?”

As Lucy retorts, Camila slips away quietly, not noticed in all the arguing. She makes her way to where she knows Dinah’s locker is, because Dinah’s car is the only car she could possibly get access to. Thankfully, her best friend is there, rooting through her textbooks.

“Hey, China,” Camila gets out quickly, trying to convey a sense of urgency. “Can I borrow your car?”

Dinah tosses her the keys. “Don’t crash it.”

Camila grabs them, blinking in surprise. “Aren’t you going to ask why-”

“I heard that Lucy broke up with Lauren,” Dinah answers, sending her a knowing look. “Go and get your girl.”

Camila shakes her head. “I’m not going for that. I’m going because she needs a friend.”

After giving Dinah a quick hug, she runs down the corridor, dodging between groups of students heading to class. She bursts out of the double doors at the front of the school, running across to the parking lot and jumping into Dinah’s car.

She’s pretty sure she breaks multiple laws to get to Lauren’s as quickly as possible, because she needs to pick up a breakup essential. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, she pulls up outside of Lauren’s house, parks the car, and sprints up the driveway.

She doesn’t expect anyone to answer the door at the Jauregui household; Clara and Mike have work and the kids are all  _supposed_  to be at school. But after a few knocks, the door swings open and a very dishevelled Lauren stands there. She looks at Camila in surprise, and the younger Latina pulls her in for a hug; she makes it especially tight when she sees the tear streaks on Lauren’s face.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Lauren murmurs against her. “You have school.”

“Yeah, so do you, but you’re here and you’re upset, so I’m taking care of you,” Camila says, closing the door behind her and holding up the paper bag in her hand. “I brought McDonald’s. Figured it’d be an essential.”

Lauren blinks in surprise, and rubs at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. “Oh, um, thank you.”

“It’s okay,” Camila flashes her a comforting smile, “come on. Let’s go to your room.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, nodding, and Camila sees the sadness swimming in those green eyes. She takes Lauren’s hand and gives it a soft squeeze, trying her best to comfort her, but she knows the dull ache of heartbreak all too well, and she knows it’ll take a lot more than McDonald’s and a few hugs to cheer Lauren up.

Once they get upstairs, Camila leads Lauren towards her bedroom; the older girl is like zombie, and completely unresponsive. Camila shuts the bedroom door behind them, and Lauren sits down on her bed, wiping at her eyes again.

“Thank you for coming.”

Lauren’s voice is raspier than usual, and not in a good way. She sounds totally broken.

“Don’t thank me.” Camila sits down next to her, pulling the McDonalds out of the bag. “I didn’t know what to get you, so I just got two big chicken nugget share boxes and two sets of fries. And there’s an Oreo McFlurry too. I know you like ice cream.”

“Thank you,” Lauren murmurs, “you didn’t have to come over. I was fine by myself.”

“Clearly you weren’t, since all the lights in the house are off, and judging by the state of your blankets, you were obviously bundled under there with Nala.” Camila points out, nudging gently against Lauren. “It’s okay to need company.”

Lauren just sighs, resting her head on Camila’s lap. The younger girl’s heart speeds up rapidly, and she occupies herself by playing with Lauren’s hair with one hand, and eating her nuggets with the other.

After a few minutes of silence, Lauren sits up, grabbing a chicken nugget from the box and eating it. “Sorry I’m not very entertaining. Not really in the mood to host.”

“It’s okay,” Camila smiles at her. “I didn’t expect you to be when I heard the news. That’s why I’m here. You’re my friend and it’s my job to make sure you’re okay. Education be damned.”

Lauren manages a weak smile. “You really should’ve stayed in school. It’s bad to ditch.”

“You’re ditching,” Camila points out, taking Lauren’s hand and giving it a comforting squeeze. “Lauren, I wasn’t about to leave you alone. Not after I knew what happened. And before you tell me that I should’ve waited until after school, I’m pretty smart for my age, so one day won’t hurt.”

 _It definitely won’t hurt since I’ve already finished high school_ , Camila thinks to herself,  _but Lauren doesn’t need to know that._

“Okay,” Lauren moves so she’s pressed flush against Camila’s side, her head on the younger girl’s shoulder. She grabs blindly behind her for Nala, and when she finds the stuffed animal, she pulls it tight to her chest. “Thanks for- for the food.”

“No worries,” Camila grins, stuffing another handful of fries in her mouth. “It was  _half_  for me, too. So, um, how are you feeling? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s like someone cut a hole in my chest, ripped out my heart, beat it to death and then shoved it back into my body.” Lauren mumbles. “It- it hurts so much that I’m numb. I’m so sad that I’m not feeling anything. I think I’ve cried all my tears out.”

Camila pulls Lauren against her more tightly, pressing a risky kiss to the top of the other girl’s head. “Is this going to be like that episode of  _Friends_?”

Lauren looks up at her in confusion. “What?”

“It’s like, way in the early seasons. But when Chandler breaks up with Kathy, he’s super depressed and only wears sweatpants, and Joey explains to the girls that he’s in phase one of a breakup,” Camila recites; she’d watched every season of  _Friends_  during Fifth Harmony’s Christmas break back in 2015, curled up in her sweatpants in her bed, her Netflix autoplaying, while Lauren was on a road trip with Lucy. “Then he hits phase two and wants to get drunk and go out to a strip club. Then there’s the whole picture yourself with other people thing. Then only have sex with strippers. Then acceptance. And then Mondler happens later, and he’s finally found his soulmate.”

Lauren just stares at her. “Is there a point to this giant  _Friends_  reference?”

“My point is,” Camila punctuates this with an eye roll, “Chandler thought Kathy was his soulmate, but turns out she was just an irrelevant recurring character for a few episodes. Lucy’s your Kathy, and someday you’ll find your Monica.”

“You watch too much TV,” Lauren murmurs, “but I get what you’re saying. I just really thought… that we were it. I know we’re only seventeen, but some people really do meet the person they’re meant to be with at this age, and… I guess I thought we were those people.”

“Did she- um,” Camila bites down on her bottom lip, knowing this might be a painful question. “Did she give you a reason?”

“Just said… we’re better as friends,” Lauren mumbles, “which I don’t understand. She’d always been so- so patient when I was scared and- and now she’s just changed her mind. If- if she can’t love me then who the hell will?”

 _I will_ , Camila wants to scream _, I already do._

“That’s no way to think,” is what she actually says, “you’ll find the person you’re meant for, Lauren. I promise you. And they’ll love every single thing about you.”

Lauren swallows, shaking her head. “Right now, I find that incredibly hard to believe. But I appreciate you comforting me. Would you be upset if I slept?”

“Only if I can sleep with you,” Camila answers, before she turns bright red and backtracks, “ _Wait_ , no, that came out wrong, I didn’t mean like, sleep with you sexually, I meant-”

To her complete surprise, Lauren actually laughs. “Camz, I know what you meant. And sure. You can.”

Camila smiles, putting the half-finished nuggets back into the brown McDonald’s bag. She excuses herself downstairs to throw out the empty fry  and McFlurry containers and leave the nuggets in the kitchen. She splashes herself with water from the tap to cool herself down, and tells herself she’s not allowed to let her feelings get in the way. She’s here to comfort Lauren as a friend, and that’s it.

When she finally arrives back upstairs, Lauren is in a sports bra and her underwear, and all of the platonic thoughts Camila had been trying to reinforce are thrown out of the window.

Camila has always loved Lauren’s body. Lauren isn’t the skinniest girl around, and Camila absolutely loves her curves. She’s always adored the way Lauren is so confident in herself, and Camila had fantasised about kissing Lauren’s tummy so many times it’s probably considered unhealthy.

The only time Camila had ever really seen Lauren worry about her body was on the South American leg of the 7/27 tour, when their outfits were so tight it made Lauren’s tummy stick out between the skirt and top. Camila had overheard her worrying on the phone earlier, and had assured Lauren that she looked great, and that the costumes were making them all look a little awkward; it even made Camila look like she’d eaten ten pizzas in a row. Lauren had smiled and thanked her, and that was the last time Camila heard her worrying about it.

(Camila’s pretty sure that’s one of the last good moments she had with Lauren.)

“Sorry, if you’re uncomfortable, I’ll put a t-shirt on.” Lauren’s voice snaps Camila back into reality. “I just… normally sleep like this, and-”

“It’s okay,” Camila answers, even though it’s  _more_  than okay. The sight in front of her is completely heavenly. “Can I borrow a shirt, though?”

“Sure.” Lauren murmurs, “they’re in that drawer.”

Camila pulls open the drawer where Lauren keeps her shirts, rifling through for one. She doesn’t know why she can’t just grab a random one and pull it on, but Camila’s hoping to be cheeky and steal it after, and she wants one she likes.

That plan flies out of the window when she sees Lauren’s softball jersey and pulls it out. “Can I wear this?”

Lauren sits up, a little bleary eyed, and examines the shirt. “That’s my old softball jersey. I- I stopped playing last year to focus on my grades. You can wear it.”

Camila beams and takes off the plaid shirt she’s wearing, tugging Lauren’s softball jersey on. It smells like a mix of lavender and vanilla, and something underneath that’s just entirely  _Lauren_. She pulls her jeans off and heads towards the bed, catching her reflection on the way. Seeing the name  _Jauregui_  printed on her back makes Camila imagine what it’d be like if she were Lauren’s girlfriend, and if Lauren had her wear her jersey in support of a softball game.

Camila clambers into bed next to Lauren, and the older girl doesn’t hesitate to curl up next to her, her face pressed against Camila’s neck and her arm thrown protectively over Camila’s stomach; the other arm is wrapped around Nala.

“Is this okay?” Lauren asks, and she’s so close that Camila can feel her breath against her neck, and Lauren’s soft, plump lips are almost touching her pulse point and if she just moved slightly to the left—

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Camila shakes that train of thought from her head. “Wake me up if you need me, okay?”

“Okay,” Lauren mumbles. “Thank you again, Camila. It means so much to me that you care.”

“Of course,” Camila answers,  _I never stopped_. “Sleep well, Lo.”

Lauren doesn’t hear her; she’s already asleep.

-

Camila hadn’t planned on falling asleep. She was going to stay awake, just in case anything happened, in case Lauren woke up crying and needed her. when her eyes shoot open and she realises she’d fallen asleep, she immediately looks to Lauren to make sure she’s okay, but the older Latina is still asleep, still pressed up against Camila.

Well, it’s more like she’s  _on_ Camila, she’s so close.

Lauren’s legs are laid over Camila’s, the older girl’s head on Camila’s shoulder, and her arm flung over Camila’s torso. Nala is still tightly gripped in her other arm, and Camila feels her heart melt and her stomach flutter at the sight.

 _She’s so beautiful_ , Camila thinks to herself, reaching out and brushing a stray hair from Lauren’s face.

Green eyes flicker open, and Camila feels guilty for disturbing her, but when Lauren mumbles ‘ _Lucy?’_  she pushes that guilt aside.

Lauren’s gaze lands on Camila, and it seems as though she registers the situation, because her eyes are suddenly shimmering with something that looks a lot like tears.

“Hey,” Camila pulls Lauren closer, if that’s even possible, and the older girl buries her face in Camila’s neck. Camila can feel the tears against her skin. “Lo, I’m here. I’ve got you. Everything will be okay, I promise.”

Camila rubs comforting circles on Lauren’s back as the older girl’s body shakes with sobs, and she presses another kiss to the top of her head. She keeps holding her, making sure to let Lauren know she’s okay every few minutes.

It takes Lauren a while to calm down, and once she does, she stays close to Camila, looking up to the ceiling, her green eyes lifeless and dull.

“I’m sorry,” She murmurs after a few minutes. “I-”

“You’re heartbroken,” Camila interrupts, “don’t apologise for crying. It’s okay. And once you’re ready for phase two, you’ll feel better. I’ll have to make Mani take you to the nightclub, though. I hate the club.”

“I doubt I’ll want to go out for the next year,” Lauren mumbles against her. “I’m just so… empty.”

Camila presses a kiss to the top of Lauren’s head. “It’ll get better. I know it feels like it won’t right now, but with time…”

Lauren sniffles, shaking her head. “I want to… to take my mind off it, but it’s the only thing in my head. I can’t stop thinking about- about how she just  _stopped_  caring.”

Camila wants to tell Lauren the truth so badly, but she knows it wouldn’t be believed. Instead, she gives Lauren a comforting squeeze and tries to provide a distraction. “Did you know that there’s this theory that the Titanic was sunk on purpose?”

Lauren frowns up at her, probably confused by the abrupt subject change. “What?”

“Yeah. There’s this big conspiracy theory that the company that built the Titanic had another ship called the Olympic. And the Olympic was pretty much on its last legs. So the company decided that they’d swap the two ships, so when the ‘Titanic’ set off from port, it was really the Olympic.” Camila rambles, thinking about the documentary she’d watched on it with Dinah one night on the 7/27 tour, while the other girls had gone out clubbing. “They decided to sink the Olympic on a voyage to get the insurance money. And like, a bunch of the company owner’s friends cancelled their booking on the Titanic’s supposed maiden voyage, probably because the guy told them about the sinking plan.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, wiping at her eyes again. Thankfully, though, her interest looks piqued. “That doesn’t seem very likely.”

“There’s tons of evidence,” Camila announces, but blushes when she realises it’s more like a tiny bit of evidence. “Like, the ships were practically identical, but they had tiny differences. Like, the Olympic had sixteen unevenly spaced portholes, whereas the Titanic had fourteen evenly spaced ones. If you look at pictures from the day the Titanic set sail, it had  _sixteen_  portholes, all spaced out unevenly.  _And_  the guy who pretty much owned the company that would benefit from the sinking cancelled his trip on the Titanic’s first voyage because he was sick, but like a day later he was seen looking perfectly fine.”

Lauren manages a weak laugh. “How do you know about this?”

“I watched a documentary with Dinah.” Camila shrugs, “At first she was complaining because she’s not big on documentaries, but we both got sucked into it. We’re both pretty firm believers in this theory now.”

Lauren shrugs. “I find it hard to believe this company would be so ruthless as to let thousands of people die just for insurance money.”

“That’s the thing, though, they didn’t intend for people to die,” Camila elaborates. “Sure, there were barely any lifeboats, but there was this big passenger ship close to the Titanic at the time, the Californian. A passenger ship that was  _empty._  The documentary we watched presented the theory that the Californian was to be radioed when the Titanic, or at this point, the Olympic, was sinking, so the empty boat could collect all the passengers. But the guy manning the radio fell asleep and missed the transmissions from the Olympic. So that’s why a bunch of people died. Even though it was a set up, it still wasn’t supposed to end in tragedy.”

Lauren shrugs. “Capitalism at its finest, I guess. Do you mind if we maybe… watch a movie or something? Just to take my mind off stuff. It’s okay if you want to get home or-”

Camila grabs her phone and checks the time. “It’s like, two in the afternoon. First of all, I’m not leaving one of my best friends alone when she’s upset. Second, my mom would kill me if I showed up at home halfway through the school day. I’d love to watch a movie with you, Lauren.”

Lauren nods meekly. “Okay. We should- uh, go downstairs. I’m kind of in the mood to watch  _Titanic_ , now. Especially since Leo dies in the end because love isn’t real and soulmates aren’t a thing.”

“Lo,” Camila sits up as Lauren pushes the covers off herself and gets up, stretching, “don’t say stuff like that. You know that you’ll find your person. I mean, look at you. How could you not? You’re so fucking gorgeous, Laur. Anyone would be lucky to be with you and if Lucy can’t see that, then it’s her loss, not yours.”

Lauren squeezes her eyes shut and lets out a long sigh. “Let’s just… go downstairs.”

Camila nods and gets up, watching as Lauren heads towards the door in her sports bra and underwear, blinking in surprise. “Aren’t you going to get dressed?”

“No,” Lauren answers, “nobody’s home and it’s not like I’m naked. And I’m going to grab a blanket on the way down.”

“Alright, uh, is it okay if I keep my pants off then? And keep wearing your jersey?” Camila asks, and Lauren nods, grabbing Nala from the bed. “I want to stay comfy and  _Titanic_  is like three hours long.”

“That’s fine.” Lauren answers, pulling Nala to her chest and cuddling her as they head out of the room. “Do we still have leftover McDonalds?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods. “A couple nuggets are left. I put them in the kitchen when you decided you wanted to sleep.”

“Either way, I don’t care.” Lauren mumbles, “I’m ordering Domino’s. I’m upset and I want to eat my feelings.”

“You know me, Lo,” Camila sends her friend and grin. “I’m not going to argue against pizza. I have the Domino’s app, so I’ll order for us.”

Lauren nods, searching through a cupboard and pulling out a blanket big enough for the two of them. “I’ve got some cash in my room-”

“Laur,” Camila cuts in, “you bought me dinner the other week,  _and_  you’re going through a breakup. I can afford to buy you pizza.”

“No, because I was going to get a lot and I’m not letting you pay for it.” Lauren argues, and Camila has to admit that it’s the most lively she’s seen Lauren today. “I wanted chicken strips, garlic bread, cookies, and pizza, and Domino’s is expensive-”

“I guess you’re going to have to share then,” Camila sends her friend a smile, “it was my turn to buy you dinner anyway.”

It sounds a little flirtatious, and Camila knows that, but she didn’t intend it that way. Lauren is fragile and hurting and heartbroken; Camila isn’t about to take advantage of that just to get what she wants.

She heads downstairs, Lauren arguing as she follows, talking about how Camila doesn’t have a job, therefore she can’t afford to pay, but the younger Latina doesn’t listen. She’s recently discovered her debit card, and after checking her balance, she can afford it. Sure, this Camila’s college fund might be a little depleted, but for all Camila knows, she’s stuck here. Might as well have a good time.

Lauren grabs her arm. “Camila,  _stop_ ignoring me. I-”

“You’re letting me buy you pizza,” Camila finishes for her. “Lauren, it’s fine, okay? I’m here to comfort you, and it’s not like I’m not going to eat half the food myself. I can pay your half.”

“Camila,” Lauren groans, sitting down on the couch and sending her a petulant frown. “I’m mad.”

“I can tell, considering you’ve gone back to calling me Camila instead of  _Camz_ ,” Camila answers. She’s seen that happen before, but that was because Lauren had distanced herself. “We can go halfsies some other time, okay? When you’re not upset.”

Finally, Lauren relents. “Okay. But I’m holding you to that.”

Camila smiles, and sits down as Lauren unfolds the blanket and drapes it over herself. “Hey, don’t hog the blanket. It’s big enough for the both of us.”

Lauren lifts the blanket up and lets her under, and Camila feels her heart flutter when Lauren immediately attaches herself to Camila’s side and snuggles her face into the younger Latina’s neck. “Are you going to get your app up?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, hoping her heart will steady, because Lauren can probably hear how fast it’s going. She pulls her phone from her pocket and opens up the Domino’s app, laughing a little when Lauren takes it and scrolls straight to pepperoni pizza, selecting a large. “You’re wanting a large pizza and like three sides?”

“I’m sad,” Lauren reminds her, “I’ll have plenty of time to hate myself for it tomorrow. I’ll go to the gym at get hot when I’m out of- what was it? Phase one?”

“Hey, no, you’re already hot,” Camila’s fingers start running through Lauren’s hair, but then she realises what she said, “uh, I mean that in a totally platonic way, like-”

Lauren lets out a weak laugh. “I know what you meant, Camz. I was joking, anyway. I like my tummy.”

Camila grins.  _That_  sounds like her Lauren. “I like your tummy too.”

“I know I’ve said it like ten times today,” Lauren starts, “but thank you for coming over. It means a lot to me that you care enough. You know, to skip school and come here to try and cheer me up. You’re just… a really good friend, Camz.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip and gives Lauren a gentle squeeze around the waist. “Seriously. It’s okay. I’m here for you. That’s what friends are for, right?”

Lauren looks up at her, and Camila feels her stomach flip. “Yeah. I’ll- uh, put the movie on.”

“Okay. Have you picked out everything you wanted?” Camila asks as Lauren hands her phone back to her. The older girl nods and starts rifling through her DVD drawer for  _Titanic._ Camila scrolls through her phone and decides to get a pepperoni too, checking over the other stuff Lauren had picked out and knowing she’s going to make the other girl share.

She orders the pizza as Lauren sits down and starts playing the movie, immediately curling up next to her.  _God_ , if Camila had known that she’d be cuddled up on the couch with Lauren in her  _underwear_ , she wouldn’t have given up on her Lauren. This is what she wants so badly, and she wishes that this Lauren felt what Camila did. This Lauren was so gentle and knew what she wanted. Her Lauren, on the other hand… her Lauren could be abrasive, especially when she’s upset.

 _I guess they are a little different after all,_ Camila thinks _, but if this is just a dream, maybe this version of Lauren is everything my subconscious wants her to be_.

Lauren lets out a sigh into Camila’s shoulder, and the younger Latina feels her stomach flip. She starts to run her fingers through Lauren’s hair, and the older girl sighs in content.

“I really like that,” Lauren murmurs as Camila traces patterns against her neck. “Hey, when the pizza gets here, can you go to the door? I kind of don’t want the pizza guy to see me in my bra.”

Camila laughs. “Sure, Laur.”

“I’m so glad I met you,” Lauren breathes out, and Camila’s heart flutters. To hear that from  _Lauren_ … it makes her heart soar. “Even though… even though it was because of  _her_ … I’m glad I started talking to you.”

“It wasn’t because of…” Camila decides mentioning Lucy’s name right now probably isn’t the best idea, “It was because I was being socially awkward at your party, the one Mani invited me to. And you found me hiding in your room like some kind of creeper.”

Lauren laughs. “I didn’t think you were a creeper.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Yeah, sure you didn’t.”

“I didn’t!” Lauren sends her a comforting smile. “I swear. I was a little confused at first because I hadn’t expected anyone in my room, but it was better that it was you. At least it wasn’t two random partygoers fucking in my bed.”

Camila laughs. “Alright, I believe you.”

“Good,” Lauren answers, hooking her arm through Camila’s and weaving their fingers together. “But I mean, I… I didn’t intend on ever seeing you again after the party and then… then  _she_ told me I should talk to you and Mani was talking about inviting you to sit with us at lunch, so when I saw you at the mall I just… I don’t know, it was like something drew me to you. And I got your attention and straight after I was like  _why the hell did I do that_. But I’m glad I did.”

Camila smiles, running her thumb across Lauren’s knuckles. “I’m glad you did too. It’s cool having more than one friend.”

Lauren shrugs. “Thought you had two? Dinah and Ally?”

“Oh, yeah,” Camila laughs a little, “But still. It’s nice to have expanded my circle a little.”

Lauren hums in reply and turns her gaze back to  _Titanic_. Camila closes her eyes and revels in the feeling of Lauren’s hand in hers. They fit together perfectly and Camila wishes Lauren would realise that.

They’re around forty-five minutes into the movie when the doorbell rings, and Camila reluctantly detaches herself from Lauren to answer the door and grab all of the boxes. She’d paid with the app, and after giving the guy a tip, she kicks the door closed, thankful when Lauren materialises next to her and takes a few of the boxes. As the older Latina retreats into the lounge with her pizza and the two sides balanced on top of it, Camila takes that opportunity to stare at Lauren’s ass, because she’s wearing a pair of lacy panties that make Camila’s knees go weak.

Lauren puts the two sides down on the coffee table, and Camila leaves the cookies there as well. The younger Latina opens her own pizza as she sits down, a little upset when Lauren doesn’t immediately cuddle up next to her, and she really hopes it’s just because Lauren’s preoccupied with pizza, and not because she thinks Camila sucks at cuddling or something.

Lauren turns back to the movie, chewing on a slice of pizza, and Camila smiles a little. Once Lauren has finished her slice, she turns to Camila with a small smile. “Thanks for this, Camz.”

“You’re welcome, Lo.” Camila flashes her friend a smile. “Anything to make you feel better.”

“Since I’m currently filling the void in my heart with pizza, I’d say I’m alright right now.” Lauren answers, and Camila grins. “Do you think you could sleep over tonight?”

Camila is about to answer with  _yes, of course_ , when her phone buzzes in her pocket. She figures it’s just a text from Domino’s, telling her about other offers now she’s ordered, but it’s from Dinah.

**_China Jane (3:12PM): Did u come back to school with my car_ **

**_China Jane (3:12PM): Or am I calling ally for a ride_ **

**_Walz (3:12PM): u gotta call ally sorry dinah i’m still with lauren_ **

**_China Jane (3:12PM): Well when u get to Ally’s later give me the keys_ **

Camila wants to smack herself when she reads Dinah’s text. Of  _course_. She’d made plans to spend the night at Ally’s apartment with her two friends, since according to Dinah, they hadn’t had a girl’s night in forever. Dinah had  _also_  tried convincing her that she should tell Ally about the whole  _I’m from another universe_  situation, but Camila had quickly shot that down.

“Lo, I’m sorry, I can’t stay past like… five thirty,” Camila apologises quickly, “I had plans with Dinah and Ally at six and I completely forgot about them.”

The way Lauren’s face falls and how her eyes start to shimmer with tears makes Camila’s heart break. “Oh. Okay.”

Camila’s stomach gets heavy with guilt at the crack in Lauren’s voice. She knows that she doesn’t have an obligation to stay with Lauren, but the thought of leaving her alone when she feels like this… it makes Camila’s heart hurt.

“Give me a minute,” Camila stands up, putting her pizza box on the coffee table but grabbing a slice. “I’m going to call Dinah-”

Lauren shakes her head. “Don’t cancel your plans because of me. I can ask Mani if she minds skipping her dance class tonight.”

Camila walks out of the room anyway, calling out behind her, “that’s not what I’m doing!”

She heads outside, waiting on the porch as her phone rings. When Dinah picks up the call, Camila doesn’t hesitate. “Can Lauren come along tonight?”

Dinah laughs. “ _Already making moves, Walz?”_

Camila shakes her head, but realises Dinah can’t see her. “That’s not what it’s about. She’s really heartbroken and she asked me to sleep over but obviously I can’t because I’m coming to Ally’s, and I was wondering if it was okay for her to tag along. I really don’t want to leave her alone because the thought of her crying herself to sleep all  _alone_  makes me-”

“ _Alright, cool it on the rant,”_ Dinah laughs, “ _I’ll ask Ally when she gets here but it’s Ally, you know she’ll say yes. You two are sleeping on the couch, though. I’m getting Ally’s guest bed.”_

Camila pouts. “But  _Dinah_ , the guest bed is a double, and Lauren and I are two people and the whole point is that I don’t want her to be alone-”

“ _If you want it, you’ll have to go through me to get it._ ” Dinah teases her. “ _Oh, Ally’s here. Ally, Walz wants her girlfriend to join us-”_

“Dinah Jane, she is  _not_  my girlfriend,” Camila interrupts, and she hears Dinah being scolded by Ally for the exact same thing. “Give the phone to Ally, she won’t be mean to me.”

After a few moments where Dinah and Ally are talking between themselves in hushed voices, Ally ends up with the phone. “ _Mila! Of course Lauren can join us. I’ll bake my traditional feel better cookies.”_

Camila smiles. “Thanks, Ally. I’m going to go back and let her know. Tell Dinah she’s a bitch from me. Bye.”

Before she can hear Ally’s protests about how she will  _not_  pass on a message with such bad language, Camila hangs up and heads back inside, flopping back down on the couch and grabbing a chicken strip from the open box.

Lauren looks up at her. “If you tell me you cancelled on your friends, I’ll ring them back and tell them you’re going.”

Camila shakes her head. “I did one better. You’re coming with.”

“Camila-” Lauren cuts herself off and sighs. “I’m not going to crash your night with your best friends, okay-”

“You’re one of my best friends, too,” Camila interrupts her with a small smile. “You’re invited. Dinah and Ally are cool with it. And next time, when Mani’s not at her dance class, she can join. Or she can come once it’s finished.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and reaches for another slice of pizza. “Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Camila smiles. “Though, we might have to battle Dinah for the spare bed. Otherwise we’ll have to squish up next to each other on the couch, and I know how Nala likes her personal space.”

Lauren actually smiles back; a real, full frontal  _grin_. “Yeah, Nala is really picky about who she cuddles with.”

Camila reaches over and grabs Lauren’s free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’ll drive us there, since Dinah needs her car back. We’ll have to set off at around five thirty, in case of traffic, to get there for six. Ally’s baking cookies, so that should be a big incentive for you to come.”

Lauren nods. “Alright. I’ll come with you. As long as you’re sure it’s okay.”

Camila squeezes Lauren’s hand one last time before letting go, so she can grab another slice of pizza. “I’m sure. Either way, I’m definitely not leaving you alone. I’m like this really annoying parasite. Once I decide I like you, you can’t get rid of me.”

Lauren just smiles in response.

-

“These cookies are really fucking good.”

Camila laughs at Lauren’s reaction. “While I don’t think Ally appreciates the naughty word, I agree.”

Ally rolls her eyes. “Stop making me out to be some sort of nun. Just because I don’t curse, doesn’t mean I’m going to yell at Lauren for doing it.”

Dinah scoffs. “What about all those times you mutter  _language_  when I curse?”

Ally shrugs. “That’s different, I’ve known you and Camila since you guys were tiny. You’re like little siblings to me, and it’s weird seeing your baby siblings say  _adult_  words.”

“Whatever,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “are we ordering Chinese for dinner?”

Camila balks. “Nothing for me. I’m still full from the pizza Laur and I had earlier.”

Lauren hums, shoving another cookie into her mouth. “These cookies are enough for me. Thanks, by the way.”

“Alright then, Chinese for two,” Ally smiles at Dinah, “I’ll go order. You’re having your usual?”

“Yeah,” Dinah nods, and as Ally disappears into the kitchen, the youngest of the four turns to Lauren. “Are you feeling okay?”

Lauren pauses mid-ramming another cookie into her mouth and shrugs. “I just feel really detached. Like it’s not real. I’m sure the actual sadness will hit me tomorrow.”

Camila rubs comforting circles on Lauren’s back. “Hey, DJ, maybe you can accompany Laur for phase two. Getting drunk and going to a strip club!”

“You need to  _stop_  with the  _Friends_  references, Walz.” Dinah rolls her eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want anything from the Chinese place?”

Camila pauses to consider it, but ultimately decides not to. She’s completely full to the brim from the pizza feast she’d shared with Lauren. “Nah, we’re good.”

Dinah nods, and heads into the kitchen to talk to Ally. Lauren leaves the plate of cookies on the coffee table and immediately cuddles up to Camila on the couch, her head resting on the younger Latina’s shoulder. Camila’s stomach flutters, and when Dinah and Ally walk out of the kitchen and spot the two of them, Camila blushes.

Dinah sends her a teasing smirk. “You guys look comfy.”

“Mhm,” Lauren answers. “I like Camzi cuddles.”

 _God, if this idiot gets any cuter, I’m going to melt_ , Camila thinks to herself. “Lauren needs lots of hugs right now.”

“I think it’s sweet,” Ally says, and if anything, Camila blushes more. “Anyway, are you two up for  _Mean Girls_? It’s a sleepover classic, so…”

“I’m cool with anything,” Lauren murmurs into Camila’s neck, and the younger Latina’s heart accelerates at the feel of Lauren’s lips brushing against her skin.

“Yeah,” Camila agrees instantly. “Me too.”

As Ally puts the DVD in, Dinah sits down next to her and murmurs, “You’re not even dating and you’re already whipped.”

Camila kicks Dinah in the shin for that, smiling to herself when the Tongan girl winces. Once Ally starts the movie, Camila begins tracing patterns down Lauren’s arm with her free hand. The older girl sighs in content, and that’s enough to make Camila smile.

When it’s finally time for bed, Camila is surprised when they don’t have to battle Dinah to the death for the guest room. Dinah tells Camila she’ll go share Ally’s bed, so Camila shows Lauren to Ally’s spare room.

When Lauren strips down to her underwear and bra again, Camila tries to avert her eyes, but she can’t help how they zero in on Lauren’s body, because Lauren is  _really_  beautiful. Lauren gets herself comfortable under the covers, and Camila quickly changes into her pyjamas and gets in next to her.

She should’ve expected it when Lauren rolls over and cuddles her, clinging to her side and throwing an arm over her torso. Camila tucks her arm around Lauren and rubs comforting circles against the older girl’s back.

She doesn’t sleep much that night. She’s too busy wishing she could fall asleep with Lauren for the rest of her life.


	13. twelve

**_October 31 st, 2016_ **

Camila wakes up to her sister jumping on the bed, dressed up as a witch, her face painted green.

“Happy Halloween, Kaki!” Sofi grins at her, jumping up and down on her bed as Camila sits up. “You’re still taking me trick or treating tonight, right?”

“Of course,” Camila smiles, because it’s not like she has any other plans, and that’s something she really misses doing. Before The X Factor, Camila would take Sofi out on Halloween, but as soon as she was put into Fifth Harmony, suddenly she was working all the time.

She really missed a lot of Sofi’s childhood, and that’s one thing she regrets.

Sofi adjusts her witch’s hat and smiles. “What’re you going as? Aren’t you going to dress up for school? You did that last year.”

Camila just shrugs. “Maybe I’ll pull out my classic Harry Potter costume. I mean, everyone knows I have magical powers.”

Sofi laughs, getting off Camila’s bed with a smile. “Mami says we’ll have to be home by eight. That’s a whole hour later than last year!”

“Yep, you’re getting old, Sofi,” Camila grins as she pushes the covers off herself and stretches. “Next thing I know, we’ll be sending you off to university.”

Sofi frowns. “You’ll be going there first.”

Camila doesn’t answer, because she’d never really thought about what she’d do if she _did_ end up stuck here. Would she go to college? She doubts it. College isn’t something she’s really wanted or thought about.

As Sinu calls Sofi downstairs for breakfast, Camila stands up and stretches again, deciding she’ll throw together her trusty Harry Potter costume later that night. She dresses and goes downstairs to have a quick bowl of cereal, before running back upstairs and into her bathroom to brush her teeth and do her makeup.

Her hair is a little knotted, since she fell asleep while it was still wet last night, but she manages to tame it in the time it takes Dinah to arrive and burst into her room like she owns the place.

“Sup, Walz,” Dinah smiles at her, flopping down on Camila’s unmade bed. “Normani texted me and invited us to a Halloween party.”

Camila smiles, because she has the perfect reason _not_ to go. “I have to take Sofi trick or treating.”

“The party starts at nine, Mila,” Dinah laughs, “I doubt you’ll still be out with Sofi at that point. Besides, Lauren’s probably going.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, actually considering it if Lauren’s going to be there. If Camila is being honest, Lauren had been particularly clingy over the weekend. After they’d stayed at Ally’s on the Friday night, Lauren had asked if she could come home with Camila instead of being dropped off at her own house. Of course, Camila had said yes, and she’d spent the entirety of Saturday and Sunday morning with the older girl.

Lauren hadn’t wanted to go home, but Camila had a lot of work to do for school, so she texted Normani and asked her if she could look after Lauren for a little while. She hadn’t wanted Lauren to leave, but it’s hard to do your homework with Lauren Jauregui snuggling up to you so much she’s practically _on top_ of you.

 _Basically the only time Lauren is ever on top of anyone_ , Camila laughs to herself, thinking about that night on the bus, back in 2015. Lauren had gotten wasted and crawled into Camila’s bunk, wanting to kiss her. Camila hadn’t let her, wanting to move on, and Lauren had drunkenly murmured about how she wished Camila would just _fucking dominate her_.

Lauren didn’t talk to her for a month after that night.

Camila shakes the thought from her head and sits down next to Dinah with a sigh. “I’m not coming to your party. I’d rather stay in and watch scary movies. That’s like, the traditional thing to do on Halloween.”

“God, you’re so boring,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “don’t you go to loads of parties back where you’re from? Famous people do that all the time.”

“No. I’m not a party person,” Camila shrugs. “But if you’re going, I guess I’ll go and annoy Ally.”

“You can’t, Ally’s coming too,” Dinah answers. “It’s some college guy that Mani knows who’s throwing the party. You’ve got to come, it’ll be great.”

“I don’t like parties,” Camila replies, making herself sound firm. “Even if you’re going to try and bait me with Lauren, I’m not going. I’m perfectly fine hanging with Sofi for the night.”

Finally, Dinah just shrugs. “Your loss. Anyway, come on, grab your phone. We’re going to be late if we don’t go now.”

Camila grabs her phone and her earbuds from her bedside table, and follows Dinah downstairs. She pulls her shoes on, and once they’re in the car and on their way to school, she finally looks at her notifications. She didn’t expect any texts.

**_Lern Jergi (4:24AM): Morning, Camz. Do you need a ride to school? I’m working this morning, 5-8, so if you need a ride, swing by the store. :)_ **

**_Camz (8:10AM): hey laur thanks for the offer but dinah’s already giving me a ride_ **

**_Camz (8:10AM): but i’ll see u at school :)_ **

Camila locks her phone with a smile, happy that Lauren had thought of her. If Lucy was right, and they’re here to fix things with Lauren, then Camila is well on her way to a success.

When they arrive at school, Camila looks around the parking lot for Lauren’s car, but she can’t find it. She heads into the building with Dinah, parting from her friend to go to her locker. She roots through it to find the book she needs, unfortunately for calculus, but someone taps her on the shoulder.

“Hey, Camz,” Lauren smiles at her, and Camila automatically beams back. “No costume this year?”

Camila just shrugs, trying to imagine what kind of dumb costume her fifteen-year-old self would have the balls to wear to _high school_. “I’m saving that for later when I step out looking like a queen.”

“So, um, are you doing anything tonight?” Lauren asks. “Because I- well, I was wondering if I could come over?”

Camila blinks in surprise. “Aren’t you going to that party?”

Lauren sighs. “I’m really not in the mood. So if you’re not busy, I was wondering if I could come over. We could watch scary movies? And- um, I kind of want to dye my hair. And wanted your help.”

“Wait, you want to dye your hair?” Camila frowns. “You’re not going blonde, are you?”

Lauren laughs a little. “No. I was going to dye it black. I’ve been wanting to do it for a while, and I know it’s not _that_ drastic a change, but… I figured I should just go for it. Especially after a- a break up.”

Camila smiles, remembering Lauren’s black hair. When that Lauren had turned eighteen, she’d dyed her hair black, got a tattoo and a nose piercing. She guesses that this Lauren is getting a head start. “I think it’ll suit you.”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren replies, nearly giving Camila a heart attack when she threads their fingers together. “So, can I come over?”

Considering Camila completely forgets that the word _no_ exists around Lauren, she smiles and nods her head in confirmation. “Sure. I’ve got to take Sofi trick or treating, and we’ll be out until eight, but after that I’m all yours. I don’t want to stay up too late though, since it’s Monday.”

“Can I come trick or treating with you?” Lauren asks, “I don’t mind if you want some sister time, though.”

“Of course you can come,” Camila answers with a smile. “Dinah usually comes with us, but she’s going to a party. _Anyway_ , there’s a dress-up rule. You’ve got to come in costume if you’re going trick or treating.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a costume ready.” Lauren smiles at her, swinging their hands as they walk down the hallway. “Lucy and I—um… I bought it last month.”

Camila sends Lauren a sympathetic smile, but doesn’t point out her slip up. “Make sure you come dressed up, or by default, I get the candy bar that Sofi will inevitably offer you.”

Lauren squeezes her hand. “I’ll come prepared. Don’t doubt me on that.”

“I look forward to seeing what you put together.” Camila smiles at her. “Sofi’s gone with the classic witch this year. It was quite the wakeup call. How’re you functioning, since you were up at four for work?”

“I’m alright,” Lauren replies, sending her a bubbly grin that Camila definitely wouldn’t have on her face if _she_ were up at four. “When school finishes, shall I give you a ride? I’ll have to pick up my costume and some other stuff from my house, but then we can go to yours. Saves Dinah the gas, right?”

Camila frowns. “What other stuff do you need?”

“PJs, Nala, my toothbrush,” Lauren lists, “and some fresh clothes for tomorrow.”

“Wait,” Camila pauses in the hallway and Lauren stops next to her, “you want to sleep over?”

“Well, yeah, it’s Halloween, but it’s a school night, and if you’re not home from trick or treating until eight, then I figured I should just stay over,” Lauren explains, looking anywhere but Camila. “It’d make it easier on the both of us. And I can take you to school the next day, since I’m not working tomorrow.”

“I… I don’t know, Lo,” Camila bites down on her bottom lip, thinking about it. Back when she was _actually_ still in high school, even though she was only really there for her freshman year, her mom was strict about sleepovers on school nights. “My mom might not be okay with it. She’s weird about me having people sleep over on school nights.”

“Oh,” Lauren’s face falls, and Camila feels like she’d just kicked a puppy. “That’s okay.”

Not liking the sadness behind Lauren’s eyes and how false her smile suddenly seems, Camila tries to fix the problem. “I can text her and ask?”

Lauren brightens significantly. “Yeah. Cool. Let me know what she says.”

They start walking down the hallway again, Camila using one hand to text Sinu, because Lauren won’t let go of the other one. Once she’s done, she tucks her phone into her pocket and sends Lauren a small smile.

“So, what class do you have now?” Camila tries to make casual conversation, ignoring the fact that her heart is beating out of her chest, because _Lauren Jauregui_ is holding her hand _in public_. “I’ve got calculus, unfortunately. Mondays are never fun.”

“I have a free,” Lauren answers, “I’ve got art next period though, so I usually just go straight there and work since the classroom is empty until my class comes in.”

“Must be nice,” Camila thinks out loud, “If I had any talent at drawing I’d do it. It seems really relaxing. But I’ll just stick to music.”

Thankfully, Camila doesn’t have to worry about casual conversation when her phone pings, and she checks her texts to see that Sinu had said yes, but that they need to be in bed at a reasonable hour. Camila’s thankful she said yes. She _had_ overdramatised Lauren’s breakup and made it out like Lauren couldn’t be alone, but Camila isn’t entirely sure that’s _not_ the case.

The fact that Lauren keeps asking to hang out every day and is constantly holding her hand and snuggling her makes Camila feel like she’s being substituted for Lucy. Like Lauren has this hole in her heart that she’s trying to fill by cuddling up with Camila.

Back when she was actually sixteen, in a tour bus halfway across the country, without any of her family, Camila would’ve let Lauren use her like this. Now she isn’t so sure.

“What’d your mom say?” Lauren asks when Camila doesn’t immediately tell her. “Did she say yes?”

Camila wants to lie, to push Lauren away, because she can’t let Lauren break her heart again. She _won’t_ let that happen. But pushing her away… that could mean being stuck here for good.

“Yeah,” Camila finally answers, making her choice. “She said yes.”

Lauren beams and squeezes Camila’s hand. “Cool. Meet me by my car after school, okay?”

“Sure,” Camila answers, pulling her hand from Lauren’s under the guise of looking through her backpack for something. “I should head to class. I think I’ve got a couple homework questions I decided to leave for when I wasn’t sleep deprived.”

Lauren smiles. “Okay. I’ll see you at lunch?”

Camila shrugs. “I’ll probably be in the literature classroom with Dinah. Don’t you want to sit with Mani in the cafeteria?”

“Mani can join us,” Lauren points out, shrugging, “I don’t think sitting in the cafeteria is best in case I run into…”

As Lauren trails off, Camila nods. “Alright then. See you at lunch, Lo.”

“Yeah,” Lauren answers, pulling her in for a hug and giving her a soft squeeze. “See you later, Camz.”

As Camila walks down the hallway to her classroom, she wonders if she’d made the right choice in letting Lauren sleep over.

-

“Trick or treat!” Sofi beams up at the person in the doorway. “Do you think my costume is scary? Everyone else says it is. My sister’s isn’t, though.”

Camila scoffs, holding out her _Harry Potter_ wand. “Careful, or I’ll turn you into a frog.”

Sofi just laughs as the lady gives her another candy bar, and skips down the garden path, taking Camila’s hand. “You’re not getting candy later.”

“I’ll take Camila’s,” Lauren announces, smiling down at Sofi, “Since I’m so cool and all.”

Sofi laughs again. “Yeah, Lolo gets yours, Kaki.”

“ _Shh_ , you’re revealing my secret identity,” Lauren stage-whispers to Sofi, “I’m _Daenerys Targaryen_. We don’t know who Lolo is.”

Sofi scrunches her face up in confusion. “I don’t know how to say that. That’s way too long.”

Camila sticks her tongue out at Lauren, and the older Latina grins at her. “Yeah, _Lolo_. Everyone, this big nerd right over here is Miami’s resident _badass_ , Lauren Jauregui! Surprise, she’s not really badass.”

Lauren clamps her hand over Camila’s mouth and sends her an overdramatic glare. “Hey! That’s need to know intel right there.”

Camila licks Lauren’s hand and the older girl removes it, wiping it against Camila’s Hogwarts robes. “Everyone knows it, Laur. You don’t exactly go around shoving kids into lockers or whatever, and it’s not like you have any tattoos.”

“Okay, first, lick my hand again and I’ll beat you up,” Lauren announces, sending her a look that reads _yeah, I’m totally serious_. “Second, I’m _going_ to have tattoos once I turn eighteen in June. _And_ I was going to wait until then to get my nose pierced, but since you’re challenging my badassery, what do you say we go and do that tomorrow? After school? I’ll need a hand to hold.”

“You just completely ruined any possibility of that statement being badass by saying _I’ll need a hand to hold_.” Camila points out, and Lauren pouts. “Second, don’t you have to be eighteen to get facial piercings?”

“Yeah, but I have a fake ID that says I’m twenty-one.” Lauren announces with a grin. “The only reason I haven’t done it already is because my mom would kill me. But badasses aren’t afraid of their moms, and I’m a _total_ badass. So we’re going tomorrow. If you won’t come with me, I’ll make Mani.”

“Fine, but only to watch you wimp out when you see the needle,” Camila laughs, and Lauren rolls her eyes, as Sofi turns towards the next house. “Anyway, it’s getting near eight, so we should be getting back now. This house is the last one, Sofi.”

Sofi pouts, but nods, and runs up to the front door, knocking on it. As she gets her candy, she runs back to Camila and Lauren, grabbing her sister’s hand again. “Can we stay for longer? We could tell mami that we weren’t looking at the time.”

“Well, that’s kind of hard to do considering she’s texted me,” Camila laughs, “and I opened it. So she knows we know. Come on, home time.”

Sofi sighs, but nods, and they head back down the street in the direction of Camila’s house. Lauren sends Sofi a smile. “Once you get home you can look through all your candy and see how much good stuff you got. Plus, I need to get inside. This wig is itchy and I can’t reveal my secret identity out here.”

Camila laughs, reaching out and playing with a strand of the platinum blonde wig Lauren is wearing. “You didn’t need to go all out with the wig.”

“Uh, yeah I did,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “You can’t half-ass a costume, Camz. Besides, I’ve got to give Daenerys respect. She’s a _khaleesi_.”

Camila just smiles in response as they head towards her house, thankful that it’s not too far, since they did a circuit of the neighbourhood. When she unlocks the door to let them in, Sofi practically sprints into the lounge, dumping out all of her candy on the floor.

Sinu stops Camila before she can follow. “Thank you for taking her out tonight, mija. You too, Lauren. I could’ve done it if I’d known you had plans.”

“Yeah, but Sofi wouldn’t have let me live it down,” Camila points out with a grin, nudging against Lauren. “Besides, this one needed an excuse to use her costume, and our plans were pretty spontaneous.”

Lauren smiles as she tugs the wig off and unties her actual hair, letting it fall down past her shoulders. “It was fun. And Sofi bribed us with candy.”

Camila laughs. “Yeah, that too. Lauren and I are going to go upstairs now, probably watch some scary movies. I know it’s a school night, so we won’t stay up too late.”

Sinu smiles. “Alright. You haven’t let Sofi have any candy yet? She needs to get to bed and if she’s on a sugar rush...”

“She hasn’t had anything, but considering she’s in there with all of the candy she collected…” Camila trails off, and once Sinu fills in the blanks, she bolts into the lounge, scolding Sofi in Spanish. Camila just smiles and turns to Lauren. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Lauren nods and follows Camila towards her bedroom. She grabs her overnight bag from where she’d left it at the foot of Camila’s bed, and gestures towards the bathroom. “Mind if I shower? I’m more of a night showerer than a morning one.”

“Sure. I’ll look through Netflix for a movie,” Camila answers, and Lauren flashes her a grin, disappearing into the bathroom. Camila decides she’ll shower in the morning, too lazy to do it now, and while Lauren is in the bathroom, she changes into her pyjamas and hangs her Gryffindor robes in her closet again.

Once she’s comfortable in her bed, Lauren comes out of the bathroom with wet hair, wrapped in nothing but a fluffy white towel. Lauren flashes her a small smile and sits down at Camila’s dresser, picking up her hairdryer and switching it on.

Camila scrolls through Netflix as Lauren dries her hair, looking for a horror movie that isn’t _too_ scary, since she’s not big on horror. But it’s Halloween, and she figures that’s what Lauren would want to do.

Once Lauren is done, she disappears back into the bathroom, but comes back out a few moments later in a sports bra and underwear, joining Camila in the bed.

“What’d you pick?” Lauren asks, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. “A horror?”

“I’m not that big on horror,” Camila admits, wanting to move away from Lauren, but not being strong enough to actually do it. Instead, she puts her arm around her, blushing when Lauren cuddles up to her, Nala in her other arm. “I figured maybe you’d want to pick. I was just watching some YouTube videos to pass the time.”

Lauren hums, looking at the screen and pointing at a video on the home page. “Let’s watch that. Afterwards we can watch _Scream_ or something.”

Camila frowns at the video. “Really, Laur? Worst _X Factor_ auditions?”

“Yeah, they make me laugh,” Lauren says, clicking on the video and grinning at the first bad singer. “Can you believe it? That could’ve been me if I’d actually gone through with auditioning.”

“Shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, pausing the video to look at Lauren. “You’re an amazing singer, Lo.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “How would you know? You’ve never heard me sing.”

 _Fuck, she’s right_ , Camila thinks, trying to fabricate an excuse. “Well, I mean, I’ve heard you sing along to the radio. You probably don’t even realise you’re doing it, I’m like that.”

Lauren frowns at her for a moment, but shrugs. “Yeah, I guess so. But that’s not really _singing_. You’re into singing though, right? I mean, you told me all you want to do is perform. Maybe you should’ve auditioned before it got cancelled.”

“Why didn’t you go through with it?” Camila asks, changing the subject. She doesn’t want to think about what happened when she actually _did_ audition, because thinking about that life hurts. She wants to get back there so badly, but she knows she would never have this there. She’d never get Lauren cuddled up to her like this. Not now. “I know you said it was because of the contract, but were there any other reasons?”

“I guess… I don’t know…” Lauren sighs, “thinking about having that as a career is really cool and all, but the possibility of fame scared me. I’d hate to be famous. All of those people looking at you, criticising your every move? I’d fucking hate that. Especially as a teenager. I’m still growing and finding myself. Imagine having to do that when there are billions of people watching and analysing your every move. No thanks.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, wondering if Fifth Harmony Lauren felt the same way. If she’d still audition if she were given the choice. For Camila, there isn’t even a decision to be made. Of _course_ she’d audition again. While Lauren has a point, and the whole fame thing sucks sometimes, she’d never give up being able to do what she loves.

_“I want to do this for the rest of my life.”_

_“With me?”_

_“No,” Camila smiles at Lauren, but when the older girl fixes her with a pout, she relents. “Yeah.”_

Camila looks at the girl next to her now, the one that knows nothing about that life, and wonders if she could have Lauren by her side forever.

-

**_November 1 st, 2016_ **

When Camila wakes up, the bed next to her is cold.

She rolls over, stretching, and checks her phone, but there’s nothing new on there. She sits up, yawning, when she realises that Lauren had slept over.

And she’s not there now.

Camila jumps out of bed and checks the bathroom, but Lauren isn’t there. She frowns to herself, because god knows where Lauren could’ve disappeared to, but then her heart drops and she practically pounces on her phone, checking the date again.

When she sees it’s November 1st, she feels something that’s a lot like relief wash over her. She drops her phone and runs a hand through her hair, wondering why she was so freaked out. It would’ve been a _good_ thing for her to have woken up back in her reality. So why the hell was so afraid she had?

She can’t be starting to _like_ this, can she?

Camila lets out a breath and pushes that thought from her mind, heading downstairs to make herself a milkshake. That’ll make her feel better.

She walks into the kitchen to find Lauren flipping bacon and chatting with Sinu about her college applications and what she wants to major in.

When Lauren spots her, she smiles. “Hey, Camz. I was going to bring this up to you and wake you up then, but I guess you can join me for breakfast.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “You don’t have to cook breakfast here. It’s my house. You’re the guest. Sit down, I’ll-”

“Set the place on fire if you touch that pan,” Sinu finishes for her. “Lauren offered to help me out while I got Sofia’s breakfast ready, and insisted on cooking for you. I like her, mija.”

Camila blushes, because her mom is sending her a knowing kind of look, and while she’s never spoken to Sinu about her sexuality, her mom has always been the best at reading her. Lauren flushes too, and once she plates up the bacon, she sits down in front of Camila, munching on her own portion.

“I figured it was the least I could do,” Lauren explains, once Sinu heads upstairs to help Sofi get ready. “You’ve really looked after me the past few days and I appreciate it. You didn’t have to comfort me or anything, but you still did. It means a lot.”

Camila ducks her head to hide her smile. “It’s not a problem, Lo. You don’t have to cook breakfast to repay me for that or anything.”

“I know I don’t have to,” Lauren replies with a shrug, “I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

Camila cuts into the bacon, grinning when Lauren had cooked the way she likes it. “How’d you know how I liked it cooking?”

“I asked your mom,” Lauren answers, “It would’ve been super awkward if I made you breakfast and cooked the bacon chewy when you liked it crispy or something.”

Camila smiles, dipping her toast in the fried egg yolk. “Well, thanks for this. I appreciate it.”

“So, are we still on for the piercing place after school?” Lauren asks, and Camila hums in thought, because she’d forgotten about that. “Totally not because I need a hand to hold, but because I’ve got to prove my badassery.”

“Alright, sure,” Camila laughs, “but it’s definitely because you need a hand to hold.”

“ _Psh_ ,” Lauren scoffs, “hell _no_.”

Camila smiles. “Sure, Lo, you tell yourself that.”

“ _Camz_ ,” Lauren pouts, “I’m serious. I’m totally cool. I know hanging with you has ruined my rep a little bit, but I’m hoping my coolness will rub off on you.”

“I can’t be blamed for ruining whatever intimidating reputation you might’ve had. You’re the one who follows me around all smiley all the time.” Camila argues, sending her a teasing grin. “I can’t help it that I make you so happy, Laur. It’s not my fault I’m so amazing.”

“Hey, no,” Lauren gives her a light kick under the table, and Camila returns it easily, “if anything, _you_ follow _me_ around. I bet you _knew_ you were at my party and hung out in my room so you could run into me, because you’ve always wanted to be friends with someone as cool as me.”

Camila snorts. Even though that’s half true, she shakes her head. “Wow, Lo, you really _are_ delusional.”

Lauren just laughs, sending her a grin. “Well, whatever. Are we still on for tonight?”

“Sure,” Camila answers, “we’ll have to go to yours after, though. You didn’t dye your hair last night.”

“Yeah, I guess I forgot,” Lauren shrugs, “I guess that’s two things on our list. And you’ll get to meet my parents, finally.”

The thought of an interaction with Clara Jauregui makes Camila’s heart stop. Clara isn’t exactly her biggest fan, and she never really had been. Unlike Camila, Lauren had spoken to her mother about how she was questioning her sexuality, and she must’ve brought Camila’s name up, because one day, Clara was never quite as welcoming.

“Uh, yeah,” Camila nods, trying her best to smile, “sounds good.”

Lauren seems to sense that something isn’t right. “Camz, my parents already like you. When we were at Ally’s at the weekend, my mom texted, wondering where I was, and I told her that you wouldn’t let me be alone when I was so sad, and she said you sound like a really good friend. She’s looking forward to meeting you.”

Camila sighs. “I just don’t think meeting them straight after you get a hole poked through your nose is a good idea. They might think I told you to do it.”

Lauren laughs. “My parents already know I want it done. And I’ll tell them you had no part in it. Promise.”

“Alright, fine,” Camila finally agrees, “I’m going to jump in the shower, and then once we’re both ready, we can set off for school.”

“Alright,” Lauren smiles at her, taking her plate and rinsing it off. “I’ll deal with the dishes.”

Camila nods, heading upstairs with a small smile on her face.

-

“I feel like I’ve been punched in the face.”

Camila laughs, swinging their hands as they walk up Lauren’s driveway. “You’re so dramatic. It looks good, though.”

Lauren smiles, pulling out her phone and looking at the small silver stud in her left nostril. “You think?”

“Yeah,” Camila answers, “ _and_ totally badass, Laur. You’ll look even more intimidating once you dye your hair black. Everyone will be scared of you until you open your mouth and they realise that you’re actually a little cutie.”

Lauren grins. “That’s the goal. Besides, intimidating people are hot, right? That’s what I’m going for. Someone needs to know what she’s missing.”

Camila squeezes Lauren’s hand as the older girl unlocks the front door. “You’re already pretty, Lo.”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren smiles and leads Camila upstairs, ducking into the bathroom and picking up the box of hair dye. “You know, I’m starting to have second thoughts about this.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “Really? Why?”

“Well, you’re going to be helping me. What if you fuck up and I end up bald?” Lauren crinkles her nose in disgust. “That wouldn’t be a look. Maybe I should go to the hair salon or something. I could get it cut while I’m there. A lot of people cut their hair after a breakup, too.”

Camila laughs. “You’re going to do a Britney?”

“No, obviously not like that,” Lauren moves past Camila, grabbing her hand as she leaves the bathroom. “Fuck it. I’m going to see if my usual hairdresser has any appointments.”

“So you won’t trust me with your hair, but you’ll trust some lady when you’re making impulsive decisions?” Camila frowns. “I thought I was supposed to be your friend, Lo.”

“And you are, but you’re also clumsy,” Lauren points out with a grin, jumping back into the car. Camila gets in the passenger side and buckles up. “Anyway, I’m going to do this. Obviously I’m not going to cut it too much, but… maybe a few inches.”

Camila smiles, because in early 2016, Lauren had cut her hair shorter, and she’d loved it. She’d wanted to text Lauren after seeing the Instagram post, complimenting her, but she’d chickened out. By that point, Lauren wasn’t her friend anymore. They barely spoke in person, and Camila didn’t think texts from her would be welcomed.

“I think you’ll look even more beautiful than you already are,” Camila compliments, and she really means it. “Anyway, are you keeping me hostage for this, or am I allowed to go home?”

Lauren shrugs. “Do you want to go home?”

“Nope, just wondering if I’m going to be home for dinner or not,” Camila answers, “I’ll need to let my mom know.”

“We can pick up some Taco Bell on the way home or something,” Lauren replies, sending Camila a smile, “whatever you feel like.”

“Alright,” Camila nods, pulling out her phone and letting Sinu know she’ll be with Lauren for dinner.

The drive to the hair salon isn’t long; before she knows it, Lauren is pulling into a parking space and getting out of the car, and Camila hurries after her as they run into the building, Lauren coming to a stop in front of a woman.

“Have you got any appointments left for today?” Lauren gets out, Camila stopping next to her and panting to get her breath back. “I want to cut a few inches off my hair.”

The woman looks surprised. “Really, Lauren? You’ve never let anyone touch it before.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve had a bad few days and that’s what you’re supposed to do during an emotional breakdown,” Lauren shrugs like it’s the most casual thing ever. “Is there time?”

“Lucky for you, one of our appointments was cancelled, so we’ll do a walk in for you,” The woman answers, and Lauren grins. “How many inches?”

Lauren hums in thought, running her fingers through her hair. After a sigh, she nods. “Ten.”

Again, the woman blinks in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Lauren nods. “I’m sure, Ashley. And I want it dyed black.”

“Okay,” Ashley replies, “come through then.”

Lauren shrugs off her bomber jacket and hands it to Camila, along with her phone. “Look after these for me?”

Camila smiles. “Sure, Laur. I’ll read my book while you’re gone.”

Lauren isn’t ready for two hours, which is enough time for Camila to read the rest of her book. While Camila knows exactly what Lauren will look like when she comes back, having seen the haircut before, she’s still completely blown away when Lauren walks over to her.

She looks up, and is taken aback by the sheer beauty of the girl in front of her. It feels like the first time she’d seen Lauren, when the only thing she could think of to get Lauren’s attention was a meagre _hey, I like your shirt_.

This time isn’t much better.

“Wow,” Camila breathes out, standing up and offering Lauren her jacket and phone. “You look… _wow_.”

Lauren smiles the cutest smile. “Thanks, Camz. I’ve just got to pay and then we’ll go grab something to eat, okay?”

“Okay,” Camila nods dumbly, willing her brain to work properly so she can tell Lauren exactly how beautiful she is, but she’s still completely awestruck once they’re in the car.

“So…” Lauren gestures ahead of them. “Pick your favourite fast food and we’ll go get it.”

“Lauren,” Camila blinks, turning to her friend. Lauren’s hand pauses in the motion of turning on the car’s ignition. “I know this is like, the most lacklustre compliment ever, but you look really fucking beautiful. And I wish I knew how to tell you that without using those words. And it’s not even just the haircut, because you’ve always been really pretty, and it’s always intimidated me. Like, the first time I saw you, I was so scared at the thought of talking to you that I just…”

Camila trails off when she realises what she’s saying. _Real subtle, genius_ , Dinah’s voice criticises her in her head, _she’s definitely going to know you like her now._

Lauren just frowns at her. “You were scared of me?”

“Not like, in the classic sense,” Camila shrugs, “just… when I was younger, I saw you, a year older, and you were so pretty and it was like you were everything I wanted to be. I kind of envied you.”

“Camz,” Lauren reaches over and grabs her hand, squeezing it, “is that why you tried talking to me that one time in your freshman year?”

Camila pauses, her heart stopping. She doesn’t know _what_ kind of embarrassing thing this Camila had done, but if it’s relevant, she decides she should just _ask_. “Um, I don’t remember that.”

Lauren shoots her a disbelieving look, but tells her anyway. “I was walking past you to get to my locker, and you started saying you liked something, but I didn’t hear you. When I asked you if you were talking to me, you just mumbled something and ran away.”

“Oh,” Camila blushes, because she thinks she knows what those words were. “I liked your shirt. That was it.”

Lauren laughs. “You’re cute, Camz. But thank you for saying those things. It means a lot to me that someone as beautiful as _you_ envied little ole me.”

With that, Lauren starts the car, and Camila leans back against the seat with a content sigh, her heart fluttering in her chest.


	14. thirteen

**_November 11 th, 2016_ **

_“You’re leaving?”_

_“I have to,” Camila stares at Lauren, squeezing her hand. “You don’t understand. I’m not happy in the group, and I have a chance to get out.”_

_Lauren frowns at her friend, wondering why she looks older all of a sudden. “What group? I just wanted to know where you’re going?”_

_“What group?” Camila looks at her like she’s crazy. “Obviously I’m talking about-”_

Lauren sits up with a frown, blinking the sleep out of her eyes. She doesn’t know what the hell that dream was about, but she shrugs it off. Probably just her mind taunting her. If Lucy left, what was there to assure her Camila won’t?

She sighs, stretching, shutting off her alarm. She hates the mornings she has to get up to go to work, and even though she never usually works Fridays, one of her colleagues had asked her if she could cover for them, since they were going on vacation and had to set off early, but had forgotten to book the day off. She’d said yes, but waking up at 4AM makes her wonder _why_ she’d done that.

She gets ready and drives to work, yawning a little as she walks through to the back, dumping her things in her locker, making sure she’s got her clothes at the front so she can grab them quickly to change once she’s finished.

She pauses before putting her phone in the locker, unlocking it and opening it up on her conversation with Camila. They’d been texting last night before Lauren had gone to sleep, and Lauren decides to ask if Camila can spend time with her tonight. She just feels a weird connection to Camila, especially after Lucy had broken up with her. She’s still in disbelief that Camila ditched school just to see if Lauren was okay; even Normani hadn’t done that, and they’d been best friends since preschool, when Lauren cried because some boy had stolen Nala, and Normani had yelled at him to give her back.

She smiles, locking her phone again, putting it in her locker, and heading into work.

She spends most of the three hours she works listening to music, until the store opens at seven and she has to take her earbuds out in case customers need help. She hates that the store opens when she’s still working, since she doesn’t particularly want to deal with customers before her morning coffee.

When she’s stacking the shelves on the cheese aisle and someone taps her on the shoulder, she wants to roll her eyes, but instead, she plasters on her fake _work smile_ and turns to face them. That work smile turns into a real one once she realises it’s Camila.

“Hey,” Lauren grins, “did you need a ride to school?”

“Nope, I needed to pick up a sandwich for my lunch, because cafeteria food sucks,” Camila replies, smiling a little. “Also, I wanted to check out that really hot girl who stacks shelves. Not that you can tell she has much of an ass in those pants, but whatever.”

Lauren smiles, and she can feel herself blushing. Camila’s comment, even though it’s a joke, had made the numbness she has in her heart go away for a moment. “Camz, I told you already, I didn’t make the uniform.”

Camila puts on a mock frown. “Oh, I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about that obviously sexy lady over there.”

Lauren follows Camila’s gaze and laughs at the sight of her sixty-year-old co-worker. “Sorry, but I’m pretty sure she’s married. I guess your only options if you want to date a shelf stacker are the fuckboy I work with, or yours truly.”

Camila smiles as Lauren turns and starts stacking the cheddar. “You know I’d pick you any day, Laur.”

Lauren blushes again, but this time she knows Camila can’t see her. “You’re cute, Camz. Someone has come a long way from the girl who couldn’t tell me she likes my shirt.”

Camila snorts. “I definitely don’t like your shirt now. Nice vest, by the way.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Will you ever stop making fun of the outfit I _have to wear to make money?_ ”

“No, probably not,” Camila grins at her. “How much do you have to do until you finish?”

“The rest of this aisle,” Lauren nods towards the end, which should only take around twenty minutes. “Why?”

“Well, if you’re giving me a ride to school, I need to know when we’re setting off,” Camila smiles. “Can’t be late, since education is important or whatever.”

“I thought Dinah gives you a ride?” Lauren replies, frowning a little when Camila grabs the box of cheddar cheese and starts helping her stack. “Camz, you don’t have to help me.”

“Dinah’s sick, she spent last night looking after Seth and he gave her whatever he had.” Camila explains. “And I figured I’d come and annoy you until you finished work and then force you to give me a ride. If you finish this aisle before eight, do you get to leave early?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like I’m late to school when I set off at a regular time.” Lauren shrugs. “Anyway, are you going to that party tonight? I feel like I already know the answer.”

Camila just smiles at her. “Nope. I’m not exactly a party animal, Laur. Are you going?”

“I don’t know.” Lauren shrugs, because she hasn’t entirely decided yet. If there’s a party, Lucy will be there; she doesn’t want a proper interaction with Lucy just yet, and they’ve had an unspoken mutual avoidance policy since the breakup. “I guess I’ll think about it.”

“If you decide not to, you can always come over and hang with me and Sofi,” Camila offers, “We’re going to be having a pretty wild night watching _Camp Rock_.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, you’re totally wild. I’ll let you know if I decide on skipping out on the party, but I think I might go. I feel like Mani misses her wingwoman.”

“Why do I feel like you’d be a bad wingwoman?” Camila teases her, but her smile falls from her face when she slips and knocks a few packets of cheese off the shelf. “Oh, wow, I just turned into your least favourite customer.”

“You really did,” Lauren agrees with her, reaching over to put the items back in their proper place. “Didn’t you say you were here to get something for your lunch?”

“Oh, you and I _both_ know that was a blatant lie and I’m really just here because I want a ride to school,” Camila laughs, smiling a little. “I’ll go grab something, though. You need anything?”

“Sure, I hid a sandwich behind a few bottles of pepsi so you can grab that for me,” Lauren replies, cutting open the next box of stock. “Wait until we leave to checkout though, I can use my discount card.”

“Okay,” Camila smiles, leaning down and kissing Lauren’s cheek before she heads towards the sandwich aisle.

Lauren sighs, watching Camila go, and swallows the lump in her throat that formed at the feeling of Camila’s soft lips on her cheek. She knows she’s blushing, and she squeezes her eyes shut, shaking away that feeling of emptiness and guilt. She owes Lucy _nothing_.

She makes her way down the aisle in good time, stacking other things, by the time Camila comes back with two sandwiches, two bottles of coke and bags of chips in a basket. “Hey. I figured I’d go for that whole meal deal thing. Have you seen that Facebook page where people rate other people’s meal deals? It’s kind of my favourite thing ever.”

Lauren laughs, but shakes her head. “Nope, I’ll make sure to check it out. I think I’ll be done in a few minutes, I’ve only got one box left. Then we can set off.”

Once Lauren has finished the aisle, she packs the empty boxes away as usual, and runs into the back to grab her things and get changed. She gets her staff discount card out of her purse and heads out to meet Camila.

Camila takes the discount card from her immediately. “Thanks for that. Race you to the checkouts.”

Before Lauren can register the words, Camila has bolted off to the self-service checkouts, calling ‘ _catch me if you can, loser’_ behind her. Lauren follows her with a smile, bursting out laughing when Camila trips over another customer’s shopping cart and completely wipes out, skidding across the floor and knocking over the _caution: wet floor_ sign.

Lauren jogs to catch up to her, helping the younger Latina to her feet and trying to stifle her laughter. “Very graceful, Camz.”

Camila blushes in embarrassment. “Shut up. It’s not my fault this floor is so slippery.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t run when you know you’re pretty much like Bambi trying to walk for the first time,” Lauren points out as Camila scowls and brushes herself down, picking up their shopping basket. “Little Camzi isn’t coordinated.”

Camila pouts. “Stop teasing me or I’ll tell your manager you hide the best sandwiches for yourself.”

Lauren lets out a mock gasp and claps her hand to her chest in offence. “You _wouldn’t_.”

“Try me.” Camila is quick to laugh her fall off and take Lauren’s hand. “Just kidding. Your secret is safe with me, Laur.”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren grins. “Come on, let’s go pay and then we can get to school. Have you signed up for that Universal trip?”

Camila blinks in confusion, and Lauren can tell she has no idea what she’s talking about, which is a little surprising, since Lauren had overheard Camila talking to Dinah last year about how she was too late to get a place on the annual trip once it opened to the underclassmen.

Instead of questioning Camila, Lauren decides to explain. “The trip school does every year? For Universal Studios? In March.”

“Oh, yeah,” Camila answers, “sure, yeah, I’ll sign up. Are you going?”

“I was planning on it. I went last year and it was really fun. I’d love to go again if you’re going.” Lauren smiles, swinging their hands as they checkout. “And I’ll need someone to share the hotel room with.”

“Wait, hotel room?” Camila frowns. “It’s overnight?”

“Yeah. We go the night before, sleep over there and then spend the next day at Universal, then go home in the evening.” Lauren explains, surprised that Camila didn’t know that already. “Weren’t you going to sign up last year? Didn’t you read the information?”

“Uh… I guess I only skimmed it.” Camila shrugs, smiling sheepishly. “But I’ll sign up if you’re going.”

Lauren smiles, leading Camila to her car. “Nice. I look forward to dragging you on all the scary rides with me. Totally not because I’ll need a hand to hold or anything.”

“Oh, yeah, obviously not, with all your badassery,” Camila agrees with a teasing smile. Lauren ignores the sarcastic tone. “Speaking of you being super hardcore and all, how’s your nose healing?”

“Well, I stopped feeling like I’d been punched once I woke up the next day, and I’ve been cleaning it like the lady told me to.” Lauren shrugs. “I was more worried about my mom’s reaction once I got home. She called me an idiot and said I’d _never get a job_ _with that metal in my face_. It’s funny because I already have a job.”

Camila laughs. “I think it looks cool. Are you going to put a ring in it once it’s all healed?”

“Maybe,” Lauren hums in thought. She can’t say she’s really contemplated that. “We’ll see how I feel.”

Camila smiles. “It’d look hot if you did. And it’d make you look _badass_ , and that’s what you’re going for, right? Especially when your hair makes you look super fluffy now.”

Lauren pouts. “I resent being called _fluffy_ , Camila. Almost as much as I hate being called _cute_.”

“You _are_ fluffy and cute,” Camila smiles at her, brushing Lauren’s hair back with her free hand as she buckles herself in. “Accept it, Jauregui.”

“Never.”

-

 _“This is real, this is me, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be,”_ Camila belts out, dancing around the lounge with her sister. This is the kind of thing she missed when she was halfway across the world with Fifth Harmony.

After their dramatic duet, they flop down on the couch and watch as Demi Lovato doesn’t win Final Jam. It’s weird to Camila; she _knows_ the person on her television, but she _doesn’t_ at the same time. This Camila has never met Demi Lovato, let alone been on _The X Factor_ with her.

Camila checks her phone again, but Lauren hadn’t texted, and it was nearing half past ten. She sighs, figuring Lauren had gone to the party after all, and Camila can’t help but feel like all of their hangouts for the past two weeks had been Lauren just using her for company when her best friend was too busy, or when she was too tired and heartbroken to party.

But Camila knows she’d still let Lauren come over in a heartbeat, because it reminds her of everything she missed once their real friendship fell apart.

“Kaki,” Sofi nudges her. “Are you going to make me go to bed?”

Camila smiles a little, shrugging. “I’ll track mami’s phone and when they’re getting near home you can run upstairs and pretend to be asleep.”

Sofi beams. “That’s why you’re my best friend, because you let me stay up late.”

Camila laughs. “Yet you still don’t share your candy with me.”

“Yeah, because that’s _mine_ , and not yours,” Sofi says like it’s obvious. “You always lick the cookies mami makes so you get the biggest ones.”

“I’m older, I need more cookies to live,” Camila reasons with a smile. “That’s how the world works, doofus.”

“You’re the doofus,” Sofi counters, sitting up as the movie finishes. “Put the second one on!”

“Alright.” Camila laughs, pressing play on the movie. “You know we won’t get all of it watched, right? Mami and papi said they’d be back at around eleven.”

“We can watch a little bit, though. Then we can finish it tomorrow.” Sofi persuades, and Camila smiles, settling down to watch the sequel. She doesn’t know the songs from this movie, so it’ll inevitably be a little less enjoyable than the previous film, where she could channel her inner Demi.

They watch the movie in a comfortable silence, Camila tracking her mom’s phone at regular intervals, when they get to a scene between Demi and Joe Jonas.

“That’s like you and Lolo,” Sofi pipes up, and Camila blinks in confusion, before her face sinks into a frown.

“Um, what,” Camila looks over at her little sister like she’s crazy. “Since when do Lauren and I look like _them_? Especially since Joe Jonas is a _guy_.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Sofi shakes her head. “They kiss and stuff, right? Like you and Lauren.”

Camila snorts, quickly denying it. “Sofi, I’m not dating Lauren. She’s just my friend, like how Dinah and Ally are. Lauren has- _had_ a girlfriend, and she’s not ready to be with anyone just yet.”

Sofi just shrugs. “Oh, well, you _want_ to kiss her.”

Camila stares at her sister with wide eyes. “What the f- _heck_? How did you get to that conclusion?”

Again, Sofi shrugs like it’s the most casual thing in the world. “You stare at her a lot, and that’s what people do in movies when they like someone. And I heard mami talking about it on the phone to one of her friends, about how she thinks you have a crush on your friend Lauren, and you only have one friend called Lauren. Are you going to kiss her?”

Camila’s eyes practically pop out of her skull at Sofi’s admission. Her _mom_ knew she liked Lauren? She hadn’t even spoken to Sinu about the possibility of liking girls, let alone a specific one. “Um, Sofi, do you know how mami knows that?”

“No, but she’s smart, so I figured if mami thinks you like Lauren, then you probably do.” Sofi shrugs. “Are you going to take her on a date? Can I go with you? I like hanging out with Lauren, I think it’d be good if she were your girlfriend.”

“No, no, Lauren’s not going to be my girlfriend,” Camila is quick to shoot that down. Even if that’s something she’d want to happen, it _wouldn’t_ happen. “And I don’t like her like that. And you can’t say anything to her about that, okay?”

“Alright,” Sofi replies, turning back to _Camp Rock 2_. “Love you, Kaki.”

As her little sister cuddles up to her, Camila breathes out the tension in her body. “Love you too, Sofi.”

She sends her sister to bed once she sees her parents are close, and once they get in, she tells them her sister was well behaved and in bed by nine thirty. With that, Camila heads up to bed herself, and gets comfortable, falling asleep after reading a few chapters of her book.

She’s woken up by her phone buzzing.

Camila yawns, wiping the sleep away from her eyes, and figures she’d fucked up and set her alarm by accident, forgetting it was a Friday night. She reaches over to grab her phone and shut it off, but frowns when she sees two things.

One, the time. 2:21AM. Two, the buzzing isn’t an alarm, it’s a phone call from Normani Kordei.

Camila yawns, picking up the call; if it’s a butt dial, she should be able to tell pretty quickly. “Hello?”

“ _Oh my god, Mila, thank god you picked up,”_ Normani quickly replies, her speech a little slurred, but still understandable. “ _Can you drive?”_

Camila sits up, rubbing at her eyes. “Are you calling for some kind of survey? Yeah, I drive.”

“ _Cool it with the sass,”_ Normani answers _“I need you to get Lauren. We’re at this college party and she’s- she won’t listen to me and once I got her outside I couldn’t get her in a car because I can’t drive since I’ve had a few drinks and she’s just gone straight back in and I’m worried she’s going to do something stupid.”_

It takes a few moments for that information to sink in, but once it does, Camila jumps out of bed. “I’m on my way. Text me the address.”

Normani breathes out a sigh of relief _. “Thank you, Mila. I’ll meet you outside.”_

Camila’s phone buzzes again a few seconds later, and she gets the address, putting it straight into the maps app. She scrawls a quick note to her parents, apologising, and running outside to the car. “Call you back once I’m there.”

 _“Alright. Bye, Mila_.”

Once Normani hangs up, Camila starts the car, listening to the sounds of the GPS from her phone as she makes her way there. The streets are pretty dead, but she still stays alert; she knows her fans have a habit of getting her in car accidents in all of their fanfictions.

When she pulls up outside of the party venue, an obvious student house near the University of Miami, she grabs her phone to call Normani, but she doesn’t have to. The older girl knocks on her window, and Camila gets out of the car, a little surprised when Normani pulls her into a hug.

“Thank you for coming.” Normani is quick to say, “she’s still inside. If you can’t convince her to leave of her own accord, we’re going to have to grab her and drag her out.”

“Okay, but quick warning, I’m not very strong,” Camila replies, letting Normani lead her into a college party, fully aware that she’s in her pyjamas. She gathers a few weird looks, but other than that, she goes mostly unnoticed.

“She’s there,” Normani points, “I’ll hang back here while you talk to her. Hopefully she’ll listen to you.”

Camila follows Normani’s line of vision, and what she sees makes her blood boil. Lauren takes a shot and staggers over to a guy who looks way too old to be a college student and way too _dumb_ to get into college anyway. The guy puts his hands on Lauren’s waist, and Camila curls her own hand into a fist, but lets out a breath to try and calm herself down. Yelling won’t get her anywhere, and it’s not like she has a _right_ to yell, anyway.

When Lauren starts giving the guy a drunken lap dance, Camila swallows the bile in her throat and grabs Lauren by the arm. The older Latina blinks at her in surprise, a glare on her face, until she realises who she is.

“Camz?” Lauren blinks, tilting her head to the side. “Hello. I’m- I’m busy right- right now, but-”

“No, you’re not busy,” Camila interrupts. “Come on, Lo. Come back to my place, we can-”

“No,” Lauren whines, pulling her arm from Camila’s grip. “I’m busy, I’ll- I’m not doing it. _She_ needs to see.”

Camila follows Lauren’s gaze, and when she sees Lucy, she thinks she understands. But she’s still getting Lauren out of here. “Lauren, that doesn’t matter. Come on, stay safe with me.”

The guy pulls Lauren back, and Camila practically snarls at his dirty hands on her waist. “Leave her alone. Laura says she’s busy.”

Camila’s blood boils. “Okay, first of all, her name is _Lauren_. Second, she’s underage, and you look like you’re around thirty. It’s a little sad for you to be hanging around a college party when you’re obviously too old and _stupid_ to be in college. No wonder you can’t get a girl your age.”

With that, she pulls Lauren away from the guy, the older Latina staggering after her. “Camila, I- I was having _fun_ , he was-”

“Ugly and nowhere near good enough for you,” Camila finishes for her, “I know you’re trying to prove a point to Lucy, but with _that guy_? Laur, have some standards.”

“I’m- I’m not,” Lauren stammers, murmuring something else as Camila tugs her out of the party, Normani close behind. “Mani? Did- you called Camzi?”

“I called her,” Normani confirms. “Come on. Home time.”

Lauren blinks, her green eyes glassy and dull. “Having fun.”

Camila helps Lauren into the passenger seat of the car, and Normani climbs in to the back. Camila makes sure Lauren’s buckled in, brushing the older Latina’s hair back and giving her a soft kiss on the forehead. Then, she walks around to the driver’s side and gets in, starting the car.

“Am I taking you home, Mani?” Camila asks, and Normani nods. “Okay, put your address into the GPS. If it’s cool with you, I’ll take Lauren back to mine. I have a feeling her parents won’t be too thrilled if she comes in completely trashed at three in the morning.”

Normani nods. “I don’t want her to be alone. Text me in the morning so I know she’s okay.”

“I will,” Camila promises. She turns and looks at Lauren when she feels her gaze, and smiles at the other girl. “You feeling okay there, Laur?”

Lauren stares at her for a few moments, and Camila thinks she hadn’t heard her question, until Lauren giggles at her. “My hero.”

Camila blushes, her breath catching in her throat. “Lauren, I’m not-”

“Hey, Camz,” Lauren laughs, leaning over in her seat so much that her head is almost on Camila’s lap. “Camz, guess what?”

Camila exchanges an amused look with Normani, before looking back at Lauren. Her green eyes are lit up, like a puppy who has just spotted its owner. “Yeah, Lo?”

Lauren laughs again, like she’d just remembered a joke. “Camz, guess what?”

“I don’t know what you want me to guess!” Camila’s stomach flips at the adorable look on Lauren’s face. “Tell me.”

Lauren laughs again and claps her hands. “I like your shirt! Get it?”

Camila’s stomach flips, and at the blush on her cheeks, Normani sends her a knowing look. Camila ignores it and sends Lauren a soft smile. “Yeah, I get it. Do you want to sleep over at my house tonight?”

“Yeah,” Lauren smiles enthusiastically. “Can we watch _Game of Thrones_?”

Camila laughs. “Maybe tomorrow. It’s a little late for that. Haven’t you already seen it anyway?”

“Yes,” Lauren nods her head in response. “But you haven’t. I want to watch with Camz. Mani, can we go on vacation soon? I deserve it because my heart hurts.”

Normani hums. “We can go wherever you want Lo. Just no drinking.”

Lauren scoffs, making a loud fart noise with her mouth. “Party pooper.”

When Camila pulls up outside Normani’s house, the older girl gives both Lauren and Camila hugs, and instructs Camila to take care of Lauren. Camila promises she will, because she always will.

On the way back to Camila’s, Lauren entertains herself by pressing all the buttons on the radio, changing between all the late night stations and laughing when it’s something like opera, putting on her best attempt at an impression of an opera singer.

Camila pulls into the driveway, and jumps out of the car, running around to the other side to help Lauren out. Turns out, she doesn’t need to run, because Lauren, as drunk as she is, can’t figure out how to work her seatbelt.

When Camila finally gets Lauren out of the car, the older girl looks her up and down. “You’re wearing pyjamas.”

Camila laughs. “Great observation, Lauren.”

“Mhm, I’m smart,” Lauren mumbles, mostly to herself. “Camz?”

Camila struggles with unlocking the door, but turns to a staggering Lauren anyway. “Yeah?”

“You’re not leaving, right?” Lauren looks at her, innocence and desperation in her eyes. “You won’t leave me?”

Camila swallows the guilt she feels, because for her, she _had_ left Lauren. But she’s not sure she’d be strong enough to do it again.

So, she nods, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “I’m not leaving, Lauren. I promise.”

Lauren wraps her arms around the back of Camila’s neck, and the younger Latina drops the keys and fumbles for them, but Lauren shushes her, cupping her face and staring into her eyes. “You mean it?”

“Yeah,” Camila breathes out. “I mean it.”

Lauren seems to stare into her very soul, and before Camila knows what’s happening, soft lips are against hers and Lauren’s fingers are tracing her jawline. Camila’s breath catches in her throat, and she’s not strong enough to pull away. She gives in, kissing Lauren back, tasting the alcohol on her tongue as Lauren’s hands trace down her spine, setting her nerves alight, and landing on her waist. Not that she’s paying much attention to what Lauren’s hands are doing; she’s much more interested in her tongue.

When Lauren’s lips attach themselves to Camila’s neck, it’s like a switch flips, and Camila is quick to push Lauren away.

Lauren blinks in confusion, staggering a little. “Camz. Not fun.”

“You’re drunk.” Camila says, unable to look Lauren in the eyes. “You’re drunk and you don’t mean it. You’ve never meant it.”

Lauren frowns, steadying herself by putting her hands on Camila’s shoulders. “You’re so pretty, Camz.”

 _Ignore her,_ Camila tells herself as she grabs the keys from the floor and unlocks the front door. _Not half an hour ago, she was rubbing up on some creepy guy at a party. She’s depressed and you’re her rebound. That’s all._

She helps Lauren inside and up the stairs, not answering when Lauren starts talking about how Daenerys Targaryen is a mythical goddess. She helps Lauren over to her bed, grabbing some pyjamas for her to borrow.

As she passes Lauren a t-shirt, the older Latina frowns. “I sleep in my bra, but thank you.”

Camila shrugs. “Whatever.”

Lauren looks up at her, hurt. “Are you mad at me?”

Camila sighs, shaking her head. “No.”

“But- but you’re,” Lauren cuts herself off with a yawn, “you’re being weird and I don’t- stop it. I’m sorry.”

“Do you even know what you’re apologising for?” Camila asks, sitting down on her bed next to Lauren. “You’re drunk and you’re-”

“I- I don’t know,” Lauren sighs, “I think… I might puke now.”

Camila frowns, but helps Lauren up and into the bathroom, holding her hair back as she vomits into the toilet. Camila rubs comforting circles on Lauren’s back, and when she sits up and flushes the toilet, mumbling something about mouthwash, Camila helps her up and grabs her mouthwash and the spare toothbrush Lauren uses when she sleeps over.

Lauren brushes her teeth messily and uses the mouthwash, before she turns around and staggers into Camila’s bedroom. Camila follows quickly as Lauren collapses onto the bed, helping her up.

“Okay, you’ve got to sleep on your side,” Camila tells her, and Lauren blinks up at her, nodding. “We’ve got to keep you safe.”

Lauren smiles as Camila lays down next to her and switches the lamp off. “You want to me- um- _keep_ me safe?”

“Always,” Camila confirms, trying to push the kiss out of her mind. Even though she can practically still _feel_ Lauren’s lips on hers, she can’t dwell on it. Lauren is drunk and it didn’t mean a thing, even if her heart desperately wants it to mean something.

“Promise me.” Lauren pouts at her, and Camila’s heart melts. “Pinky swear because that’s like, sacred and binding.”

Camila hooks her pinky around Lauren’s with a small smile. “I promise I’ll always keep you safe.”

-

**_November 12 th, 2016_ **

When Camila wakes up, the first thing she remembers is Lauren’s mouth on hers as they stood on the front porch.

She jumps up, looking to her right to see a sleeping Lauren Jauregui, and she knows it’s not a dream. In the heat of the moment, she’d kissed back. Sure, Lauren was drunk, but Camila had no excuse, and that’ll ruin everything. Every single thing she’d built with Lauren is all going to come tumbling down, just because of a stupid drunken kiss.

She gets out of bed and heads downstairs, trying to rid her mind of her worries, but she _can’t_. Even as she makes herself a few slices of toast and tries to entertain her already excitable little sister, the only thing on her mind is that _stupid_ kiss.

After watching a few cartoons with her sister and being a lot less animated than usual, Camila decides it’s time she should go upstairs and face Lauren. She’d texted Normani, letting her know that Lauren was fine as she’d promised, and decides not to tell her anything about the kiss. That should be between her and Lauren, and whatever friendship they can salvage after that.

She’d woken up to a few messages from Lucy as well, indirectly apologising for the drama. Lucy had told her that she didn’t think Lauren would be at the party, and that she’d figured she’d go to let loose and forget the stresses of being stuck in an alternate universe. Camila can’t exactly blame her for it, and had promised that once Lauren seems okay enough, she’ll try dropping hints and telling her that she should rebuild her friendship with Lucy.

She gets a glass of water from the kitchen, and reaches up on her tiptoes to get some aspirin for the headache Lauren will inevitably have, before she takes the fateful trip upstairs, her heart overcompensating and her anxiety flaring up.

When she pushes open her bedroom door, Lauren is still asleep, so Camila sets the water and pill down on her bedside table and gently shakes the older girl awake. Lauren’s eyes flutter open, and she’s so nervous she feels like she could be _sick_ , but Lauren just sends her a groggy frown.

“Camila?” Lauren rubs at her eyes and sits up, looking a little queasy. “Wait, what? Why am I here?”

Camila’s heart stops. So far, it looks like Lauren doesn’t remember, and Camila wants to keep it that way. “Mani called me last night. You wouldn’t leave the party and you were grinding up on some creepy thirty year old dude and you were _way_ too drunk to consent to anything. I guess she thought I could talk you out of it.”

 _Who knows why, now that I’m thinking about it_ , Camila ponders, but eventually just shrugs the thought off.

Lauren frowns and rubs at her eyes. “I don’t… I’m sorry, I don’t remember you picking me up. I didn’t do anything embarrassing, did I?”

 _Nope, just shoved your tongue down my throat,_ Camila thinks. “No. You were mostly just cute. You told me you liked my shirt and started pretending you were an opera singer.”

Lauren lets out a little chuckle and smiles. “Well, thank you for rescuing me, Camz. I appreciate it. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to brush my teeth, because my mouth feels gross right now.”

As Lauren gets out of the bed and heads towards the bathroom, Camila breathes out a sigh of relief. _She doesn’t remember_. That’s definitely a good thing. If Lauren remembered, it could’ve ruined everything, and Camila can’t let Lauren know she has feelings for her.

One day, maybe Camila will tell her. But for now, Lauren doesn’t have to know a thing.


	15. fourteen

**_November 25 th, 2016_ **

“You _kissed_ her?”

Camia sighs to herself, taking a sip of her hot chocolate to take her mind off things. “I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”

“Then you should be home, right? I thought that was how this works.” Lucy frowns to herself. “I don’t see why you’re sulking. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“No,” Camila looks affronted. “Why would I want this? Towards the end, Fifth Harmony Lauren could only bear to _look_ at me if she was drunk. Why would I want to remember that? Why would I want to be reminded that Lauren doesn’t want me and she never has?”

Lucy’s expression softens and she reaches across the table to squeeze Camila’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know how much she hurt you. Neither of us is a stranger to how much loving Lauren can hurt.”

“I just wish she hadn’t done it,” Camila mumbles, “because I can’t stop thinking about how it felt.”

“I figured that maybe you kissing her would send you back.” Lucy pauses, frowning down at the table. “But I guess not. Maybe it’s to do with the dates. My last day in our world was January 14th. Yours was… December 18th? The day you left?”

“Yeah,” Camila breathes out, not wanting to think about that. “You think we’ll just go back on the date?”

“I mean, we both went backwards when we got here, so I’m guessing so.” Lucy theorises. “Maybe we don’t have to _do_ anything. Maybe we’ll just go back naturally once we hit the date we left.”

Camila blinks back her tears, hating how much the kiss had complicated things for her. Lauren doesn’t even remember it, and Camila knows she’s probably making everything worse by avoiding the girl like she has the plague. It’s almost been two weeks, and Camila doesn’t know if she can face Lauren yet; she looks at her and all she can remember is the older girls’ lips on hers.

She’d practically begged Lucy to meet her, to see if they can untangle this mess.

“I just wish she hadn’t done it. Because I _know_ she didn’t do it because she actually wanted to kiss _me_. She’s _never_ kissed me because she wanted me.” Camila shakes her head and takes another sip of her hot chocolate. “It sucks because she’s the only person I’ve ever really wanted to kiss. And I know it’s probably weird for you, because she’s your ex and-”

“You know I could never be with her again. Not after how she hurt me.” Lucy interrupts. “Besides, what about that guy you were with for a little while. Didn’t you want to kiss him?”

Camila frowns. “Austin?”

“No,” Lucy replies. “Michael? From 5 Seconds of-”

“No,” Camila cuts her off, wanting to put _that_ trauma back into the vault of repressed memories.

She knows she shouldn’t have done it, but Michael was the first and only person she’d slept with. When she’d said Lauren’s name as she finished, Michael had been understanding, and thankfully never told anybody, but it’s one of Camila’s biggest regrets, because she’d essentially slept with him to get Lauren off her mind. She’d done what Lauren did to her to _him_ , and she shouldn’t have. He’d genuinely liked her, and was a sweet guy, but Camila is starting to feel like she never could’ve liked him back.

“Okay,” Lucy trails off. “Well, uh… you need to stop avoiding her. Because she’ll start to think you’re pushing her away, and she’ll get upset. And you know how Lauren can say things she doesn’t mean when she’s upset.”

Camila knows all too well, because she can do the same thing. “Yeah. You’re right. I think I’ll go over there. Thanks for talking to me, Lucy.”

“It’s alright,” Lucy replies, “we’re both in the same situation here. We should be there for each other.”

Camila sends her a small smile. “Yeah. You know you can call me if you need anything.”

Lucy nods, and Camila gets up, pulling her coat on. As she heads out of the coffee shop, she thinks about Lucy’s newer theory. Could she be right? Will Camila be gone by December 18th? Camila just sighs, mulling that over in her head as she walks. It makes sense, for all of this to be over on the date she left, and if that’s the case, she has less than a month here. She might as well just forget about the kiss and cherish the time she has left with the girls, because once she’s back in her own universe, she won’t have them anymore.

That’s what draws her to Lauren’s house. She knocks on the front door, nervous that Lauren might have caught on to Camila’s general avoidance policy of the past few weeks. But when the door swings open, she comes face to face with the woman she _hadn’t_ wanted to see. Clara Jauregui.

When Clara smiles politely, Camila is a little taken aback, but remembers that this isn’t the Clara she knows. “Hello. Can I help you?”

“Oh, um, I’m here to see Lauren,” Camila explains, “I’m a friend from school.”

Clara moves aside to let her in. “I’ll go and get her for you.”

As Clara disappears upstairs, Camila lets out the breath she was holding, hating how tense Lauren’s mother makes her. She knows it’s because the Clara from her universe pretty much _hates_ her, and naturally, that’s going to make her a little wary.

When Lauren comes down the stairs after her mother, she sends Camila a soft smile. “Oh, Camz, hey. I didn’t know you were coming over. Mom, this is Camila. She’s a friend of mine. I’m surprised you haven’t met yet, actually.”

Admittedly, Camila had been avoiding meeting Lauren’s mom. The one time she came close was when Lauren had asked her to help her dye her hair, but they’d ended up getting it done at the salon and stopping at McDonald’s for food, before Lauren had dropped her off at home.

“So this is the famous Camila,” Clara smiles at Camila, and Lauren’s cheeks flush pink. “Lauren has told me a lot about you-”

“You know, I’m sure Camila had something really important to tell me, so we’re going upstairs,” Lauren cuts Clara off, and while Camila would normally stay and let her friends be embarrassed by her parents, she’s still a little wary. “Later, mom.”

As Lauren tugs her up the stairs, Camila sends her a half-hearted smile. “Clearly she has some dirt on the dorky stuff you do on the regular. Should I go back down and ask?”

“Nope, definitely not,” Lauren answers. “So, um… what’re you doing here?”

“I thought I’d stop by,” is Camila’s meagre response, because she really doesn’t know why she’s here. “I just… missed you.”

Lauren scoffs, and even though it’s supposed to be quiet, Camila hears it. “Yeah, and whose fault is that?”

“So you noticed,” Camila murmurs, sitting down on Lauren’s bed next to her. “I’m sorry I avoided you these past few weeks. I’ve just been stressed and haven’t really hung out with anyone.”

“Look, I’m not mad at you,” Lauren meets her gaze, and to Camila’s surprise, smiles at her. “I was just a little frightened and what I said before… it was a defence mechanism, I guess. Because… because Lucy was really weird with me before she broke up with me, and I didn’t want… I didn’t want you avoiding me too. Because avoidance leads to someone leaving, in my experience.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand and squeezes it, and when she thinks about the kiss, it’s a lot easier to push it from her mind. “I’m sorry, Laur. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Lauren smiles. “It’s okay. And now we’ve gotten that cleared up… want to watch a movie?”

“Sure,” Camila answers, “your pick.”

Lauren switches her TV on, and puts it on Netflix. Then she leans back against the headboard of her bed, and Camila follows suit. “Are you staying for dinner? My mom won’t mind setting out an extra place.”

“Sure, but I’ll have to let my mom know, since she expected me home after coffee with-” Camila cuts herself off, deciding that it’s best not to mention her little meeting with Lucy. “As long as it’s okay with your parents.”

“It’s fine,” Lauren levels her with a frown. “But what were you going to say before?”

Camila shakes her head. “Nothing. Just that my mom needs to know where I am-”

“After coffee with someone.” Lauren finishes for her. “Who? If you were on a date, it’s whatever, I don’t care, just-”

“I wasn’t on a date,” Camila interrupts, shaking her head. “You don’t need to know everything I do, Lauren.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “But clearly you couldn’t trust me with the information, since you were halfway through the sentence when you stopped.”

“Fine,” Camila folds her arms across her chest. “I was with _Lucy_ , okay? I didn’t want to mention it in case it upset you, because you can barely stand hearing her name.”

“Oh,” Lauren’s expression falters and she looks down at her lap. “You- you still talk to her?”

“Yes,” Camila confirms. “She’s my friend, as well as you.”

“I- um, okay,” Lauren shuffles uncomfortably and avoids Camila’s gaze. “I’m sorry for pushing you. I was just worried. That you were- that you didn’t trust me.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “Of course I trust you.”

Lauren nods, and picks out a random movie on Netflix. Camila loops her arm through Lauren’s, and lets the older girl rest her head on her shoulder.

“Camila?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever been in love?”

Lauren’s question takes Camila off guard, but she just shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess that’s a no, because I feel like when you’re in love, you _know_ it. And the only person I think I could love… she’s never wanted me. So… no. I’ve never been in love.”

“I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want you,” Lauren looks up at her, squeezing her hand. “You’re beautiful, Camila.”

Camila closes her eyes and exhales, ignoring the memory of Lauren telling her how pretty she was after their drunken kiss. “Thanks, Lauren. You’re not so bad yourself.”

Lauren laughs softly. “I try.”

They sit in a comfortable silence, Lauren watching the movie, and Camila enjoying Lauren’s presence, missing the days on the tour bus before their first kiss, the once that complicated everything.

“How are you feeling?” Camila asks, bored of the movie already. “About the whole… break up.”

“I mean… I guess I hit phase two at the party a few weeks ago.” Lauren shrugs, sighing. “I don’t know. It’s like… I feel like I’m being unfaithful if I think about moving on properly, even though I have nobody to be unfaithful to. You know? Like I’m cheating on a memory or something.”

Camila fixes her with a sad smile. “That sucks, Lo. So it’s still pretty bad?”

“I mean, time heals all wounds,” Lauren replies, “so it’s not… it’s not like it was straight after. Sometimes I find myself thinking about everything we could’ve had, things that didn’t even _happen_ , and it makes me feel so empty. She… Lucy and I have broken up before, but for some reason, this feels so _final_.”

Camila squeezes her hand. “Well, in other, less depressing news, I’m a strong ninety percent sure I’m the gayest person on the planet.”

Lauren laughs a little. “Really? How’d you figure that out?”

“I can only really picture myself marrying a woman. And I mean, I’ve had crushes on guys before, but it was like that thing you said. The moment they showed interest in me, I suddenly didn’t like them anymore.” Camila shrugs. “I mean, I’ve never been one hundred percent fond of labels, but… it’s more than likely that I’m gay, right?”

“Only you can say that,” Lauren answers, “but I’m glad you’re not stressing over it. When I was figuring myself out, it really got to me. I _hated_ myself for it. I’m glad it’s not like that for you.”

Camila shrugs. “I feel like maybe a part of me has always known. It doesn’t really seem like a big deal to me. You like who you like, right? Why does it matter?”

Lauren smiles. “So wise for someone so little.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “I’m two inches shorter than you and eight months younger. That’s really not much.”

“Damn, someone’s defensive,” Lauren grins. “I mean it, though. You give really good advice.”

“Thanks,” Camila replies, that being the first time she’s _ever_ gotten that compliment. “So, uh, are we actually going to watch the movie now?”

Lauren laughs. “Sure.”

With Lauren’s head rested on her shoulder, and her fingers locked with Camila’s, the younger Latina thinks that she can make this work. She can forget about the kiss and forget about pursuing anything with Lauren, if she’ll be back in her world in less than a month.

 _Yeah,_ Camila thinks, _I can totally do this._


	16. fifteen

**_December 3 rd, 2016_ **

“So, on a scale of one to ten, how festive are you?” Lauren asks her, swinging their hands as they walk down the street. “Are you one of those people who literally gets excited for Christmas in June, or are you a Christmas Eve excitement kinda girl?”

Camila smiles a little, thinking back to Christmases when Sofi was really little, and how they’d both be so excited for Santa. If she’s being honest, Camila believed in Santa Claus for an embarrassingly long time.

Lauren’s question, however, makes her think about how she won’t be here for Christmas. She’ll be back in her real life, gearing up to start her solo career.

“Yeah. I get excited pretty early,” Camila finally answers, and Lauren frowns at the lack of enthusiasm in her voice. “Like right now. We can’t really be _super_ festive in Miami, considering it’s kind of a perpetual summer, but we could try?”

Lauren brightens when Camila seems to perk up. “Yeah, sure. I know a place we can go ice skating-”

“That’s a definite no,” Camila interrupts. While she’s outgrown her clumsiness at least a _little_ , Camila Cabello and _ice skates_ are not a good mix. “I’ll crack my head open on the ice or something.”

Lauren pouts, and Camila has to look away, because there’s no way she’ll be able to say no to _that_. “But _Camila_. It’s the only wintery thing we’ll get to do. Unless you want to fly up to Canada to play in some snow.”

“Maybe if we had infinite money,” Camila comments, and when she looks back at Lauren, she’s still pouting. It’s enough to make her cave. “Fine, okay? We’ll go ice skating, but you have to protect me.”

“Duh, of course I will,” Lauren smiles at her, squeezing her hand. “I know you’ll be like baby Bambi once we get on the ice.”

Lauren looks so happy on the walk back to the car, that Camila almost blurts out how beautiful she thinks Lauren is. She knows Lauren wouldn’t think anything weird of it, and would just take it as a compliment, but for a split second, Camila wants Lauren to know how she _means_ it.

But she shakes that off, because there’s no point. Starting something with Lauren would only hurt her when she leaves in fifteen days. Just this _friendship_ is going to hurt her, because she’ll wake up in a world where Lauren Jauregui hates her. And Camila isn’t sure she’ll be able to handle that.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Lauren’s question makes Camila jump. She can’t exactly be _honest_ without coming off like a complete psychopath, so she makes something up. “Just about my impending death on the ice.”

Lauren laughs, holding open the passenger seat door for Camila. “I told you I’d protect you.”

Hearing that makes Camila’s stomach flutter, but she ignores it. “Yeah, but you’re not exactly strong. You’re a seventeen-year-old girl, not John Cena.”

“Hey,” Lauren pouts as she buckles herself into the driver’s seat. “I can handle your skinny ass.”

Camila frowns to herself. “I’m pretty sure my ass is the one thing about me that _isn’t_ skinny, Laur.”

“Oh, shut up,” Lauren rolls her eyes, starting the car. “You know what I meant. My point is, I’m going to protect you. So shut up and let me do that.”

Camila rolls her eyes, but smiles. “Fine. I guess I’ll let you look after me. Unless… can you even ice skate?”

“I mean, not to brag or anything, but I’m basically a pro,” Lauren announces, but after a few moments, she laughs. “No, not really. I’m okay at it. Last winter, I- um, I went with Lucy, and I was better than her, so-”

“Can I ask you something really quick?” Camila interrupts, and Lauren blinks in surprise, glancing over at her quickly before turning back to the road. “And you have to promise not to get mad.”

Lauren frowns, but nods in confirmation. “Okay. Shoot.”

“You’re not, like… _substituting_ me for Lucy, right?” Camila asks, because it’s been on her mind a lot. Especially after that kiss. “Like… ever since you guys broke up, you always seem like you want to be around me, and you keep cuddling up to me and now you’re taking me to do the thing you did with your girlfriend last Christmas. It’s just… I don’t know how to take it. Because I want you to spend time with me because you want _me_ , not because you’re filling some kind of hole.”

Once Camila finishes, she breathes out a small sigh of something like relief. She knows that if she were actually sixteen, and still so insecure in herself, that she’d never have had the guts to say that, and maybe that’s where she went wrong with Lauren the first time. She never stood up for herself when Lauren would sneak into her bunk, kiss her, and act like nothing happened the next day.

“Okay, um,” Lauren frowns, and pulls the car over quickly, “I’m a little hurt that you think that.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “So you’re not?”

“No. I’m not.” Lauren sighs, “I mean, why would you even _think_ that, Camila? Yes, we’ve got closer since- since Lucy broke up with me, but that’s because _you_ were there for me. _You_ came over and skipped school just to make sure I was okay. You let me crash your sleepover with your friends. You’re clearly going to be one of my best friends after that.”

“You said you wouldn’t get mad but it sounds like you are,” Camila points out, “I didn’t mean it in a bad way, like I think you don’t value our friendship or something. I meant it like… I don’t want to just be someone to spend your time with in place of a significant other. Just to- just to get ditched when you start dating someone else. Because I- I don’t have many friends, and I really care about you. I don’t want to lose you, Lauren.”

She strategically leaves out the whole _oh, you’re the only person I think I could love and I’d fucking kill me if you were just using me_. She doesn’t exactly think Lauren needs to know that.

“I’m sorry if it came off that way.” Lauren says, taking Camila’s hand and squeezing it. “And I guess I can see it from your point of view. But I promise you, it’s not like that. And I wouldn’t ditch you for a future girlfriend or boyfriend. I’m not into anyone like that right now, and I don’t know if I will be for a while.”

“Okay,” Camila nods, “I’m sorry for asking that, but… I really needed to know.”

Lauren pulls her in for a quick hug. “It’s okay, Camz. Now… are we still going ice skating?”

“Damn,” Camila laughs, trying to ease the tension. “You’re really fucking desperate to go ice skating. I guess we can go, but if I die, you don’t get Sofi in my will.”

“I don’t think you have the authority to give Sofi away,” Lauren laughs, “that’s your parents’ thing. But I’m offended anyway. And to _think_ , I was going to give you Nala if I died.”

“Okay, I take it back, you can have Sofi,” Camila quickly makes amends, laughing. “How’d you get Nala, anyway?”

She asks because Fifth Harmony Lauren had received her Nala from a fan, but it’s kind of impossible for not-famous Lauren to have gotten her Nala in the same way.

“Oh, my abuela gave her to me,” Lauren answers with a smile. “I was like, three years old and obsessed with _The Lion King_. Believe it or not, I was actually disappointed with her. I cried because I wanted a _Simba, not a Nala_.”

Camila laughs, imagining that tantrum in her head. “That’s like when those rich kids tweet about how much they hate their parents when they get them the wrong colour Ferrari.”

“Ugh, I hate those tweets,” Lauren replies, “there’s nothing worse than entitled rich people. Or just entitled people in general. That was honestly one of the things I- well, I loved about Lucy. Her family was well off because of her dad but she was never stuck up about it.”

 _She said loved_ , Camila thinks to herself. _Past tense._ “Oh, really? What does her dad do?”

“He’s Carlos Vives, Camz,” Lauren laughs. “I thought you knew that.”

She did, but she’s not about to tell Lauren that. “No, I didn’t.”

“I thought you were friends with her,” Lauren points out, “you said you got coffee with her last week?”

“Well, yeah, but we’re not really close or anything. Not like I am with Dinah or Ally. Or… you.” Camila answers, and at her last addition, Lauren grins. “Anyway, there’s no need to be jealous, Laur.”

“I’m not jealous,” Lauren answers quickly, but Camila smirks at how defensive she seems. “I was just curious.”

“Sure,” Camila laughs, “You’re as green as your eyes right now.”

“Suddenly I have brown eyes,” Lauren comments, setting off again. “I’m not jealous, Camz. I don’t care who you’re friends with. Just as long as you’re friends with me.”

“That was cute.” Camila laughs. “How long until we get to the rink?”

“Shouldn’t be too long,” Lauren answers. “Why? Are you secretly looking forward to our ice skating adventure?”

“Oh, of course not. I just need to know how much time you owe me.” Camila says, and at Lauren’s confused look, she elaborates. “Well, you’re forcing me to ice skate, so however long this takes, you have to give me an equal amount of time at an activity you’re not too keen on.”

Lauren laughs. “You know I’d hang out with you anyway, right?”

“Shush,” Camila shakes her head. “You’re ruining the illusion. I need my payback.”

“Alright, fine,” Lauren answers, and a few moments later, she’s pulling over again, this time at an ice skating rink. “Come on, Camz. Time for you to fall over.”

Camila rolls her eyes, but gets out of the car and follows Lauren towards the booth to buy a ticket. Unfortunately for her, Lauren gets there first, paying for them both before Camila can even open her mouth to ask for a ticket.

“You need to stop doing that,” Camila commands as Lauren carries their skates over to a bench. “You work at a grocery store, you’re not a millionaire. You can’t afford to buy me stuff constantly.”

“I wanted to come here and you didn’t. I’m not going to make you pay for something you didn’t really want to do.” Lauren shrugs. “It’s fine, Camz. I promise.”

“Fine, but I’m paying you back in some other way.” Camila decides on the spot. “Like if you come with me to the movies, and it’s not a movie you want to see, it’s one that I want to see.”

“Okay,” Lauren answers, and Camila takes that as a win and sits down, starting to put her skates on.

It takes Camila a while to get her ice skates on – so long that Lauren has to help her – and then the older Latina takes their shoes and puts them in a locker. Camila doesn’t try getting up until Lauren is by her side again, and when she does, she almost topples over, unable to balance on the skates already.

“I’m not even on the ice yet,” Camila sighs as she leans against Lauren. “This is going to be a disaster.”

“Believe it or not, it’s harder to wear ice skates on regular floor than it is on the ice.” Lauren laughs and walks them towards the door to get out onto the ice. The older Latina lets go of her to skate out a little, then holds out her arms. “Come on. Trust me.”

Camila chews on her bottom lip, debating if she should actually do this, but at Lauren’s open arms, she can’t help herself. She awkwardly waddles towards the ice, and once she steps on it, she almost falls, but Lauren catches her yet again.

Camila breathes out at the feeling of her friend’s arms around her. “I was so scared for a second there. Thought I was going to fall.”

“Hey,” Lauren smiles at her and gives her a soft squeeze around the waist. “I told you I’d always be there to catch you.”

Camila’s stomach flutters, and she knows she’s blushing, but if Lauren asks, she’ll blame it on the weather. Even though it’s definitely not cold right now, by Miami standards it’s slightly chilly, so she feels like she could make up some excuse and it might work.

Lauren slowly lets go of her, but keeps a tight grip on her hand. “Alright, we’re going to start slow. Even though I’m not exactly a pro here, I think I can manage to get us both around this rink safely.”

Camila nods, but sticks to the side anyway, one hand on the rails of the rink, and the other gripping onto Lauren’s for dear life. “Please don’t let me die here, Lo. You’re my only hope.”

Lauren laughs. “ _Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi_.”

“ _Wow_ ,” Camila snorts. “You’re such a fucking nerd. I can’t believe you’re quoting _Star Wars_ when- _no, no, keep holding my hand.”_

Lauren smirks. “Yeah. Call me a nerd one more time and you’re on your own, Cabello. I don’t think you want to take that risk, do you?”

Camila grumbles. “That’s just mean. You’re mean.”

“Oh, no, my hand slipped,” Lauren says, pulling out of Camila’s death grip and skating a little ahead. “What’re you going to do about that, Camz?”

“Kick your stupid ass,” Camila defends herself. “I swear, Lauren, come here.”

Lauren snorts. “ _You’re_ going to kick my ass? Little Camzi, taking on Miami’s badass, _me_? I’d love to see that.”

“Okay, first of all, you’re not a badass, you’re a puppy,” Camila points out, “and second of all, I could take you, Jauregui. I’ll prove it.”

“You might prove it, yeah,” Lauren turns to her with an evil grin, “but you’ve got to catch me first, so I don’t think you have much of a chance.”

With that, she skates across the rink, and Camila’s heart drops. She tries to push off from the side, in a futile attempt to chase Lauren, but one foot slips into the other, and suddenly the ice is coming towards her, so Camila resigns herself to her fate.

But then a pair of arms are around her waist, and she’s being helped upright again. She clings onto Lauren, sighing into her friend’s shoulder. “Thank you, Lo. I thought you were going to leave me to die then.”

“I told you that I’d protect you, didn’t I?” Lauren smiles at her, pulling away and squeezing her hand. “Anyway, all jokes aside, what am I getting you for Christmas? I know I shouldn’t be worrying about that just yet, since we still have a few finals until Christmas break, but I like to get all my shopping out of the way, and I want to know what you want.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t think you were buying for me,” Camila replies, honestly a little shocked. She hadn’t expected Christmas presents, and for a moment, she forgets that she’s not going to be around to open it. But then it hits her, and a sad smile forms on her face. “I don’t mind. Anything.”

“Whoa, why do you look so upset at the thought of a Christmas present?” Lauren frowns. “Presents are good things, and of course I’m buying for you, Camz. You’re one of my best friends.”

“I- well,” Camila shrugs, trying to think about something her sixteen year old self might like. “I don’t know, really. I need a new capo for my guitar? Just… little things like that. What do you want?”

Lauren shrugs. “Anything but chocolate. I get chocolate from distant family members and I have to give it to my siblings. It’s sweet that they thought to get me a gift, but I really don’t like chocolate.”

Camila pouts. “Give your spare chocolate to me, I’ll eat it.”

Lauren just smiles. “Why do I feel like you’re going to buy me chocolate just so I’ll have to regift it right back to you?”

“I wasn’t going to, but thanks for the idea,” Camila grins, and it’s that moment she realises she’s ice skating. And _not_ falling on her ass. “Wait, we’re moving. Oh my god, I’m doing it!”

Lauren beams at Camila’s enthusiasm, and when the younger girl turns to her with the biggest smile on her face, her brown eyes lit up, Lauren’s stomach flutters involuntarily. She brushes the feeling off and squeezes Camila’s hand.

“Yeah, you’re doing it,” Lauren smiles, “you think you can do it without me holding your hand now?”

“Whoa, not so fast,” Camila shakes her head, “let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Maybe next year I can try without your help.”

 _Maybe next year_ has a different effect on both girls. For Lauren, it makes her heart feel warm that Camila wants to come here next year, but for Camila, she feels empty. For Camila, next year she’ll probably be on a tour somewhere, without four other girls on that journey with her. Without _Lauren_ on that journey with her.

It makes her heart hurt, if she’s being honest.

“I have a query,” Lauren announces, and Camila pushes down the dull ache she feels. “Do you think alternate universes are a thing?”

Camila tenses up at Lauren’s question, but the older Latina doesn’t notice. While Camila’s having an internal crisis, wondering what Lauren knows, Lauren is busy humming to herself, awaiting Camila’s answer.

“I- um, I don’t know,” Camila finally replies, “do you?”

“I don’t know either, but nobody _knows_. It’s what you believe that I’m asking,” Lauren says. “I feel like there are. And if there are, it’s probably like, based off the choices we make or something. And every time we get that big decision, our life curves a different way and another alternate path is created.”

“Well, I mean, I don’t know,” Camila nervously answers, “I guess there might be. What made you think about that, anyway?”

“I don’t know, I like thinking about stuff like that. How the universe works.” Lauren shrugs. “how big decisions we make can shape our whole reality.”

Camila hums. “Well, what’s a big decision that you think shaped your reality?”

“There are a few that come to mind,” Lauren comments, “my decision to come out is one. Or, I mean, I guess my decision to not go on _The X Factor_. Not that a dumb reality show would’ve changed my life, though. I doubt I would’ve gotten very far.”

Camila’s stomach drops. Because maybe the things Lauren is talking about… maybe it’s all true. Maybe this is a reality where none of them decided to audition, and she’s in that timeline. But there are parts of it that don’t line up, and that’s what Camila wants to know.

“Are you okay?”

When Lauren speaks, Camila jumps, but nods. “Yeah, I’m fine. Totally fine.”

Lauren frowns. “You don’t seem-”

“What song were you going to sing?”

“What?” Lauren blinks in surprise at Camila’s question. “What song?”

“For your audition,” Camila clarifies. “What song would you have sung?”

“Oh,” Lauren laughs a little, “actually, I was practicing _If I Ain’t Got You_ by Alicia Keys for weeks before I read the fucked up contract and backed out. If you don’t sign then you can’t audition.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, tears stinging at her eyes. “You would’ve killed it. I know that.”

Lauren smiles at her. “Thanks, Camz.”

“So, um, why don’t you think you wouldn’t get far?” Camila asks. “I mean… you have a beautiful voice and you’re really talented, so…”

Lauren shrugs. “I guess it’s mostly because I’m not really the fame type. People look for that star quality in people, and the _X Factor_ as an actual thing is like… how you act towards big crowds and how extraverted and friendly you are. You have to have the specific personality as well as the talent, and I don’t have that. And I’d be miserable trying to act it. Plus, you’ve got to be pretty PG and I cuss a lot, which they wouldn’t like. And, you know, there’s the whole… I like girls thing.”

Camila mulls over Lauren’s words, and she has to admit, she has a point. Management had silenced Fifth Harmony Lauren, and made her stay in the closet for years, and Camila had seen first-hand how miserable that had made her.

If anything, Camila is happy that this Lauren hadn’t had to go through that. “Yeah. That’d suck. Especially if you had to act like someone you’re not.”

Lauren just smiles. “Anyway, enough dwelling on maybes things that might have happened. It’s time we turned you into a pro ice skater.”

Despite the words, as Lauren pulls her around the ice for their second lap, Camila can’t seem to stop thinking about her world, where Lauren _did_ audition, and where everything seemed to be a lot less happier than they are here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though we know the girls got a shitty contract here's a similar thing (for Britain's Got Talent) that'd be something along the lines they'd have to sign for X Factor: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xM2OOv5rN_A


	17. sixteen

**_December 12 th, 2016_ **

“I just don’t understand this,” Camila sighs, leaning against the desk as Lucy shuts the classroom door. “Why would we come here for like… four months, just to go back again after nothing significant? If your theory was right, I’ve got until Sunday. I’ll go to sleep on Sunday and wake up back where I’m supposed to be. But _why_?”

“Look, I know it’s complicated, but what else could it be?” Lucy asks her. “You kissed Lauren and you didn’t go back, and we thought that’d do it. So maybe it’s something simple like that. We go back on the day we got here.”

“It doesn’t feel right, though,” Camila argues, “I feel no different than I did when I got here, except the feelings for Lauren that I’ve spent so long getting rid of are back in full force. So that’s great.”

“I think you’re pretty different,” Lucy shrugs. “And it might not just be Lauren. You’re closer with the other girls too.”

“Yeah, but there hasn’t been a big thing,” Camila insists, getting so frustrated she starts to pace. “I just don’t see why I’d go back yet.”

“Change is subtle sometimes,” Lucy answers. “I think it’s pretty impossible to go through something as insane as this and _not_ change at least a little.”

Camila sighs. “Well, yeah, but… it just doesn’t feel right.”

Lucy laughs. “What’s _right_ about any of this? We’re stuck in some weird, alternate dimension. That’s not normal.”

Camila can’t help it; she laughs too, but it doesn’t do much to ease the tension in her body. “I just don’t understand any of this. Why would I go back after doing nothing significant?”

Lucy frowns at her, as Camila lets out a long sigh. “Shouldn’t you be happy, though? Do you… do you not want to go back?”

“No, what? Of course I do,” Camila answers, a little too quickly. “It’s just… I haven’t done anything, you know? I don’t want to go back with all of these lingering questions, is all.”

Lucy watches her for a moment, considering her words, but not looking like she believes her. “Well, I don’t know. Do you have any theories?”

“No,” Camila answers, “I’ve been here for months and I’ve come up with no reasons as to why-”

“Camz?”

At the voice, Camila cuts herself off, and the classroom door opens. When Lauren sees her, she smiles, but then she spots Lucy and her face falls. Camila clears her throat at the immediate tension in the room.

“Uh, hey, Laur,” Camila smiles at her. “I didn’t realise we were talking so loudly.”

“Uh, yeah,” Lauren replies distractedly, not taking her eyes off Lucy. “Um… hey.”

Lucy sends Lauren a tentative smile. “Hi, Lauren. How are you doing?”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and looks away, shrugging. “Fine. Um, Camz, I need to talk to you, so…”

“Oh, okay,” Camila grabs her backpack from where she’d left it on the seat. “I’ll see you around, Lucy.”

“Yeah,” Lucy replies, “see you guys.”

Camila walks over and meets Lauren, following her out of the room. As soon as they’re out of sight, Lauren lets out a long sigh and shakes her head.

“Sorry,” Lauren apologises quickly, “I didn’t mean to… to interrupt and make things awkward.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Camila answers, “I know you’re not entirely okay with her yet and-”

“It isn’t that. I still… obviously I still care about her,” Lauren interrupts, “but I just… wasn’t expecting to see you with her. And I haven’t really… spoken to her since we broke up.”

“Maybe you should,” Camila suggests, knowing that it might still be too early. “I mean, you guys were best friends before you dated. So part of it is probably missing the friendship too. So… when you’re ready, you should rekindle that with her, you know?”

Lauren shrugs. “I mean, I get the idea, but I’m not sure. She really hurt me.”

“I know, and I’m not saying right now,” Camila clarifies. “I mean like, once you’re ready and feel like you’re over the romantic feelings you have for her.”

“I guess I’m making a step in the right direction.” Lauren shrugs. “I have a coffee date later.”

Camila’s heart stops, and she feels that familiar sting of heartache she’d get every time Lauren would mention liking someone that _isn’t_ her. “You- you have a date?”

“It’s not anything serious,” Lauren is quick to explain, “it’s just… a guy asked me out to get some coffee and I figured why not, you know?”

“Oh,” Camila bites down on her bottom lip, “you know, it’s just… I thought you weren’t over Lucy yet?”

“Well, not one hundred percent, and I don’t think I ever really _will_ be because she’s my first love,” Lauren explains, “but it’s not a big deal. It’s just one little date.”

“If it’s not a big deal then what’s the point in you going?” Camila tries to reason as casually as possible. “Besides, you just said you’re not over Lucy.”

Lauren just shrugs. “I also said I don’t think I’d ever be _over_ her. Not entirely. And like I said, it’s one little date. I figured I might as well go.”

“Oh, um,” for some reason, Camila feels like torturing herself a little more. “Who is it with?”

Lauren shrugs. “Brad Simpson. He’s in my math class.”

Camila’s stomach drops even more, and she tries her best to get the image of Lauren and _Brad_ of all people out of her head. “Um, okay, I have to go find Dinah. Bye, Lauren.”

As Lauren replies with a ‘ _wait, what?’_ Camila practically sprints down the hallway, getting away from her. She can’t believe it. She’s probably going away on Sunday and she’s already missed her chance with Lauren because of some dumb _guy_.

It makes her blood boil. It makes her want to fight everyone in sight because she’s so fucking _angry_ , but she’s not sure who she’s madder at; herself, or _Brad_. She decides she hates Brad, for asking Lauren out, because Lauren was supposed to be _hers_.

_“Do you want to watch a movie with me and Dinah?” Camila asks carefully, knowing things have been awkward around Lauren for a while. “We were going to watch some weird conspiracy videos and I figured you might want to join since Ally and Mani are with their families and-”_

_“I can’t, Camila,” Lauren answers curtly, not looking up from her phone, “I have a date tonight.”_

_“A- a date?” Camila cringes when she stutters. “Oh. With who?”_

_“Brad. He asked me out and I figured why not,” Lauren shrugs, standing up and stretching. “I have to go get my makeup touched up. My call time was three this morning and I want to look presentable. Later, Camila.”_

_Before Camila can respond, Lauren has walked past her and out of the door, still engrossed in her phone. She sighs to herself, wondering how things ended up so strained._

Camila shakes that memory from her head; that’s not something she wants to think about. What she _wants_ to think about is the wonderful mental image of her punching Brad’s stupid face. That’s what she needs to focus on.

 _Not_ about how mad she is at herself for being too late _again_.

She stalks into her first period class, glaring as she finds her desk, and a rather confused Dinah turns to her with a frown.

“What’s wrong, Chancho?” Dinah asks, and Camila can be glad that _that’s_ at least one thing she’s done right. She still has Dinah as her best friend. “Did you forget your textbook?”

“No,” Camila bites out, trying her best to contain her anger. “Stupid, _ugly_ Brad Simpson asked Lauren out. _Before_ I could. I would’ve done it if I’d known she was ready for that. But some dumb _boy_ got there first. He doesn’t even- _how_ could she want to go on a date with him? He doesn’t even have lips. You can’t kiss someone with no lips.”

Dinah snorts, and Camila tries not to vomit at the thought of Lauren kissing _him_. Or anyone, really. Anyone that _isn’t_ her.

“Truly savage, Walz,” Dinah laughs, “but what’s the big deal? It’s only one date, right?”

“ _No,_ because one date can lead to more dates, and more dates can lead to a _relationship_ , which means Lauren would be off the market again and I would’ve completely missed my chance.” Camila slams her head down on the desk, frowning when she actually kind of hurts herself. “Maybe that’s why I’m here. Maybe this is my second chance with her, and I’ve gone ahead and screwed it up. Maybe I _will_ go back on Sunday after all.”

“Wait, what?” Dinah frowns. “You think you’re going back on Sunday?”

“Well, December 18th, 2016 was when I left. I figured- well, _Lucy_ figured that since we both went back by a few months, that’s the time period we’re here for,” Camila tries explaining, hoping that the other students slowly filing into the classroom aren’t listening in and getting ready to commit her to an asylum. “So maybe since I’ve fucked up my second chance with Lauren, I’ll just wake up and be back where I was.”

Dinah hums in thought, but doesn’t comment. “Well, if you wanted a chance with Lauren, why didn’t you tell her?”

“Because I thought she was still heartbroken,” Camila answers, sighing again. “I was _trying_ to be respectful.”

“I’m sorry, Walz,” Dinah squeezes her hand. “Come over to my place tonight. We’ll get takeout and watch a trashy movie to take your mind off her.”

Camila nods, resting her head on Dinah’s shoulder. “Thank you, China. I love you.”

Dinah pauses for a moment, but then she gives her a soft squeeze and murmurs, “I love you too, Mila.”

-

“So, what do you like to do for fun?”

Lauren takes a sip of her coffee and shrugs. “I like to paint. Sometimes I write songs, but it’s not a big thing that I’m super serious about. It’s pretty much just a form of escapism for-”

“I totally get that,” Brad interrupts her, and Lauren lets out a subtle sigh. Irritatingly, this isn’t the first time he’s interrupted her so far on this date. “I write songs too. My friends tell me I’m like that Shakespeare guy with my lyrics, which is pretty cool. Do you want to listen to one of our songs? I’m in a band, you know.”

Lauren wants to roll her eyes at that last comment. Obviously, the whole _I’m in a band_ thing is a classic line he uses to make girls swoon. Unfortunately for him, it makes Lauren think he’s a douche. But instead, she’s not really thinking about Brad. When she hears _you know_ , it just makes her think of Camila, since the younger girl has a habit of finishing her sentences with _you know_ or _you know what I mean_ , and Lauren has always found that cute.

When she thinks back to Brad’s question, she doesn’t really know how to respond. She really _doesn’t_ want to listen to his music, so she puts on her flirtiest smile as a distraction. “How about you play me it for real some time?”

She hopes that’ll be enough of a _no thanks_ without actually saying no, because after this is over, she has no intention of hanging out with Brad again.

“Sounds good, babe,” Brad smirks at her, and Lauren cringes a little. Too soon for pet names, definitely. “So, what’s with you and that girl you keep hanging with? The dorky one? Is she some kind of charity case or does she just follow you around?”

He laughs at his own joke, but Lauren just frowns. “Um, what?”

“You know, that awkward girl that follows you around,” Brad explains, “the one who fell flat on her face trying to talk to my buddy Austin last year.”

“Are you talking about Camila?” Lauren asks, studying Brad carefully. “Because if you are, she’s my _friend_ , and I don’t let people make fun of my friends.”

“It’s a joke,” Brad replies, “relax. Besides, it’s not like there isn’t truth there. You’re fucking sexy, and she’s awkward and weird. It’s not-”

“Not a very funny joke,” Lauren tells him, standing up and grabbing her jacket. “If you have to make jokes at the expense of someone else, clearly you’re not very funny _or_ original. This date is over.”

With that, she turns on her heel and walks out of the coffee shop, regretting her decision to go out in the first place. She sighs, and sends a text to Camila, seeing if she’s busy, then tucks her phone into her pocket and gets into her car.

She slumps down in the driver’s seat and wonders when dating got so hard. With Lucy, while she had her worries about coming out, and she was confused about her sexuality for a little while, once they’d actually started dating, and were out and proud, everything was simple. Sure, they had their fights, but it never took them long to make up.

She misses that. She misses the connection she had with Lucy, and she knows that one day, she’ll want to be friends again. But right now, that’s too hard. And maybe going out for coffee with whoever asks her isn’t the right way to go about getting back into dating. Maybe she just needs to wait for that connection again.

The only person she’s felt even a small connection with is Camila, but that wouldn’t happen, since they’re friends, and Camila wouldn’t like her like that, anyway. She’s hung up on the girl who would always kiss her and then act like nothing happened, and Lauren wouldn’t want to confuse her even more.

 _Not that I wouldn’t mind dating Camila_ , Lauren thinks, but blinks in surprise when that even crosses her mind. No, she’s already ruined one friendship by dating the person, and she doesn’t want to lose Camila, because slowly but surely, Camila has wedged her way into Lauren’s life and made herself at home. Camila is like her rock now, an anchor that has always kept her safe.

When her phone buzzes, she smiles, expecting a text from Camila, but it’s not. It’s from Normani.

**_Manibear (6:02PM): How’s the date?_ **

**_Lo (6:02PM): It sucked. I left._ **

**_Manibear (6:03PM): You should’ve known it would suck. No white boy in a band is ever interesting._ **

**_Lo (6:03PM): Matt Healy begs to differ._ **

**_Lo (6:03PM): Did you see Camila at all today? I barely saw her after I ran into her and Lucy._ **

**_Manibear (6:04PM): She’s still friends with her?_ **

**_Lo (6:04PM): Yeah. I told her it’s not a big deal._ **

**_Lo (6:04PM): Because it isn’t._ **

**_Manibear (6:05PM): As long as you’re okay with it._ **

**_Manibear (6:05PM): Are you heading home?_ **

**_Lo (6:06PM): Yeah. Probably going to watch a few episodes of a show and wallow about how much dating sucks. Feel free to join me._ **

**_Manibear (6:07PM): Be at your house in a half hour. Get the popcorn ready._ **

**_Lo (6:08PM): Will do. See you soon._ **

Lauren locks her phone again, happy that she has plans with her best friend to take her mind off her awful date. She hopes there’s a party this weekend, because she really feels the need to get drunk and forget about her worries for a night, but with her luck, there won’t be.

She drops her phone on the passenger seat and starts her car up, humming along to the songs on the radio. Her mind drifts to Camila again, and she finds herself wondering what she’s doing right now, since Camila generally replies to texts instantly.

Even though she’s trying not to care, she finds herself waiting for her phone to buzz, ready to pull over at a moment’s notice, but she doesn’t get a text by the time she gets home. She unlocks the door and says a quick hello to her parents, before she gets the popcorn ready in time for Normani’s arrival.

Once her best friend shows up, they head up to her room, and Lauren gets into her sweats, not caring about looking presentable for her friend. Since they’ve been friends for so long, Normani had definitely seen her at her worst.

“The date really sucked that bad?” Normani asks as they’re picking a movie. “I mean, I figured it would, but I also wanted you to have fun and get back out there.”

“Yeah, he was more concerned about himself,” Lauren answers, shoving a handful of popcorn in her mouth. “It was like… he’d ask me a question, and I’d start answering, and then he’d find a way to segue it back to himself. _Or_ his music.”

Normani snorts. “Trust me, I heard his music at the school talent show last year. It’s really not something to brag about.”

Lauren laughs a little, reaching around her friend to grab Nala, and cuddling the toy to her chest. “I guess everyone has got to go through some shitty dates in their lifetime.”

“That’s true,” Normani answers, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “You know, if you’re interested in another date, I have plenty of people I can set you up with. You’re like, the hottest piece of ass at our school, except for me. Pretty much everyone has been waiting until you were ready to date again.”

Lauren smiles at _except for me_ , but doesn’t comment on it. “I don’t know. I don’t really want to date someone unless I have a connection with them, I think. Not someone who wants me for something as trivial as my looks.”

“Just don’t pick a fuckboy, thanks,” Normani says, “Brad was bad enough. Am I staying over tonight, by the way?”

“I’m working tomorrow, so unless you want to be woken up at four by my alarm, no.” Lauren answers, pushing the bad date from her mind. “Can’t wait to get called _sweetheart_ by creepy old men.”

Normani laughs. “I thought you said Camila kept showing up to keep you company.”

“No, she shows up to mock my work uniform,” Lauren replies, smiling to herself at the constant jokes she gets. Camila had also taken to sending her stock images of grocery store workers in ugly uniforms with the caption ‘ _is this u’._ “And she comes because she wants a ride to school sometimes.”

“Dinah told me she gives her a ride,” Normani replies, and Lauren frowns, because she hadn’t known that Normani had been spending time with Dinah. “Anyway, you and Camila have gotten pretty close lately. Dinah told me you guys went ice skating. Thanks for keeping your _best friend_ in the loop.”

Lauren frowns. “There’s no _loop_ for you to be in. I just went ice skating with my friend.”

Normani laughs a little, and if anything, it makes Lauren frown even more. “Yeah, okay. So, you want to watch comedy, horror, or a comedy-horror?”

Lauren just shrugs. “Anything. Something cheesy. I don’t mind, just-”

When her phone pings, Lauren cuts herself off to pick it up and check it, and Normani just rolls her eyes. Lauren doesn’t notice, and her face practically lights up when she sees a few texts from Camila.

**_Camz (6:59PM): hey sorry for the late reply i was watching trashy movies with dinah and hadn’t looked at my phone_ **

**_Camz (6:59PM): how are u?_ **

**_Camz (6:59PM): also_ **

**_Camz (7:00PM): why is there a pic of u on google_ **

**__ **

**_Laur (7:00PM): Haha wow so funny_ **

**_Laur (7:00PM): Hope you’re having fun watching movies. I’m currently doing the same with Mani. Date was a total flop._ **

**_Camz (7:01PM): i’m sorry it sucked_ **

**_Camz (7:01PM): hope you’re okay_ **

**_Laur (7:01PM): Yeah. It’s not like I was crushing on him or had any big expectations, so I’m fine. I’m working tomorrow if you’re going to make a surprise appearance for a discounted sandwich and a ride to school._ **

**_Camz (7:02PM): i’ll be there :)_ **

Lauren smiles when she reads the message. Aside from the bad date, today had gone well, and she hopes tomorrow will be even better.


	18. seventeen

**_December 18 th, 2016_ **

When Camila wakes up, she looks at the date on her phone, and feels anxiety building up in her chest. She doesn’t know _why,_ because this isn’t her world. She should be happy and excited, because if Lucy is right, she’ll be going to sleep tonight and waking up where she’s supposed to be.

So _why_ does she feel so empty inside?

When a text from Lauren comes through, Camila smiles to herself. _Maybe that’s why you feel weird, Camila. When you wake up, you won’t get random texts from Lauren_.

**_Laur (12:34PM): Hopefully you’re awake by now, because I’m coming to your house. I need to drop your Christmas present off. And NO OPENING IT BEFORE THE 25 TH OR I’LL FIGHT YOU._ **

**_Camz (12:34PM): yes i’m awake and i’ll open my presents when i want thanks_ **

**_Camz (12:34PM): what are you the christmas police_ **

**_Laur (12:35PM): Yeah, I am. And I’ll arrest you for being a Grinch if you open your present before the 25 th. _ **

**_Laur (12:35PM): Anyway, put on your best Christmas sweater and get those chestnuts roasting on an open fire or whatever. We’re having a Christmas movie day._ **

Camila smiles down at the message, because if this _is_ her last day here, there would be nothing better than spending it with Lauren. Especially if a movie day is involved, because Lauren is a very cuddly person when she’s watching movies.

Camila gets out of bed and brushes her teeth, before jumping in the shower so she’s presentable for Lauren. She gets dressed, pulling on some skinny jeans and a Christmas sweater, before heading downstairs to get something to eat.

When the kitchen and the lounge are deserted, she figures her parents took Sofi out for last minute shopping, and left her to sleep. She appreciates that, because Camila hates the mall around Christmas time. It’s way too busy.

She makes herself some toast, and is in the middle of making hot chocolate for the both of them when there’s a knock on her door, and she smiles. She opens it up and pulls Lauren in for a tight hug, her heart hurting at the possibility that this will never happen again, that she’ll never open her door to Lauren stood there.

“Hey, Camz,” Lauren grins, stepping inside and looking over her sweater. “I’m glad you listened to my instructions and put a festive jumper on.”

“I was making us some hot chocolate,” Camila explains, “so go get comfy on the couch and I’ll bring it through.”

Lauren beams. “That’s why I like coming over here. I get waited on like the queen I am.”

Camila snorts. “Someone thinks a lot of herself.”

“Nothing wrong with loving yourself,” Lauren shrugs, digging into the backpack on her back and holding out a gift. “If you open this before the 25th, I’ll know. I’ll make Sofi be my informant and come over every day for updates.”

“Thanks, Laur,” Camila smiles and pulls her in for a hug. “I guess I’ll respect your wishes and keep it wrapped. Once I’ve made the hot chocolate I’ll run upstairs and get your present.”

“You have my word that it won’t be opened before Christmas.” Lauren promises, nodding towards the stairs. “Can I put my backpack up in your room?”

Camila frowns. “Just leave it by the door. Isn’t it empty after my present, anyway?”

“Oh, I didn’t tell you?” I’m sleeping over,” Lauren announces, and Camila laughs a little. She misses the days she and Lauren were so comfortable around one another that they could show up for impromptu sleepovers. “So I’ll go and put this upstairs while you finish making hot chocolate.”

Before Camila can reply, Lauren heads up the stairs, so she just smiles to herself and heads back into the kitchen, making the cocoa. She takes it out into the lounge, since nobody is home and they can use the big TV, and gets herself comfortable. Lauren sits down next to her and grabs her mug of cocoa, taking a sip.

“Do you like it?” Camila asks, suddenly rather nervous. “Sofi tells me I’m the best at making hot chocolate, so your approval would be great.”

“It’s good, Camz,” Lauren assures her, taking another sip before she sets it down on the coffee table. “Anyway. Christmas movies. What’s your favourite?”

“ _Home Alone_ ,” Camila replies, “you?”

Lauren hums. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, I love _I Don’t Know,”_ Camila retorts, and Lauren laughs, “screw _Home_ _Alone_ , I don’t know is my favourite now.”

“Camz,” Lauren gives her a gentle shove, “don’t be mean to me. Now I’m not staying. Bye.”

“I mean, I didn’t invite you, anyway,” Camila argues as Lauren dramatically gets off the couch and shoots her a glare as she heads for the door. “So, you leaving isn’t really a punishment.”

Lauren pauses halfway out the door and seems to consider this, before letting out a loud _psh_ and turning back around, flopping down on the couch. “I’m staying and forcing you to cuddle me. Suck on that.”

Camila doesn’t comment as Lauren curls up next to her, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. Lauren’s arms wrap around her waist, and the younger Latina starts playing with Lauren’s hair. Camila lets out a sigh of content and closes her eyes, her heart aching at the thought of going back.

 _I’ll never get this again,_ Camila thinks to herself, _Lauren and I will never do this again._ If anything, that makes her heart hurt more, and her grip on Lauren tightens a little, as if the older girl is slowly fading away.

“You still have your Wii?”

Lauren’s question takes Camila off guard, and she opens her eyes to zero in on the gaming console by the television. “Oh, yeah. I don’t really play on it though.”

Lauren grins and sits up, and Camila already misses how it felt to have Lauren pressed up against her. “Alright. Mario Kart rematch. Get ready to be _destroyed,_ Camz.”

Camila can’t hide her smile. “Fine. I’ll get it set up.”

When Camila gets up and leans over the Wii, switching it on along with the TV and grabbing two controllers, she doesn’t notice the way Lauren’s gaze lingers on her ass for a little longer than it should.

“Were you mad at me?”

Again, Lauren’s question takes her off guard, so Camila frowns as she makes her way back over to the couch and gives Lauren a controller. “When? And probably not, no.”

“Earlier this week,” Lauren clarifies, “you avoided me pretty much all day on Monday. So I was wondering if you were mad at me. Because you seemed pretty annoyed when I told you I had a date with Brad.”

Camila’s breath catches in her throat, and her heart stops in her chest. _Busted_. But, instead of freaking out, she decides to play it cool. “I wasn’t mad. I just had a lot of work to do that day. But I guess you’re right in a way. I didn’t like that you went out with Brad.”

Lauren hums. “Why?”

“He just isn’t good enough for you,” Camila says, and it’s part of the truth. “Besides, he seemed like a fuckboy.”

Lauren snorts. “He was. It’s not like it was a huge deal, but it kind of helped, in a way. I realised that going out on some lame date with someone I don’t have a connection with isn’t for me. I want to connect with a person. You know?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, nodding. She thinks back to when Lauren had told her that she felt a weird connection to _Camila_ , like they were supposed to be _friends_. Maybe Camila can make her see they’re supposed to be more.

“I feel that,” Camila finally answers, “but that connection is rare. And sometimes you can’t tell if it’s platonic or romantic.”

Lauren hums. “Yeah. Anyway, before we start, can I make a Mii? We can play Wii Sports after. But I’ll have you know, I’m an actual _professional_ at the bowling.”

Camila clicks on the Mii creator and gives Lauren the player one controller. “Here. You have full creative control.”

Lauren smiles and starts creating a new Mii, at first trying to make Camila laugh by making herself as ugly as possible, but then by actually creating herself. Once she finishes, she passes the controller back to Camila. “Nice. Now I’m officially your best friend.”

“Cut to Dinah, jumping through the window to fight you on that.” Camila jokes, and Lauren laughs, but the younger Latina is hit with a sudden wave of sadness. When – _if –_ she wakes up tomorrow, she won’t have Dinah again. She’ll have lost her rock for a second time.

“Alright, fine, I’m _one of_ your best friends. Is that fair?” Lauren corrects herself, and Camila forces a smile. Lauren seems to pick up on this once she turns around from selecting her character – her own Mii – from the available options. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

If anything, that just makes Camila sadder, because it’s been a _long_ time since that was true for her. “Yeah, I know.”

“Come on,” Lauren nudges against her, “perk up. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And the best person on the planet is gracing you with her presence right now.”

Finally, Camila laughs a little, and Lauren smiles victoriously. “Thanks for gracing me with your presence, Laur.”

“No problem, I love charity work,” Lauren teases her, and Camila gives her a light shove. “Hey, careful, I bruise easily.”

“Alright, sorry,” Camila says, finally picking her character – Yoshi – and going to select her kart. “I’ll get you back in another way; by kicking your ass at Mario Kart.”

“In your dreams,” Lauren scoffs, but her expression softens and she squeezes Camila’s hand. “Seriously, Camz… are you okay? Is it… is it that girl you told me about a while ago?”

“What girl?” Camila blurts out without realising, and then she remembers she’d effectively told Lauren about her alternate self without naming any names. Because while Lauren _is_ the thing on her mind, it’s not _that_ Lauren, it’s this one. “Oh! Yeah, no, it’s not her. That’s… communication has been cut off since September. I… I have feelings for someone else now.”

She says it like that because it’s effectively the only way to voice it. Even though they look the same, and sound the same, and smell the same, and _feel_ the same, this Lauren and the one she left behind are a lot different. Camila doesn’t know why, but there have been times when she feels like she’s closer to this Lauren than she ever was to Fifth Harmony Lauren.

Maybe it was the fame. She knows that the other Lauren had to adapt a lot to being a public figure, and there’s nothing about being famous that wouldn’t change a person, whether it be in a positive, negative or completely neutral way. This Lauren is seventeen and she knows who she is, and what she wants in life. Fifth Harmony Lauren, however, was a different story. The one word Camila would use to describe that Lauren at seventeen was _confused_. And while this Lauren and the other one are the same in a lot of ways, they have their differences, too.

 _They’re different people,_ is what Camila had argued to Lucy, when Lucy had been avoiding this Lauren for something the other one had done. So, the only way she can really put it is _having feelings for someone else._ Because this Lauren _is_ someone else.

She’d always thought that Fifth Harmony Lauren was _her_ Lauren, and that this one was just the closest thing she could get. But now, she’s not so sure.

Maybe this Lauren is _her Lauren._

“Oh, little Camzi has a crush?” Lauren smirks, but Camila swears she can see some other emotion concealed in Lauren’s emerald eyes. “On a girl, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah,” Camila replies, looking through the races and deciding to start off with a classic; Coconut Mall. “And before you turn into Dinah and Ally and start pushing me for answers, I’m not telling you who she is. Dinah knows, but only because she guessed.”

“Guess I’m going to head to the store after this and get some hot Cheetos to bribe Dinah with, then,” Lauren tells her, smirking. “That’ll suck for you; first you’ll get your ass kicked, and then Dinah will tell me your deep, dark secret crush.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Shut up and get ready to lose, Jauregui.”

“Damn, that’s fighting talk, Cabello,” Lauren replies, turning to the screen and readying her controller. “I beat you once, I’m not afraid to do it again.”

As the race starts, Camila smiles. “Don’t you think it’s funny how our entire friendship is essentially stemmed from playing Mario Kart at your party?”

“Actually,” Lauren corrects her, “it’s founded on your litter sister having more game than you.”

“I thought you didn’t like me, okay? It’s not my fault you were all sullen and unapproachable.” Camila scoffs, and bashes into Lauren’s character out of spite. “Anyway, picking your _Mii_? Boring.”

“Hey, my Mii is new, I’m introducing her to the world of gaming,” Lauren defends herself, “and I was hardly _unapproachable_ if a six-year-old could invite me to lunch without any kind of worry. Meanwhile you were shaking in the corner like a scared puppy because you were intimidated by my sheer awesomeness.”

“Who the fuck says _awesome_ anymore,” Camila retorts, rolling her eyes, “like, 2008 wants its vocabulary back.”

Lauren laughs, and Camila smiles to herself, proud she could make that happen. “Alright, cool it on the sass. It’s supposed to be a festive, happy time.”

“You ruined any happy time when you suggested this rematch,” Camila replies, “I’m out for blood.”

Lauren hums. “Funny, coming from the girl who’s _about_ to be in second place.”

Camila frowns, but when the _annoying fucking blue shell_ comes and blows her up, she growls in frustration, seeing Lauren’s Mii drive past her at top speed. “Fucking _hell_. There’s nothing worse than the blue shell. And it’s always some annoying ass computer kart from the back that sends it, but it’s not like it’ll benefit _them_.”

“Sure benefitted me,” Lauren smirks as she passes the finish line, “when I was younger and I played the DS version with Mani, any time I was in first and I saw on the item thing that someone had got a blue shell, I let Mani pass, so it’d lock in on her and she’d get hit. Either way, I’d still win. But because this game doesn’t show you other players’ items, that strategy is dead.”

Camila scowls at the television when she finishes in second place, and she finds herself seriously rethinking her crush when she sees Lauren’s name at the top of the scoreboard. “Whatever, Jauregui. There’s still three races left. Plenty of time for me to crush you.”

But, Camila speaks too soon, because three races later, Lauren is smirking at her as her character stands on the first place podium, while Camila had come second. She’d managed to beat Lauren in the last race, but the first three were a complete flop. She puts two of those losses down to the blue shells, and claims that the game is rigged.

Lauren just laughs. “Or I’m better than you. Could be that.”

“I don’t know about that, but I _do_ know that you’re a jerk.” Camila sends Lauren a sickly sweet smile and puts her controller down. “Christmas movies or Wii Sports?”

“Wii Sports,” Lauren replies, smiling, “I feel like I’m on a winning streak right now.”

Camila rolls her eyes, but gets up and changes the game discs. “You know, one time I played boxing on the Wii, and my arms were aching for days after. It was actually kind of depressing how much of a physical toll it took on me.”

Lauren laughs. “I used to do my fitness age, and if it brought up a task I sucked at, like golf or whatever, my age would end up being like, fifty or something.”

“My age was always over fifty regardless,” Camila replies, “my athleticism really isn’t something to brag about.”

Lauren hums, her eyes raking over Camila as the younger Latina sits back down. “So you’re not athletic and you don’t work out, but you still have _that_ body? That’s just not fair.”

Camila’s stomach flutters at Lauren’s words. _Is she flirting_? She tries her best to play it cool. “I mean, if we’re talking about nice bodies… go look in a mirror.”

“Oh, this old thing?” Lauren looks down at herself and sends Camila a grin. “Thanks, Camz.”

“No need to thank me, I’m just stating facts,” Camila shrugs, smiling at Lauren. “Little Laur needs to know she’s cute.”

Camila _swears_ Lauren blushes. “I’m not little, I’m older than you. I can call you little, but you can’t do that to me. Respect your elders, Camila.”

“Eight months,” Camila reiterates for what feels like the millionth time. “You’re eight months older than me. But I guess everyone always sees me as the dorky little sister type.”

Lauren murmurs something, but Camila doesn’t catch it. Before she can ask Lauren to repeat herself, the older Latina just smiles. “Dorky, for sure. And definitely goofy. But not, like the weird kind. You know, the cutesy kind of goofy.”

Camila remembers those same words, said in a different time, in a different context, but weirdly, they mean more here. “Thanks for calling me cute. Not to sound like Dinah, but I know I am.”

Lauren doesn’t reply, and when Camila turns to look at her, she meets Lauren’s gaze. Lauren has a soft, almost dreamy smile on her face, and she’s watching Camila, looking completely content. For a moment, Camila’s heart soars, and the smile gives her hope, but then reality hits her.

_I’m going back. I’m going to wake up tomorrow, and Lauren will hate me again. The other girls will too._

Camila tries to push that thought from her mind, but it keeps creeping up on her. _I’ll never have Lauren Jauregui. I’ll never be the one she’ll be out and proud with. I’ll never be the one she loves._

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” Lauren answers after what feels like a lifetime, and for a moment, Camila thought she’d spoken aloud. But when Lauren elaborates, she relaxes a little. “You _are_ cute.”

Camila swallows the lump in her throat, because Lauren seems a lot closer than she was before. “I am?”

“Mhm,” Lauren murmurs, and Camila swears her gaze flicks down to her lips, before green locks with brown once more. “You are.”

Camila isn’t sure if this is entirely _real_ , because it seems like Lauren is starting to lean in, and Camila isn’t exactly going to stop her. When she feels Lauren’s hand on her thigh, she almost jumps, but instead, she takes it as a positive sign and starts to lean in as well. They’re just inches apart, and Camila feels like maybe today wasn’t a negative omen after all, when the front door opens and Sinu calls out, “mija? Are you awake?”

Camila almost groans in annoyance as she moves away from Lauren, but she reigns it in. She looks anywhere but the older girl and calls out to her mom. “Yeah, I’m in the lounge.”

When Sofi walks in and spots Lauren on the couch, Camila knows that any chance they’d have to actually _talk_ about how they were about to fucking _kiss_ is ruined. From her experience, Lauren won’t bring it up, and if Lauren didn’t bring it up, then Camila didn’t either.

“Are you guys playing bowling?” Sofi looks at the TV, and then back at Camila. “Can I play?”

Lauren answers for her. “Of course you can play. Go grab a controller.”

Sofi gets the last controller from the drawer and sits down as Lauren works on connecting it. Camila, feeling a little upset that all of her last chances are being ruined, excuses herself to the bathroom to breathe. When she locks herself in, she sinks down against the wall and sighs.

Talk about bad timing.

-

Lauren closes her eyes, comforted by the gentle rise and fall of Camila’s chest. The way she’s sat, she can hear Camila’s heartbeat, and when she’d first cuddled up to her, it was practically pounding in the other girl’s chest, but her heart rate had slowly gone back to normal.

Even though they’re both keeping up the pretence that nothing happened earlier, Lauren knows that there’s some residual tension. She knows she shouldn’t have tried anything, and she doesn’t know what had come over her. All she remembers thinking was how beautiful Camila had looked, and suddenly she was leaning in, like she was being possessed by something.

But after they’d been interrupted, and she’d had time to think about it, she’s kind of _glad_ that nothing happened. Not ten minutes before, Camila had told her that she has feelings for someone, someone that probably isn’t _her_. Lauren feels like she knows Camila pretty well, and she’s pretty sure that Camila’s crush is someone she gets nervous around, and Lauren likes to think Camila is comfortable around her.

Kissing her would’ve made things awkward, Lauren decides. It would’ve messed with their friendship, and Lauren doesn’t want that. She’s never felt so comfortable around a new person since she’d met Normani back in kindergarten, and she doesn’t want to jeopardise this, especially not if Camila is already crushing on someone else.

And it’s not like Lauren has a crush on _Camila_ , anyway. Sure, she’s beautiful, and funny, and smart, and Lauren _does_ have a connection with her. But it’s not a crush, because Camila is her _friend._

Camila lets out a small sigh, and Lauren feels the vibrations of the younger girls’ chest against her as she speaks. “Not to be a drag, but this movie is boring.”

Lauren opens her eyes again and looks up at Camila. “Why do you think I was falling asleep?”

“I _did_ suggest _Home Alone 2_ , but _someone_ vetoed that,” Camila looks down at Lauren pointedly. “Picking a movie neither of us has seen is always a dangerous move in case it sucks.”

“Sometimes it’s good if a movie sucks. Like, it’s so bad that it’s funny,” Lauren says, sitting up and immediately missing Camila’s warmth. “There have been times when Mani and I look up an infamously bad horror movie and spend the whole night mocking it.”

“I thought we had to be festive today,” Camila comments, “you know, since it’s the holiday season and all.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, we do. And we’ve watched one Christmas movie, so I’d say we’re good in that department. Anyway, we have more pressing matters at hand.”

Camila raises her eyebrows, but Lauren senses a little panic. “We do?”

“Yes,” Lauren nods, “did you get a place on the Universal trip?”

“Oh,” Camila laughs, a relieved smile on her face, “yeah, I did. It’s actually the week after my birthday, which is pretty cool.”

Lauren frowns. “You’ve never told me your birthday. _Camila,_ I’m offended. It’s like you don’t want presents.”

“You don’t have to get me anything,” Camila rolls her eyes, “but it’s March 3rd. And yours is June 27th.”

Lauren blinks in surprise, because she’s never told Camila that. “How do you know that? I’ve never mentioned it.”

“I guess you could say I’m kind of psychic,” Camila smiles knowingly, but laughs at Lauren’s confused expression. “Kidding. It’s on your Twitter profile, dumbass.”

“Oh,” Lauren laughs, “yeah. That’s true. For a minute, I thought you were some _stalker_. Not that I’d blame you, I am pretty amazing.”

“Pretty egotistical, too,” Camila comments, before her smile softens and Lauren’s stomach flips. The first thought through Lauren’s head is _fuck, she’s beautiful_ , and the second one is _but that doesn’t mean anything._ “You know, and also just _pretty._ ”

Lauren feels butterflies, but does her best to shrug them off. She knows this isn’t real flirting; she jokingly flirts with people like Mani all the time. Just because both Lauren and Camila like girls, doesn’t mean it’s anything more than a joke.

“You know you’re absolutely drop dead gorgeous, Camz,” Lauren replies, resting her head back on Camila’s shoulder. “And the best cuddler I’ve ever met.”

“You know, when you slept over here for the first time, literally five minutes after you fell asleep, you rolled over and started cuddling me.” Camila teases her. “It was honestly kind of adorable.”

“What can I say, I’m a big cuddler.” Lauren shrugs, rolling over on Camila’s bed and grabbing Nala from her overnight bag. “That’s why I need this baby when I’m at home. I need something to cuddle.”

“I’m totally telling everyone in school that the supposedly badass and super cool _Lauren Jauregui_ needs a stuffed lion to sleep.” Camila laughs. “Then I’ll be the cool one in this friendship.”

Lauren snorts. “I’m not ashamed of mine and Nala’s intimate relationship. I’ll tell everyone myself. It’ll be my second coming out.”

Camila laughs, and Lauren smiles at the sound. “Damn, and here I thought you’d deny it.”

“It doesn’t make me any less cool,” Lauren shrugs, “I have nothing to worry about.”

“So, uh, what’re your plans for after Christmas?” Camila asks after a few moments of comfortable silence. “Going to a New Year’s party?”

“Not sure yet,” Lauren replies. She’d been considering going to a party with Normani, but hadn’t decided if she’s up for it. “What about you?”

Camila’s mood drops instantly, and Lauren squeezes her hand comfortingly. She doesn’t know why this happens sometimes; she’ll say something completely mundane, and suddenly Camila will get upset.

Before Lauren can ask her if she’s okay, Camila speaks. “I don’t know. I’ll probably just sit in my room and write emo lyrics.”

“Then it’s settled,” Lauren decides. “I’ll have the house to myself on New Year’s Eve, since my parents have an annual thing they do with their friends, and my siblings will be with their friends too. So you’re coming over, and we’re going to get drunk and see the New Year in together. Okay?”

If anything, that makes Camila even sadder, and her forced smile makes Lauren’s heart sink. That’s when she realises why Camila is so upset; she wants her New Year’s kiss to be with the girl she’s crushing on. Even if she hangs out with Lauren, she won’t get that.

“I’d love to-” Camila starts, but before she can finish, Lauren interrupts.

“Or we could go to a party with Mani.” Lauren suggests; even though she prefers her earlier idea, if it’ll make Camila happy, she’ll take her to a party. Maybe it’ll give her the chance to kiss the girl she likes at midnight. “It’s up to you.”

Finally, Camila laughs. “You know I don’t like parties, Laur. I’d love to come to yours and hang out.”

Lauren cracks a smile, and her heart soars. “Nice. I’ll get us a decent alcohol supply. But are you going to tell me why you were so sad?”

“I just… feel really weird today. Like…” Camila sighs, “like it’s my last day on Earth.”

Lauren frowns, because she doesn’t exactly know how to comfort Camila when it’s something like that. “I mean… when I went through a rough time, when I was figuring myself out and everything, I guess sometimes I felt like that. Like there wasn’t a point in doing anything. So I made plans with Mani and… and Lucy. You know, to have something to look forward to when things were bleak.”

 _But making plans is the problem_ , Camila thinks, _because I’m not going to be here to do them. I’m going to be somewhere you hate me._ “I guess. Thanks, Lauren.”

Lauren smiles, giving Camila a comforting squeeze. “I’m always going to be here to impart wisdom on Camzi.”

Camila laughs. “Stop acting like you’re so much older than me. I get it, I’m like a little baby sister to you.”

Lauren looks Camila over with a smile. _Definitely not with some of the thoughts I’ve been having lately_. Admittedly, when she first met Camila, she did see her like that. But she hasn’t thought that way for a while.

“I guess we _will_ be the same age soon,” Lauren replies, “looks like _you’re_ elderly, too.”

Camila just smiles and wraps her arms around Lauren’s waist. “Shut up and watch this dumb movie with me. Maybe it’ll get better as it progresses.”

It definitely doesn’t. When Sinu comes in to tell them to turn it down, Camila and Lauren are passed out in each other’s arms, the movie still playing in the background.

-

**_December 19 th, 2016_ **

Sunlight from the open curtains wakes Camila up. She blinks, squinting, quickly rolling over and hiding her face in her pillow. Judging by how groggy she is, it’s way too early for her to be awake. She enjoys the few moments of blissful ignorance that comes with just waking up, when her heart drops.

 _She fell asleep_.

She sits bolt upright, but she doesn’t even have to check her phone to know what’s happened. The bed next to her is cold, and Lauren is nowhere to be seen. Inexplicably, her eyes start to well with tears, and her heart feels empty. She’s back. She’s back in a world where Lauren hates her, where the _girls_ hate her.

She has her career back, at least. That’s one thing she doesn’t have to worry about. She gets to do the thing she loves, and even though she’s in the exact same position she was before, somehow it hurts so much more.

She rolls over to pick up her phone, not sure what she’s even going to do once she gets it, but lands on something soft. She frowns, wiping the tears from her eyes, and puts her hand under the sheets to grab the item.

It’s Nala.

Camila’s eyes widen as she looks at the stuffed animal in shock, and she jumps up from her bed, flinging the bathroom door open, not caring if Lauren is stark naked in there, and just hoping that she’s _there_. But when she opens the door, the bathroom is empty, and Camila’s heart sinks. She cuddles the stuffed lion to her chest, burying her face in Lauren’s comforting scent, wondering if this is all she has left of the older girl.

She shuts the bathroom door with a sigh and squeezes Nala tightly, before putting the lion down on her bed. She opens the bedroom door this time, and listens for any sign of anyone awake in the house, but she’s met with silence.

With a sigh, she goes downstairs and into the kitchen, her eyes widening so much they nearly pop out of her skull when she sees Lauren Jauregui, sat at the kitchen table, sipping on a mug of tea.

Lauren looks up and smiles at her. “Hey, Camz. Sorry, I woke up a little while ago and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I figured I’d come and make a hot drink and see if that’d help. I didn’t think you’d- _whoa!”_

Lauren cuts herself off as Camila practically _jumps_ on her and pulls her in for a hug. She blinks in surprise, but her arms wrap around Camila and give her a gentle squeeze, and the younger Latina can’t quite believe she’s still _here_.

“I thought you’d gone,” Camila murmurs, burying her face into Lauren’s neck. “I thought…”

 _I thought I’d lost you,_ Camila finishes in her head, _I thought you hated me again._

“Sorry. I didn’t know that’d freak you out.” Lauren replies, pulling away a little to smile at her. “You know I wouldn’t just sneak out and ditch you, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Camila nods, breathing a sigh of relief, “I know. I was just worried.”

That little part of her, the part that wants her _career_ more than anything is yelling at her, saying _what the fuck Camila, don’t you_ want _to be back where you belong_? But Camila isn’t thinking about that right now. The only thing she’s thinking about is how Lauren is _here_ , and she doesn’t hate her. They’re friends and everything is okay.

 _Yeah, except you’re stuck in an alternate universe. That isn’t okay_ , her brain rationalises, _you can’t let a crush get in the way of your dreams, idiot._

But it’s not a crush. Camila knows it’s not a crush. There’s much history and emotion between her and Lauren for it to be anything less than love.

“Come on,” Lauren says, draining her mug and standing up. “Let’s go back to bed. It’s way too early for me to function properly.”

Camila nods, following Lauren back upstairs and clambering into bed next to the older girl. She practically wraps herself around Lauren, not wanting to let go for fear of her disappearing.

Lauren doesn’t seem to find her too clingy. Instead, she laughs and puts an arm around her. “Alright, I guess I can be the big spoon for once. Sleep well, Camz.”

Camila doesn’t go back to sleep. She’s not sure if she’s just so happy that she can’t sleep, or she doesn’t dare go back to sleep, in fear of being sent back to where she’s supposed to be. Either way, for the moment, she decides not to dwell on it, and save her confusion for the next time she meets up with Lucy.

For now, she’s perfectly content to lay here with Lauren while she sleeps.


	19. eighteen

**_December 31 st, 2016_ **

“Hey. You’re early.”

“Oh,” Camila’s face falls a little, but Lauren ushers her inside anyway. “Sorry. I was just bored at home and my mom offered to drop me off now instead of me having to walk here later.”

“It’s not a problem, Camz,” Lauren laughs, squeezing her hand. “I’m not complaining; I get more time with you.”

Camila feels herself blushing, so she ducks her head to avoid Lauren’s gaze and busies herself with taking her shoes off and shrugging her backpack off her back. “I’ve brought my pyjamas and stuff, and I pretty much begged my mom to buy us a bottle of prosecco to share. I didn’t mention that you were buying alcohol too.”

“Nice,” Lauren grins as Camila pulls the bottle out of her backpack. “I’ll put this in the fridge with the others.”

Camila laughs. “Just out of curiosity, how many other bottles are there?”

“Only three. Two bottles of prosecco and one bottle of champagne that my mom bought for us.” Lauren replies. “I bought the prosecco though. I would’ve gotten more, but Mani and I got drunk a few nights ago, and I think this girl at the store we buy from thinks I’m some kind of alcoholic since I’ve been there so often the past week.”

Camila laughs. “Well, we should have enough with four bottles. I’m kind of a lightweight.”

Lauren smiles. “I know. If you want, I can go easy and look after you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Camila dismisses, though she thinks it’s adorable that Lauren has offered that. “We’ll have fun being drunk together. It’s not like we’re going out or anything, so we’ll be safe.”

“That’s true,” Lauren agrees, “we’ve got to play the Mario Kart drinking game, though.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “There’s a drinking game?”

“Yeah. It’s something like… you’ve got to finish your drink before you finish the race and you can’t drive while you’re drinking.” Lauren explains. “I’ll probably turn the computer karts off for the first few races while we get used to it, but then we can put them back on.”

“Sounds good,” Camila replies, “I’m excited to see the New Year in with you, Lo.”

“Me too, Camz,” Lauren smiles, throwing her arm around Camila’s shoulders. “Not to be too cheesy, but you’re the best thing that happened to me this year.”

Camila’s heart soars, and for the moment, she pushes away the dull ache that comes knowing Fifth Harmony Lauren would never say that. “Yeah. You are too.”

Lauren sends her a lopsided grin. “You’re too sweet. Anyway, let’s go upstairs. We’re playing on the Wii because it’s iconic for a games night. I’ll grab some alcohol and we’ll get tipsy. Are we ordering food in later? Because I’m in the mood for a pizza.”

“Sure, we can do that,” Camila replies, turning towards the stairs and shouldering her backpack. “Meet you in your room?”

“No, since I don’t have the Wii in my room,” Lauren replies, “remember the room we were in when I had that party? The night we met? That’s where all the games consoles are. It used to be a spare room, but we don’t exactly get guests, so my parents let me and my siblings have it as like, a chill out room. My old Wii and my brother’s Playstation are in there. He keeps his Xbox in his room, though.”

“Oh, well, I’ll meet you in there, then,” Camila replies, heading up the stairs to put her bag in Lauren’s room. She leaves her bag by the foot of Lauren’s bed, and after looking around the room and remembering how awkward she’d felt when Lauren had found her there, but also incredibly happy.

Though, she’s not sure if she was happy for the right reasons. Back then, she thought of Lauren as her ticket back home, but somewhere along the way, Lauren had become a lot more than that. She gives the room one last look before she closes the door and heads into the games room, sitting down on the couch.

The last time she was in this room, she’d been awkwardly third wheeling while Lauren made out with Lucy. Everything is so much different now.

When the door swings open, she looks up, sees Lauren, and smiles like it’s some sort of automatic thing. Lauren grins back, and sets the bottle of prosecco down on the table in front of them. She opens it and pours a glass for each of them, before holding hers up and looking at Camila.

“A toast,” She starts, and Camila picks up her glass as well, “to a good new year. Who knows what 2017 will hold. Maybe we’ll all die in a nuclear war. Maybe we won’t. Cheers.”

“Wow,” Camila says as they clink their glasses together, “really uplifting speech there, Laur.”

Lauren laughs. “Thanks, I’ve been told I have a real talent for speeches. Are you wanting to get drunk straight away?”

Camila shakes her head. “I want to remember at least a _little_ of tonight.”

“Alright, don’t go too hard then, lightweight,” Lauren teases her, “I’m not surprised that little Camzi can’t handle her booze.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Tease me and I’ll tease you right back.”

“Oh, really,” Lauren raises her eyebrows, “I don’t think you have the embarrassing stories from my childhood, unless you’ve been hanging with Mani. Or… or if- if Lucy told you anything.”

Camila shrugs, because while she doesn’t have those stories, or _any_ stories on this Lauren, she’s noticed how she and Fifth Harmony Lauren have their similarities. “No, but I could tell everyone how you’re a bottom.”

Lauren’s cheeks have a suspiciously pink tint as she shakes her head and scoffs. “I don’t- how would- how could you even _think_ that?”

“Drunk Lauren told me,” Camila shrugs, because it’s half true, “In hindsight, I should’ve recorded it, but the words still came out of your mouth. Well, actually, the direct quote is ‘ _I want to be dominated’_ , but I figured I’d spare you that embarrassment and just expose you for being a bottom.”

“Shut up,” Lauren scowls at her, picking at one of the rips in her jeans, “I’m not confirming nor denying anything. Speak to my lawyer.”

“Alright, Lauren McBottom.” Camila answers, “But remember, drunk words are sober thoughts.”

Lauren maintains her glare, and takes a long drink of her prosecco. “I’ve decided that you’re actually not the best thing to happen to me this year. Kindly leave my house.”

Camila grins and nudges against her. “Like I said, tease me and I’ll tease you.”

“I’m _supposed_ to tease you, I’m the cool senior that took you under my wing,” Lauren shoots back, “Damn, little Camz has come a long way from being that nervous freshman who couldn’t even tell me she liked my shirt.”

Camila gives her a soft slap on the arm. “You’re never going to let that go, are you? I couldn’t help being nervous.”

“Why not?” Lauren answers, “I mean, you talked to me fine the first day of the school year. You know, when you randomly forgot how to find your way around the school you’d attended for two years. Should I ask _why_ you forgot?”

“That was just… a bad day,” Camila replies, knowing that she could never tell Lauren about how she’s pretty sure she’s jumped into an alternate universe. Anything that could scare Lauren off… she’s not going to take that risk. “Honestly… at the time I thought it was the worst day of my life. Now I’m not so sure.”

“Why, because you finally mustered up the courage to talk to yours truly?” Lauren sends her a playful smirk, but when Camila grabs her glass of prosecco and downs it in one gulp, the smirk drops. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Camila looks over at Lauren, and as she meets those green eyes, she caves. “I just… lost some people I really care about. And it was all for nothing, because at the end of the day, I’m stuck in _high school_.”

“That girl?” Lauren asks, and Camila frowns a little, because that’s the second time Lauren has asked about her alternate self. “It’s just, back when we first got to talking and you told me about her, you always zoned out and seemed kind of… well, depressed. And that’s how I felt when I was in the initial stages of a breakup.”

“I mean, she was one of the people I lost.” Camila admits, because she can’t exactly announce _oh, by the way, it’s you from an alternate universe and we were in a world-famous girl group together_. “We had mutual friends, and the friends stuck with her. So I lost a… well, she wasn’t a girlfriend, because we never got together. I lost someone who kissed me when she felt like it but would never talk about it after. Someone who… who wasn’t good for me. But she _could’ve_ been, if she hadn’t been so scared.”

Lauren looks her over, and Camila sighs and rests her head on Lauren’s shoulder. “I thought you said you were over her.”

“I am.” Camila answers, even though she’s technically not. “Sometimes I mourn all of the things we could’ve had, and I get to imagine those things with the… the girl I like now. Even though I’m never acting on those feelings.”

Lauren seems to tense next to her. “You won’t ditch me, right?”

Camila blinks in surprise, sitting up. “What? Why would I?”

“Like, if I helped you get this girl,” Lauren says, “you wouldn’t suddenly drop off the face of the earth to hang out with her, right?”

“No, of course not,” Camila says, “I hate that, when people ditch their friends for their significant others. And you’re not going to help me with her, anyway.”

Lauren frowns. “Why not? You like her, and it’d make you happy-”

“It’s just- she’s not… it’s against the girl code,” Camila makes up, and when she thinks about it, it kind of is. She’s friends with Lucy, and Lauren is Lucy’s ex. Therefore, it’s against the girl code. “Yeah. That’s what it is.”

Lauren pulls away from her, and Camila frowns, wondering what she’s said. But when Lauren talks, she realises.

“You like Lucy.”

Camila can’t help it; she snorts with laughter, but if anything, Lauren frowns more. “Wrong. But nice try.”

“You said it’s against the girl code or something. She’s my ex, and you’re my best friend.” Lauren lists off, and Camila’s heart skips a beat when she hears _best friend_. “It’s not… I’m not mad, you can tell me.”

“Well, even though that’s clearly a lie, I don’t like Lucy like that. She’s my friend, yes, but that’s all.” Camila says, studying Lauren carefully. “But judging by your reaction, I’d say you’re not as over her as you’ve been claiming. Which is okay, and I’m here for you.”

When Lauren doesn’t respond, Camila leaves the conversation there, and grabs the remote to turn the television on. Lauren, however, thinks about Camila’s words, wondering why she’d felt so upset and betrayed when she’d thought for a moment that Camila had feelings for Lucy. She was sure that she was over their breakup, and it’s not like she’d be upset if she found out Lucy was dating someone else.

But if she found out Lucy was dating Camila… Lauren hates the thought.

She glances over at Camila as the younger girl looks through Netflix for something to watch, and finds herself thinking the same thoughts she’d had when she’d been over at Camila’s house last week, about how kissing Camila would be more than enjoyable. But she can’t like Camila in that way, because Camila has feelings for someone else, and Lauren doesn’t want to come between that.

It’s not a crush. It may be the beginning of something, but Lauren is going to stop it before it starts, for the sake of their friendship.

-

“Lauren, you’re so cute,” Camila slurs, laughing at Lauren’s pout when she loses the race because she hadn’t finished her drink. “Even though you won, you lost. Hah!”

In reality, Lauren had meant to ‘lose’. Once she’d noticed how drunk Camila was, she figured it’d be smarter for her to stop drinking to make sure Camila stays out of trouble. Even though she’s a little tipsy, she’s definitely a lot more sound of mind than Camila is right now.

“Yeah,” Lauren laughs, as she presses the button for the next race. “Last race, Camz. Even though you’ve already got me beat.”

Camila smiles and kisses Lauren’s cheek. Lauren’s stomach flutters a little, but she ignores it. “Yeah. I got you _beat_ , Jauregui. Just like that one time on tour.”

Lauren frowns. “On tour?”

“Mhm,” Camila replies, not elaborating. When the race starts, Camila doesn’t drive, and elects to down her drink at the start, which Lauren had barely filled up in the first place. Then, she sets off, immediately getting a bullet bill, and zooming past almost everyone. “Hah. Take that.”

Lauren laughs a little. “Camz, you’re in second.”

Camila’s expression sours and she scowls at the screen. “I’m always second to you. You’ll never pick me.”

Lauren blinks in surprise, but she doesn’t ask what Camila means. Camila is _drunk_ , and spouting nonsense. “Well, it’s not my fault I’m so good at Mario Kart.”

Camila turns to her with a frown. “Yes. That’s what I was talking about. Duh.”

Lauren just sends her a small smile, nodding at the screen. “You’re driving into the wall.”

Camila turns to the television and lets out a loud gasp, before she starts driving again, in a complete zig-zagged pattern, but she’s so far ahead since they’d set the computer karts on easy, and Lauren doesn’t plan on catching up.

“Lauren,” Camila announces as she passes the finish line. “You’re a loser. Hah. Taste my asphalt.”

“Looks like you finally beat me,” Lauren smiles at her, and Camila nods, grinning. “How about we get you to bed now? You seem kind of tired.”

 _(Drunk_ is the word Lauren actually means.)

“What, no?” Camila blinks in surprise, “I feel _great_. Besides, it’s not even midnight, and I can’t _sleep_ through the new year. That’s like, bad luck or something.”

Lauren laughs. “Alright then. We’ll stay up until midnight. Unlike you, I actually am tired.”

She’s not; Lauren doesn’t tend to get tired until late, but she wants to make sure Camila gets to bed and doesn’t get too out of control. Camila had looked after her once when she was completely wasted, and Lauren wants to return the favour, even if she doesn’t really remember what Camila had done for her.

Camila pouts. “Wow, aren’t you supposed to be this wild party animal? Last year that was pretty much all the info I had on you.”

Lauren laughs. “Yeah, well, I’m almost eighteen, I’ve reached old age now. I’m ready to retire.”

“Hah,” Camila sends her a smirk and almost topples off the couch, but Lauren catches her. “You just don’t want to wear your ugly uniform.”

“It’s not that bad!” Lauren defends herself, smiling a little as Camila shuffles closer to her and rests her head on her shoulder. “Besides, like I’ve told you a billion times, I didn’t design the uniform.”

“Bootcut khakis, Lauren,” Camila murmurs as if it’s the original sin of the universe. “You can’t wear bootcut khakis and look cute. It’s just impossible. That’s like, the laws of physics.”

“Oh, really?” Lauren looks down at her friend with a teasing grin. “I think my teacher might’ve skipped over that in physics class. Maybe I should let her know that she needs to update her syllabus.”

“Mhm, it’s called the law of Cabello physics,” Camila announces, “did you know that I’m famous?”

Lauren laughs a little. “No, I didn’t know that, Camz. Is this secretly a reality show or something? Are you an undercover Kardashian?”

“I’m famous and you’re famous,” Camila announces, “so are Dinah and Ally and Mani. We should start a band.”

“A band?” Lauren considers the thought for a moment. “Sure. Dibs on playing piano.”

“No, Miss Lauren Michelle, you have to _sing_.” Camila stands up and points at her dramatically. “Did you know that I sing? And sometimes I write songs. One time… this is funny, actually, I wrote a sexy song.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows in interest. “You did?”

“Yes,” Camila sits back down and shuffles up to Lauren, looking around the room to make sure there’s nobody else there, and then getting even closer, like she’s going to tell Lauren the biggest secret on the planet. “It’s about my soulmate. Even though I don’t think she wants to be _my_ soulmate.”

Lauren sends her a sad smile. She can totally understand that. “Have you finished writing it?”

“My sexy song? No. No, I got embarrassed,” Camila explains, “but I have some of it. It’s called _Into It_. I’m pretty much a lyrical genius, you know.”

When Brad had said that, it had made Lauren roll her eyes and think he was a self-centred asshole. But when _Camila_ says it, she can’t help but smile. She could totally believe that, coming from Camila.

“I bet you are, Camz,” Lauren replies, “You should play something for me, if you’re comfortable.”

“That’s a great idea,” Camila jumps up again and grabs one of the Guitar Hero guitars, pressing the buttons at random, _“_ _I'm into it_ _, whatever trouble that you're thinking, I could get into it. I see a king-sized bed in the corner, we should get into it. All of the things I wanna do to you is infinite  
I mean, if you're into it, I'm into it. _ Is it good? It’s my sexy song.”

Lauren smiles. Even though the only music in the background had been the random clicking of a Guitar Hero controller, it still has lyrics and a melody that Lauren likes. “Yeah, Camz. It’s good.”

“Yes,” Camila nods, dropping the controller on the ground and sitting back down next to Lauren. “I’ve written lots of songs. I’m going to write an album. Do you want this?”

Lauren blinks at the sudden subject change, but follows Camila’s line of vision to her leftover glass of champagne. “Oh, well-”

Before Lauren can say how she was planning on sipping that glass for the rest of the night, Camila has grabbed it and downed it, pouring out two more glasses. She holds one out to Lauren. “Here’s a present.”

“Thanks, Camz,” Lauren laughs, taking the glass and putting it back down on the coffee table. As Camila starts to down her new drink, Lauren grabs it and puts it on the table too. “Slow down there. Don’t you want to remember tonight?”

Camila hums. “Yeah. Because it’s New Year’s 2016 and I’m with _you._ ”

Lauren frowns, not knowing how to take that tone. “Is that a good thing?”

“You’re the best. I’m so glad I’m not back where you hate me.” Camila announces, and rests her head on Lauren’s lap, looking up at her. “You like me and we’re friends.”

“Camila,” Lauren frowns down at her. “I’ve never hated you. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Camila blinks a few times, then sits up, looking at her surroundings. “Of course you won’t remember.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows, but decides to ignore the younger girl’s drunken rambling. She reaches over and grabs the remote, because it’s getting close to midnight, and she figures they should watch the ball drop in Time’s Square.

“I’ve been there,” Camila announces. “I’ve been to lots of places because I’m famous.”

Lauren smiles. _This again_. “Really? Did you go on tour with your one-man comedy act?”

“No, I went on tour with Fifth Harmony.”

Lauren pauses for a moment, trying to wrack her brain, because she knows she’s heard that name before. She doesn’t know _where_ , so she figures it’s some obscure band that Lucy showed her or something. Maybe she’d introduced Camila to them.

“Are you their biggest fan or something?” Lauren asks, watching Camila carefully. “Please don’t tell me you’re a groupie.”

“I _should_ be. That’s a great idea,” Camila looks up at her and smiles. “I’ll be a _stan_. Of them. Of my sisters. Even if it annoys them.”

“You only have one sister, Camz.” Lauren reminds her, a little amused by the drunken babbling. “Sofi, remember?”

“Yeah, my baby sister,” Camila nods in agreement. “I love her a lot. I love my family more than I love air, and I love air a lot, because without it, I’d be dead.”

“That’s factual information,” Lauren replies, and Camila snuggles up to her again. “You’re a cuddly drunk, huh?”

“Yeah, just like you.” Camila says, and Lauren flushes in embarrassment. “You’re a kissy drunk, too. I could be that as well, if you want me to be.”

Lauren’s heart stops in her chest, not sure how to take Camila’s announcement. _A kissy drunk_? “Um… what do you mean by that, Camz?”

“What do I mean by what?” Camila looks up at her with a frown. “I don’t remember what I said.”

“You said that- that I’m a kissy drunk?” Lauren questions, hoping to any god that may be out there that she hadn’t done anything stupid when she was drunk. “I- did you see me making out with a random at that party you picked me up from?”

“No, but you did give some ugly guy a drunk lapdance,” Camila recalls, and for a moment, the fear in Lauren’s chest dissipates, until Camila continues. “And you kissed me at my house.”

“I- I kissed you.” Lauren replies, numb with _something_. She’s not sure if it’s shock or fear or _anything._ She’s just _numb_. “You- why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because you didn’t _mean_ it, duh,” Camila rolls her eyes like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “It was _embarrassing_ because- because the only time the people I like- even- even _look_ at me is when they’re all sad and lonely and like- they don’t like _me_. They like not being alone. I’m- I’m nothing except- nothing but a warm body.”

Lauren wants to comfort her, to say anything to make Camila feel better, but words are lost on her, and her mind is reeling.

 _“You’re not, like… substituting me for Lucy, right?” Camila asks_. _“I want you to spend time with me because you want me, not because you’re filling some kind of hole.”_

_“The only time the people I like- even- even look at me is when they’re all sad and lonely.”_

“Camila,” Lauren finally manages to get a word out. “How- how long have you felt like this?”

“Like what? Because I’ve been feeling a bit drunk since like… eight o’clock.” Camila squints over at the clock, and her eyes widen. “Oh! It’s nearly midnight!”

“I- _Camz_ ,” Lauren takes Camila’s hand before she can get up again, “did you… did you _want_ me to mean that kiss?”

Camila blinks in surprise, and her eyes meet Lauren’s. “You’re Lauren Jauregui, which means you’re not allowed to know that. Sorry.”

“No, Camila,” Lauren tightens her grip on the younger Latina’s hand. “Please. Tell me how you really feel.”

“Twenty seconds,” Camila absently replies, looking over at the television. “And only Dinah and Ally are allowed to know I have feelings for you. You’re not allowed to know because I’ll never be your girlfriend, so there’s no point in saying anything.”

Lauren stares at Camila in shock, and for the moment, she tries to push away the small leap of happiness in her heart. Camila is _drunk;_ she could be saying these things as an elaborate set up for a joke, or she could be confusing Lauren for someone else.

 _Ten_.

Camila couldn’t have feelings for Lauren. They’re friends, and it’s not like there have been any _signs_.

 _Nine_.

Or have there? They do flirt a lot, but Lauren had always taken it as a joke. People always jokingly flirt with their closest friends, right?

_Eight._

Camila had said she has feelings for someone else. She’d admitted that she’d moved on from the girl that always messed with her head. And Lauren isn’t going to lie, she had been a little jealous when Camila had told her she had a crush.

_Seven._

Did Lauren want Camila’s crush to be on her? She can’t deny, she has a connection with Camila, and lately she’d been having thoughts, but she’d ruled out any possibility that _she_ could be Camila’s crush.

_Six._

Lauren _had_ almost kissed her last week. That has to mean something.

_Five._

The first time they’d ever talked, when Camila had told Lauren she liked her shirt… the way the younger girl was so nervous reminds Lauren of how someone would approach their crush.

_Four._

If she thinks about it, Lauren can remember that on the night of her party, the one where she and Camila had officially met, a drunk Dinah had spotted Lauren and announced, _Walz, it’s your girlfriend_. If only Dinah and Ally were allowed to know about Camila’s supposed crush, it makes sense that Dinah would’ve made that joke.

_Three._

Could Camila really have liked her this entire time?

_Two._

She couldn’t have, right?

_One._

**_January 1 st, 2017_ **

Lauren starts her 2017 with her lips firmly against Camila’s, her hands on the younger girl’s petite waist. It starts off innocent enough, but Camila is the one to deepen the kiss, biting down softly on Lauren’s lower lip. Butterflies go crazy in Lauren’s stomach, and she remembers the first time they’d kissed, and doesn’t know how she could’ve forgotten, even with all of the alcohol she’d had.

They pull apart, but only for a few seconds, because before Lauren knows it, Camila’s lips are on hers again, and everything around them seems to melt away. The noise from the TV means nothing to her, because the only thing that matters is _Camila_. Lauren cups Camila’s jawline before her fingers tangle in the younger girl’s hair, and all she wants is for Camila to be closer.

She lets out a small, involuntary whine when Camila pulls away again, and the younger Latina smirks, but when she stands up and staggers a little, Lauren realises. _She’s drunk_. _With your luck, she won’t even remember that in the morning_.

“Well, that was a stellar way to see in the New Year,” Camila announces, grinning to herself. “First kiss of the year and it’s with the most prettiest girl in the world.”

Lauren blushes. “You don’t need the _most_ there.”

“Wow, I compliment you and you just _correct my grammar_ ,” Camila sighs dramatically and flops down on the couch again. “That’s such a bad burn that it’s literally third degree and I’m dying right now. Go on without me.”

Lauren watches as Camila fake faints, and she lets out a laugh at the younger girl’s joke, mostly just out of obligation. She’s much more focused on how she can still feel Camila’s lips on hers, and how much she wants them back there right now.

“Bedtime,” Camila stands up, and Lauren blinks up in surprise. “Mrs Grumpregui said she was tired.”

Lauren laughs a little, and gets up, taking Camila’s hand and deciding that it’ll do for now. “Don’t call me Grumpregui.”

“Fine,” Camila says, sticking her tongue out. “Whatever you say, Dictatoregui.”

“You know that joke isn’t funny, right?” Lauren replies, leading Camila into her bedroom. “Just adding _regui_ to things isn’t funny.”

“You’d know about things that aren’t funny, Not-funnyregui.” Camila giggles, flopping down on Lauren’s bed. “I’m going to sleep now. Goodnight, Lauren Good Kisseregui.”

Lauren blushes, and clambers into bed next to Camila, glad they’d decided to get in their pyjamas earlier instead of drunkenly stumbling around now to get them on. Granted, she thought she’d be a lot less sober than this, though.

“Hey, Camz?” Lauren turns to the other girl, who flips over dramatically and sends her a wide grin. “Happy New Year.”

“Happy New Year, Laur,” Camila mumbles, half into the pillow. “Thank you for being my New Year’s kiss.”

“Trust me, Camila,” Lauren finds the younger girl’s hand under the covers and squeezes it. “The pleasure was all mine.”

-

When Camila wakes up, she appreciates those few moments of blissful ignorance more than usual, because once the memories of the night before hit her at full force, she feels like jumping off a cliff.

Not only is her head killing from all of the prosecco and champagne she’d decided to down, she pretty much wants to crawl under a rock and die once she remembers everything she’d _said_. And that’s not even getting to the part where _she kissed Lauren_.

And now that she thinks about it, Lauren hadn’t even seemed that drunk. She’d kissed Lauren and pretty much confessed her undying love, and Lauren will most likely remember every second of it. She probably remembers more than Camila does.

Camila sighs into the pillow and rolls over to face Lauren, but the older girl isn’t there. Nala has been left next to her, and Camila isn’t sure she’ll be able to get up without falling over again anyway, so she figures she’ll delay the inevitable confrontation and awkward _yeah, I don’t like you like that_ speech from Lauren.

She picks up Nala and cuddles the stuffed animal to her chest, closing her eyes and trying not to think about how she’s completely ruined her friendship with Lauren for the _second_ time.

She doesn’t remember falling back to sleep, but when she wakes up again, it’s because Lauren is nudging her. After a few moments of groggy unawareness, Camila is about to jump straight into an apology, but Lauren beats her to it.

“First of all, here’s some green tea and some aspirin. Judging by the state you were in last night, you’re hungover right now.” Lauren says, passing her the mug and the pill. “Second, I made pancakes if you want some. Finally… I don’t know what you remember from last night, but either way, we have to talk about it.”

Camila blinks in surprise, because Lauren Jauregui actually wanting to _talk_ about kissing her is so alien that this almost seems insane. “You- um… I’m sorry. For everything. I didn’t… mean it.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Don’t be sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” Camila blurts out, “it was… it was wrong of me. I know you don’t feel that way about me, and I didn’t… I shouldn’t have forced the feelings I have onto you. I’ve always tried to keep it hidden to be respectful and-”

“Alright, well, you’ve already said some dumb things, so I’m going to stop you there,” Lauren interrupts her. “You didn’t kiss me. I kissed you. For the second time, apparently.”

Camila cringes and looks down at her lap. “Um… yeah, I- I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, it’s-”

“ _I’m_ sorry.” Lauren cuts in again. “For making you feel like you were just something I was using to fill a gap in my life. Because you’ve never been that, Camila. I kissed you last night because recently I’d developed some feelings for you, and until you drunkenly revealed that you feel the same way, I’d decided to suppress them before they got out of hand.”

“You- wait, _what_?” Camila stares at Lauren like she’s just casually announce she’s from outer space. “You like me back?”

“Yes,” Lauren nods, “I do.”

If anything, that just confuses her more. “This isn’t some awkward _stay away from me, weird crushy person_ speech?”

Lauren laughs. “Camz, even if I didn’t like you back, I wouldn’t have told you to stay away from me.”

“Well, I mean,” Camila runs a hand through her hair and looks up to Lauren in shock. “This is actually going to go somewhere?”

Lauren nods. “If that’s what you want, then I’m perfectly okay with it.”

“I’m dreaming. I’m fucking dreaming,” Camila mumbles to herself, shaking her head. “And I’m _not_ a second choice?”

“No,” Lauren answers. “You’re not. I don’t know why you don’t value yourself, because I’ve always told you that anyone would be lucky to date you. I guess that lucky soul just happens to be me.”

Camila’s stomach flips, and she takes Lauren’s hand, squeezing it. She doesn’t know how things will progress, but just knowing that they _will_ is more than Camila had ever expected. One day, Camila could finally be the girl Lauren is out and proud with.

Just the thought makes Camila feel at peace.


	20. nineteen

**_January 9 th, 2017_ **

Maybe Camila had gotten her hopes up a little too soon.

For the remainder of the Christmas break, she’d barely seen Lauren. She’d messaged, asking if Lauren had wanted to hang out, but the older girl had said she was busy, and Camila hadn’t wanted to push her. Respectfully, she decided to back off, but inside, she’s dying. She’s so worried that history is repeating itself, and that Lauren is just going to run away from her.

“Is she like this in every damn universe?” Camila sighs, looking over at Dinah as the younger girl drives them to school. “Is it just like, written in the stars that Lauren is always going to run from me?”

“I’m sorry, Walz,” Dinah replies, “maybe it’s not like that. Maybe she really is busy.”

“It’s _Lauren_ ,” Camila insists. “She’s running. I know it. It’s like I can feel her pulling away from me. Maybe I said something stupid when I was drinking? Not even the part about me liking her. Maybe I blabbed about something else? But that night is so blurry, I can’t remember everything I said.”

Dinah chews on her bottom lip, frowning in thought. “Did you say anything about your whole… alternate universe thing?”

Camila wracks her brain, and vaguely recalls talking about going on tour. “I mean, I might have said something. But she wouldn’t have _believed_ that, right? She would’ve just amounted it to drunken rambling. _And_ the day after, she said she wanted things to progress between us. It can’t’ve been that. She’s probably thought it through and changed her mind.”

“Well… you said that Lucy switched, right?” Dinah points out, and Camila’s eyes widen. _No_. There’s no way that Lauren could be Fifth Harmony Lauren. She doesn’t know how she’d feel if it turned out Lauren had switched too. “It could be-”

“Please don’t speak that into existence,” Camila cuts her off, “it’s not. She’d… she’d tell me.”

“Would she?” Dinah replies, “from what you’ve told me, you guys weren’t exactly friends when you left. Besides, she’d probably think she was going crazy and cut herself off from everyone, which would explain why she’s been ghosting you.”

“It’s not… it can’t be her.” Camila shakes her head. “I would be able to tell.”

“Maybe that’s why she’s avoiding you.” Dinah replies. “At this rate, pretty much anything is a possibility.”

Camila sighs and rests her head against the window. “I should’ve gone to the store. I think she works every Monday, and I could’ve forced an answer out of her then.”

“Find her when we get to school, then,” Dinah replies, “New Year’s Day was the last time you saw her, right?”

“Yeah,” Camila confirms, “I’ve texted and called, but all of those times, she awkwardly dismissed me. I just… can’t let it go the way it did last time. I don’t want to mess this up again.”

Naturally, when Dinah parks the car, Camila gets out and stalks into school, the plastering a glare onto her face to show she means business. She finds Lauren by her locker, and grabs her by the arm, pulling her into the nearest janitor’s closet.

“Camz, what-”

“Don’t _Camz_ me.” Camila folds her arms across her chest and sends Lauren her best glare. “Last Sunday, everything was fine. And then… then suddenly you’re avoiding me and telling me you’re busy. I don’t get it. You said that this would go somewhere.”

Lauren sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I needed some time to think.”

“It didn’t seem like that when you were telling me that you liked me back.” Camila replies, before she cuts herself off with a sigh. She still has that niggling worry that maybe Dinah’s theory was right. Maybe the Lauren she’s talking to now really is the one she’s known since she was fifteen. “Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pressure you or anything. But I’ve had this in the past. I’ve had feelings for someone who would fuck me around and make me confused and-”

“I just don’t want to ruin things,” Lauren blurts out, squeezing her eyes shut as the words come out. “I mean, Lucy and I… we were best friends from first grade. And because of our breakup… that friendship died too. I don’t want that to happen again. I can’t… I can’t lose you, Camila.”

Camila’s expression softens and she reaches out, squeezing Lauren’s hand, but there’s a little relief with that statement. Fifth Harmony Lauren met Lucy in middle school, not first grade. “You won’t. I promise you.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and looks up at Camila, unsure. After a few moments of consideration, she nods. “Okay. Alright. I trust you.”

“So you’re going to stop avoiding me?” Camila asks, and Lauren nods in confirmation. “Good. I was worried that maybe you were… like _her_.”

It’s more than the truth. If anything, Camila was worried that Lauren _was_ the other one. Because with how strained things had been, it’ll have ruined all her progress.

Lauren squeezes her hand and shakes her head. “I’m sorry that I made you feel like that. I guess I was just scared of losing you. But I want this. I promise you that. I want you.”

Camila’s heart overcompensates. She never thought she’d hear those words. “I- that means a lot to me. More than you know.”

“So, um... since we’re talking this over,” Lauren looks down at her feet, but then back up at Camila. “Maybe we could go and get coffee later?”

“Like, um,” Camila chews nervously on her bottom lip. “Like a date?”

“I mean… yeah,” Lauren nods. “It’d take the pressure off for the real first date, right? And… and we both said we want this to go somewhere.”

Camila smiles. “Yeah. Okay. We can go for coffee.”

Finally, Lauren sends her that adorable grin of hers, and nods to the door. “Can we leave this janitor’s closet, though? Also, I liked that you picked a _closet_ for our gay conversation.”

Camila laughs and pushes open the door, and Lauren follows her back out into the hallway, as Dinah and Normani are walking past.

“You two kiss and make up, then?” Dinah smirks at them. “Come on, don’t deny it, Mila told me everything.”

Lauren blushes, but before she can reply, Normani cuts in, sending Lauren a stern look. “There’s something? And you didn’t _tell me?_ You’re the worst best friend ever, Jauregui.”

“I- I’m sorry,” Lauren replies, shrugging, “I just… needed some time to think things over before I told. But I’ll tell you everything now.”

“Too late,” Normani dramatically replies, “I don’t care enough anymore.”

Lauren cracks a smile and rolls her eyes. “Alright. I guess you can go without knowing, then.”

“Hey, no,” Normani scowls, “you still have to tell me, or I’ll steal Nala and hold her ransom until you do.”

“Damn, no need for blackmail,” Lauren laughs, “I’ll tell you later. You’ve got a class to go to.”

“Fine, see you later.” Normani rolls her eyes, and turns to Dinah. “Come on. I need to copy off your work. Did you guys know how good she is at math?”

Camila laughs a little. “Yeah. I always cheated off Dinah’s work before she got moved into A.P.”

When the words come out, Camila blinks in surprise. _How the hell did she know that_? She tries to think, and she can come up with a blurry image in her mind of fourteen-year-old versions of herself and Dinah, sat in a classroom, Camila looking over at Dinah’s worksheet. But it’s not a _memory_ , it’s just a picture.

Camila shrugs it off, figuring she’s just getting better at dealing with this whole universe. It couldn’t be anything else.

“Aren’t you going to class?” Lauren’s voice brings her train of thought to a halt, and she looks over at the other girl, seeing the teasing grin on her face. “Or did you forget where it is again?

Camila relaxes into an easy smile. “Oh, shut up. That was _one_ time.”

“Still funny,” Lauren answers, walking them back down the hallway to her locker. “Anyway, since someone dragged me into a closet earlier, I need to get my sketchbook out and _you_ need to get to class.”

“What if I want to skip?” Camila asks, watching as Lauren grabs her sketchbook from her locker. “And hang out with this girl I’ve missed a lot over the past week.”

“Well, I don’t know who that is, because I’ve got some art work to do,” Lauren says, tapping her sketchbook. “Come on. I’ll walk you to class.”

“You’re so lucky that you get free periods.” Camila sighs as Lauren walks her towards the English department. “I want one. I could use an extra break.”

“They’re supposed to be for studying,” Lauren laughs, “besides, you’ll get them next year.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Camila replies, not sure if she’ll be here next year, but at this rate, who the fuck knows anymore. “It’s just tiring, having to do a _whole school day_.”

If she thinks about it, this is almost like a break when she considers all of the early call times and late nights she’d had in Fifth Harmony. Compared to that, this is easy. But high school still sucks.

Lauren sends her a mock pout. “Aw, poor Camila, who probably rolled out of bed five minutes before Dinah picked her up.”

Camila scoffs. “Not true. It was _at least_ ten minutes before.”

Lauren laughs. “My point is, at least you haven’t been up since four for work. And you don’t have to be up at four _again_ both tomorrow, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.”

“You’re doing five days this week?” Camila frowns, and Lauren nods. “I thought you usually just do three? Four at the most?”

“I’m covering for someone on Friday. Apparently they’re having an operation on Thursday or something.” Lauren shrugs. “The manager always calls me first because he knows I’m saving up for college so I’ll pretty much always do extra hours.”

“That sucks.” Camila sends her a sympathetic smile. “But since you just told me your work schedule, I can show up on Thursday and Friday for a ride to school and a free sandwich.”

Lauren raises an eyebrow. “Who says the sandwich would be free?”

“Well, you pretty much always pay for them anyway,” Camila shrugs, “and I think you owe me after your little act of avoidance.”

Lauren smiles, shaking her head. “You’re cute, Camz.”

“Mhm, I know,” Camila grins back, frowning when Lauren holds open the door to the English block for her. “Ugh, I don’t want to go in there, my _classroom_ is in there.”

Lauren laughs. “Sucks for you. You’d better hurry or you’ll be late.”

“But _Lauren_ , I thought you were supposed to be a badass,” Camila pouts, “surely, being a badass, you’d convince me to cut class like a cool kid and go smoke somewhere.”

Lauren snorts, rolling her eyes. “Nice try. Come on.”

Lauren takes her hand, and even though Camila’s stomach is flipping, she lets out a dramatic sigh, and reluctantly lets Lauren lead her upstairs to her classroom. She sighs when they stop outside the door, and Lauren squeezes her hand before she drops it.

“See you later, I guess,” Camila says, sending Lauren a small smile. “I’ll meet you for lunch later? And we can talk about our… our date after school.”

“Sure, Camz,” Lauren replies, pulling her in for a hug. “It’s funny, how different things were last time I walked you to this class.”

Camila laughs. “Yeah, I know. But it’s a good different, right?”

“Of course,” Lauren smiles at her, before she turns towards the staircase again. “Bye for now, Camz.”

“Bye,” Camila replies, watching Lauren go with a smile, before she heads into her classroom, thinking about how she has a _date_ later. A date with _Lauren_.

Things couldn’t get much better.

-

Lauren has to admit; she’s nervous.

She didn’t feel this way for her coffee date with Brad, mostly because she didn’t have existing feelings. But she’s also nervous because no matter what, she doesn’t want to let Camila down.

Letting Camila down would mean losing her, and she’s already lost one best friend.

“Hot chocolate?” Lauren blurts out, blushing when she realises she’s already lost her cool. She clears her throat and tries to compose herself, sending Camila a smile. “I mean, I figured you’re not a big fan of coffee, right?”

Camila laughs. “You’d be surprised. I like a very sugary latte every once in a while, but I’m down for a hot chocolate with some marshmallows.”

“Cool,” Lauren says, eyeing the couch in the corner, “go get that couch seat while you can. I’ll order.”

Camila narrows her eyes. “You know I’m paying you back when we sit down, right?”

“It’s our unofficial first date,” Lauren comments, trying to seem casual, even though she’s freaking out. “I’ve got to be chivalrous and impress my beautiful date.”

Camila blushes, but rolls her eyes. “I’m paying you back when you sit down.”

Lauren watches Camila as she sits down, before she gets called to the counter and orders for them. As the barista puts her order through the cash register, Lauren spies the cakes, and adds, “can I get a slice of that cake and two forks, please?”

She pays, knowing fully well that she _isn’t_ going to let Camila pay her back, and waits until their order is ready, carrying the tray over to the table and setting it down, sitting on the couch next to Camila.

“Alright, how much was it?” Camila asks, digging through her wallet for some cash. “I’ve got-”

“To put your wallet away,” Lauren finishes for her with a smile. “Like I said, I’m being chivalrous.”

“Damn, no wonder you’ve got all the girls swooning,” Camila says with a grin, “and the guys, too. Yet you’re on a date with the biggest dork in the universe.”

“I like that you’re dorky, because I secretly am too.” Lauren says with a laugh. “I just pretend I’m not to keep my badass rep intact.”

Camila just smiles. “Well, Miss Badass, I have a proposition for you.”

“Oh, really?” Lauren raises her eyebrows. “What is it?”

“Well, on Saturday, I’ll be babysitting Sofi,” Camila starts, and Lauren thinks she knows where this is going. “And considering she likes you more than she likes me, she would be over the moon if you’d come over and babysit with me.”

Lauren hums in thought. “I don’t know. What’s in it for me?”

“A kickass duet with yours truly when we inevitably watch _High School Musical_.” Camila grins. “One time Dinah and I decided it’d be a good idea to sing a Troy and Gabriella duet for our middle school talent show and dramatically sang _Breaking Free_ in front of our entire grade.”

Lauren laughs, not noticing the way Camila frowns and looks deep in thought for a moment. “That’s cute. The only talent show I’ve ever performed in was in freshman year. I… uh, Lucy and I performed a song. She played the piano and I sang.”

Camila smiles a little. “I bet it was good.”

Lauren feels her cheeks flush red. “Um… it’s actually on YouTube. My dad has an account and he posts stuff like that.”

Camila grins. “Well, I know what I’ll be looking up later.”

“Shouldn’t have said that, should I?’ Lauren laughs. “I wish I had footage of your duet with Dinah.”

“I’m glad you don’t,” Camila replies, “anyway, are you coming to babysit with me or not?”

Lauren hums in thought, but her face breaks out into a grin. “Yeah, alright. Sounds like fun.”

“Cool,” Camila smiles, reaching across the table and squeezing Lauren’s hand. “No alcohol, though. After the hangover I had on New Year’s Day, I’m never drinking again.”

“I thought that you spilling to your crush that you like her would be enough to dissuade you from getting drunk again.” Lauren comments, smirking a little. “So, tell me. How long has little Camzi been crushing on me?”

“First, wipe that smirk off your face, I don’t like cocky people. Literally.” Camila says, and Lauren can’t help but laugh at the joke. “Anyway, that’s top secret intel.”

Lauren pouts. “But you said liking me was top secret, and you told me that.”

“When I was _drunk_.” Camila points out. “But since you’re so cute, I guess I’ll tell you.”

Lauren beams. “Knew I could get you to cave by pouting. It’s my secret weapon.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I didn’t even notice. But I started liking you in freshman year. Then I tried to get up the courage to talk to you, ended up mumbling about how I liked your shirt, you didn’t even hear me, and I ran away, completely embarrassed, and vowing to never talk to you again.”

“Yet here you are,” Lauren smiles, “something must’ve changed.”

Camila looks down, a sad smile on her face. “Yeah.”

“Not going to elaborate?” Lauren asks, and Camila shakes her head. “Alright. Want to hear all of the weird stuff you said when you were hammered?”

“I don’t know, do I?” Camila laughs, her expression brightening a little. She reaches out and plucks one of the mini marshmallows off the whipped cream on her hot chocolate. “I bet it was bad.”

“I mean, it doesn’t get much worse than drunkenly admitting your feelings for your crush, but still,” Lauren teases her, still finding it hard to believe that _she’s_ Camila’s crush. “You announced that you were famous and in some band, then decided that _we_ should start a band, and were talking a load of gibberish about your sisters or something? Oh, and you performed your _sexy song_ for me on a fake guitar.”

Camila cringes, biting down on her bottom lip. “ _Into It_? Yeah, that’s- uh, a work in progress.”

Lauren smirks, relishing in Camila’s embarrassment. She can’t help it; it’s too easy to get Camila blushing. “Did you have a particular someone in mind when you were writing it?”

“I- um,” Camila looks away, blushing, “you know, when I was little, I wrote a song about cereal.”

“Cute,” Lauren comments, “but you didn’t answer my question, Camz.”

“I’m not going to, because that’s _actual_ classified information.” Camila replies. “Anyway, enough about my songwriting. Let’s talk about your musical talents.”

Lauren snorts. “Why?”

“Because clearly you put a lot of stock in them, if you were going to go on a nationally televised singing competition,” Camila points out, and Lauren shrugs. “That’s why I’m looking forward to our dramatic _High School Musical_ singalong. It’ll be nice to have a duet partner who matches my talents.”

“Okay, Rachel Berry,” Lauren snorts, the nerdy _Glee_ reference coming out before she thinks about it. “So, since this technically _not_ our first date… when are we planning on going on that?”

Camila blushes, and Lauren smiles; Camila is really adorable. “I mean… when do you want to do it?”

“It depends on the tone of the occasion,” Lauren says, humming in thought. “Are we going all out? Fancy dinner, dressing up? _Or_ are we going to do a low maintenance thing.”

“Well, since this is the low maintenance thing, I think we should go all out,” Camila says, “let me take you to dinner? I just… I know you have this whole thing about being chivalrous, but I _also_ know that you like to be treated like a princess. And I want to do that for you.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip to hide her smile. “How could you possibly know I like that?”

“Well,” Camila smirks, “you _are_ the biggest bottom in the history of the Earth.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Keep your voice down. People aren’t supposed to know that. I _still_ don’t know how you do.”

“It’s pretty obvious, especially with your ex being Lucy, who is obviously a top,” Camila rambles, fully aware of the fact that when she was _actually_ sixteen, she had no idea what being a top or a bottom even meant. “When you look at that pairing, it’s obvious who the top is.”

Lauren scowls a little, because Camila isn’t wrong. “I guess I can see what you mean. But with _us_ … that’s going to be a little less obvious.”

Camila laughs. “Cute that you think that.”

Lauren just rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Where are you taking me for our official first date?”

“That’s a surprise. I’m going to book a restaurant and the dress code is… smart.” Camila decides on the spot, and Lauren nods, putting that information at the back of her mind. “And… I guess we could do the weekend after this one.”

“Okay,” Lauren nods, “Friday or Saturday?”

“Well, you’re working on Saturday, right?” Camila says, and when Lauren hums in affirmation, she smiles. “Then it’s got to be Friday.”

Lauren laughs. “Are you forgetting that I work early mornings? I won’t be working past ten on Saturday, so my night is still free.”

“Yeah, but you’ll have been up since four,” Camila points out, “and if we have our date on Saturday night, you’ll have been awake for a long ass time, so you’ll be tired and you won’t enjoy it as much.”

Lauren feels her stomach flip, and for the first time, doesn’t shrug it off. “You’re really sweet, Camz.”

Camila grins. “I’ve been told. I guess I _am_ good with the ladies.”

“Yeah, once you finally talk to them,” Lauren teases her, but then her expression softens and she reaches across the table to hold Camila’s hand. “I’m so glad I met you, Camz. I told myself that I was waiting until I had a connection with someone to get back into dating, after the flop of a date I had a few weeks back, and even then, I was thinking about the connection I have with you. It’s just… really rare to find that kind of thing, and I’m glad that it’s with someone as amazing as you.”

Camila beams, her eyes shining with what looks like tears. But they seem like happy tears, so Lauren is okay with it. “That means so much coming from you. I’m really glad you didn’t write off me telling you I liked you as some drunken rambling.”

“I almost did,” Lauren admits, because if she hadn’t thought it over, she wouldn’t have kissed Camila at midnight. “But then I kissed you. And everything made sense.”

“You know, now that I’m thinking about it,” Camila hums, “ _both_ times we’ve kissed, you’re the one who initiated it. I really need to up my game.”

“Yeah,” Lauren hums in agreement, “you really do.”

Camila meets Lauren’s gaze for a moment, watching her carefully, but then looks away, blushing. “Um, anyway, this cake is good.”

She announces it before she picks up her fork and actually tastes it, and Lauren laughs a little. She watches as Camila looks anywhere but back at her, distracting herself with eating cake. “Camz?”

Camila looks up. “Yeah?”

Lauren sends her a comforting smile and reaches over, squeezing her hand across the table. “I’m really looking forward to seeing where this goes.”

Finally, Camila grins. “Yeah. Me too.”


	21. twenty

**_January 14 th, 2017_ **

“So, my last theory was wrong.” Lucy frowns down at the mug of coffee Camila had made her. “We won’t just blink out on the date we came, which means I’m not going back tonight. So, what the fuck could this be?”

“You really think I have any idea? The only thing I've been thinking about, or, well- realised, actually… there’s something I forgot to ask you in all the shock of you actually being here and confirming that I’m not insane,” Camila says, picking at the rim of her own mug. “Um… you left in January. Which means I’d been gone an entire month. Had I been… acting weird?”

“Well, I wouldn’t know, since we didn’t exactly hang out or have any actual contact,” Lucy points out, and Camila has to admit that she has a point, “but… from my perspective, just from your internet presence, you seemed perfectly normal. You even tweeted that you hadn’t showered since last year on New Year’s Day.”

Camila laughs a little, because that’s kind of a running gag on her Twitter. But she’s mostly concerned. “So… everything seemed fine?”

“Yeah,” Lucy confirms, “why? Do you think that maybe we switched? Like, the versions of us from here are there?”

“That’s what I thought, but if I’m apparently acting normal, then I don’t know.” Camila bites down on her bottom lip. “And- um, there’s something else.”

At the way Camila seems to collapse in on herself, Lucy squeezes her hand comfortingly. “What happened?”

“I’ve started to… remember things,” Camila admits. “Things from _here_. That I shouldn’t remember. Like, I was with Lauren the other day, and I just started talking about this time Dinah and I did a talent show together. For a second, I was worried, but I brushed it off as a lie I constructed easily. But when I spoke to Dinah, she confirmed that it _did_ happen.”

Lucy frowns in thought, seemingly trying to rationalise this already crazy situation. “Maybe we don’t just go to sleep and wake up somewhere else. Maybe it’s a gradual process, once you remember everything here, you’ll go back.”

“Or… or we’re _becoming_ the people we replaced,” Camila voices the option neither of them want to consider. “What if I start forgetting Fifth Harmony? I- I can’t be stuck here. I have a life there too, and I can’t just _forget_ it. Right?”

“At least… if that did happen, you wouldn’t remember. You’d have nothing to miss.” Lucy theorises, but looks just as worried as Camila feels. “But it won’t happen. You don’t feel like your memories of that are fading, right?”

“No, but… but what if it starts happening?” Camila scares herself with the thought. “Even though I don’t… I don’t _hate_ it here, it’s not my life. And Dinah- oh my god, does this mean I’ve pretty much _killed_ the other me? Because I know Dinah is okay with me, but she still wants _her_ Camila, I know that.”

“It’s not going to come to that,” Lucy shakes her head, “we’re going to figure this out. The last thing I want is to be stuck here.”

“I mean, it’s not _so_ bad,” Camila admits, because she has Lauren here. She has _all_ the girls here. “But I do miss… everything. My career. Making music. I know it’s what I’ve got to do.”

“At least you have people to talk to here.” Lucy mutters, and Camila thinks she wasn’t supposed to hear that. “Anyway, you won’t forget. That’s just… _too_ much.”

“Hey, no,” Camila frowns, “you have me to talk to.”

Lucy just sighs and shakes her head. “Don’t worry about it. What we need to figure out is-”

“A beach day!” Camila exclaims, cutting Lucy off. “Me, you, Dinah, Ally, Mani and Lauren. It’ll be perfect. Because then you can properly make your peace with Lauren, and maybe that’ll fix things for you. Maybe that’ll send you back.”

“You kissed Lauren and it didn’t work for you.” Lucy sceptically replies. “I doubt hanging out with her would do anything for me. Besides, Normani wouldn’t let me near her after the whole breakup.”

“But Lauren’s moved on now,” Camila insists, “come on, it’ll be fun. We’ll have a beach day and it’ll at least make some progress. Okay?”

After a few moments of silence, Lucy sighs. “Fine. I guess it can’t hurt.”

Camila sends her a triumphant smile, happy for the minor distraction from her whole _I’m remembering things_ problem. If one of them gets sent back, the other can try their best to figure out _how_ it happened.

“So… how are things, anyway?” Lucy asks. “With your quest for Lauren.”

“We have a date, actually,” Camila explains. “She kissed me on New Year’s and we just kind of… figured things out from there.”

Lucy hums in reply. “Maybe after the date you’ll go back?”

Camila worries on her bottom lip. “I- I hope I don’t. I… I just want an actual chance with Lauren, and I’ll never get that back in our world. I just want some time with her. Even if it’s in an alternate universe.”

“You know she’s not _our_ Lauren, right?” Lucy points out. “She’s not the girl you fell for. They’re different people.”

“I know she’s not that Lauren,” Camila quickly replies, “and she… she kind of _is_ the one I’m falling for. She’s so relaxed and happy here. The other Lauren rarely seemed happy, at least when she was around me. She always has her walls up, and I think it was fame that did that.”

“You know, one time we were talking, and she told me she wanted to leave the group,” Lucy recalls, and Camila frowns. “Like, not in the way you did, for your career. She wanted to leave because she hated the fame and just wanted to go to college and live a normal life.”

Camila frowns. “She never mentioned anything about that.”

“Yeah, because she didn’t want to ruin things for you and the other girls,” Lucy says, “but for a while she was miserable. So, you’re right about the fame thing. It can clearly change a lot.”

“Yeah,” Camila murmurs in agreement. Fame had changed a lot in her life. Some of those changes were positive, but a lot of negativity came with it too, like how she couldn’t bear to look at her Twitter mentions through most of 2016 because of all the hateful things she was sent, mostly from Harmonizers, telling her that the girls were better off without her and she should just leave.

Admittedly, it had given her a little push to go. If the fans didn’t want her there, what was the point?

She’s pulled from her thoughts when her bedroom door bursts open.

“Kaki, can we- _oh_ ,” Sofi pauses in the doorway when she sees Lucy. “Who are you?”

Lucy smiles at her. “I’m Lucy. You’re Sofia, right? Your big sister has told me so much about you.”

“She has?” Sofi looks over at Camila, before she grins. “Did she tell you that I’m cooler than her? I have a leather jacket and she doesn’t, that’s why.”

Lucy laughs. “She didn’t tell me that, actually.”

“Lauren told me to get one, and that it’d make me look cool,” Sofi rambles on excitedly. “Do you know Lauren? I think she’s cool. Kaki wants to kiss her.”

Camila chokes on her hot chocolate. “Um, Sofi, that’s need to know info.”

“Yeah, and I already knew that, anyway,” Lucy responds, laughing a little at Camila’s reaction. “And yes, I know Lauren. She’s my ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh, okay then,” Sofi shrugs. “Are you hanging out with me tonight, too? We’re going to watch _High School Musical_.”

“No, I was just here to talk to Camila about… school stuff,” Lucy makes up, and Camila laughs a little. She wishes they were just talking about something as simple as school. “She needed my help with some homework.”

“Oh,” Sofi frowns. “Can you stay?”

Lucy shakes her head. “Sorry, but I can't. I’ve- uh, actually got my own homework to do.”

Sofi sighs. “You big kids are always obsessed with your homework, it’s weird. I never do my homework.”

“Better not let mami hear you say that, Sofi,” Camila laughs, “she’ll ground you for life.”

Sofi pouts. “She never grounds you when you're bad.”

“Because I don’t go out in the first place,” Camila replies with a relaxed shrug. “If she was going to punish me, she’d send me out to a party or something.”

“Little Camz at a party? I don’t think that-” Both Camila and Lucy look to the doorway to see Lauren stood there, watching them. Camila frowns; she hadn’t expected Lauren this early. “Oh.”

“Hey, Laur,” Camila tries to put on a bubbly, casual façade. “I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.”

"I was bored so I thought I'd come over early." Lauren’s gaze flicks between Camila and Lucy. “What’re you two talking about?”

“Homework,” Sofi supplies happily. “They’re boring. Come play games with me, Lolo! It’ll be fun.”

“Uh, yeah,” Lauren nods distractedly. “Why don’t you go and get a board game set up that we can play.”

“Okay,” Sofi beams, and runs out of the room, probably to rifle through her many board games and pick the best one to play with Lauren.

Once Sofi has gone, Lauren leans against the doorframe and frowns. “Well? What were you talking about?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip. Nothing she can say will make sense; she can’t exactly announce that they were chatting about the alternate universe they’re both from. “Um, just, you know-”

“You.” Lucy interrupts. “That’s what you want us to say, isn’t it?”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “I don’t care that you’re friends, it’s just-”

“Look, I’m sick of things being awkward between us,” Lucy cuts in again. “Yes, we dated, and yes, we broke up. And I’m sorry for hurting you, but as far as I’m aware, you’ve moved on. You were my best friend and I want that back. It’s up to you if you want the same thing.”

Lauren glances over at Camila, who sends her an encouraging smile and a nod. She sighs, turning back to Lucy. “Of course I want the same thing. But I don’t think now is the best time. I don’t want any drama that might jeopardise things… things between me and Camila. Because I have real feelings for her and I don’t want anything messing it up-”

“Laur, relax,” Camila interrupts her. “Lucy and I are friends, and she totally wouldn’t mess anything up. And if we’re being honest, we were talking about you. Lucy said she missed having you as her friend, and I actually proposed that we all hang out one day, and invite the girls along. I was going to mention it to you tonight.”

“You don’t feel weird about it?” Lauren asks her. “Because it’s not just what I want that matters here.”

“I’m positive,” Camila assures her. “I trust you, and we’re all mature enough to not start any drama.”

After a few moments of thought, Lauren nods. “Okay. Alright. We can be friends again.”

Lucy smiles. “Good. Because I _have_ missed you, Lo. And you know how sorry I am for hurting you.”

“I know. I forgive you.” Lauren’s gaze moves over to Camila and a small smile curves her lips upward. “I forgave you a while ago.”

Lucy just smiles, but it’s a little sad, and Camila realises that Lauren hadn’t said _I miss you_ back. “Good. I guess I’ll see you at school.”

“Are you going?” Camila asks. “You can stay if you want. I don’t mind. I’m sure Sofi would love to force another one of my friends to play with her.”

Lucy shrugs, looking between them. “I should let you guys have your alone time.”

Camila snorts. “With Sofi around, we won’t be getting any of that.”

Lucy looks over at Lauren, who shrugs. “Yeah. You should stay for a while.”

Lucy hesitates for a moment, thinking it over, but eventually nods. “Alright. I guess I can stay for one game of whatever your sister makes us play.”

As if on cue, Sofi runs back into the room with a smile. “We’re playing Monopoly. Papi taught me how to play it and I beat him on my first try.”

Camila knows it’s probably because Alejandro _let_ Sofi win, but she keeps her mouth shut, because that cute, childhood innocence is something that needs to be preserved. But that _doesn’t_ mean Camila is going to go easy on her. No, when Camila plays board games, she’s in it to win it.

“I’m actually glad you’re here, Lucy. It’s just one more person for me to beat.” Camila announces as they follow Sofi into her bedroom and sit down on the floor surrounding the board. As Sofi snatches up the dog game piece, Camila scowls. “Hey, I was going to go for that.”

Lauren laughs and snags the battleship piece. “I’ll take this.”

Camila pouts, and she’s about to pick the racecar, but Lucy takes that before she can. She scowls at the three of them, before picking up the top hat. “You’re all assholes.”

“That’s what you get when you trash talk, Camz.” Lauren teases her, setting her piece on _go_. She picks up the dice and rolls it, rolling an eight, before passing it along to Sofi. “Whoever gets the highest roll starts. Also, did you set up the money right, Sofi?”

“Yeah, I read the rules, that’s why it took me so long.” Sofi announces with a proud smile, but it soon fades when she rolls a four. "Dammit. Can I go again?"

"Nope." Camila laughs, taking the dice from her, grinning at the eleven she rolls. “I am the dice whisperer.”

Lauren laughs at her lame joke, and Lucy sends her a disbelieving look that reads _'I can't believe_ _she still laughs at those dumb jokes'_ , before she rolls a nine.

“Alright, Camz is first, and then we’ll go clockwise from there,” Lauren announces, passing Camila the dice.

“Uh, wait, what?” Lucy frowns at her, “You’re only saying that because you’ll be next if it’s clockwise. I think we should go from who rolled the second highest.”

“Yeah, so _you’ll_ get the second go,” Lauren counters. “It’s always clockwise in board games. It’s not my fault I happen to be on Camila’s left. You just don’t want to go last.”

“Uh, no, it’s just smarter, because I rolled higher than you,” Lucy points out, “not _my_ fault that you suck at rolling dice.”

Camila laughs at the conversation, rolling her eyes. “Do you two always get like this when you play games?”

“Only when she’s being an _idiot_ ,” Lauren replies, sticking her tongue out in Lucy’s direction. She turns to Camila with a pout and slowly takes hold of her hand. “You agree with me, right, Camz?”

At Lauren’s puppy dog eyes, Camila caves. “Yeah, we should go clockwise.”

Lucy scoffs. “Fuck off, Lauren.”

“You said a bad word.” Sofi points out, frowning at Lucy.

“ _You_ fuck off.” Lauren retorts, apparently not caring that there’s a small child in the room. “I can’t help it if I’m _right_.”

“You said a bad word, too.” Sofi pouts. “Can we start playing now?”

“You know you’re not right,” Lucy answers, “I rolled higher than you, so I should go before you. Duh.”

“It’s only the highest roll that counts,” Lauren states, turning to Camila and brushing a few strands of the younger girl’s hair from her face. She looks up at Camila through her eyelashes and traces her hand along Camila’s jaw. “Right, Camz?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip and clears her throat. “I- um-”

“No, don’t manipulate Camila like that,” Lucy reaches over and lightly pushes Lauren. “Especially not in front of a small _child_.”

“I’m just making sure that Camz can see how obviously right I am,” Lauren announces, looking over at Camila again. “I _am_ right, aren’t I, Camz?”

Camila can’t help it; one look at those bright green eyes and she’s under Lauren’s spell. “Yeah. Yeah, Lauren’s right. Let’s play.”

As Camila rolls the dice to take her turn, Lucy coughs. “Whipped.”

Camila sends her a scowl, and once she takes her turn, she passes the dice to Lauren. “Funny, we haven’t even started this game yet and it’s already destroying friendships.”

If anything, it gets worse as the game progresses, to the point where the only mature voice in the room is Sofi’s. While she just wants to play the game, Camila, Lauren and Lucy are constantly arguing over properties, and calling each other clean variations of curse words in front of Sofi.

(Occasionally, Lauren slips up, the worst one being her calling Camila a _fucking bitch_ when the younger Latina purchases the second dark blue property, while she has the first.)

The game ends when Lauren goes bankrupt, tossing her remaining money at Camila in anger, and stomping out of the room, saying she’s _done_ and she’s _never coming over again_.

Sofi frowns. “Does- does Lolo hate us now?”

Camila laughs. “She’s just being dramatic. But I think we should just count our money and call it a day.”

Lucy ends up winning, much to Camila’s dismay, and once they pack the game away, Lauren comes back into the room and sits down, looking sullen.

“Someone’s a sore loser,” Camila points out, and Lucy laughs. “Hey, Laur, I lost too.”

“But you weren’t the _loser_ of the losers,” Lauren argues, pouting. “I suck even more than you suck. That’s just depressing.”

Camila laughs and pulls Lauren in for a hug. “You could never suck in my eyes, Laur.”

“Wow, cheesy, much?” Lucy teases them. “Anyway, I have to go now. Enjoy babysitting.”

“We’ll try,” Camila says with a smile, resting her head on a grumpy Lauren’s shoulder. “See you later.”

Lucy is halfway through the door when Lauren finally talks. “Hey, Luc?”

Lucy stops, turning around. “Yeah?”

Lauren smiles a little. “I missed you too.”

-

“You know what’s about to happen, right?”

Lauren raises her eyebrows and looks up at Camila. “What?”

“Our duet,” Camila smirks, and when Lauren rolls her eyes, she scoffs. “What, you didn’t think I was letting you out of that, did you? Come on, this next song is the one I picked.”

Lauren laughs. “Really, Camz?”

“Mhm,” Camila nods and stands up, and Lauren just keeps laughing. “Hey, no, what’re you laughing at? I’m serious.”

“I know, it’s just-” Lauren cuts herself off with another chuckle, “ _You Are the Music in Me_? You picked possibly the cheesiest song in the entire franchise.”

“Well, I mean, it’s not entirely inaccurate,” Camila explains, a blush rising on her cheeks. “It’s like… music is important to me, and you are too. And a lot of the time, when I’m writing songs… I kind of feel like you’re my muse.”

Lauren blinks in surprise. She hadn’t expected that. “Wait, really?”

“Really,” Camila confirms. “I don’t know, it’s just easy to write songs about you because I have all of these feelings that need to come out.”

“Wow,” Lauren murmurs, “of course you’d manage to make a cheesy _High School Musical_ song into a big romantic gesture.”

“Romantic?” Sofi pipes up. “Isn’t that where you kiss and stuff? Did Kaki tell you how she wants to kiss you?”

“Well, if I _hadn’t_ , I’d definitely be disowning you right now.” Camila rolls her eyes. “God, are all of us Cabellos like, _huge_ blabbermouths?”

Lauren laughs. “And this one isn’t even drunk.”

Camila just grabs Lauren’s hand and pulls her up off the couch. “Alright, which fake microphone do you want? TV remote, DVD player remote, or the hairbrush?”

“I’m going to go with the TV remote,” Lauren decides, and Camila tosses her it. “Alright, I’m ready to rock out.”

“I’m picking the classic hairbrush,” Camila says. “Also, dibs on Gabriella. And by default, Kelsi’s opening part, so you’re going to be Troy Bolton’s dramatic ass. It fits since you're both extra. Side note; Kelsi was gay as f- _heck_.”

“Nice save,” Lauren laughs, “and I agree. Ryan was also pretty gay.”

“We’ll continue this discussion of the gay _HSM_ subplot later,” Camila announces, “we’ve got a dramatic duet to perform.”

As they sing the song, Camila dances around Lauren as Sofi claps for them on the couch. Lauren stops singing a few times to laugh when Camila busts out her dance moves, letting the younger Latina spin her around and fake slowdance with her.

 _“You are the music in me,”_ they both sing together as the song finishes, and finally, Camila is the one to make a move. She cups Lauren’s jaw with her hands and pulls her in for a kiss, her stomach flipping at the feeling. It’s crazy to her, how she can feel so much from so little.

It’s all because of Lauren.

“Ew, I hate when people kiss,” Sofi announces, and that’s what makes them pull away. “But I’m happy that you finally did kiss her, Kaki.”

“Yeah,” Lauren adds as she sits back down. “Me too.”

Camila blushes, but sits down next to Lauren, not surprised when Lauren cuddles up to her. “Me three.”

Lauren smiles a little, looping her arm through Camila’s. They stay like that for the rest of the movie, Camila feeling content with Lauren in her arms, and they only move when it’s time to put Sofi to bed. Usually, when she’s babysitting, Camila lets Sofi stay up as long as possible, and tracks her mom’s location, sending Sofi to bed when she sees her parents are on the way home.

But tonight, she wants a little time alone with Lauren. Once she gets her sister to bed, Camila and Lauren retire to Camila’s bedroom, and decide to watch a movie on Camila’s laptop.

After a little while, laying in comfortable silence, Lauren speaks. “Hey, Camz?”

Camila hums. “Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “For what?”

“For trusting me.” Lauren murmurs. “Not many people would be cool with their crush making friends with their ex.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Come on. I know you, and I know Lucy. You’ve moved on, right?”

“Well, clearly,” Lauren laughs a little. “Yeah.”

“And so has she. And you guys were best friends for like, your entire lives.” Camila points out. “It’s only natural for you to miss each other, and losing a lifelong friendship would suck. I want you to be happy, Lo, and because Lucy’s my friend, I want her to be happy too.”

Lauren sighs, snuggling her face into Camila’s neck. “You’re fucking amazing. It’s really no surprise that I’m falling for you.”

Camila smiles a little. “ _I don’t want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck_.”

Lauren hums, and at the song lyrics, presses her lips against Camila’s neck. The younger Latina gets the chills; it’s amazing how a tiny gesture like that can make her feel so much.

“Just… you’re so good to me,” Lauren murmurs. “And I can’t wait for our date next week.”

Camila just smiles, because she couldn’t agree more.


	22. twenty one

**_January 20 th, 2017_ **

“You’re weird.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Thanks, Sofi. Really great for my self-esteem.”

“Well, you _are_ being weird,” Sofi points out, as Camila looks in the mirror and reconsiders the black dress she’d picked out. “It’s just Lauren. You see her all the time.”

“Yes, but this time, it’s a date,” Camila argues, “it’s different. I need to make her like me.”

“She already likes you.” Sofi replies, rolling her eyes, and Camila wonders when her little sister got so sassy. “She kissed you, which means she likes you. Why would she kiss you if she didn’t like you?”

“I don’t know, pity?” Camila answers, but then it hits her. What if Lauren _is just pitying her_? “Oh my god, it’s a pity date. I have to cancel.”

“You’re an idiot sometimes, Kaki.” Sofi replies, shaking her head. “I’m only little, and even I know that Lauren likes you a lot.”

Camila just sighs, resting her head in her hands. “I just want it to be perfect, you know? No, you wouldn’t know, you’re six.”

“I’m still smart, though,” Sofi announces, “I don’t understand why you’re worrying so much. Teenagers are weird.”

Camila huffs, but when the doorbell rings, anxiety rises in her chest. Even though she has history with Lauren – well, _a_ Lauren – this is the first time she’s ever been on an actual date with her. It’s enough to make her anxiety rise.

Sofi gets up off the couch and skips to the front door, opening it, but Camila already knows it’s Lauren.

“Hey, Sofi,” Lauren smiles at her sister, and Camila tries to ignore all of the stress and worry she feels. “As much as I love hanging out with you, I’m here for the other Cabello tonight.”

“Oh, she’s in the lounge, come on,” Sofi announces, and tugs Lauren into the lounge. “She’s being weird tonight.”

Lauren just laughs. “She’s always weird.”

Camila scoffs. “Hey, I’m not- _whoa_ …”

When she sees Lauren, Camila’s heart overcompensates. She’s wearing a white dress that hugs her curves, which is perfect, because there’s nothing Camila is more obsessed with than Lauren’s curves. As Lauren gets closer, Camila realises that she’d changed out the small stud in her left nostril for a silver hoop, and she finds herself smiling, because she’s always loved Lauren’s nose ring.

“Hey,” Lauren smiles at her, looking her over as Camila stands up. “You look beautiful. So, what’s our destination, since _someone_ can’t drive?”

“Hey, I _can_ drive,” Camila announces, because technically she can. At least, this universe’s Camila can, so she has a default driver’s license. “I just couldn’t get the car from my dad.”

Lauren smiles. “I’m just teasing you. But seriously, where are we going?”

“For dinner,” Camila announces, beaming when her sister sends her a thumbs up as Camila heads out of the front door with Lauren. “Don’t worry, I’ll put the location into your GPS.”

Lauren shrugs. “Alright, I’ll accept that you want to keep it secret.”

“It’s not super extravagant, since I’m not exactly a millionaire and I want you to be able to order something more than like, a side salad.” Camila says, “but I think you’ll like it.”

As they get in the car, Camila reaches over and punches the restaurant’s address into the GPS system on Lauren’s car. Lauren watches over her shoulder and hums in thought. “That’s a Cuban restaurant, right?”

“Damn it, Lauren,” Camila sighs, “you weren’t supposed to _look_.”

Lauren laughs. “I was going to find out eventually. But I like it.”

“Yeah, uh, I picked it because it seemed fitting, since we’re both Cubans and all.” Camila explains. “And it’s not, like, super pricey, so I can afford to treat you.”

Lauren sighs. “You know you don’t have to treat me, right? I have a job, I can-”

“I know you _can_ ,” Camila interrupts, “but I want to treat you on our first date, so I’m not going to be swayed with arguments about your employment status.”

“Fine,” Lauren says, “But I’m totally getting you back on the second date.”

Camila’s heart soars. _Second date_. She tries to play it cool, even though on the inside she wants to do a happy dance about how Lauren already wants a second date. “Wow, we’re not even ten minutes into the first date and you already want a second? I guess I _am_ irresistible.”

Lauren laughs. “I thought you already knew I wanted a second date.”

“Well, I mean, I didn’t want to assume, and I thought maybe this date would determine if… if you wanted to. Like, if I messed up and did something awkward, it’d have repercussions on you wanting another date.” Camila rambles. “And that’s why I’ve been worrying, because I really like you, and-”

“Camz, you’re rambling,” Lauren cuts her off with a smile. “I really like you too. And unless you revealed that you were a stalker or a serial killer or something, I’m pretty sure you’re getting a second date. And a third, fourth, fifth… however many you’d like. So you don’t need to worry, alright?”

 _What about revealing I’m from an alternate universe_ , Camila thinks _, would that stop us from having a second date?_ “Alright. I just can’t help being nervous. I’ve liked you for a really long time.”

“We hang out all the time,” Lauren points out, “just because it’s romantic, doesn’t mean it’s not just you hanging out with me. You don’t need to be nervous when you know it’s going to be fine.”

Camila hums in thought. “I guess. Yeah, you’re right. We _have_ hung out a lot.”

“Exactly,” Lauren smiles. “I’m always there to hit you with some well needed wisdom when you need it, Camz. I would know, being older and wiser.”

“ _Eight months_ ,” Camila reiterates with a frustrated sigh, but a grin on her face. “When I was born, you were still a literal baby, so we were pretty much the same. _And_ I’ll be the same age as you in two months, so there.”

Lauren just laughs. “I love how annoyed you get when I tease you about that. It’s a really good way to push your buttons.”

Camila scoffs, shaking her head. “Excuse _you_ , but I have no buttons to push.”

“Mhm, sure,” Lauren smirks at her. “So, how’s writing your sexy song coming along? Finished it yet? As your _muse_ , I feel like it’s my right to know, since it’s probably about me.”

“Wow, trust you to take something I said to be _romantic_ , and use it to make fun of me.” Camila rolls her eyes. “And _no_ , it’s not finished, but thanks for taking interest in my songwriting, even if it’s only to mock me.”

Lauren’s expression softens. “I _am_ interested, seriously. And I’d love to hear something that’s not, you know, sung by drunk you and accompanied by music on a fake guitar.”

Camila hums in thought. “I have a couple songs that are finished, but honestly, they’re a little depressing.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “How are they depressing?”

“Well, I mean, I was depressed when I was writing them.” Camila replies. “The _really_ depressing one was about, uh… _her_. You know who I mean.”

“The girl that fucked you over,” Lauren answers, not knowing that the _girl_ was a different her, in a different time, “yeah. Do you have any happy ones, or are they just either depressing or sexy?”

Camila laughs. “Yes, I have a few happy ones that’re also a work in progress right now, like, um, one called _Inside Out_. Mostly because I feel a lot happier now. Even though there are some things that aren’t so great, I’m happy.”

Lauren smiles a little. “Hopefully I helped a little with that.”

“You did,” Camila smiles, “I just can’t believe I’m on a real date with you. Like, in _public_.”

Lauren laughs. “It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t tell me you liked me until now. Like, two years ago, when Lucy and I admitted we liked each other, she was ready to be open, but I was in no way ready to do that, so we kept it hidden. _Three_ years ago, if you’d told me you liked me, I would have freaked out and announced that I’m straight.”

_“Do you want to… maybe, um, do something tomorrow?” Camila asks, pulling Lauren away from the rest of the X Factor contestants. “Just… you know, the two of us?”_

_Lauren raises her eyebrows._ _“Are you asking me out, Camila?”_

_“I- I mean… if you’d want it to be like that, then…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip nervously, “then yeah. But-”_

_Lauren laughs, and Camila’s heart sinks. This is her first time asking someone out, not even on a real date, just something casual, and they laughed at her. “Camz, that’s sweet, but I’m straight.”_

_“I- oh,” Camila frowns down at her feet. “I’m sorry.”_

_Lauren just smiles and ruffles her hair. “It’s okay, Camila.”_

_Later that night, at the contestants’ party to celebrate getting through to the semi-finals, Lauren drinks more than she should and ends up kissing Camila. When the younger Latina asks her what it means, Lauren’s response shatters her heart._

_“Nothing,” Lauren mumbles between kisses. “It means nothing.”_

“Are you okay?” Lauren asks, and Camila blinks in surprise, trying to push the memory away. “You suddenly got all sad. It’s a happy night, Camz.”

“I- I know, it’s nothing,” Camila answers, putting on a smile. “I’m good.”

“Except you’re not,” Lauren retorts as she pulls into a parking place. “Talk to me.”

Camila looks into Lauren’s eyes, and sees nothing but sincerity, so she voices her concerns. “This means something, right? All of this? Because someone… before… she would do things but then say it didn’t mean anything, and it’s just really confusing for me.”

Lauren reaches over and squeezes her hand. “This means something, Camz. I promise. You know that I don’t really date unless I feel a connection with someone, and the connection I have with you… it’s like something has always been pulling us together. Ever since the day you said you liked my shirt.”

_There she is. Just go over there, and say something casual to get her attention. That’s what Dinah says, and Dinah’s good at stuff like this._

_Camila switches her internal monologue off for a moment and sucks in a deep breath, adjusting the bow on her hair. She looks over at the girl, Lauren, the one she’s had a crush on since the start of freshman year a few months ago, and decides that today is going to be the day she talks to her. Today, she’s going to get her attention._

_She walks over to Lauren, and as the girl is heading towards her locker, blurts out a quiet, “hey, I- um, I like your shirt.”_

_Lauren spins around, and under that bright green gaze, Camila feels completely vulnerable. “Sorry, were you talking to me?_ ”

_She didn’t even hear, you idiot, Camila scolds herself, knowing that she’s made a complete fool of herself in front of the hottest girl in school. She mumbles out an apology and darts away, hoping that Lauren will forget her face and the embarrassment that she is._

_She promises herself that she’ll never talk to Lauren again._

_But no, that’s not how it happened_ , Camila thinks, _it was on X Factor_ , _not here._

“But anyway, let’s go,” Lauren announces, getting out of the car. Camila follows her, and when Lauren takes her hand, her heart soars. “We’ve got reservations to make.”

“Yeah,” Camila agrees, deciding she’s going to swallow her nerves and her worries, and take charge. So she squeezes Lauren’s hand, and decides she’s going to be as smooth as she possibly can be. “I _am_ looking forward to food, but that’s obvious, because I’m me. _But_ I doubt anything they have here will be as good as something you’d make.”

Lauren beams. “Aw, thanks, Camz. I have to say, I _am_ a pretty good chef, mostly just thanks to my abuela. She taught me everything I know.”

“Well… maybe that can be another date,” Camila answers, “a night in, a home cooked meal, maybe a cheesy rom-com movie.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Lauren replies, swinging their arms as they walk. “ _But_ , you’ve got to help me cook. Don’t worry with my adult supervision, you won’t burn the house down. And it might be funny to have a flour fight.”

“Oh, I’d fucking destroy you,” Camila states, holding the restaurant door open. Lauren doesn’t have time to retort, because a staff member comes over and asks if they have a booking. “Yeah, um, I’ve got a reservation for two, under Cabello?”

Once they’re led to their table and told that their waiter will be with them shortly, Lauren looks down at herself and hums. “I’m kind of regretting wearing white now.”

Camila laughs, “Why do you think I went with black? But you’ll be fine, just make sure you keep your napkin over your lap.”

Lauren smiles and unfolds her napkin, laying it out on her lap. “Are you getting alcohol to drink? I can’t, since I’m driving, but if you wanted to-”

“It’s our first date,” Camila points out, “I’m not getting drunk. This is a situation where I need to be soberer than sober.”

Lauren laughs. “Don’t want to spill any more secrets?”

“I mean, you _did_ say the revelation that I’m a serial killer would cancel any later dates,” Camila jokes, and Lauren rolls her eyes. “Kidding. Anyway, I’m just going to get a coke, probably. You?”

“Same here,” Lauren replies, picking up the menu and flicking through it, “damn, there’s so much good stuff here. Can we just order one of everything?”

“Sure, if you want me to have to file for bankruptcy after this date,” Camila answers, and Lauren laughs again. The younger girl looks up from her menu and smiles. “Why do you always do that? Laugh at my dumb jokes, I mean.”

Lauren just shrugs. “I don’t think they’re dumb. I love your sense of humour.”

“You do?” Camila asks, and when Lauren nods, she grins. “Cool. Most people just roll their eyes and tell me to shut up.”

Lauren laughs. “Well, I love your jokes. They’re one of the reasons why I like you so much. You’re dorky and adorable but I can tell you have another side to you, as well.”

“Karla?” Camila blurts out, referencing their fans and the name they use for her sexy side, but Lauren just frowns in confusion, because of _course_ , this Lauren wouldn’t know a thing about that. “Oh, um, never mind.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows and smirks. “Karla, huh?”

“No- I, um, when you said another side, I thought you meant like, my first name,” Camila rambles on, Lauren not believing her bullshit excuse. “So that’s… that’s why I said that.”

Lauren hums, “Sure. Totally believe that.”

“I mean, it’s the _truth_ , so I don’t see why you wouldn’t,” Camila points out, deciding to distract herself with looking through the menu, even though she’s already decided what she wants.

Once they get their orders taken, and their drinks are brought to the table, Camila starts to get nervous again. First dates have specific things you’re not supposed to talk about, right? But she’s never really been on a real first date before, both here _and_ in her own world, so she has no idea what the taboos are.

Lauren seems to sense her worries. “I signed us up to be roomies for the Universal trip. Mani and I went to the office together, and it’s going to be you, me, Mani and Dinah. That cool with you?”

“Yeah,” Camila replies, thankful for the subject change, “That’s cool. I’m actually looking forward to it, even though big rollercoasters aren’t exactly my favourite thing in the world.”

Lauren frowns. “You don’t like them?”

“It’s not that I don’t like them,” Camila corrects herself, “it’s more like… while I’m waiting in line to go on them, all of this anxiety starts to build up and I start thinking about that scene in _Final Destination 3_ where everything goes wrong and it freaks me out even more, but then I get on the ride and I _don’t_ die, so I enjoy it. And if I line up to go on again, I don’t get freaked out, since I already went on it, so I know what to expect and I’ve got my adrenaline going.”

“Interesting,” Lauren comments, “I can’t relate, I just jump on and hope for the best. If I die then at least I was having a good time _before_ I died.”

“I guess that’s one way to see it,” Camila laughs, “I’m guessing you’re going to drag me onto every single big ride, right?”

“If you don’t want to go on, I wouldn’t force you,” Lauren responds, “but it _would_ give me an excuse to hold your hand.”

Camila tries to hide her smile. “You know, _I’m_ supposed to be the one who makes _you_ swoon, not the other way around.”

Lauren sends her a teasing smile. “What? Little Camzi with her bows and princess dresses? Make _me_ swoon? I just can’t see that happening.”

“ _Hey_ , I haven’t worn a bow in months. And you know I mostly stick with jeans now. _You’re_ the one who picked them out,” Camila defends herself, knowing that when she was actually sixteen, bows and dresses were her thing. “Anyway, _I’m_ clearly the dominant one here, with you being a bottom ass bitch. So shut up and let me be smooth.”

“Wow, someone’s defensive,” Lauren answers, “and don’t call me a bottom ass bitch. I’m quite clearly-”

“A bottom ass bitch,” Camila finishes for her, “but _anyway_ , this isn’t appropriate talk for the first date. We should be talking about… I don’t know, how many pets we have, or something. Just like, getting to know each other stuff.”

Lauren frowns. “We already know each other. Besides, I hate all of that awkward, dancing around topics kind of thing that usually happens on a first date. I know you, and I’m comfortable with you, so we can talk about anything.”

“I guess,” Camila agrees, “I’ve just never been on a first date before, so I don’t really know what I’m doing.”

“Try not to think about how this is a date,” Lauren suggests, and when Camila looks at her like she’s crazy, she laughs. “I mean it. We hang out a lot, and you never worry about what you’re saying then. Just forget that this is a romantic situation, or at least don’t focus on the fact. Maybe it’ll help you relax.”

“But I _like_ knowing that this is a romantic situation,” Camila pouts. “Because I like you. Romantically, I mean. But I like you platonically, too. And- you know, in all ways, because you’re really cool.”

Lauren laughs. “You’re really cool too, Camz. Has anyone ever told you that you ramble a lot?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Camila sighs, “it’s a problem I can’t seem to fix.”

“I think it’s cute.” Lauren replies, reaching across the table to take Camila’s hand. “I think that everything about you is cute.”

“ _Lauren_ ,” Camila pouts, “stop stealing all of my lines. Shut up and let me be all smooth and compliment you.”

“Okay, I guess I can do that,” Lauren laughs, “but just a tip? Telling girls to shut up isn’t exactly going to make them all fall for you.”

“I don’t care,” Camila answers, taking this as her opportunity. “The only girl I want falling for me is you.”

“Damn, nice line,” Lauren comments. “You practice that in the mirror before I picked you up?”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Fine, if you’re just going to mock me, you don’t deserve my compliments. At least I don’t get my lines from pickuplines.com.”

Lauren snorts. “Really? Because if I checked your search history, I think I’d find that website in your bookmarks.”

“Better than having ‘find a sugar daddy’ websites in my bookmarks.” Camila retorts. “Does it say on your sugar baby profile that you’re a pillow princess?”

Lauren chokes on her drink, and Camila sticks her tongue out at her. _Cabello – 1, Jauregui – nil_ , Camila thinks to herself.

“ _Jesus Christ_ , Camz,” Lauren says, wiping her mouth with her napkin. “You really went there.”

Camila sends her a mock pout. “Was that too real for you?”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Alright, I get it, I’ll stop teasing you.”

“Not so fun when you’re the target, huh?” Camila says nudging Lauren’s foot under the table with her own. “Jauregui got a taste of her own medicine.”

“Damn, being mean to a girl on the first date,” Lauren sighs dramatically, “I guess this means I can’t go on a second date with you. You know, since first dates are all about good impressions.”

Even though she knows it’s a joke, a small spark of worry bubbles up in Camila’s chest, and it makes her feel like she’s actually sixteen again, so insecure and believing she isn’t worthy of someone like Lauren. She tries to shake that feeling away, because she’s known for so long that she _is_ worth something, that this is way too weird.

She hopes it’s nothing to do with how she’s been remembering things lately. She doesn’t want anything like that ruining tonight.

Lauren seems to sense that something is off, because she looks over at Camila, concerned. “You know I’m joking, right? I like that you put me in my place sometimes.”

“I could’ve made such a good bottom joke out of that,” Camila sighs wistfully, trying to push away any negative feelings. “But yeah, I’m okay. Just a little bit of residual nervousness.”

“Good,” Lauren smiles at her, before nodding at something behind her. “I see a waiter coming towards us. Don’t want to get my hopes up in case he heads in a different direction at the last second, but honestly, I’m starving.”

Lauren beams when the waiter turns out to be bringing their food to them, and Camila manages a smile too. Even though she loves good food, especially good _Cuban_ food, she knows that having their meals means less time for talking, and she _had_ been having fun talking with Lauren. She knows it’s something she’ll never get again, not when she goes back.

 _If_ she goes back.

Once they’ve eaten, Camila makes sure to pay, and holds Lauren’s hand as they go back to the car. She hijacks the aux cord on the way back to her house, and it makes her think of all the times she’s done that to Dinah, and how Dinah always groans and rolls her eyes at some of the songs Camila chooses.

 _No_ , Camila shakes her head, _you haven’t done that with Dinah, because your Dinah can’t drive_.

She’d done it with Fifth Harmony Lauren, that was it. Just after the X Factor, when they were both back in Miami and actually hung out together. Not any other time with any other girl.

When Lauren pulls up outside her house, Camila feels her heart sink. The date is officially over.

“Well, um,” Camila awkwardly smiles. “I’ll text you. And I’ll see you at school. And- um, at our beach day. Next weekend.”

Lauren watches her. “Can I walk you to the door?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, but nods. “Yeah. Um… you can.”

Lauren follows her out of the car, and takes her hand to walk her up the driveway and to Camila’s front door. She swears she sees the blinds to the lounge shift, but she tries to brush it off, hoping that it’s just Sofi. If her mom was watching, she thinks she’d die.

“I had a really great time tonight, Camz,” Lauren tells her, “and I know it’s so cliché to say that, but it’s true. I’ll text you my plans for the second date.”

“You already have a plan?” Camila frowns, and Lauren laughs a little, but nods. “Oh, that’s- I didn’t expect- um, yeah, text me.”

“You’re so adorable,” Lauren murmurs, her thumb brushing a strand of hair from Camila’s face, “Can I kiss you goodnight?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip, staring up into Lauren’s eyes, and words fail her when she takes in the older Latina’s sheer beauty. She nods, because she wants nothing more than to kiss Lauren right now, to kiss Lauren _all_ the time, and when the older girl’s lips meet hers, Camila feels complete bliss. Camila’s hands find their way to Lauren’s waist, and she bites down gently on Lauren’s bottom lip to deepen the kiss, because Camila wants to take the lead. Even though Lauren seems like she doesn’t believe it, Camila loves control.

When they pull apart, Lauren squeezes Camila’s hand and sends her a warm smile. “I’ll call you later. Night, Camz.”

“Night, Lo.” Camila mumbles, and fumbles with her keys to unlock the front door as Lauren heads back to her car. She waits until she’s inside and hidden behind the door to let out a loud squeal and do her most eccentric happy dance.

“Best date _ever_.”


	23. twenty two

**_January 28 th, 2017_ **

“You’re sure she’s not going to kill me?”

Lauren laughs, rolling her eyes at Lucy in the rear-view mirror. “Mani’s protective, yeah, but she wouldn’t hurt a fly. You’re not going to die today.”

“Yeah, and I’ll save you if you do get attacked,” Camila pipes up with a grin, flexing her bicep. “These muscles speak for themselves.”

Lauren snorts with laughter. “Yeah, totally intimidating, Camz.”

“No offence, Mila, but your guns aren’t very large,” Lucy says, and Camila pouts, folding her arms across her chest, even though she’s fully aware of that fact. “I’d love to see you actually fight someone though.”

“I wouldn’t,” Lauren shoots back, “I don’t want her getting hurt.”

“I like that you just assume I’d lose,” Camila replies, “maybe I know judo or something. You know my  _name_ , not my story, Lo.”

“I’m trying to be all cute and protective here,” Lauren points out. “Don’t ruin it.”

“Speaking of protectiveness,” Lucy interrupts, “you’re  _sure_  Mani is okay with me coming?”

“Don’t worry, I texted her and told her we’re friends again, so she can chill out,” Lauren assures her, “besides, she was only being protective when I was hurting. I’m happy now.”

Camila frowns. “Really? Did someone reply to your sugar baby profile on iwantasugardaddy.com?”

Lauren rolls her eyes as Lucy snorts with laughter. “That joke wasn’t funny the first time, and it’s  _still_  not funny now.”

Camila just shrugs. “Lucy laughed.”

“You know what, Camila?” Lauren shoots her a glare as she pulls into a parking space. “Second date cancelled, you’re mean, and I’m blocking you on everything.”

Camila pouts. “You wouldn’t cancel on me.”

“Uh, yeah, I would,” Lauren answers, unbuckling her seatbelt and opening the driver’s side door. “Bye.”

When Lauren gets out of the car, Camila rolls her eyes. “Why does she have to be so dramatic all the time?”

Lucy just shrugs. “I guess Lauren’s just extra in every universe.”

Camila laughs, and gets out of the car to a pouty Lauren, immediately taking her hand. “Are you going to stop being dramatic now?”

Lauren lets out a long sigh, and Camila takes that as a  _no_. “Are you going to stop being  _mean_?”

“Hey, I put up with your teasing. It’s only fair that I get to mess with you, too.” Camila points out, dropping Lauren’s hand to go to the trunk of the car and get the towels out. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m crazy about you.”

Finally, Lauren smiles, and takes the bag from Camila. “You’re cute.”

Lucy pulls her sunglasses over her eyes and nods towards the sand. “Do you know if the girls are there yet?”

“Nope, but I’ll text Dinah and find out,” Camila announces, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Anyway, apologies in advance for how anti-social I’ll be. I brought a book, and I’m really excited to read it. It’s not something I’d usually read, but I figured why not.”

Lauren looks interested. “Which book?”

“ _Ready Player One_ ,” Camila replies, “I’m only a few chapters in, but I really like it so far. You can borrow it after me if you want.”

“Maybe once I’ve finished my book. I decided to read the  _Game of Thrones_  books,” Lauren tells her, “I just started  _A Storm of Swords._ ”

“And I bet the only reason you’re reading it is because of Daenerys,” Camila shoots back, “since you’re like, in love with her or something.”

“I’m neither confirming nor denying,” Lauren responds, “but she  _is_  hot.”

They find a spot on the sand, out in the sun, and Camila lays her towel out next to Lauren’s, before she digs through the bag and grabs her book, opening it up. Before she can get a word read, Lauren swipes the book from her hands and shakes her head.

Camila pouts. “I want to read.”

“Be social for a little while,” Lauren says, “ _you_  were the one who proposed this beach day.”

“Fine,” Camila rolls her eyes, “I’ll give you ten minutes. By then, the girls will have shown up and you’ll have four people to entertain you. Then I can read in peace. Either that or I can pawn you off on Lucy right now.”

When Lucy doesn’t respond, or even act like she’d heard Camila, the younger girl leans around Lauren to see what she’s doing, and smirks a little when she sees her checking someone out. She nudges Lauren and nods in Lucy’s direction, and Lauren follows the other girl’s gaze.

“Not as cute as me, but I can see why you’d go for her. Then again, it’s kind of impossible to be as cute as me.” Lauren comments, and Lucy blinks in surprise, tearing her gaze away from the girl. “Go talk to her.”

Lucy shakes her head. “There’s no point. It’s not like I’ll ever see her again.”

Camila understands the underlying implications of that. If Lucy ended up dating someone, and then wakes up again, a night after she’d broken up with Fifth Harmony Lauren, she’d be even more heartbroken. But if they’re stuck here… why not?

“I think you should talk to her,” Camila says, shooting her a look and trying to convey the whole  _what if we’re stuck here_  idea. “I mean, you never know what could happen.”

Lucy watches her for a moment, before she sighs. “Fine. But if this goes wrong, I’m suing both of you.”

Lauren laughs and flips her hair. “My lawyers will be waiting.”

As Lucy walks over to the girl, Camila turns to Lauren. “Are you alright?”

“Back in October I wouldn’t have been,” Lauren tells her, looking over at Camila with a small smile. “But I’ve moved on, and I’m happy that she’s doing the same. Lucy has always been one of my best friends, and at one point I thought she was my soulmate. Maybe she is, just not romantically.”

Camila cocks her head to the side. “You believe friends can be soulmates?”

“You don’t?” Lauren counters. “Just look at your friendship with Dinah, and how you guys can read each other so clearly. If that isn’t soulmate material, I don’t know what is.”

Camila smiles to herself; she has to admit, it’s comforting to think that she and Dinah have always  _meant_  to be friends. Maybe that means that her Dinah will come back to her eventually. “You know how you always talk about having a connection with someone when you date them? And like, how you felt as though something was pulling you to me? Maybe that’s… you know…”

“A soulmate thing?” Lauren finishes for her; Camila had started regretting that sentence, because if she’d only gone on one date with someone and they started announcing that they’re soulmates, she’d be more than a little freaked out. “Yeah. Maybe it is.”

Camila takes Lauren’s hand and gives it a soft squeeze. “So, um… when are we going on another date?”

Lauren smirks. “Someone’s eager. And to answer your question, that’s for me to know, and you to find out.”

Camila frowns. “But I need to know, so I have time to get ready and stuff. And to make sure I don’t have to babysit Sofi or something.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “I’ll give you enough time beforehand. I just need to figure out when I’m going to have the house to myself.”

“The house to…” Camila trails off, knowing what that implies, but she’s not entirely sure she’s ready for that with Lauren. What if it sends her back and she’s left heartbroken? “You want to…”

“Oh, no,” Lauren laughs when she catches on, “Well, I mean, yeah, I do. But not if you’re not comfortable.”

“It’s not that I’m not comfortable with you, you know I am,” Camila says, “but that’s not something I can just  _do_  with anyone, you know? I can only really sleep with someone that I’m in a real relationship with.”

“I get that,” Lauren assures her, “and you know I wouldn’t push you. But to ease your mind, I want the house to myself so I can cook you dinner and we can have a cute, romantic night in without my mom peering around the door asking if you want snacks or something.”

Camila laughs. “I’m not opposed to snacks.”

“That’s not the point,” Lauren responds, “I just want a cute night in with you. And I don’t want my parents or siblings barging in and ruining the immersion.”

“You’re cute,” Camila says, “but if you really want to be home alone, if I get a night by myself, we can do it at my place? And before you argue, you’ll still cook, unless you want me to burn the house down.”

“Alright,” Lauren agrees, “but speaking of dates, I still owe you a movie.”

Camila frowns at her. “What?”

“In return for the ice skating at Christmas,” Lauren clarifies, “you said that if there’s a movie you really want to see, even if I’m not too keen on it, I’ll go with you. Start looking at listings.”

“I’m glad it’s not me owing you a movie,” Camila says, “because knowing you, you’d pick a horror. And then I’d have nightmares for years.”

Lauren hums in agreement. “It’d give me an excuse to cuddle you, though.”

Camila just smiles. “You know you don’t need an excuse for that.”

“Wow, did I literally just walk into a cheese festival? There's the cheddar, there's the mozzarella, there's the Camren,” Dinah announces as she lays her towel out next to Camila. “I didn’t realise that you dating her would be this gross.”

Camila laughs and gives her friend a playful nudge. “Shut up.  _You_  were so bad with your first boyfriend back in middle school. What was his name again?”

Dinah sends her a concerned look, and Camila realises what had happened. She’d remembered something again. “Whatever, at least I’m cute.”

“Well, that point is redundant, because Camz is cute, too,” Lauren announces, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. “No, she’s not cute, she’s adorable.”

Camila blushes and squeezes Lauren’s hand. “You’re the cute one here.”

“Damn, you were right, D,” Normani says, sitting down next to Dinah and handing Ally her beach towel, “they  _are_  disgusting. Anyway, I thought you said Lucy was coming, Lo?”

“Yeah, she’s off flirting with some girl,” Lauren shrugs, “and before you get protective, I’m  _happy_  for her. You guys were friends once, so be nice.”

“I make no such promises,” Normani replies, “I’ve not forgotten how hard you were on Arin when we tried making friends again.”

“Because he was trying to get in your pants, obviously,” Lauren scoffs, “I overheard him talking to his friends about it. Anyway, Val’s way better. Has he asked you out yet?”

“Not yet, but he will,” Normani says, gesturing over herself, “why wouldn’t he want to get with all of this?”

Lauren shrugs. “Just remind him that there are plenty of people queueing up. I’d fake date you to make him see sense, but I’m seeing someone else.”

“Oh, Mila told me you two have started dating. That’s adorable,” Ally says as she digs through the bag she’d brought with her. “I’ve brought cupcakes and cookies to  _share_ , Camila.”

Camila tilts her head to the side in confusion. “What’s this  _sharing_  that you talk about? I can’t say I’ve ever heard of her.”

Before she can make a grab for the cookies, Dinah swipes them and opens them up, grabbing the biggest one and licking it. “Take that, Walz.”

As Camila pouts and launches into an argument about how she’s smaller, therefore she deserves the bigger cookie, Ally sighs and shakes her head like a tired mother of four. “ _Children_.”

When Lucy comes back with a big smile on her face, Camila takes that as a good sign. Through a mouthful of cookie, she asks, “you get her number?”

“Yeah,” Lucy nods, looking down at the new contact in her phone with a grin. “Her name is Nicole.”

“I'm surprised you managed to get her number,” Lauren announces, turning to Camila and adding in a stage-whisper, “see, like you, Camz, Lucy uses pickuplines.com.”

“Fuck off, Jauregui,” Lucy rolls her eyes, “I used  _one_  pick up line  _one_  time, and you’ve never let me live it down.”

“It made you sound like a drunk frat guy in a bar,” Lauren retorts, “ _are you a parking ticket, because you’ve got fine written all over you_? It’d be a crime to let you get away with that one.”

“Yeah,” Camila agrees, “this one is way better;  _are your pants from outer space? Because your ass is out of this world_.”

Lauren cringes. “Wow, remind me why I like you?”

Camila continues as if she hadn’t heard her. “Obviously, I’m not talking about those ugly khakis you wear at work, because you literally don’t have an ass in those, but-”

“They’re not that bad!” Lauren defends herself, “Besides, I don’t have a choice. If I want money to go to college then I guess I’ll deal with wearing a work uniform, which, again,  _isn’t that bad_.”

Camila just laughs. “Sure, have a nice vacation in denial.”

“You know what, for all your mockery, I’m not going to laugh at your joke,” Lauren announces, sticking her tongue out in victory. “How does it feel, huh? Having nobody laugh at your joke? Yeah, it  _sucks_ , doesn’t it? Take that, Cabello.”

“Wow,” Camila says, just loud enough for Lauren to hear. “You really  _are_  the most extra person on the planet.”

Lauren scoffs. “You’re so mean.”

“It’s true though. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” Camila reaches around Lauren and grabs her book. “I’ll be reading. Have fun being social.”

Without waiting for Lauren’s response, Camila opens her book to the page she’d left off on, rests her head on the older girl’s shoulder, and tunes out from reality.

After she’s read a few chapters, she tunes back in when she hears an obviously important announcement.

“Well, I’m going to get some ice cream,” Normani says, and at the word  _ice cream_ , Camila looks up. “Mila. Will you come with?”

“I’m always down for ice cream,” Camila says with a grin, marking her place in her book and setting it down next to Lauren. “You want something?”

Lauren hums in thought. “Just a strawberry cone. Soft serve, not the scooped kind. I'm serious. Come back with the scooped kind and I'm never talking to you again.”

“Alright, damn.” Camila laughs, and grabs her wallet, deciding to treat Lauren to some ice cream. “I’ll be back soon.”

She jogs to catch up with Normani, who turns to her with a knowing smile. “You know why I asked you to come with, right?”

Camila frowns. “To get ice cream?”

Normani actually laughs. “No. I need to give you the best friend intimidation speech. So; hurt Lauren and I’ll kill you. Now that that’s done, how is it going with you guys? She’s barely told me any details, which pretty much means she's the worst best friend ever.”

It takes a minute for all of the information to sink in, and Camila laughs. “That one line is your intimidation speech?”

“Yeah,” Normani shrugs, “I’m not sure you’re actually capable of hurting Lauren, since you seem so head over heels for her. Anyway, I need  _details_ , Mila.”

“Oh, well, uh…” Camila frowns, “did she tell you about me being drunk on New Year’s? And how she kissed me then?”

“Yeah, I know everything up until your date,” Normani says, “now  _spill_.”

“Well, I wanted it to be, like, a proper first date. I wanted to treat her, so I decided I’d book for us to go out to eat at a cute little Cuban place, where I’d already decided on paying.” Camila explains. “She picked me up because my dad needed the car, and we hung out and joked around and it was great because it didn’t  _feel_  like a first date, with all of the natural awkwardness. It was just comfortable, like we were always supposed to go on dates.”

Normani beams. “That’s adorable. What happened after dinner?”

“She dropped me back off at my house,” Camila shrugs, but her casual façade slips away at her next words, “and she kissed me.”

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me,” Normani rolls her eyes, “she’s actually the worst best friend ever when it comes to gossip. And then when you least expect it she blabs about something else.”

Camila can understand completely; she remembers the one time that Normani had snuck her boyfriend onto tour, and Lauren had blabbed about it. Granted, she hadn’t realised it was a secret, but it was still a perfect showcase of Lauren’s big mouth.

“If there’s anything you want to know, I’ll tell you,” Camila shrugs, “if Dinah hasn't already told you after I tell her.”

Normani laughs, and once they’ve ordered their ice creams and started to head back to their friends, she turns to Camila with a concerned look. “Are you sure you’re cool with Lauren patching things up with Lucy? I mean, any normal person would be freaking out if their crush and potential girlfriend started hanging out with their ex.”

Camila just shrugs light-heartedly. Of course, she has a reason, but she can’t exactly explain that to Normani without coming off as though she’s lost her mind. Like,  _hey, Mani, Lucy and I are actually from an alternate universe where you, me, Lauren, Dinah and Ally are in a band. Isn't that cool?_  “Lucy’s my friend and I trust her. I trust Lauren too. They were best friends forever, and I couldn’t imagine losing that kind of thing.”

 _Actually_ ,  _you can_ , that little voice in the back of her head reminds her,  _you lost the girls. You lost four best friends in one day_.

“Well, as long as you’re sure,” Normani replies, “anyway, thanks for being there for her. Lauren, I mean. You’ve been so good to her and I appreciate that. She deserves the world and I think you’re the one person who could actually give it to her.”

At Normani’s words, Camila looks ahead of them, her eyes locking on Lauren in the distance. She’s smiling at something Ally had said, and Camila can’t help but think about how beautiful she is. That’s when she realises that Normani is right. Even after everything, after all of the stolen kisses in the dark bunks, then mixed signals and heartbreak, Camila would do anything for Lauren.

The problem is, Camila doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not.


	24. twenty three

**_February 4 th, 2017_ **

_“We shouldn’t do this.”_

_“I don’t see you trying to stop it,” Lauren gets out between kisses to Camila’s neck. “I know you want this, Camz.”_

_Camila kisses her back, but then pulls away, uncertain. “It’s just… we’ve never gone beyond kissing, and that’s never- you’re dating someone. Did you forget about that?”_

_“What, Keaton?” Lauren rolls her eyes. “We went on one date. I only said yes because it would’ve made things awkward if I hadn’t. We’re on a reality show with him for the next month or so, and then he’ll be out of my life. You, on the other hand…”_

_Lauren goes to kiss her again, but Camila turns her head away. “You’ve been drinking.”_

_Again, Lauren rolls her eyes. “I had_ three _beers. That’s all.”_

_“No, no, I’m not-” Camila shuffles off her and shakes her head, and Lauren frowns up at her from the bed in Lauren’s hotel room. “I’m not ready. And you- if you’re kissing me, does that… does that mean we’re dating?”_

_“Camila, we’re not together and we never will be,” Lauren points out, shaking her head, “and it’s not like we have feelings for each other. I’m straight.”_

_Camila opens her mouth, as if to say something, and Lauren hopes that she hadn’t been caught out in her lie. She knows she feels something for Camila, but that’s never going to go anywhere, because she’s not into girls. She’s straight, and this is just confusion._

_“I’m just… not okay with that,” Camila mumbles, “I can’t… I have to go.”_

_“Come on, Camz,” Lauren sighs, rolling her eyes, “you’ve never had a problem with kissing me before.”_

_“I just…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and fumbles with the door handle, “I have to go.”_

_When Camila leaves, the room seems to fade away, and the next thing she hears is fallingforyou by The 1975. Lauren feels like a passenger in her own body as she looks over to Camila, and is overwhelmed by how beautiful she is. With teary eyes, feeling like maybe she’s finally ready, she leans in and pulls Camila in for a kiss, forgetting about everything, about her fears, about management, about Fifth Harmony, because the only thing that seems to matter is Camila._

_But the next day, when she sees everyone on Twitter, talking about the Camren date, she freaks. She pushes all of the feelings she’d had last night deep inside of her, completely terrified. She sees tweets, people announcing how they’d known all along that Lauren was gay, or bisexual, and she doesn’t understand how people can see that or why they’re pinning a label on her._

_It makes her hate herself. So, when Camila comes over to her at catering, all bubbly and bright, asking to hang out, Lauren does what she knows best. She pushes her away._

_“What the fuck, Lauren?”_

_She sighs, looking around at a distraught Camila. This time, she’s older, probably eighteen or nineteen, and looks more tired and depressed than ever. “What do you want, Camila?”_

_“You’re dating Lucy? After everything that’s happened between us?” Camila glares at her. “You know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt. And now that you’re finally figured out, you don’t even_ talk _to me about it?”_

_“Why would I talk to you?” Lauren answers. “We’re not even friends anymore. You made sure of that when you listened to management. We haven’t done anything for months. I don’t know what you expect from me.”_

_“You don’t get to act like you didn’t fuck me over,” Camila snaps, “you can’t just pretend that you didn’t sneak into my bunk whenever you got lonely and kiss me, but not talk to me about it the next day. You’ve used me for a warm body ever since I was fifteen, and that’s not okay. You can’t just play with someone like that for_  four  _years_.”

_“Sneaking around behind our backs and doing a song with Shawn isn’t okay either,” Lauren argues before she can think about it. “And look, I’m not saying I never had feelings for you, because I did. But I was scared, and you can’t blame me for that. You were scared too.”_

_“Which is why you should’ve talked to me,” Camila points out, sighing, “the second you figured yourself out, you should’ve-”_

_“Lucy was there for me and helped me. I can’t help that I’m in love with her and not you.” Lauren interrupts. “Just leave me alone, Camila. We’re not friends anymore and we haven’t been for months. The only thing we have in common anymore is Fifth Harmony.”_

_“Fine,” Camila replies, and Lauren can see the tears shining in her eyes, “but don’t push all of the blame onto me._ You _pulled away too.”_

Lauren blinks in surprise, rubbing at her eyes in shock. Had she dozed off? She looks at the TV, and the end credits of the movie she’d picked are rolling, and she sighs. Typical. That’s what happens when she works on weekends and decides not to nap as soon as she gets in.

Her mind drifts back to the dream she’d had. She frowns in thought, wondering how and why the dream was so vivid. It almost felt real, and she didn’t entirely feel like herself. It was like she was a spectator behind her own eyes, watching someone else do all of these things.

If she thinks about it, it was scarily real for a dream. It was like she’d dipped into another universe.

She tries to brush the dream out of her head.  _It’s just a dream, not real_ , Lauren assures herself,  _nothing to worry about_.  _You’re acting crazy, Jauregui._

 _There was that name, though,_ something in her head reminds her,  _Fifth Harmony. The one you swore you’d heard before._

Lauren frowns to herself. Camila had mentioned that name, when she was drunk on New Year’s Eve. She’d talked about how she’d been on tour with Fifth Harmony, and Lauren knew the name was somewhere in her subconscious. But it’s dumb, it’s just something Camila had made up when she was drunk. Obviously.

Even after she tries her best to ignore it all, it still bothers her. So, she picks up her phone and sends a text to Camila.

**_Laur (2:23PM): Hey, Camz. I don’t know if you’ll remember this, but on New Year’s Eve, you mentioned going on tour? With someone called Fifth Harmony?_ **

Lauren stares at her phone screen, and she sees her message switch from delivered to read. Camila starts typing back, but then stops, then starts again. When the typing stops a second time, Lauren expects a response, but nothing comes through.

She frowns down at her screen. Why would Camila act so weird about something like that?

A few seconds later, her phone screen changes. Camila’s contact picture pops up, along with the words  _incoming call_. She answers it immediately.

Before she can talk, Camila greets her. “ _Hi, Laur. What’s with the sudden question about New Year’s?”_

Lauren worries on her bottom lip with her teeth, trying to think up a reasonable answer. “I don’t know. I fell asleep, but it was kind of like I was in another life. The dream was scarily vivid. I was with you, and the first time we were kissing, but then you said you couldn’t do it and left after I was talking about being straight. And saying stuff about how we were on The X Factor. And then we were at a concert, and I kissed you, but the next day I was scared and blew you off? And the last part… was like a fight. I guess I’d told you I was dating Lucy? Something like that. We were arguing and saying stuff like how management pushed us apart and how we weren’t friends and the only thing we had in common was something called Fifth Harmony. And I just… remembered you saying that name on New Year’s.”

Camila is silent on the line, and Lauren figures she’s just taking everything in. When she finally speaks, she sounds weirdly chipper _. “Well, you’re kind of crazy for getting so freaked out about a vivid dream, but then again, it’s happened to me before. Maybe you were thinking about how things could’ve been if you’d actually gone on The X Factor. And the Fifth Harmony thing was like, you using a random band name I mentioned. Maybe your subconscious picked it.”_

“But there was something else,” Lauren insists, “it was like, I was blowing you off. Making out with you and then telling you that I was straight, and you said stuff like I’d fucked you over and had been using you as a warm body since you were fifteen.”

Again, Camila pauses, as if she’s trying to take in that information. After a few moments, she lets out a sigh.  _“Sounds a lot like my almost-ex. That girl. Maybe… it’s because I told you about that. Maybe you’re worried that you’ll hurt me like she did.”_

Lauren takes in Camila’s explanation, and she smiles a little. That makes a lot of sense to her; when Camila had told her about that girl, the one who had hurt her, once she’d passed the feelings of being out for the girl’s blood, she started worrying that she might fuck up and hurt Camila, albeit not in the same way.

After mulling it over, it makes sense that her subconscious fears would come to the surface in a dream. Clearly, she’d worried for nothing. In fact, now that she thinks about it, it’s almost  _funny_  how freaked out she’d gotten. “Yeah, that makes sense. Admittedly, I was a little worried about hurting you, but you know I’d never do that, especially not intentionally. I don’t even know why I was freaking out in the first place. I guess the dream was just really vivid.”

“ _Exactly,”_ Camila replies,  _“look, I’ve got to go. But… I’ll see you tonight? I’m still sleeping over, right?”_

“Yeah,” Lauren says, smiling to herself, “for our unofficial second date.”

“ _You’ve got the house to yourself?”_  Camila asks, sounding alarmed. “ _You said you’d give me notice.”_

“I don’t have the house to myself, that’s why I said unofficial,” Lauren points out, smiling to herself. “It’s nothing big or extravagant, just takeout and some wine to share, but I figured since we’re dating, and we’ll be hanging out  _alone_ … it’s a date.”

Camila laughs.  _“But it’s the second time we’ll be on a date, therefore it’s the second date.”_

“The  _unofficial_  second date,” Lauren corrects her, “because I’m not cooking your dinner and my mom could barge in at any moment and ask if you want any snacks or a drink or something.”

Camila laughs on the other line.  _“You guys need anything? Some snacks, a condom? Let me know! God love ya.”_

Lauren pictures the scene perfectly in her head. “A condom, Camz? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

 _“Oh, shut up, you know it’s a Mean Girls quote.”_ Camila says, and Lauren can imagine her rolling her eyes right about now. “ _Anyway, we should totally watch that when I come over. And thanks for distracting me, but I’ve really got to go.”_

“Okay,” Lauren responds, “I’ll see you tonight?”

 _“Yeah,”_ Camila answers, “ _Bye, Lauren.”_

When she says her goodbyes and hangs up, Lauren smiles to herself, and grabs the TV remote, her dream completely forgotten in her excitement for her unofficial date tonight.

-

“She’s fucking remembering stuff.”

“It was a dream,” Lucy reasons with her, looking at the phone in Camila’s tight grip. “You did pretty well convincing her it was a dream, and the way she was talking once you’d bullshitted an excuse, she’d clearly already forgotten it, or at least brushed it off.”

Camila shakes her head and puts her phone down, dropping her head in her hands. “This has happened before, though. She had a dream that she was on  _The X Factor_  and got put in a group with me and the other girls. She brushed it off then, but if it  _keeps_ happening, maybe we’ll have to tell her the truth.”

“Maybe we won’t have to tell her,” Lucy says, “maybe this is what happens. The version of us from here starts to dream about  _that_ , and then eventually we show up.”

Camila’s heart stops. That does  _nothing_  to quell her fears. If anything, it makes her feel  _worse._  “No. No, she can’t come here. She  _can’t_. I finally have her, and she- that Lauren, she doesn’t want me like that. She’ll  _never_  want me like that.”

“You don’t know that,” Lucy points out, “I used to be so jealous of you because Lauren would look at you like you were the whole world to her. She ran because of the pressure of fame, and how confused she was in herself. Not because of you.”

“Why are you defending her?” Camila frowns. “She broke your heart by cheating on you, and then said it was  _your fault_  that she cheated in the first place. You’re the last person who should be defending her.”

“I’m not defending that,” Lucy responds, scowling a little at the memory. “We’re taking about  _you_ and Lauren, not me and Lauren. And if she comes here-”

“She  _can’t_. I wouldn’t be able to handle that,” Camila interrupts, shaking her head. “This Lauren- this Lauren wants me and she’s not confusing and this feels like the only place I’ll ever be able to have her. I’ll never have the other one, but this one… this Lauren could be mine.”

Lucy watches her carefully. “She’s not  _real_ , though-”

“Oh, fuck off with  _that_ ,” Camila argues, “if she’s not real, then neither are we. If she isn’t real, none of this is real. Maybe we’re just  _dead._ Ever think about that? Maybe I got in a car crash or something, and I’m dead. That’d be fucking ironic, right? All the fanfic authors have predicted my tragic end.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Lucy shakes her head, “we’re just- stuck somewhere. And we need to figure out how to get  _back_. You’re getting way too sucked into this and it’s  _not real_. Not for us.”

“So,  _Nicole_  isn’t real?” When Lucy doesn’t respond, Camila rolls her eyes. “Exactly. Like you said, we’re stuck somewhere. But it’s not some fucking dream. And we’re  _stuck_. We might always be stuck. What’s the point in trying anymore? It’s been over a month since the eighteenth, when I thought I’d go back. If I didn’t go back then, then when the fuck am I going to go back, if ever? I might be getting  _sucked into this_ , but at least I’m trying to be  _happy.”_

“You’re just… you’re choosing this other Lauren over  _our_  Lauren, the one we’ve both spent years with.” Lucy points out. “And if you wake up back home, I feel like… maybe since you’ve picked this Lauren, you won’t be satisfied.”

“Don’t call her  _our Lauren._ She’s never been mine _._ ” Camila mumbles, shaking her head. “Besides, can you blame me for picking this one? All that Lauren ever did was fuck me over and use me as a warm body. This one  _remembered that_ , and you heard her say so yourself. And you  _also_  heard her say how she’d never hurt me.”

“But you’re not from  _here_ ,” Lucy insists, “this Lauren isn’t ours. This Dinah, Ally, Normani, even  _Sofi_ , they aren’t ours. They aren’t the ones we know. Doesn’t it hurt you to think you’ve left your actual little sister, and your actual family? Oh, and that solo career you cared so much about that you fucked over your best friends to get it?”

Camila sends her a glare. “I didn’t fuck them over and they  _weren’t_  my best friends. Not anymore. They all fucking turned on me, except for Dinah, and you can’t blame me for doing something that’d be in my own best interest. And you know nothing about that  _anyway_. Besides, at least I have a career. How's that Instagram modelling working out for you?"

When the words come out, she instantly regrets them. She knows it’s a low blow, but Lucy had hit her with one too, and it’d made her so angry. Lucy stares at her for a moment, before she shakes her head and grabs her jacket, standing up.

Camila tries to stop her. “No, wait, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“Save it.” Lucy shakes her head. “I’m done trying to work through this together. I’ll figure this out on my own, since you clearly love it here so much.”

“Lucy,” Camila calls after her, but the older girl ignores her and stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

She sighs and flops down on her bed, burying her head in the pillow to muffle her frustrated scream.

-

“Hey, Camz, I-” Lauren cuts herself off when she sees the downcast expression on Camila’s face. “Are you okay?”

She moves aside to let Camila in, and the younger Latina kicks off her shoes and sits down on the stairs with a sigh. “Could you maybe talk to Lucy for me?”

“Lucy…” Lauren trails off with a frown. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“We had an argument earlier and both said some things that were out of line. I tried apologising straight away, but she just ignored me, and I thought maybe you could message on my behalf?” Camila asks, looking up at her desperately. “Just tell her that I’m sorry for what I said, but she said some pretty bitchy things too, and we need to talk. When she’s ready.”

Lauren frowns in thought. “I mean, telling her she’s bitchy isn’t exactly the best apology…”

“It’s not an apology,” Camila is quick to say, but then she considers it and sighs. “Okay, fine, it is. But it’s like, a half apology. She needs to apologise too.”

Lauren sits down next to Camila and takes her hand, squeezing it comfortingly. “What’d she say?”

“Just… brought up a sore subject,” Camila sighs, resting her head on Lauren’s shoulder. “Fine, cut out the ‘you said bitchy stuff too’ and just say  _I’m sorry, we need to talk when you’re ready_.”

“Why is it so important?” Lauren asks, sending the text anyway, prefacing it with  _Camila told me to send this_. “I wasn’t under the impression that you guys were super close.”

“I’m just going through some stuff right now. She’s kind of the only one who can fully understand.” Camila vaguely explains. “Did you send it?”

“Yeah,” Lauren confirms, “and because of that, you’re going to stop moping and stop thinking about your fight all together. It’s our unofficial second date, so perk up.”

That makes Camila smile a little. “Okay. What’s the plan?”

“First, we get takeout. Your choice.” Lauren says, “Then, we get in our PJs, because we’ve got to be extra comfy. And finally, we pick something to watch. Could be a movie, but could also be trashy reality TV. Depends on how we’re feeling. Oh, and let’s not forget the importance of cuddles, here.”

Camila lets out a little laugh. “Really? I’m guessing the minute I sit down, you’ll be snuggled right up to me.”

“I was thinking more the other way around. You know, since you’re upset and all.” Lauren shrugs. “This is a one night only offer. Then I’m back to being your little spoon. Not because I  _like_  it, but because I have to be, since  _someone_  needs to cuddle Nala and be  _her_  big spoon, and it’s certainly not going to be some  _stranger_  that she’s not comfortable with.”

Camila pauses for a moment, trying to hold back her smile. “That’s officially the cutest and dorkiest thing you’ve ever said.”

“Mhm, and you have absolutely no proof of it, unless you’re secretly recording right now,” Lauren flashes her a grin. “Suck on that, Cabello.”

Camila just laughs. “Alright, alright, just bring me your takeout menus. You said it’s my choice.”

“Anything but pizza, I had that last night with Mani,” Lauren instructs, and Camila nods, following her into the kitchen. Lauren pulls open a drawer with a grin and grabs out a few takeout menus. “Welcome to the drawer of miscellaneous crap.”

Camila notices random loose screws, electrical tape, an old iPod and more as Lauren gets the remaining few menus out. “I feel like every house has a drawer like that. Just like everyone has a plastic bag filled with more plastic bags.”

Lauren laughs. “Don’t forget the old cookie tin filled with either medicine, your mom’s sewing supplies or something way less appealing than actual cookies.”

“True,” Camila answers with a grin, flicking through a menu for some Thai place. “I’m torn between this and the classic Chinese takeout.”

Lauren shrugs. “Flip a coin?”

“Sure,” Camila nods, and Lauren digs into her back pocket, pulling out a random quarter, “can you actually flip coins? For some reason, I can’t figure out how to do it. I guess it’s just because I can never catch them.”

Lauren smiles a little at Camila’s confession. “Yeah, I can do it. I’ve got to be careful this this, though. Mani gave it to me and I still haven’t looked it up to figure out it’s worth.”

Camila frowns, taking the quarter from Lauren and looking it over. “I’d say it’s worth about a quarter.”

“Not what I meant,” Lauren rolls her eyes, taking the coin back. “It’s double stamped. A lot of the time, they’re worth a lot, which is perfect for my coin collection.”

Camila looks over at Lauren with a grin. She knows that Fifth Harmony Lauren was a coin collector, and she’d found it endlessly adorable then, too. “How was I ever intimidated by you?”

“Because I’m a badass, that’s how,” Lauren flashes her a toothy grin, “anyway, heads or tails?”

“Tails,” Camila answers, and as Lauren is about to flip the coin, she grabs her by the wrist, “Wait, what does tails represent? Chinese or Thai food?”

“Tails is Thai, because they both start with a T,” Lauren decides, and flips the coin before Camila can bother arguing. She turns it over and smiles. “Tails it is.”

“Nice,” Camila smiles. “You’ll call and order, right? I hate phone calls.”

“Sure,” Lauren replies, squeezing her hand. “What do you want to eat?”

Once they’ve decided on their food, and Lauren calls to order, the older Latina takes her by the hand again and pulls her upstairs. Camila raises her eyebrows when Lauren pulls her into her bedroom and shuts the door behind them.

“Well, that’s a little forward,” Camila jokes as Lauren takes her shirt off and drops it on her desk chair. “Can’t say I don’t appreciate your eagerness, Lo.”

“What?” Lauren frowns, but Camila’s joke registers and she laughs. “Oh, no, we need to get in our PJs, and we can’t hang out in the lounge since my parents are in and they’re already watching TV. Unless you’d rather hang out with my parents than with me, then we’re stuck in my room for the night.”

Camila nods across the hall. “What about your games room?”

“My siblings are in, and when my parents hog the lounge, they hog that room,” Lauren shrugs, “Taylor has friends over, so unless you want to chill with her and her annoying middle school pals, then, again, we’re in here.”

“Okay,” Camila answers, shrugging her backpack from her back and getting her pyjamas out. She quickly changes, and Lauren just stays in her underwear, flopping down on her bed. “I don’t get how you sleep in your bra. I thought you hated bras.”

“Sports bras are fine,” Lauren shrugs, “and most of the time I sleep completely shirtless, but I can’t do that with friends over.”

“Wow, we’re literally on a date and you’re friendzoning me,” Camila jokes and Lauren rolls her eyes, mumbling something about how the friendzone is a  _sexist construct_  and  _not real._ “If you hate bras so much, then just put a t-shirt on and take your bra off.”

“Like I said, sports bras are fine, and I get too hot in t-shirts on a night,” Lauren shrugs, “It’s like someone  _wants_  me to just hang out with my titties flopping everywhere.”

Camila bursts out laughing, and Lauren joins in too. She sits down on the bed next to Lauren and rolls her eyes. “I was just curious. No need to mock me.”

Lauren smirks at her. “Oh, little Camz, you and I both know you want to see the twins.”

“The twins?” Camila frowns, trying to play dumb. “Those Frey people from  _Game of Thrones?_  I don’t think I want to see them, they don’t seem very nice.”

Lauren laughs. “They’re not, but don’t act like you don’t know what I was talking about.”

“I don’t know,” Camila insists, shrugging carelessly, “I’m quite oblivious when I want to be. Just like you.”

“Like me?” Lauren frowns, the teasing expression gone, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, you were  _insanely_ oblivious to my feelings. I thought I was being obvious at times and I’d freak out, thinking you’d caught on, but somehow, you never did,” Camila laughs to herself. “It’s cute, actually. I could’ve waved a huge sign in front of your face, announcing that I liked you, and you would’ve been like  _but does she really?_ ”

Lauren gives her a playful shove. “Oh, shut up. You said you had feelings for  _someone else_  right in front of me.”

“Yeah, someone else as in  _not the girl who fucked me over_ ,” Camila clarifies. “You saw how nervous I used to get around you.  _And_  how I got upset and avoided you all day when you told me you had a coffee date with a wild fuckboy. I was so obvious, Lo.”

Lauren just rolls her eyes. “Alright, my apparent obliviousness aside, what do you want to watch?”

As Lauren reaches over to grab her laptop, Camila’s gaze flicks down and she spends a small window of time appreciating the twins Lauren was actually talking about. When the older Latina sits down next to her and places her laptop in front of them, Camila thinks of something good to watch.

“ _Wife Swap_ ,” Camila announces with a grin, “it’s hilarious, we have to.”

Lauren hums in thought. “Okay. I’ve never seen it, so…”

“You’ve  _never_  seen  _Wife Swap?”_ Camila asks, staring at Lauren like she’d just killed her firstborn child. “That’s- that’s like, a  _crime_.”

Lauren laughs. “A crime? Well, alright. Introduce me to your weird show.”

“Okay,” Camila grabs the laptop and shuffles up against Lauren. Lauren’s arms wrap around her waist and Camila relaxes into her hold, wishing she could stay here forever. “I love this. Please never stop cuddling me.”

Lauren makes a  _nuh-uh_  noise and shakes her head. “One night only, Camz. Then you’re back to holding me, because Nala needs her cuddle buddy. But I guess…”

When Lauren trails off and reaches behind her for something, Camila frowns. “You guess what?”

After a few moments, Lauren is pressing Nala into Camila’s arms. “I guess you can look after her for one evening.”

“Aw, you’re so cute, Lo.” Camila beams and uses one arm to cuddle the toy as she searches through YouTube for a good episode of  _Wife Swap_. “Okay, this one’s a good one. One family is this weird, sports obsessed one, and the other is a goth family who regularly have picnics in graveyards. It’s like, if you and I were on this show.”

“Well, I’m guessing since you resent any physical activity, I’m the sporty people?” Lauren asks, and Camila nods in response. “Really? So, when’s the last time you had a picnic in a graveyard, Camz?”

Camila laughs. “Oh, a few days ago. I really needed a good picnic to help fuel my emo lyrics.”

“So,” Lauren says as Camila presses play, “how does this show work, exactly?”

“Well, the sporty mom in the family will go to the goth family, and vice versa,” Camila explains, “the first week, the wife has to live by the new family’s rules, and the second week, she makes her own rules and the family has to live by them. I was torn between this one and the iconic King Curtis one. We’ll watch that next.”

Not five minutes into the episode, Mike pushes open Lauren’s bedroom door and holds out their takeout, frowning at the weird position he finds them in. Then again, Camila thinks she’d be a little weirded out if she walked in to her teenage daughter in her underwear, cuddling another girl.

Lauren shifts off the bed to grab the takeout, smiling. “Thanks, dad. Sorry, we didn’t hear the door, otherwise we would’ve answered.”

“That’s fine,” Mike replies, before his gaze falls on Camila. “And who’s this one?”

“Dad,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “this is Camila. She’s a friend of mine from school. Camz, this is my dad.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Camila awkwardly replies as Lauren digs through the containers in the bags of takeout.

Mike seems to eye her warily, clearly having caught onto the romantic undertones between Lauren and Camila. “You too. Lauren, is your… friend staying over?”

“Mhm,” Lauren nods, clearly more concerned with the takeout than the thick tension in the room. “So, tell Taylor and her friends to keep it down since they’re staying over too.”

Mike looks over at Camila warily, and she avoids eye contact, looking down at her feet. “Alright. Next time, organise your sleepover on another night, so the pull-out bed in the games room is free.”

After one last look between Camila and Lauren, Mike turns, heading out of the bedroom door. He starts to close it, but seems to rethink his decision, and leaves it open halfway, heading out of the room again.

Camila lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding and looks at Lauren. It’s weird to her, having Mike being so unwelcoming, since he was always the talkative one between him and Clara. “Why do I feel like he doesn’t like me at all?”

Lauren laughs and passes Camila a container of food. “It’s not that he doesn’t like you. He’s just protective of me, and he clearly figured out that we don’t exactly have a platonic thing going on here. He suddenly didn’t like Lucy once I told him I was dating her, but he got over that quickly. Once he saw how happy I was.”

Camila frowns a little. “I want your family to like me  _now_  though.”

“My mom likes you,” Lauren shrugs, “and even when I tell her we’re seeing each other, she’ll still like you. My dad has always been of the opinion that I shouldn’t date ever. At least until I’m like, forty or something. Weird, since he’s fine with Chris dating.”

Camila laughs a little, and watches as Lauren kicks the bedroom door shut again, before she sits down next to Camila and digs into her food. Camila pouts. “Hey, come cuddle with me.”

Lauren shakes her head. “I’m eating.”

“But I want cuddles,” Camila points out, “I’m sad, Lo. Come and make me feel better.”

“After my food,” Lauren reasons, “and after yours. I don’t want you spilling anything on my bed, because I’ll have to clean it up, and fuck doing that.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Camila sighs dramatically. “But you’ve got to cuddle me extra afterwards.”

Lauren smiles at her. “Deal.”

Once they finish their food, and Lauren takes all their garbage and leftovers downstairs, she stays true to her word and holds her as Camila decides to put on the iconic King Curtis episode of  _Wife Swap._

“ _Chicken nuggets is like my family.”_

Lauren bursts out laughing at the kid on the screen, and Camila grins. She loves the sound of Lauren’s laugh.

“Okay, that’s-” Lauren gets out between laughs, “that’s actually  _you_.”

“This isn’t even the thick of the drama,” Camila laughs, “when the healthy eating lady imposes her rules, he dramatically runs away from home.”

If anything, Lauren laughs even more. “Actually you if your parents suddenly banned pizza.”

“I’d move in here,” Camila tells her, “you’d give me all the pizza I want. I’d just flirt with you.”

Lauren opens her mouth to reply, but pauses when the kid comes on the screen again and announces, “ _bacon is good for me!”_  She laughs and squeezes Camila around the middle. “This kid really is you in another life. And honestly? He’s secretly me too.”

“Chicken nuggets are your family as well?” Camila sends Lauren a weirded-out look. “Lo, I don’t think I can keep going on dates with you. Unlike republican white families from the deep south, I’m not a fan of dating my cousin.”

Lauren bursts out laughing again. “I know people tell you that you aren’t funny, but you kill me, Camz.”

“You’re literally the only person that finds me even slightly funny,” Camila laughs, “but I guess that just proves we have a connection, right?”

Lauren smiles and kisses Camila’s cheek. “Yeah.”

Camila pouts, craning her neck around to look at Lauren. “Hey, no, kiss me properly.”

“Nope, we’ve got to go on an  _official_  date for that.” Lauren retorts, smirking a little. “And since this one is  _unofficial…_ ”

“So… us babysitting my sister was a date, huh?” Camila lists off, “and New Year’s? And that one time when you were completely hammered and not ten minutes before had been rubbing up on some creepy thirty year old? Wow, you’re so romantic, those were great dates.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but smiles a little. “Fine, I guess you’ve got me there.”

She pulls Camila in for a kiss, and the younger Latina lets out a content sigh, her hands cupping Lauren’s jaw. When they part, Lauren smiles a little, and Camila just shakes her head. “I’m not done.”

Lauren laughs against Camila’s lips, and the younger girl pushes the laptop away from them and moves around so she’s straddling Lauren. Camila dots kisses across her jaw and down to her neck, and Lauren’s breath catches in her throat. She tries to ignore that ache between her legs as Camila kisses her, and focuses on tangling her fingers in Camila’s hair and pulling her closer.

“There,” Camila says as she pulls away and smiles, “ _now_  I’m done.”

Camila settles up against her again, and Lauren lets out a small breath. “Of course you’d get me all worked up and then go back to TV.”

Camila smirks. “Maybe that was my plan. Maybe I wanted to get you all hot and bothered so you know who’s boss.”

“Really,” Lauren looks down and carefully threads her fingers with Camila, “you know, for someone who acts so innocent and virginal, you really know how to get me all worked up.”

“Oh, Lauren,” Camila sighs dramatically, “I’m a lot less innocent than you think.”

As Camila turns back to the computer to watch the show, Lauren bites down on her lip and sighs, resting her head against the headboard of her bed. She looks at the girl in front of her with a small smile, and even though she had to go through heartbreak to get here, she wouldn’t change a thing.


	25. twenty four

**_February 14 th, 2017_ **

“Hey, Lauren.”

Lauren turns around at her locker, quirking her eyebrows up in surprise at the guy who walks up to her. “Uh… hey. Keaton, right?”

“Yeah,” Keaton says, holding out a card, “I figured since you’re single now, this is the best time to give you this. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Lauren looks down at the card and bites down on her bottom lip, already hating how awkward this situation is about to become. “Um… that’s really sweet and everything, but I’m kind of… seeing someone.”

“Oh,” Keaton frowns. “You have a boyfriend? Or- uh, girlfriend?”

“Well, I mean, not technically,” Lauren admits, because it’s not like Camila had asked her, or vice versa. “But she’s really special to me, so it wouldn’t be fair to either you or her if I took whatever you’re giving me. But thank you for the gesture.”

Keaton frowns a little, but nods. “Alright. No harm in trying, right?”

Before she can respond, he walks away, so she shrugs the encounter off and digs through her locker for the textbook she needs. She wasn’t expecting anything today; even though she doesn’t mind Valentine’s Day as a concept, she doesn’t know how Camila feels about it, and the only person she’d want for a valentine is Camila.

She’s closing her locker when someone clears their throat behind her, and she turns to see the girl she’d been thinking about. “Hey, Camz.”

“Hi,” Camila says, rocking nervously on her heels, “so, um, I have something to ask you.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Mhm,” Camila nods, not meeting her eyes, “I- well, _willyoubemyvalentine?”_

Camila gets it out in all one word, and it takes a moment for Lauren to decipher it. “You want me to be your valentine?”

“Yeah,” Camila stammers, producing a small rose from behind her back, “I didn’t know if you’d want a bouquet or anything, because some people think flowers are kind of a pointless present, which I do, because it’s not like you can eat them, and I was walking to school since Dinah didn’t give me a ride because I wanted to go and get something for you, and _then_ I saw this old woman selling roses, and I thought I’d get one for you. But- um, yeah. Will you? Be my valentine, I mean?”

Lauren takes the rose from Camila with a smile. “I’d be honoured, Camz.”

Camila squeals and pounces on Lauren in a koala hug. Lauren just smiles and buries her face into Camila’s shoulder, her heart warm.

“Okay, so, now that you’ve said yes,” Camila says as she pulls away, “I was thinking about taking you out for dinner, but then I realised that everywhere will be packed, and loads of straight people will be doing gross couple stuff, and I don’t want to see that. So I thought you could come over tonight? We could get takeout and watch dumb romcoms and make fun of them.”

“Sounds perfect,” Lauren smiles, taking Camila’s hand as they walk down the hallway, “I didn’t peg you as a Valentine’s Day person. I thought you’d be more into hating the holiday than celebrating it.”

“Usually I am,” Camila admits, “but this is the first Valentine’s Day I’ve had where I’m dating the hottest girl in school, so…”

Lauren puts on a frown. “You’re dating yourself?”

“Oh, shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, “you’re not allowed to hijack my compliments.”

“I mean, I can do what I want,” Lauren announces, “how do you plan on stopping me?”

Camila looks a little shifty, and worries on her bottom lip with her teeth. Lauren is a little confused by the sudden attitude change, but then Camila drops her voice and murmurs, “I don’t think you want to risk finding out, babygirl.”

Lauren’s breath catches in her throat at the nickname, and she doesn’t know _how_ Camila knows she likes that. She tries to stay as composed as possible, but she can feel the blush creeping up her cheeks. “I- um, okay. So- um, you’ve got math first, right?”

Camila smirks to herself, and Lauren catches it in her peripheral. “Yeah, I do. Want to walk me there?”

“Sure,” Lauren answers immediately, “Yeah. It sucks that we’re not in any of the same classes.”

“That’s because you’re a senior citizen, Lo,” Camila points out, and Lauren rolls her eyes at the joke, “and the only class we could’ve shared is my AP literature, but I’ve got that in a different period to you.”

“Have you been looking at colleges?” Lauren blurts out, not knowing where the question came from. “Like, where do you want to go?”

Camila’s smile falters and she shrugs half-heartedly. “I don’t know if college is for me. Personally, I don’t think _high school_ is for me, let alone college. I just want to make music.”

Lauren hums in thought. “You could do a music course?”

“Doing it academically…” Camila pauses in thought and shakes her head. “It’d suck all of the fun out of it and make me hate it, and I never want to lose my passion for music. I just want to write songs and perform, whether it’s for two people or two million.”

Lauren smiles to herself. “I like that. You don’t care if you could never make a career out of it?”

Something flashes in Camila’s eyes and she sighs. “I- I mean, obviously I’d want to. It’s like, my dream. But I feel like… as long as I’m playing music, _my_ music, I’ll be happy. You know what I mean?”

Lauren smiles; two of Camila’s favourite phrases had popped up there, _I feel like_ and _you know what I mean_. “Yeah. I know. Maybe one day we can do a duet or something. Of course, by that point, you’ll have people like Beyoncé and Taylor Swift lining up to collab with you, so you won’t want little ole me on your album.”

“No, that-” Camila looks at her with wide eyes, like she’d just remembered something. “Collab with me. Now. I have a song that your voice would fit perfectly on.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Really? You’re serious?”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, “I’m serious. It’s called… _No Way…_ and I want you to sing it with me.”

Lauren laughs. “I’m totally down for that. But I’m even _more_ down for hanging out with you tonight. Are your parents going to be home?”

“Ooh, Lauren Michelle, such a risqué question,” Camila responds with a teasing grin, “But no. They’re going out for a romantic meal. They were going to leave me with Sofi for the night, but- um, I kind of told my mom about you. And begged that you could come over, and Sofi could go to my abuelita’s, so I could spend time with you alone.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Sinu and Alejandro Cabello are letting their little baby Camila stay home alone with the girl she’s _dating_? On _Valentine’s Day?_ My parents would never. Well, my _dad_ would never.”

“Hence the, uh, _kind of_ telling them,” Camila says, smirking a little. “I might’ve dramatically announced to my mom that I wanted you to come over, because I had feelings for you and I hated the idea of you spending Valentine’s Day with a random person and not me. As in, I didn’t tell her that you _reciprocated._ ”

“Sneaky,” Lauren comments with a grin, “I’m impressed. But also; you came out to your mom. I’m proud of you.”

“It wasn’t coming out, really,” Camila shrugs, “A little while ago, Sofi said that she overheard her talking on the phone to her friends about how she thinks I had feelings for you. So she pretty much already knew, which is to be expected, since my mom can read me like a book.”

“Well, I’m proud of you anyway.” Lauren smiles. “Like I told you, my mom was weird about it when I first came out, but she’s understanding now. My dad just announced that now he has to be wary of _everyone_ I bring over, in case they’re there to _defile_ me.”

Camila snorts. “Surely he’d guess that since you were with Lucy for so long…”

“Yeah, well,” Lauren shrugs, “he’s weird like that with me. He doesn’t care about Chris possibly being sexually active, but when it’s one of his little girls… suddenly it’s not okay.”

“But… haven’t you only slept with girls?” Camila asks with a frown. She knows that Fifth Harmony Lauren had slept with both, but this one had only been with Lucy. “It’s not like you can get pregnant doing that.”

Lauren nods. “Yeah. I’ve kissed guys, but that was when Lucy and I were in that stage of me announcing I’m straight and kissing her at every moment we had alone. But speaking of Lucy… have you two made up?”

“Nope,” Camila sighs, “it’s been radio silence on her end.”

“What did you guys even argue about, anyway?” Lauren asks, quickly adding, “if you don’t mind me asking.”

Camila just shrugs. “It was just a disagreement. She said something that- that she knew _nothing_ about, and then I might’ve snapped at her.”

Lauren notes how she doesn’t say _what_ they’d disagreed about. “Well… maybe you should try talking in person. That can help sometimes.”

Camila shakes her head, sighing. “I feel like maybe everything’s just done. I had some stuff I needed to figure out, and she was- she was talking about how I was choosing someon-some _thing_ over something else and-”

“Something,” Lauren repeats, frowning a little, “or someone?”

Camila shakes her head, but when Lauren drops her hand, she looks up and frowns. “What? No, we were just-”

“Look, I know we’re not together, okay? I know that,” Lauren interrupts her again, feeling the same sting she’d felt when Lucy had broken up with her. It’s that initial slap in the face before the total heartbreak. “But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt that you- that you were seeing her behind my back, and acting like we were going- like _I_ was the one picking _you_ as a second choice.”

“No, wait, Lauren,” Camila tries to grab her hand again as Lauren stalks down the corridor, “you’re completely misunderstanding-”

Lauren pushes her away, not wanting to entertain any bullshit excuse. She throws the rose back at Camila and shakes her head. “Just leave me alone. You didn’t want to choose between us? Fine. But you’re not getting me.”

Camila tries to grab her again, to pull her back, but Lauren wrenches her arm out of Camila’s grip and pulls away, stomping down the corridor. She holds in her tears, because if there’s one thing she’s not going to do, it’s cry. She’s not going to cry over Camila, some girl who doesn’t _matter_.

(She ignores her conscience when it points out that _Camila matters more than a lot of people to you_. Because she doesn’t want that thought in her head.)

She made it out like Lauren was the one person she wanted to be with, and that makes everything hurt even more. The thought makes tears shine in her eyes again, and Lauren swallows the lump in her throat, keeping up a tough, uncaring façade until she can make it to her car.

She slams her car door and collapses into the driver’s seat. The tears come a second later, and she grips the steering wheel, deciding that she can’t be here. Not today.

When her eyes are finally dry, or as dry as they can be in this situation, she starts her car and drives away from the school, her heart aching in her chest.

-

“Dinah!” Camila practically shouts when she finds the other girl, tugging her into the nearest empty classroom. Her throat locks, and she can’t seem to find the words to explain the situation. All she knows is that she’s collapsing into Dinah’s arms, sobbing her heart out.

Dinah seems to stiffen for a moment in shock, but then she pulls Camila in close, holding her tight. “It’s okay, Walz. You’re okay.”

“I’m- I’m _not_ ,” Camila sobs into Dinah’s shoulder, “I messed it up- I messed _everything_ up.”

Dinah rubs comforting circles into her back, and Camila just cries harder, hating herself. She’s ruined everything. She pushed Lucy away, the only other person here who understood what she was going through, and now she’s ruined things with Lauren, just like she’d done with the other one. It feels like the universe - every universe - is just destined to keep them apart; to give Camila a taste of what she could have and then tear it all away.

“Just focus on relaxing, okay?” Dinah murmurs against her. “I’ve got you, Walz.”

Camila cries into her best friend’s shoulder, holding onto Dinah as if she’s going to disappear, too. Dinah is all she has left in this stupid world, just like the other. Dinah is always there. She’s the only constant Camila has ever had, and her heart hurts to think that she’s probably ruined everything with her in her actual world, too.

When she finally feels like she can get words out, she regulates her breathing and mumbles, “Lauren hates me.”

Dinah raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Aren’t you guys, like, dating? She wouldn’t date you if she hated you.”

“Yeah, and she’s _not_ dating me.” Camila wipes at her eyes and tries to hold back another bout of sobs. “She- she broke everything off. She misunderstood- Lucy and I fought and-”

“Okay, slow down,” Dinah gently squeezes her around the middle. “Tell me everything from the start.”

“Lucy- we argued and she said that- that she was _figuring it out on her own_ and we haven’t talked since but- but when we fought, she was saying stuff like- like I was choosing this Lauren over the other one, and saying that this isn’t real and- and- I got so angry,” Camila stammers, hoping she’s making a little sense. “Then- this morning, Lauren asked if- if Lucy had talked to me yet, and I said no, and she- she asked why we fought and I knew I couldn’t _not tell her_ because then she’d think I didn’t trust her but I couldn’t tell her the _truth_ because she’d- she’d think I was insane or something, so I told her, like, the gist, and then she freaked out thinking that- that I’d been seeing Lucy at the same time? Like, _romantically_ , and she wouldn’t _listen_ when I tried to explain, and then she- she said I wasn’t- that I don’t- we’re not dating anymore and- Dinah, it-”

“It hurts, I know,” Dinah murmurs, rubbing Camila’s back again. “But maybe… maybe you should tell her the truth.”

Camila’s eyes practically pop out of her skull. “No. She’d think I’m some kind of psycho, and she wouldn’t want to date me even more.”

“I didn’t think you were a psycho,” Dinah reasons, but when Camila sends her a sceptical, albeit teary look, Dinah relents. “Alright, maybe I did. But I don’t anymore. Not since... not since Lucy showed up. Unless you’re both just psycho.”

“I can’t tell her.” Camila shakes her head, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “She’s the one person I can’t tell.”

“What if it’s the only thing you could do to keep her?” Dinah points out, “Also, do you need to give her space, or talk to her now?”

“With Lauren… at least, the other Lauren… the one thing we never did was talk,” Camila thinks back to all of the pain and heartbreak she’d gone through from the lack of communication. “I should talk to her but- I don’t know where she went.”

“Her house, maybe?” Dinah shrugs. “Do you need me to drive you?”

“I- yeah, please,” Camila nods, trying to ignore the dull ache in her chest. She knows that Lauren can be unresponsive at times. She really hopes this isn’t one of them.

Camila is quiet on the drive, thinking about how she seems to destroy everything she touches, and how it’s like she can’t do anything without losing someone. It’s better to be closed off and not lose anyone, than to hurt constantly because you kept fucking up.

She doesn’t know what she’s going to say. She can’t tell Lauren the truth, even though she so badly wants to, and she tries to think of a way around it. By the time she reaches Lauren’s house and Dinah nudges her, telling her to go get her girl, Camila decides that she’ll try and be as truthful as she can.

Lauren deserves the truth. She just wouldn’t _believe_ it.

She notices Lauren’s car in the driveway, and sucks in a breath. She turns around to Dinah and nods, and the younger girl drives away, heading back to school.

Camila hammers on the front door. “Lauren? I know… I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, but _please_ open the door. I need to talk to you.”

She hopes that Lauren can hear her through the door; even if she doesn’t open it, Camila could shout an apology through. She knocks again, one hand wiping away the tears that are threatening to fall. “Lauren, _please_. I- If you don’t open the door, I’ll just use the spare key you keep hidden.”

It’s an empty threat, because Camila knows that the only spare key to Lauren’s house is in a password protected safe hidden by the back door. And she doesn’t have the combo.

When there’s no response, Camila just sighs and starts shouting. “I know you’re hurt and I know you’re upset, but I promise you, you’re the only person I want to be with. I wasn’t like, seeing Lucy behind your back or anything. I promise. She’s just the only one who understands what I’m going through, because she… knows the girl who hurt me. And she’s… friends with her. When we- when we were fighting, she accused me of choosing you over that girl, and she accused me of fucking _her_ over. So, I said something I shouldn’t have and hurt her. I know she didn’t mean what she said, and I didn’t mean what I said either. And because I didn’t tell _you_ the details, you got hurt too. Because no matter what, I’ll always fuck up and hurt the people I lo-… the people I care about.”

“You’re the only girl I want, Lauren. And I’m sorry I ruined everything. I’m sorry I made you feel like you were the second choice, because _trust me,_ I know exactly how that feels.” Camila sighs and sinks down onto the porch step, her back against Lauren’s front door. She’d told Lauren as much of the truth as she could. “Earlier, when you said you didn’t think I’d be the type to like Valentine’s Day? I’ve changed my mind. I hate it. I hate it because today is the day that I ruined everything with you. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for letting you slip through my fingers.”

After adding a quiet _again_ on the end of that, her heart hurts even more.

She closes her eyes and rests her head against the door, trying to hold back her tears, but they win. They fall silently down her cheeks, and she hugs her arms around herself, regretting telling Dinah she’d be okay, that Lauren was bound to open the door. She just wants her best friend to hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay, even when she knows it isn’t.

Before Camila can register what’s happening, she falls backwards with a _thud_ , landing on the Jauregui’s welcome mat. She blinks up in surprise, and sees a teary-eyed Lauren stood there, staring down at her in shock.

Camila sits up, rubbing at her eyes, looking between Lauren and the open door. “I- um, I didn’t think you’d open the door.”

Lauren studies her for a moment, before she holds out a hand and helps Camila up. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that. I just… I heard your slip up- you almost said someone instead of something, and… my mind jumped to the worst possible scenario. I’m so sorry, Camz. I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.”

Camila’s heart soars and she pounces on Lauren, pulling her in for the tightest hug. “You forgive me?”

“You don’t have anything to apologise for,” Lauren murmurs after a few moments. “I felt hurt, so I acted irrationally and didn’t listen to you. I want _you_ to forgive _me_.”

“Well, I do, but- but you need to forgive me, too.” Camila is quick to reply, “for not being honest with you.”

Lauren shakes her head. “You tried to be, and I wouldn’t listen.”

“And you’re not listening now,” Camila points out, and Lauren stifles a small smile. “Accept my apology.”

“Okay. I do,” Lauren answers, “I’m sorrier, though.”

“Oh, shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, the pain she’d felt completely dissipated. She hadn’t ruined everything. “So, um… can I ask you something?”

Lauren squeezes her hand. “Anything.”

“Are you still- um, my valentine?” Camila bites down on her bottom lip. She hadn’t felt this nervous around Lauren since she’d tried telling her she liked her shirt, and Lauren hadn’t heard. _No,_ Camila reminds herself _, Lauren had heard, and it was on X Factor, not in high school_. “Also- um, my… my dating… friend… person?”

Lauren nods, squeezing her hand comfortingly. “I’m still your valentine and your dating friend person. We’re okay, Camz. Like I said, I acted irrationally.”

Camila laughs a little when Lauren teases her. “I would ask you to be, you know, mine… but I’d rather die than have an anniversary on Valentine’s Day.”

“Same here,” Lauren agrees, “so, ask me tomorrow?”

Camila brightens. “You want to be? Like, you know? My- my girlfriend?”

“Of course I do,” Lauren smiles at her. “Why do you think I got so upset earlier? I didn’t like the idea of someone else… having you like that.”

“Oh,” Camila beams, “well, um, can you promise that you’ll let me ask? I’ve never done it before and _not_ gotten rejected and it’d be really great for my ego.”

Lauren laughs. “Sure. You have the honours.”

“Thanks,” Camila smiles, before she glances out of the open door at Lauren’s car. “So, um, even though I really want to ditch school with you, I think the principal will call my mom if I miss any more days. So… to not risk my freedom, can we go back to school?”

“Yeah,” Lauren nods, “but first you need to take your eye makeup off. You look like Lexa right now. I’ll do it for you. We’ll make it for second period, I promise.”

Camila lets Lauren tug her upstairs, completely ecstatic that everything is okay.

-

“ _Oh my god_ , this guy is so fucking annoying,” Lauren glares at the TV, not looking at her plate as she shovels food into her mouth. “She should just date her best friend instead.”

Camila laughs at how passionately Lauren hates on most of the guys in rom coms, before shoving more _ropa vieja_ into her mouth. “Hey, Laur? Thanks for cooking, by the way.”

“Well, what better day to have our _official_ second date on than Valentine’s Day?” Lauren shrugs, before shooting another glare at the TV when the guy comes on again. “Anyway, I’m just glad you like it. It was between this and _bistec empanizado_ which is like, one of my specialties. Anything that my abuela taught me how to make is always better than a random recipe off the internet.”

“Lo, this is our third date, fuck off with your official/unofficial thing,” Camila laughs, “you’re a weirdo.”

“Takes a weirdo to date a weirdo,” Lauren flashes her a grin. “Anyway, have you been by the store lately? Like, to get groceries?”

Camila frowns. “No, why?”

“I had to restock a _lot_ of bananas the other day,” Lauren comments, “apparently someone came in and bought like, an _aggressive_ amount.”

Camila laughs, shaking her head. “I can see why you’d think it was me. But nope, my mom won’t allow my banana addiction to get out of hand, so she limits my supply.”

“Really,” Lauren laughs, “I’ll make sure to rat on you when you come in to buy a load without her permission.”

“Party pooper,” Camila pouts at her, “as my girlf- _dating_ friend, you’re supposed to lie _for_ me, Lo. That’s how it works.”

Lauren notices Camila’s slip up, but her only acknowledgement is a smile. “Fine, I guess I can turn a blind eye.”

“You’d better,” Camila grins, leaning forwards and putting her empty plate on the coffee table, “Anyway, since this is _Valentine’s Day_ , we should talk about something really romantic.”

“Oh yeah?” Lauren’s brow creases in thought. “Um… like what?”

“Uh…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and frowns. “I don’t know. Maybe… _ooh_ , tell me your idea of a perfect date.”

“I don’t know,” Lauren hums, “maybe some time in June? Possibly my birthday-”

“Shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, “you know what I meant.”

Lauren laughs. “Alright, fine. I honestly like what we’re doing right now. A nice homecooked meal, some cheesy TV, and pyjamas. _But_ , if we’re talking an extravagant date… maybe like, a ball or something? Get dressed up, go out to dinner before, slowdancing while we’re there… but I’m not royalty or rich, so the closest I’ll get to that is my senior prom.”

After a few moments, Camila sighs. Before, when she’d thought she’d go back on the eighteenth, the fact that Lauren was a year older hadn’t seemed a problem. But now, when she has no idea when or _if_ she’s even going back, the idea of having to do her own senior year without Lauren isn’t appealing.

“Sorry,” Lauren apologises when she notices Camila’s mood sour. “I guess sometimes I forget that in half a year I’ll be off at college.”

Camila shrugs and sighs, resting her head on Lauren’s shoulder. “It’s fine. I know how excited you are for it and I want to be happy for you. I just don’t like the idea of being away from you.”

Lauren wraps an arm around her waist and gives her a soft squeeze. “Someone really smart once told me that if a relationship is meant to be, then you can handle being physically apart for a few years.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “Don’t throw my words back at me like that.”

“Hey, I’m complimenting you.” Lauren defends herself with a smile. “I called you smart. And you were right. Besides, it’s not like I won’t come home as much as I can, and I’ll fly you out to wherever I am. I’ll obviously want to show you off to everyone.”

Camila smiles, but it’s a little sad. She doesn’t know if she’ll be here for that or not, but even the thought of Lauren showing her off proudly makes her heart warm. “You’re cute. But- um, since your ideal date is like, a ball or something… can I take you to your senior prom?”

Lauren smiles, squeezing her hand. “I’d love that. But we’ve got to do it in style.”

“Of course,” Camila smiles, “I’ll treat you like a princess. Just how you like.”

Lauren just rests her head on Camila’s shoulder and tangles their fingers together, sighing in content. “Camz? Thanks for making me so happy.”

Camila’s stomach flips and she presses a kiss to Lauren’s cheek. “It’s all I want to do.”

“You’re so good to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Lauren murmurs, “but thanks for being the best valentine I’ve ever had.”

“Laur,” Camila murmurs, “I can say the exact same thing.”


	26. twenty five

**_February 25 th, 2017_ **

“Nice pants.”

Lauren rolls her eyes and turns around to send Camila a mock glare, but it relaxes when she realises what time it is. “Wait a second. It’s a Saturday. And you’re dressed and out of bed at eight?”

Camila shrugs. “I wanted to come and annoy you.”

“But you refuse to get out of bed before one in the afternoon…” Lauren frowns, watching her in surprise. “You came here to see me?”

“I mostly just wanted to mock your uniform, but yeah,” Camila replies, and Lauren snorts. “Anyway, we’re going out for breakfast. Just McDonald’s, but still.”

“A breakfast date, huh?” Lauren asks, “Alright, I’m in. Still in shock about how you’re out of bed.”

“Trust me, I’ll be taking a nap later to make up for it,” Camila laughs, “this breakfast date is more important than sleep.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

“Mhm,” Camila smiles like she knows something Lauren doesn’t, before her gaze drifts down to Lauren’s uniform. She snorts and makes a point of tugging the vest over Lauren’s white polo. “I love the middle-aged woman look. Seriously, couldn’t you just ditch the vest? The khakis are bad enough.”

Lauren lets out a long, dramatic sigh. “It’s my _uniform,_ dumbass. I don’t get to pick and choose.”

Camila cringes, sending her a teasing grin. “Maybe get another job without an ugly uniform?”

Lauren rolls her eyes again. “You have some kind of weird vendetta against my uniform. It’s not even that bad.”

“Aw,” Camila sends Lauren a sympathetic pout. “Poor baby is so embarrassed by her ugly uniform that she’s tricked herself into thinking it’s not that bad.”

Lauren just sighs and starts stacking the packs of butter. “You’re such an ass.”

“I might be an ass, but at least I have one,” Camila retorts, “yours is non-existent in those pants. I hope you brought a change of clothes, because I’m not hanging out with you when you look like that.”

“Maybe I don’t want to hang out with you,” Lauren shoots back, “ever think about that?”

“Well, that’s an obvious lie,” Camila smirks at her, “you _like_ me.”

She draws out the ‘I’ in like, and Lauren scoffs, cutting open another box full of butter to stack. “I’ve changed my mind. You’re no longer welcome to come here and see me. No more free sandwiches for you.”

Camila pouts. “But I’ll _starve_. Do you want me to die, Lauren? Because it’ll be your doing when I drop dead.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” Lauren gives her a light shove, “didn’t you say you wanted McDonald’s this morning? I doubt you’ll starve with a sausage McMuffin inside you.”

“I guess the thirty hash browns I’ll order will tide me over for a _little while_.” Camila considers with a small smile. “But I’m serious about the change of clothes. I can’t be seen with you if you look like that.”

Lauren laughs. “Lucky for you, I brought a sweater and some skinny jeans.”

“Ooh, yes, I love your ass in skinny jeans,” Camila announces, and Lauren grins a little when her sixty-year-old co-worker walks past and makes a loud tutting noise, murmuring something about _deviance_. Camila picks up on it and rolls her eyes. “Hey, lady, the sixties wants its homophobia back.”

“Camz,” Lauren splutters out, sending an awkward but polite smile to her co-worker, “Sorry about her.”

“Hey, don’t apologise,” Camila starts, but Lauren pulls her back and shakes her head. Camila sighs and watches the woman walk past with her trolley full of empty boxes, clearly finished for the day. “I don’t see why you apologised to her. She was being a closed-minded bitch.”

Lauren just sighs, and goes to run a hand through her hair, one of her nervous ticks, but she remembers she has it tied back for work and settles on rubbing the hem of her vest. “It’s just- I have to work with her, you know? Like, when we get a shipment in and stuff, we have to unload it together. I just don’t want things to be awkward and tense.”

“You shouldn’t just be _okay_ with casual workplace homophobia,” Camila scowls in the direction of the lady. “If I want to come in here and compliment my g- _friend_ on her ass, then she has to suck it up and deal with it.”

Lauren shrugs. “I know it sucks, but sometimes you’ve just got to take a backseat and accept that that’s how things are.”

“No. No, you don’t.” Camila shakes her head. “I’d do my best to make her as uncomfortable as possible.”

“It’s probably not even because we’re both girls,” Lauren reasons, “old people hate teenagers most of the time, since we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us. She’s just salty because she’s wasted her whole life working here.”

Camila hums in agreement. “Yeah, I’d be pretty mad if I had to wear that uniform every day for the rest of my life.”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Lauren lets out an exasperated sigh mixed with a laugh, “let the uniform go, Camz.”

Camila grins. “Never. Anyway, I have something important to tell you.”

Lauren hums, turning around and cutting open her last box for the day. “What’s that?”

“You’ll be proud of me when I tell you,” Camila says, drawing it out, “and I was hoping it could be like, a date thing. Although, I don’t really get why we call them _dates_ anymore, because pretty much any time we hang out, one of us kisses the other, so it’s always going to be a romantic situation and- and I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Lauren laughs a little; she thinks it’s adorable when Camila rambles. “You are. But it’s cute.”

“Well, anyway, yeah, my announcement,” Camila jumps back into her explanation, blushing a little. “I taught myself how to cook mac and cheese. I made it for Sofi last night and she liked it, _and_ I didn’t burn the house down. And I know it’s not much, but I want to cook for you.”

Lauren smiles. “Alright. I’m down for that.”

“Obviously it’s not going to be like, an extravagant Cuban thing that’s a secret family recipe,” Camila continues, “but like, it’s something, right? I haven’t set my house on fire, so…”

“I’m proud of you,” Lauren says, turning around and squeezing Camila’s hand. “Maybe I can teach you to make something Cuban. You know, since your days of almost setting places on fire are over.”

“Don’t speak too soon,” Camila laughs, shaking her head, “but that’d be nice. Even if you’re sharing your family’s secret formula with me.”

“I’m just lucky you haven’t pulled a Plankton and tried to steal the top secret recipes yet,” Lauren grins, stacking the last few items and flattening the box out, putting it in the trolley with the rest. “I totally wouldn’t be as talented as Mr Krabs and Spongebob at defending them.”

Camila smiles as Lauren stretches and grabs the trolley, pulling it towards the double doors where they’re kept. “Anyway, hurry up and get changed. I need a hash brown or I’ll _die._ ”

“And you call _me_ extra,” Lauren snorts, pushing the trolley into the back. When Camila follows her, she frowns, “You can’t be back here.”

“Who says?” Camila smirks, as Lauren turns to leave again. She stops her, her eyes raking over Lauren, before she pushes her against a stack of boxes and kisses her. Lauren lets out a muffled squeak in surprise, but kisses Camila back, her hands resting on the younger girl’s petite waist.

When Camila kisses down her jawline and attaches her lips to Lauren’s neck, Lauren lets out a shaky breath and mumbles, “seriously, you can’t be in here.”

Camila laughs against Lauren’s pulse point. “What’s life without a little risk, baby?”

“Seriously,” Lauren repeats, but she’s starting to care less and less, “you- you can’t…”

When Lauren cuts herself off with an unintentional moan, she feels her blush creeping up her neck and into her cheeks. If anything, Camila smirks more, and Lauren tangles her fingers in Camila’s hair and pulls her closer, bringing Camila’s lips up to hers again.

It feels like an eternity has passed when Camila pulls away and smiles at her, kissing her cheek. Lauren doesn’t know how she does it; Camila can go from cute and innocent to sensual in seconds, something you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at her.

“Alright, I want my McDonald’s,” Camila announces, and Lauren blinks in surprise. Camila sends her a smile that’s a little too teasing to be innocent, and tilts her head to the side. “What?”

“You- you’re so…” Lauren stammers, trying to get her words out, but eventually she just sighs and shakes her head, looking at Camila with a small smile. “You know exactly what you do to me, don’t you?”

Camila sends her a knowing grin. “I have _no idea_ what you’re talking about.”

Lauren smiles a little, taking Camila’s hand and pulling her out of the back room and back onto the shop floor. She walks her to the entrance to the break room and locker room, before she drops Camila’s hand and sends her a warning look. “Wait out here.”

Camila just smirks. “Cute that you think _you_ can tell _me_ what to do.”

When Lauren pushes the doors open, naturally, Camila follows her into the locker room and sits down as Lauren bends down to unlock her locker.

“Now _there’s_ the ass I love so much,” Camila announces appreciatively, and Lauren blushes, but acts like she hadn’t heard. Then again, when Camila reaches forwards and squeezes her ass, it’s hard to ignore. “You’re so hot.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, and pulls her backpack from her locker, standing up. “Camz, I need to be _professional_ , not all hot and bothered because of you.”

“Well, now that you’ve stood up, your ass has disappeared into the depths of your bootcut khakis,” Camila comments, and Lauren laughs a little. “So you don’t have to worry about being unprofessional. At least until you’ve put your skinny jeans on.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, and opens up her backpack, pulling her spare clothes out. She’s fully aware of Camila’s eyes on her as she unbuttons the vest and takes it off, before she tugs her polo shirt off too.

As Lauren turns to grab her sweater, she smiles a little. “I can feel you staring at me.”

“Why wouldn’t I stare?” Camila shoots back, but after a few moments her expression softens and she adds, “if you’re uncomfortable, I’ll wait outside.”

Lauren smiles. “I’m not uncomfortable.”

She quickly gets changed, aware of Camila watching her and smirking, and then clocks out, taking Camila’s hand as they head out of the store.

“Can I ask what prompted this impromptu breakfast date?” Lauren asks, as she unlocks the car and tosses her backpack in the backseat. “Or did you just want to mock my uniform and needed a breakfast date as an excuse to get out of bed?”

Camila laughs as she buckles herself in. “Don’t worry, there’s a reason.”

“Are you going to _tell_ me that reason?” Lauren asks, and Camila shakes her head, occupying herself with hijacking Lauren’s aux cord, something she always does. “Alright. I guess I’ll let you ambush me with it.”

“Mhm,” Camila nods, “you will.”

Camila spends most of the drive singing along to the radio, and Lauren listens happily, loving the sound of Camila’s voice. If she could, she’d let Camila sing her to sleep every night; Camila’s voice is so soothing to her. When Lauren parks, Camila practically bolts out of the car to get around to Lauren’s side, opening the door for her.

Lauren laughs a little. “You know I can open a door by myself, right?”

“Shut up, I’m being chivalrous.” Camila announces, taking Lauren’s hand and tugging the older girl down the street. “You know, I don’t get how you can work at the store and not hate everything. Time stands still in grocery stores.”

Lauren snorts. “Actually, I think you’ll find that it doesn’t. Sometimes it’s weird though. On Saturdays or Sundays, depending on which I work, I start an hour earlier, so it’s longer then, but weekdays it’s only three hours. When I’m an hour and a half into my shift, it’s pretty much almost over.”

“Wait…” Camila frowns at her, “you’ve been awake since _three_?”

“Haven’t slept yet, actually,” Lauren shrugs, acting like it’s not really affecting her, even though it is. For her Saturday shift this week, she’d taken a nap after school yesterday, then stayed up from seven p.m., instead of sleeping for a couple hours directly before her shift. Either way, she still would’ve taken a nap as soon as she got home.

Camila stares at her like she’s insane. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. We can do McDonald’s another time, you’re probably desperate to go to sleep.”

“I’m a little tired, but it’s fine,” Lauren assures her, “I want to get breakfast with you.”

“But… you’ve been awake for ages,” Camila argues, “and you’ve just finished work. I bet the last thing you want is to deal with me and my insanity first thing in the morning.”

“Camz, I like spending time with you. Besides, you got up for this, and it’s not like this is the most tired I’ve ever been. I had a nap after school yesterday.” Lauren reasons. “Besides, I’ve worked overtime on less sleep than this. I went to school all day on the Friday, then went to a party, stayed too late, realised I had to be at work in an hour and was slightly drunk, so I got Mani to drive me all the way home so I could get changed and then go straight to work.”

“So you went to work sleep deprived _and_ drunk?” Camila raises her eyebrows. “And _you’re_ the one who was talking about professionalism not twenty minutes ago.”

Lauren smirks a little, shrugging. “Nobody found out. And I was only _tipsy_. It _did_ suck, though; after that I pretty much swore off parties on a Friday if I’m working Saturday morning.”

“I thought you never worked Saturdays, so imagine my shock when I woke up to a text from you at four telling me that you hoped I was sleeping well,” Camila smiles a little. “And before you apologise, no, you didn’t wake me up. I woke up to the fucking neighbours drilling at seven. _Who drills at seven_? I know I stay up late a lot, and that’s mostly just because I’m comforted by the moon, but I expect to get a decent fucking _sleep_ in the morning.”

“So, I guess I can thank your shitty neighbours for your surprise visit?” Lauren smiles a little, holding open the door to the McDonalds for Camila. “Well, like I said, I love spending time with you.”

“We still don’t have to get breakfast,” Camila assures her, and Lauren just smiles. “You can drop me off at home so you can go have your nap, and call me later? We could do lunch instead?”

“Nope, too late,” Lauren tells her, “we’re getting breakfast, and then I’m taking you back to my place, because we’re _both_ in need of naps, and we can’t do that with your annoying neighbours who like to drill at inconvenient times.”

Camila ducks her head to hide her smile, and the older Latina just squeezes her hand and presses a kiss to her cheek.

“So, um, can you order?” Camila asks, looking over at the person on the counter nervously. “I hate awkwardly talking to them. I always feel like I’ll say something weird and they’ll judge. Or I’ll order too much food and they’ll judge.”

“We’ll just use the self service kiosk thing,” Lauren says, pulling her over to one. “We’re eating in, right?”

“Mhm,” Camila answers, watching as Lauren looks through the options. “Don’t forget to add the million hash browns I’ll need to survive.”

Lauren laughs, and decides she’ll add an extra one for each of them. Once she’s done that, she points at the hotcakes next to the hotcakes with sausage. “One of my favourite memes is a picture of those items with ‘me with a boyfriend vs me without’ as the caption.”

Camila snorts, and Lauren smiles a little, scrolling down to the big breakfast and choosing that. “I’ll have a sausage McMuffin. And, like I said, a million hash browns. I could fucking _live_ off hash browns.”

“Yeah, you could, but you wouldn’t _live_ for long,” Lauren points out, and Camila laughs again, “You’re getting two. Sorry to deprive you, but I don’t want you to drop dead from grease consumption.”

“Ugh, whatever, miss health,” Camila rolls her eyes, pouting, “I’ll just steal yours when you’re not looking.”

Lauren snorts; she’s hardly ‘miss health’ if she’s standing in a McDonald’s. “Camz, you and I get takeout pretty much every weekend. I’m about as healthy as you.”

“No, because you, like, work out and stuff,” Camila points out as Lauren adds two hot chocolates to their order and goes to pay. “Hey, no, don’t pay! I decided to bring you here.”

Lauren is already pulling her card out of her pocket when Camila shoves her aside and beats her to it. Lauren laughs a little, and decides to accept this defeat, pocketing her card again and following Camila to the collection point.

Camila also goes to take their tray of food from the worker, but Lauren is quick to intercept that and carry it over to an empty table. When Camila argues, saying she’s trying to be chivalrous, Lauren just laughs.

“Camz, you’re the clumsiest person on Earth,” Lauren points out, “I’m just trying to protect you from dropping the food all over the floor and embarrassing yourself.”

Camila pouts, but doesn’t argue. “Yeah, okay, you kind of have a point.”

“Exactly,” Lauren smiles, “besides, you don’t have to be chivalrous for me. I’m an independent woman who don’t need no man.”

“Good thing I’m not a man, then,” Camila jokingly responds. “And I’m going to treat you like a princess because it’s what you deserve. I just want to be good for you, okay?”

“You’re already good for me,” Lauren assures her, but she has to admit that her stomach flutters at the thought of Camila taking care of her. “Anyway, how are your college applications going? I know you said you’re not sure about going or where you’d go, but school pretty much force you to do an application for _somewhere_.”

“I- yeah, a few teachers have been pushing me, but it’s definitely way too stressful,” Camila murmurs, looking a little downcast. “I just don’t know what I want to do. Well, no, I _do_ know, but it’s not something I can just apply to and get in? I just want to make music and starting from a point like this… it’s pretty much impossible that I’d ever manage to…”

Lauren studies Camila as the younger girl trails off, sighing. In an effort to make her perk up, Lauren holds out her spare hash brown. “Here. A present.”

It works, because Camila smiles and immediately bites into it. “Thanks, Lo.”

“You’re welcome,” Lauren smiles, watching the younger girl for a moment. “And Camz? You’ll make it. You’ve just got to _try_.”

Camila blushes, and once she’s swallowed her mouthful of hash brown, she takes Lauren’s hand and squeezes it across the table. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you believe in me.”

“Of course I believe in you,” Lauren tells her with a smile. “I’ve heard you sing, Camz. I know you’ve got something special.”

Camila stares at her with surprise in her eyes, and Lauren doesn’t know how she hadn’t realised that herself. “I just… thank you. For believing in me even when I don’t believe in myself.”

“No problem,” Lauren sends her a comforting smile, “I’ll always be here to impart all of my old person wisdom on you.”

“Oh my god,” Camila laughs to herself, “ _Eight. Months._ You’re _eight months_ older than me.”

“Mhm, and it’s always fun to remind you of that,” Lauren laughs, before she digs into her scrambled eggs, humming to herself as she eats.

(She pretends not to notice when Camila steals half of her other hash brown.)

When they finish eating, Lauren drives them back to her house, thankful that her siblings are still in bed. She might’ve mentioned over dinner the other night that she’d been dating Camila, and while her dad had grunted something about open doors, her mom and siblings had started teasing her relentlessly.

She tries to sneak upstairs with Camila to avoid talking to her parents, but her mom is walking out of the kitchen and spots them coming through the door. “Oh, you didn’t tell me Camila was coming over today!”

Lauren grimaces, and Camila seems to pick up on how desperate she was for something like this _to not happen._ “Um, yeah, I didn’t know either. She came by the store while I was still working and we went for breakfast.”

Clara smiles at Camila. “Would you like to come over for dinner one night? Mike and I would really love to get to know Lauren’s new girlfriend.”

Camila raises her eyebrows and looks over at Lauren, who is way too busy cringing to interject. “Yeah, I’d like that. Especially if you have Lauren’s embarrassing baby pictures to show me.”

“Oh god,” Lauren groans, shaking her head, “not going to happen. I need a nap. Come on.”

She tries tugging Camila up the stairs, and the younger girl follows, with some resistance, telling Clara that she’ll definitely be coming over for dinner soon. When she pulls her into her bedroom and practically slams the door behind them, Camila smirks.

“So… girlfriend?”

Lauren cringes again; she’d hoped Camila hadn’t picked up on that. “I told her we were dating and I guess she just assumed…”

“Well, I mean,” Camila laughs a little, sitting down on Lauren’s bed. “Admittedly, when you told me that you hadn’t slept, it made me change my mind a little. I was going to force you down to the beach after breakfast and ask you on a nice, romantic walk, but…”

Lauren stares at her in surprise. “Wait, what?”

“I don’t get out of bed before twelve without a reason, Lauren,” Camila points out, laughing a little. She stands up, taking Lauren’s hand and giving it a soft squeeze. “So… will you be my girlfriend?”

Lauren laughs; not because anything is funny, but because all of this happiness seemed to bubble up inside her at the words, and it comes out involuntarily. Camila’s face falls, but Lauren doesn’t notice, practically throwing herself on the other girl in a hug.

“Fuck yeah, I’ll be your girlfriend,” Lauren murmurs into Camila’s shoulder, “what took you so long? I thought you were just opposed to Valentine’s Day being an anniversary.”

“Yeah, _and_ I wanted the element of surprise,” Camila tells her, letting out a shaky sigh of relief. She pulls away from Lauren slightly and gives her an innocent kiss on the lips, pulling away with a big smile. “I’m so glad you said yes.”

Lauren laughs. “You know, this past week, I’ve been sat wondering when the hell you were going to ask. And then when you actually did, I couldn’t believe I was hearing those words from your mouth.”

Camila grins. “Yes, my surprise worked out! I love being the _mistress of stealth._ ”

“Yeah, definitely worked out,” Lauren agrees with her, and as Camila sits down on her bed again, Lauren looks at the girl, remembering this exact same moment back in September, and how confused she’d been to see that girl who kind of talked to her one time relaxing on her bed. How the offer of champagne had just tumbled out of her mouth like her brain was on autopilot. She lets out another laugh, sitting down next to Camila and pulling her in for another kiss. “It’s crazy… how much has happened between us since we met. Funny how I thought you were just some random stalker.”

Camila scoffs and gives her a light shove on the arm. “Oh, shut up, Jauregui. If you thought I was a stalker, you wouldn’t have let me awkwardly third wheel you and Lucy.”

“That really _is_ crazy,” Lauren comments, “like, I had feelings for a completely different person, and I had no idea how much you’d mean to me.”

“Well, instead of thinking back to how weird it is that we didn’t talk at all at one point,” Camila says, “you need to get into bed for your well-deserved nap.”

Lauren smiles, and tugs off her sweater and jeans. Camila does the same, and sneakily grabs Lauren’s old softball jersey, tugging it on and deciding to sleep in that and her underwear. Lauren curls up next to Camila, resting her head on the younger girl’s shoulder, and falling asleep for the very first time next to her _girlfriend_ , Camila Cabello.

She’s never slept better in her life.


	27. twenty six

**_March 3 rd, 2017_ **

Camila blinks in surprise when she feels a weight on her bed, and as tempted as she is to roll over and go back to sleep, she can vaguely make out her girlfriend’s silhouette in her sleep-clogged vision.

“Hey, Camz,” The girlfriend-shaped blob announces, “happy birthday. I came over early to make you some special birthday chocolate chip pancakes.”

Camila sits up and rubs at her eyes, blinking the sleep away. She smiles a little at the single candle Lauren had stuck in the pancake stack. “A candle? Really?”

“Blow it out and make a wish, loser,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “or I’ll do it for you and steal your wish. I need a good grade on an essay I turned in, and I’m not afraid to resort to wish stealing.”

Camila laughs a little, but blows out the candle, the only wish she has being that Lauren will always be by her side, even though she knows it’s not likely to come true. “I didn’t know you were coming over this morning.”

Lauren watches as Camila digs into her pancakes. “It’s your birthday. You’re my girlfriend. It’s simple mathematics, Camz.”

“Well, thank you for coming,” Camila smiles, stuffing as much pancake into her mouth as she can. “These are really good, by the way. As soon as I’m done I’m brushing my teeth, I can kiss you and give you the greeting you deserve.”

Lauren smiles at her. “Well, hurry up and get ready. We’ve got plans today.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “And by plans, you mean you’re distracting me and keeping me out of the house so my parents slash our friends can set up a surprise party or something.”

Lauren lifts her wrist up to her mouth and stage-whispers into her watch. “Abort mission, guys. She knows!”

Camila laughs and gives her a playful shove. “If that’s actually your plan, I’ll go along with it.”

“Well, sorry to disappoint, but I was under the impression that you didn’t like parties.” Lauren replies, shifting so she’s sat next to Camila. “Your mom _did_ tell me that you guys were going for a family dinner tonight, and I’m invited.”

“Damn, you’ve already charmed my parents,” Camila comments, “usually the Cabello birthday dinners are a family only event.”

“Well, have you told them that we’re together?” Lauren asks. “I know you semi-told them on Valentine’s Day, but we weren’t girlfriends then.”

Camila sighs happily as she finishes her pancakes. “Girlfriend. I’ll never get tired of hearing that word come out of your mouth about _me_.”

Lauren smiles and kisses her cheek. “I like saying it. _Hey, guys, this is my girlfriend, Camila_.”

Camila blushes and pulls Lauren in for a tight hug, burying her face in the older girl’s shoulder. “Considering I’ve had a crush on you since pretty much the moment I saw you… this is amazing. I mean it’d be amazing anyway, because you’re _you_ , but- like… I just never thought I’d ever be able to call you mine. And now I can.”

Lauren studies her for a moment, before her face breaks out into a grin. “Well… turns out all you needed to do was talk to me.”

Camila bites down on her lip, because it’s not entirely true. All she had to do was talk to _this_ Lauren. But the other one… there’s no way Camila could ever have her, and at this point, Camila isn’t even sure she wants her.

“Yeah,” Camila murmurs, squeezing Lauren’s hand and passing her the empty plate. “Well, I’m going to brush my teeth so I can give you a proper greeting. You take that downstairs.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but Camila doesn’t give her time to object, because she gets out of bed and goes into her bathroom, stretching. She grabs her toothbrush, and once she’s brushed her teeth, she heads downstairs to meet Lauren and pulls her in for a kiss.

“Now _that’s_ the birthday present I was looking for,” Camila murmurs, pulling away but taking Lauren’s hand. “I expect lots of those today.”

“Will do, ma’am.” Lauren mock salutes her with a small grin. “Anyway, speaking of presents, I got you one.”

Camila frowns at her, and Lauren holds out a gift bag. “You shouldn’t have.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “I’m your _girlfriend_. Of course I’m going to get you a birthday present, loser. This is just like the time when you… when you… um…”

When Lauren cuts herself off with a frown, Camila squeezes her hand. “What’s wrong?”

Lauren blinks in confusion and shakes her head. “I completely forgot what I was going to say. It was kind of like when you walk into a room with the intention of getting something, but when you get there, you don’t know why you’re there.”

As Lauren just shrugs it off, Camila’s thoughts spiral. She knows it’s probably nothing, but what if Lauren had remembered something from Fifth Harmony? _Awake_ this time, and not in a dream?

She doesn’t have much time to dwell on the possibility, because Lauren gives her a playful nudge and points at the present. “Open it.”

“Oh, yeah,” Camila laughs a little, and sits down on the bottom stair, pulling out the colourful tissue paper that Lauren had put in. She reaches in and blinks in surprise at the box set of the _His Dark Materials_ trilogy. “How’d you know I wanted to read these?”

Lauren shrugs, but smiles mischievously. “I might have a little six year old informer around this house, but I’m not naming any names. The _how_ doesn’t matter. Do you like them?”

“I love them,” Camila pulls Lauren in for a hug. “Thank you, baby.”

Lauren blushes at the pet name, but doesn’t comment on it. “Anyway, go get dressed. It’s your birthday and we’ve got to celebrate in style.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “Can’t I just stay in my pyjamas?”

“Nope,” Lauren announces, shaking her head. “Pyjamas aren’t good at waterparks. I need to see a bathing suit.”

Camila smirks. “So… spending time with me on my birthday is just your excuse to see me in a bikini.”

“No, but that’s definitely an added bonus.” Lauren says, her eyes raking over Camila appreciatively. “Go get changed. We don’t want the girls to be left waiting.”

“The girls are there?” Camila asks with a frown. “It’s not just us?”

“Sorry if you wanted it to be,” Lauren laughs a little, “but yeah. I texted Dinah to get Ally’s number, and then added them all to a group chat and we decided we’d all go to the waterpark. I figured it’d be a good idea, because it’s almost like we’re prepping for next week. Waterslides to get geared up for rollercoasters.”

“You’d think it’d be the other way around,” Camila comments absentmindedly, “you know, since waterslides are more dangerous than rollercoasters. On a rollercoaster, you’re completely strapped in and the safety precautions are pretty extreme. Waterslides, there’s just a lifeguard at the top and bottom and you’re essentially launching yourself into a death tube.”

Lauren blinks at her when she finishes, before she bursts out laughing. “Damn, Camz, lighten up.”

“It’s the _truth_. Rollercoasters are safer,” Camila shrugs, before she stands up and nods towards the stairs. “I’m going to get into my bikini. Be right back.”

“Wait,” Lauren stops her, and Camila pauses with a frown, until the older girl pulls her in for another kiss. “ _Now_ you’re allowed to go.”

Camila smiles and gives Lauren a gentle kiss on the cheek. “You’d better hold my hand if you’re going to be pushing me down some death slides.”

Lauren grins. “Duh. This whole waterpark thing is my excuse to hold your hand.”

“I don’t think you need an excuse anymore,” Camila points out, taking Lauren’s hand and squeezing it. “Because you’re my _girlfriend_.”

“Mhm,” Lauren hums in agreement, “I’m your girlfriend, and _also_ the luckiest human in the universe.”

“I think you’ll find that’s _me_ ,” Camila argues with her, before she kisses Lauren’s cheek and darts up the stairs, calling behind her, “you can’t argue with me if I can’t hear you!”

Lauren ducks her head to hide her smile as she watches her girlfriend run up the stairs. Her heart feels light and she lets out a sigh of content, deciding that she’s _definitely_ the luckiest.

-

“Not so bad for a death slide, huh?”

Camila laughs and tries to push Lauren off the raft, but the older girl grips on and uses her foot to knock Camila off instead. She hits the water with a splash, and when the younger Latina bobs up to the surface looking like a very pissed off drowned rat, Lauren bursts out laughing. She gets off the raft and hands it to the lifeguard on duty, and climbs out of the pool, holding her hand out for Camila.

“No,” Camila glares at her and gets out of the pool by herself, “you’re mean, so I’m not letting you hold my hand.”

“But _Camz,”_ Lauren pouts, drawing out her girlfriend’s nickname, “I need to hold your hand or I’ll die, and I won’t be a good girlfriend if I’m dead.”

Camila shakes her head and folds her arms across her chest, stalking in the other direction. “That’s a you problem.”

As Camila is trying to walk away dramatically, she slips, and Lauren moves forwards quickly to catch her before she falls. Once her girlfriend is upright again, Lauren smiles at her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Camila reluctantly smiles back, “thanks for saving me.”

“Always,” Lauren replies, taking Camila’s hand and squeezing it. Camila looks like she’s about to argue, but Lauren beats her to it. “This is for your own good. You can’t walk on slippery surfaces and I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Camila sends her a mock glare. “Why do you have to be so cute? I’m trying to be mad at you.”

“Hasn’t stopped you before,” Lauren says, but blinks in surprise at her own words. The only time she and Camila had ever had a disagreement, it was _her_ who had been mad, not Camila. She plays with the locker key around her wrist and frowns. “Sorry, I don’t know where that came from. I must’ve been thinking about something else.”

Camila watches her carefully, and Lauren worries a little, but the younger girl just smiles. “You know how you told me your relationship with Lucy was on and off?”

Lauren raises her eyebrows; she hadn’t expected that. “Uh, yeah?”

“Why?” Camila asks. “I mean, I know there was the whole _you were scared_ thing, but you said you’d had a break up after that.”

Lauren tilts her head to the side with a frown. “I’m not going to dump you and go back to her, if that’s what you’re implying.”

Camila shakes her head quickly. “No, no, not at all. I just… want to know why you had breaks. So I don’t… repeat those mistakes?”

She doesn’t sound very sure of her reasoning, but Lauren decides to trust her. “Well, there was only the one breakup after we’d started properly dating, in summer last year. We got in a fight because I forgot our anniversary.”

Camila looks at her in shock. “You _forgot_?”

“Yeah,” Lauren laughs, a little embarrassedly. “I don’t even know _how_. The month before I’d been planning to take her to dinner at this really fancy place, but then the day came and everything was weird. It was kind of like I was on autopilot, honestly. For a while it felt like that. I guess my mental health was a little off or something. But I’m good now.”

Camila frowns down at the floor, looking a little distressed, and Lauren feels uncomfortable from the reaction. “You forgot.”

“Um, yeah,” Lauren mumbles, shrugging. She’d felt awful about it once she’d gotten out of whatever funk she was in, so she makes sure to let Camila know that. “Like I said, it was like I was running on autopilot or something. I don’t want to make you worry that I’d forget something like that for us. I won’t, okay? It was just a one time thing.”

After a few moments, Camila nods, and looks up at her with a bright smile. There’s something underneath it, but Lauren can’t quite figure it out. “I know, babygirl. I believe you.”

Lauren’s stomach squirms at the pet name, and she knows she’s blushing. Camila laughs a little, and Lauren resorts to pouting like a petulant child. “Don’t laugh.”

“It’s cute,” Camila says, squeezing her hand. “ _You’re_ cute. Anyway, can we get lunch?”

Lauren grins. “I was hoping you’d ask that. Ally volunteered to make baked goods, _and_ Mani made sandwiches. They said it was for your birthday, but I know they did it because of my amazing puppy dog eyes.”

Once they make their way back to the deck chairs they’d picked, they find a lone Ally, reading a book. Camila smiles and perches on the edge of Ally’s deck chair. “Hey, Ally, you know how you love me and it’s my birthday and all?”

Ally looks over the top of her book with narrowed eyes. “What do you want, Mila?”

“Since it’s my birthday, and I only have one year of my official childhood left until I’m a legal adult…” Camila drags out, “I think you should give me all of the baked goods you so lovingly brought. I can just eat those, since I don’t want sandwiches, and it’s my birthday, and by birthday law, you have to do what I say.”

Lauren snickers a little at Ally’s long sigh and eye roll. “Not going to happen, Mila.”

Camila lets out a mock gasp. “You just broke birthday law. Jauregui, book her!”

Lauren bursts out laughing, unable to conceal her smile. _She’s such a dork,_ she thinks to herself. “Did you turn seventeen today, Camz, or seven?”

“Definitely seven,” Camila grins at her, before she sits down on her own lounge chair with a sigh. “Well, my birthday is ruined because of _someone_. We’re not going to name names, but it rhymes with _Schmally Book Fernandez_.”

“Oh my god,” Ally lets out a long sigh and puts her book down, digging into the bag with the food and pulling out a container of cookies. She pries the lid off and holds it out. “You can have _one_ now.”

Camila takes a cookie with a smile. “Thanks, mom.”

“You’re lucky it’s your birthday,” Ally warns her, but there’s a smile on her face, “otherwise I’d ban you from cookies.”

Camila claps a hand to her chest and gasps in mock offence. “Ally, you would _never_ do that to me. You love me too much.”

Ally sighs again. “Yeah, _yeah,_ I _guess_.”

Lauren watches the conversation with a smile, grinning even more when she sees Dinah and Normani on their way back, because _that_ means it’s lunchtime. Once Normani dries herself off and sits down, she passes out the sandwiches, and Lauren digs in, humming happily as she eats. She looks over at Camila, who has already demolished her first sandwich and is busy trying to weasel another one from Normani, and she’s overwhelmed with so much happiness that she can’t believe it.

If someone had told her last year, that a year from then, she wouldn’t be with Lucy anymore, she wouldn’t have been okay with that at all. To her, Lucy was always her person, her soulmate, and the idea of being without her would’ve destroyed her. She’d felt destroyed when they’d broken up, and she’d felt as though love wasn’t real, that everything was pointless, and that she shouldn’t bother getting into another relationship if it’d just crash and burn and make her feel awful.

But then Camila happened, and Lauren had no doubt in her mind that _Camila_ is her person. Camila Cabello is her soulmate, and that makes Lauren completely ecstatic.

“Oh my god, I just ate and I’m already excited for my next meal,” Camila announces, squeezing herself onto Lauren’s lounge chair and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. “We’re going to my favourite Italian place, right? That’s where my mom booked for?”

“Mhm,” Lauren confirms, and Camila grins. “You’re getting pizza, I’m guessing.”

“Hell yeah,” Camila nods, smiling to herself, “I need pizza at least once a week. Otherwise I’d die of pizza deficiency.”

Lauren laughs a little. “I’m starting to think you have a small pizza problem.”

“ _Me?_ ” Camila blinks in surprise, “ _Never._ ”

Lauren smiles and rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “We’re going to wait before going back on slides, right?”

“Actually, I was going to drag Dinah on a slide right now,” Camila announces, and Lauren hears Dinah’s loud, over-exaggerated groan. “Come on, Cheechee. It’s your best friend’s birthday and what I say goes.”

“Fine,” Dinah sighs, getting up and rolling her eyes, “but I get to pick the slide.”

“Deal,” Camila grins, kissing Lauren on the top of her head and giving her a soft squeeze before she gets up. “See you in a few, baby.”

Lauren blushes, sending Camila a small smile before her girlfriend skips over to an unenthusiastic Dinah and pulls her away from the group.

“You’re getting comfortable with her.”

Camila blinks in surprise at her friend’s comment. “Lauren? Yeah, I mean, we’ve been on a few dates and she’s like, officially my girl now, which is something I’ve always wanted. I know what Lauren likes and even though part of that is me teasing her, I just want to make her happy. I love seeing her blush.”

“Anyway, why did you really want to get me away from everyone else?” Dinah asks, sending Camila a knowing look, and Camila starts to think that maybe Lauren was right before; maybe Dinah _is_ like a soulmate to her. “I know it’s not to go on a waterslide.”

“I think maybe… Lauren was here,” Camila mumbles, her mood dropping the way it had when she’d had the mini-realisation. “As in… the Fifth Harmony one. I think she was here before me, and somehow she’s gone back.”

Dinah frowns at her. “Wait, what? Didn’t you say you thought you were stuck here? Besides, if your Lauren had been here, wouldn’t you be able to tell? Wouldn’t you be able to tell if any of u- of _them_ came here? And wouldn’t this Lauren remember someone else being crammed inside her head?”

“She said she forgot her old anniversary with Lucy, and that caused them to break up for a little while.” Camila explains, shaking her head. “She said it was like she was on autopilot. She remembers everything she _did_ though, so I’m thinking maybe it was the other Lauren. And somehow, she figured it out and got back.”

Dinah sends her a worried look, and hesitates, like she’s debating saying something. When she speaks, Camila realises _why_. “Or she remembered everything from here and _forgot_ everything from there.”

Camila’s heart drops and she bites down on her bottom lip, shaking her head. _You were on X Factor and that’s where you met the girls. They put you in a group called Fifth Harmony. You didn’t win, but you came in… in fourth place? No, that’s not right, it was second. Or was it third?_

“Oh my god, Dinah,” Camila finds an empty lounge chair and sits down, shaking. “I don’t remember what place we came on X Factor. I- I can’t remember something _that_ big…”

Dinah sits down next to her and squeezes her hand comfortingly. “It’s okay. Maybe you just forgot because you’re stressed out and it’s your subconscious messing with you or-”

“How could I forget something as big as what position we came on The X Factor?” Camila interrupts, wiping at her eyes with the back of her shaky hand. “Lauren was here and she forgot everything. That’s why she dreams about it. That’s the only explanation for what she told me…”

Camila buries her face into Dinah’s shoulder, her heart aching. Dinah rubs her back comfortingly, and while Camila knows there’s nothing either of them can do, it hurts so much.

“Walz…” Dinah gives her a comforting squeeze. “It’s going to be okay. You know I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“I don’t want to forget everything. That’s- that’s my entire life,” Camila cries, feeling sick to her stomach. “If it’s true, if Lauren was here, then she’s _still_ here, right? She’s just forgotten everything that made her the _other_ Lauren. Oh _god_ , I’m so sorry, Dinah- I- I don’t know what happened to your Camila and- and I’m just so sorry, I know you want her back-”

“Hey,” Dinah cuts her off, shaking her head and wiping Camila’s tears away. “Any Camila is my Camila. That includes you. You’re the Chancho to my Cheechee. The Walz to my China. And I’m going to do anything I can to help you.”

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” Camila mumbles, shaking her head, “you’re too good to me.”

“I try,” Dinah smiles a little, squeezing her hand. “Come on. Let’s go on a slide and try to be positive. It’s your birthday.”

“Yeah,” Camila nods, “my _twentieth_ birthday. I’ve already _had_ a seventeenth.”

“Ew, twenty, that’s gross,” Dinah turns her nose up, “if I were you, I’d be happy for the extra non-legal adult time.”

Camila laughs, albeit a little weakly. “Yeah. Thanks, Dinah.”

“You’re welcome,” Dinah smiles, standing up and holding out a hand. “Come on. Let’s go have some fun.”

-

“Please just fucking pick up,” Camila murmurs to herself, pacing back and forth in the cramped restaurant bathroom. She chews on the inside of her mouth and taps her foot, waiting for Lucy to just _pick up the damn phone_.

When she hears a confused, “ _Hello?”_ on the other end, she breathes out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fucking god you answered.”

“ _Oh, it’s you,”_ Lucy sighs, and Camila’s stomach drops, _“surprised you bothered calling a failed Instagram model. Clearly I’m too below your level.”_

Camila lets out an exasperated sigh and shakes her head. “Oh my god, I apologised for saying that, and it’s not like you didn’t say something bitchy either. Look- I just have something that- that I think you need to hear.”

She hears Lucy scoff. _“I told you I’d figure this out on my own-”_

“Lauren was here.” Camila interrupts, knowing that she doesn’t have much time before Lucy hangs up on her. “At least, I think. And maybe she still is. She mentioned having a break up with- well, you, and the reason it happened is she _forgot your anniversary_. When a month before, she’d been planning a romantic dinner or something. And she said it felt like she was on autopilot for a while after that. She chalked it up to her mental health being bad, but I think Fifth Harmony Lauren was here, and she slowly started remembering things from here, and forgetting everything from there. She _became_ this Lauren. Maybe.”

She gets it all out as quickly as she can, and when there’s silence on the phone, she thinks Lucy has hung up.

 _“What the fuck,”_ Lucy finally says, and Camila has to agree with that statement. “ _Well, I mean, I haven’t forgotten anything, and you’re just remembering, so-”_

“Actually,” Camila interrupts, feeling a lump in her throat, “I don’t… I don’t remember what place we came on X Factor. And- and you remembered too, on our beach day. You told Lauren a pick up line, and she mocked you for it.”

Lucy lets out a long breath. “ _Fuck. Write stuff down. As much as you can remember.”_

“Okay. As soon as I get home,” Camila tells her, biting down on her bottom lip, “I’m really scared. I don’t want to forget my entire life.”

“ _I mean, this is just a theory, right_?” Lucy asks her, and Camila really hopes it is. _“Like, do you have any proof that she’d been acting weird at that point in time?”_

“I mean, not definitive proof,” Camila answers, trying to reassure herself, “but the way she said it… it sounded like it could link up, _and_ there’s the dreams she’s been having. Maybe the dreams aren’t because she’s _coming_ here. Maybe they’re because she’s already _been_ here, and the subconscious things are all she remembers.”

“ _Still… before either one of us freaks out, we should talk to someone who could tell us how she was acting. I could ask Normani.”_ Lucy says, mostly to herself. _“She’d know if Lauren was acting weird, even though I doubt Lauren would’ve told her like you told Dinah.”_

“Yeah.” Camila anxiously agrees, biting at her nails. “Mani would know. And maybe her parents or siblings.”

“ _Okay,”_ Lucy mumbles, and Camila hears shuffling and the sound of a sheet of paper. _“I’m writing everything down, just in case. You should do the same_.”

“I will,” Camila nods, letting out a shaky breath. “I have to go. I’m at my birthday dinner and my parents are probably wondering where I ran off to.”

 _“Oh,”_ Lucy replies, a little awkwardly, “ _well, happy birthday. And thank you for telling me what you found out even though… yeah.”_

“Yeah, no problem,” Camila murmurs, “and I _am_ sorry for what I said.”

“ _I know.”_ Lucy answers. “ _Me too.”_

Camila smiles a little, even if she’s still really worried. “I’ll talk to you when I find out more. Later.”

Once she hangs up, Camila lets out a shaky breath. She pockets her phone and leaves the bathroom, heading back to the table. She takes her seat between Lauren and Sofi, and takes her girlfriend’s hand under the table.

Lauren seems to pick up on her mood. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Camila murmurs, “I’m fine.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows, clearly sceptical. “You don’t seem fine. I thought you’d be excited as hell. You’re getting pizza soon. Your favourite pizza in Miami.”

“I know,” Camila says, and she has to admit that being around Lauren is causing her heartache. If Fifth Harmony Lauren had really been here, and somehow forgotten everything, it just makes Camila think about what she could become. “I’m good, Lo. I swear.”

Lauren opens her mouth, probably to argue, but Sinu speaks before she can. “So, Lauren, Karla tells me you’re a senior. Do you have any plans for next year?”

“Yeah, actually,” Lauren nods, “I’ve applied to a few colleges and recently I got a few acceptance letters. Mostly from safety schools. The one I’m waiting for is Columbia.”

“Oh, interesting,” Sinu comments, “What do you want to study?”

“Politics and literature,” Lauren answers, noticing how Camila seems to be increasingly uncomfortable with the college talk. “But at the moment I’m more focused on graduating and making sure I have enough money. Otherwise I’ll be taking a gap year to work.”

Sofi frowns. “What’s a politic?”

“Well, Karla, I hope you follow your friend’s example,” Alejandro says, “you _have_ been looking at schools, right?”

Camila shifts uncomfortably. “Yeah, they make everyone look and fill out at least one application.”

“College isn’t always for everyone, though,” Lauren casually comments, “I have a couple friends who aren’t going and are just going straight into employment. I mean, obviously, the path I want to go, I need a degree, but some jobs don’t need that. Like… I don’t know… being a musician.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip and shakes her head. “Lo, you don’t have to-”

“If you have a talent at something – of course, I’m just speaking generally here – you should always try and use that talent and make it your career and your goal.” Lauren says, squeezing Camila’s hand under the table. “Like, for example, Camila’s songs are amazing. She’s one of the most talented songwriters and singers I’ve ever heard. I think if there’s anyone that can make it, it’s Camila.”

“Lauren,” Camila mumbles, blushing embarrassedly. “It means a lot that you think that.”

“Just being honest,” Lauren shrugs, smiling a little, “like I said. If you have a talent, passion and a dream, do whatever you can to make it happen.”

“You’ve never let me hear any of your songs,” Sinu says, sending her a pointed look, “hopefully that’ll change soon.”

“Mami, I’m not serenading you,” Camila laughs a little, her heart a lot lighter, “besides, the song Lauren heard was really a work in progress.”

 _I was also drunk when I sang it for her,_ Camila adds in her head, but she doesn’t say that out loud. Her mom would kill her.

“It was really good, though,” Lauren is quick to assure her. “I loved it.”

“I still don’t know what a politic is,” Sofi pouts down at the table. “Why doesn’t this restaurant have a menu I can colour?”

Camila smiles, and digs into the small bag Lauren had brought with her, pulling out a mini colouring book and a pack of crayons. “There you go.”

Sofi lets out a delighted squeal and starts colouring, and Camila smiles a little, knowing how bored her sister gets at restaurants. Camila herself mostly gets antsy, staring down every waiter that walks past as if to say _where’s my food, bitch_.

Lauren watches her and laughs. “Camz, they’re going to bring the food eventually. No need to scare the waiters.”

“They keep walking towards us with plates full of food and then going in another direction at the last second.” Camila says, turning to Lauren with a pout. “They’re mean. It’s my birthday, I should be priority.”

Again, Lauren just laughs. “Still, it’s not the waiter’s fault that the food takes a while. That’s like when annoying customers at work blame me when we’re out of an item. Sorry, lady, but I just stack what they tell me to.”

Camila pouts at the idea of Lauren getting yelled at by a rude middle aged woman, and she lets out a reluctant sigh. “I guess you’re right. I’ll be patient.”

Lauren beams and squeezes her hand. “That’s my girl.”

Camila sings without thinking. “ _Get up, what you waiting for?_ ”

“ _That’s my girl,”_ Lauren sings in response, before she frowns a little, “don’t know where I’ve heard that, but it sounds like a bop.”

Camila’s stomach turns and she looks anywhere but Lauren, nodding. _That’s proof. That’s proof that Fifth Harmony Lauren is in there somewhere._ “Yeah, uh, it’s a good song.”

“Hey, you know what else is a good song?” Lauren says, and Camila braces herself for the worst. But naturally, Lauren just smirks and sings, “ _I’m into it._ ”

“Wow, I guess I had a nice ten minutes where you took my songs seriously,” Camila deadpans, but laughs when Lauren does. “Thanks, Lo.”

“I just think it’s cute,” Lauren says, dropping her voice for the next part, “that you wrote your _sexy song_ about me.”

Camila snorts, and it’s accompanied by a loud _psh_. “Uh, who says it’s about you?”

“You do,” Lauren smirks at her, “you know, since I’m your muse and all.”

“Keep mocking me and you won’t be,” Camila warns her. Lauren chuckles and takes her hand again, squeezing it. “No, you don’t get to be all cute and make up for it.”

“I do what I want,” Lauren laughs, “I’m a badass.”

Camila rolls her eyes. “You’re _really_ not a- _oh my god, food!”_

As the waiter starts bringing their food, Camila grins, her pizza being the first dish put in front of her. She both loves and hates it, because her parents have this dumbass rule that everyone has to have their food before she can eat, and Camila Cabello _does not_ have restraint when it comes to pizza, specifically this pizza.

She’s bouncing her leg in anticipation, and the second her mom’s plate touches the table, Camila digs in, probably looking like she hasn’t eaten in months. Lauren stares at her in shock. “Damn, Camz, slow down.”

“Make me,” Camila mumbles through a mouthful of pizza, her heart happy because it’s _so fucking good._ “Honestly, Lauren, this is the best pizza in the fucking universe. In _any_ fucking universe.”

“ _Karla Camila,”_ Sinu scolds her, “ _language.”_

Lauren laughs a little, taking a bite of her own pizza. “So, if me and this pizza were hanging off the edge of a cliff and you could only save one, who would you save?”

Camila pauses before a bite and looks anywhere but Lauren. “I don’t think you want me to answer that question.”

“Wow,” Lauren pouts a little, “you’d really save the pizza over me?”

Camila shrugs. “I mean, you’ve only been my girlfriend for like, a week, so I could probably find a replacement.”

Lauren almost chokes on her bite of pizza, and Camila absently pats her on her back. “ _Camz-”_

“Careful,” Camila tells her once she swallows her bite, “you’ll hurt the pizza if you choke on it.”

“When your girlfriend cares about pizza more than she cares about you,” Lauren sighs dramatically. “It’s a sad day.”

“Girlfriend?” Sinu frowns at Camila, who blushes a little. “You said she didn’t like you back.”

“Um… surprise?” Camila replies, smiling sheepishly. “Turns out she does.”

“Well…” Sinu looks between Camila and Lauren. “I’m happy for you, mija.”

Alejandro watches Lauren with his eyes narrowed. “You’ll take care of her and treat her right?”

Lauren nods proudly. “I promise.”

“Alright then,” Alejandro nods, looking to Camila, “you tell me if she hurts you, mija.”

Camila snorts. “Sure, papi. Can I eat my pizza now? You can girlfriend-interrogate Lauren when I decide I like her best again. In a minute, you might have to interrogate this pizza.”

“You’re so mean,” Lauren mutters, “I can’t believe I lose out to a pizza.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “That’s really shocking to you? _Really?_ Have you _met_ me? Besides, it’s not just any pizza, it’s _this_ pizza. It’s like with you.”

Lauren tilts her head to the side. “Like me?”

“Yeah,” Camila shrugs, “you’re not just anyone, you’re _Lauren Jauregui._ You’re the _this pizza_ of humans.”

“Camz, that’s actually the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Lauren laughs, “and you’re comparing me to _food_.”

“Well, I mean-” Camila starts to say _I’ll be eating you at some point_ , but remembers that her parents are definitely within earshot, as well as her little sister. “I like food, and I like you.”

It’s a lot less flirtatious than what she was going for, but Lauren smiles anyway. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

Camila finishes her food before everyone else, and watches jealously as her parents, sister and Lauren still have food left. Clearly sensing Camila’s bad mood, Lauren donates one of the last two slices of her pizza to Camila’s cause, making the younger girl pull her into a tight hug.

“You’re actually the best,” Camila announces after her first bite, “I changed my mind; I’ve decided I’m saving you from the cliff now.”

Lauren just bumps against her playfully. “Don’t ever say I’m not good to you.”

Since Sofi takes a million years to eat, they don’t get back to the Cabello household for a while, but when they do, Sofi drags Camila and Lauren into the lounge. After a few moments, her parents join them, holding out a cake with the candles lit and singing _happy birthday_ to her.

Camila lets Sofi ‘help’ her blow out the candles, and has both her own slice of cake and half of Lauren’s, before she pulls her girlfriend upstairs and flops down on her bed.

“Alright, I need my PJs,” Camila announces, holding out an arm and making grabby hands at Lauren. “Give me my PJs?”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but tosses Camila her pyjamas, and the younger girl groans and stares at the ceiling. “What now?”

“I don’t want to move,” Camila complains, rolling over and sighing. “Come cuddle.”

Lauren lets out a dramatic sigh, but she’s smiling, and collapses on the bed next to Camila, curling up next to her girlfriend. “Did you have a good birthday?”

Aside from the whole freak out and the realisation that Fifth Harmony Lauren was probably here and might possibly still be, Camila nods. She’d known that on her twentieth, she wouldn’t have had the girls to celebrate with. She knew that they wouldn’t even wish her a happy birthday, so spending the day with them was more than enough to ask for.

“Yeah.” Camila murmurs. “I had a good day. Thank you for making it special.”

“Well,” Lauren smiles knowingly, pulling away from her and standing up, rifling through her bag. “It’s not over yet.”

Camila whines, making grabby hands at her girlfriend. “Lo. I need cuddles.”

Lauren turns around and holds out a neatly wrapped box. “Alright. But cuddle me with this on, okay?”

“Wait,” Camila frowns and sits up in surprise, taking the box and staring down at it, “you already gave me my present.”

She nods to the new books on her shelf, but Lauren shakes her head. “I gave you _half_ of your present. I didn’t want to give you this earlier, because I wanted your birthday to go out with one last good surprise.”

Camila turns the box over in her hands, picking at the tape. “It’s not… you haven’t spent a lot of money on me, have you? Just because you’re my girlfriend, it doesn’t mean you have to do that, since it’s only- we’ve only been together properly a week.”

“But you’ve meant so much to me for a lot longer,” Lauren points out, sending her a soft smile. “Open it.”

Camila looks at Lauren, uncertain, but the older girl nods encouragingly. Camila bites down on her bottom lip, and tears the wrapping paper off, revealing the black velvet gift box underneath. “Lauren…”

“Open it.” Lauren repeats, nudging her. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Camila opens the box, and her insides squirm happily at the necklace inside. It’s silver, with a fine chain and a small crescent moon pendant; Camila swears she sees little gems encrusted into the moon, and she knows it’s too much. She knows that Lauren has spent a lot on this, and she knows she shouldn’t accept it, but she can’t help herself. It’s beautiful.

“I- _Lauren_ ,” Camila manages to stammer out, as Lauren takes the necklace out of the box and leans forwards to put it on her. Camila hesitates. “How much did you-”

“That doesn’t matter,” Lauren answers, brushing Camila’s hair back. Lauren’s hands reach around the back of her neck and fix the clasp on the necklace. Once it’s on, she smiles and looks up at a shellshocked Camila. “You mentioned one time that the moon comforts you, that you personify it as someone who’s there for you, because it’s always a constant, and you feel like you can say anything to it. I want to be that for you. A constant, a confidant, and a protector. And most importantly, I want you to know that you can always talk to me, about anything and everything. That’s a promise I’ll always keep, because ever since we met, you’ve done the same for me. You’re my sun, Camila. You give me light and happiness, and I want nothing more than to reflect that from you. _For_ you.”

Camila’s heart feels like it could burst with happiness. She touches the moon charm, and as her fingers graze over the metal, she feels tears stinging at her eyes. This is something she’d never imagined in her wildest dreams, and she’s not sure she’s ever felt this happy before.

Camila pulls Lauren in for a hug, burying her face into her girlfriend’s shoulder, and that’s when she knows. There’s no doubt in her mind; Lauren Jauregui is her person. She’s always personified the moon as female, and Lauren is her moon. Ever since she’d woken up here, Lauren had been that single beacon of hope, that light in the darkness, and the one good thing she’d managed to get.

She knows it’ll all be taken away if she goes back.

She shakes that thought from her head, and kisses Lauren, trying to convey her happiness without words. Lauren seems to understand, because when she pulls away, she sends Camila a shy smile. “You like it?”

“I love it,” Camila confirms, threading her fingers through Lauren’s. “Dammit, Lauren, just when I thought I’d managed to make it through my birthday without getting emotional, you pull something like this.”

Lauren laughs a little. “I like keeping you on your toes.”

“Come on,” Camila shifts against the headboard of her bed and holds out her arms. “Cuddle time.”

Lauren smiles, and snuggles up to her, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. She closes her eyes, content as Camila holds her, not noticing how Camila uses one hand to touch the necklace, making sure it’s actually _there_.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Lauren speaks.

“Camz?”

“Mhm?”

“…Happy birthday, babe.”


	28. twenty seven

**_March 9 th, 2017_ **

“You’re my bus buddy.”

Camila blinks in surprise when an arm links through hers. “Um, hello to you too?”

“Hi,” Lauren replies, before reiterating, “you’re my bus buddy.”

Camila laughs. “I already thought we were sitting next to each other.”

“Oh, well,” Lauren pauses and shrugs, “good. Because I stole my little sister’s old DS and I happened to bring my own. Mario Kart battle? I really love winning and that’ll make the three-hour journey enjoyable.”

Camila shakes her head, adding an eye roll for effect. “If I have to play with you, I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Don’t count on it,” Lauren grins, “anyway, I didn’t appreciate the texts earlier.”

Camila laughs, pulling out her phone. “I think they were pretty funny.”

**_Camz (6:12PM): bet you’re so glad you’re not at work tomorrow bc of universal_ **

**_Camz (6:12PM): you’d be lookin like this hahahah_ **

**__ **

**_Camz (6:13PM): honestly that lady looks dead inside just like you at work_ **

**_Camz (6:13PM): tbh i’d be dead inside too if I had to wear that uniform_ **

**_Camz (6:14PM): me calling the fashion police to free my babygirl from her ugly uniform_ **

**__ **

**_Camz (6:15PM): why aren’t u replying this is comedy GOLD_ **

**_Camz (6:15PM): shfbidfbadbf omg did they make u pose like this for ur pic on ur employee discount card_ **

**__ **

**_Camz (6:16PM): we love a sassy hand on hip pose_ **

**_Camz (6:16PM): im gonna get u drunk and dress u up in ur work uniform and make u recreate that pic_ **

**_Camz (6:17PM): wow what’s it like to have a gf who is THIS funny_ **

**_Laur (6:17PM): I wouldn’t know. My girlfriend is the least funny person on the planet._ **

**_Camz (6:17PM): WELL LOOK WHO DECIDED TO GRACE ME WITH HER PRESENCE_ **

**_Laur (6:18PM): Definitely not the right time to be dragging me._ **

**_Camz (6:18PM): it’s never the wrong time for COMEDY_ **

**_Laur (6:18PM): It is, when we have to be at school to get on the bus at seven, and you’ve probably neglected to pack your things._ **

**_Camz (6:19PM): ……okay i see the shade there thank you lauren_ **

**_Laur (6:20PM): Go pack, loser. See you in an hour._ **

**_Camz (6:20PM): see you soon cutie :)_ **

Camila laughs at her own jokes as she scrolls through the messages. “I really _am_ the epitome of hilarious. Like, if you look up _comedian_ in the dictionary, it’s just a picture of me.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Sure, babe. Are you excited for the rides tomorrow?”

“I’m more excited about sleeping next to you tonight.” Camila smiles. “I always sleep really well with my babygirl in my arms.”

Lauren blushes and looks down at her feet, not commenting on the nickname. Instead, she decides to change the subject. “You’re wearing your necklace.”

“Duh,” Camila smiles, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “I love it. Of course I’m going to wear it.”

“That makes me happy,” Lauren comments in her baby voice, reaching out and playing with the moon charm on the necklace, “seeing you wearing it, I mean. The fact that you like it makes me smile.”

Camila’s heart practically melts and she throws an arm around Lauren’s shoulder. “You’re so fucking cute.”

Lauren smiles and squeezes Camila’s hand, but gets distracted by something else. “Hey, is that Ally?”

Camila follows Lauren’s gaze, and her face breaks out into a grin. “It is. And from what I can tell, she has cookies. Let’s get them before Dinah can.”

Lauren laughs, but lets Camila drag her over to Ally, who is getting out of her car. When Camila stops in front of her and holds her hands out, as if to say _give me cookies_ , Ally just rolls her eyes.

“Don’t I get a hello?” Ally asks, not making a move to hand over the tupperware box of cookies. “I didn’t make these just for you, Mila-”

“Weird, I suddenly went deaf and didn’t hear any of that,” Camila comments with a small smirk, “thanks for baking especially for me, your favourite person on the planet and your best friend.”

Lauren pouts. “Don’t I get anything?”

“You can maybe have a _bite_ ,” Camila considers, taking the tupperware box from Ally with a grin. “Anyway, see you, Ally.”

“Wow, I can’t believe you’d use me for my baking like this, Camila,” Ally comments as Camila walks away dramatically, before she laughs and turns back around, looping her arm through Lauren’s again. “Share those with Dinah and Normani as well.”

Camila tilts her head to the side. “Who are they? I don’t share food with people I don’t know.”

Lauren smiles a little, using her infamous puppy dog eyes. “Good thing you know _me_ , right, Camz?”

Camila stares at her, frowning. “Um… nope, don’t think I do.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Lauren rolls her eyes, but Camila just smiles and clutches the box of cookies to her chest like they’re her first born child. “For that, I’m not holding your hand on any rides.”

Camila pouts, and Ally just laughs. “Are you guys excited for the trip?”

“Mhm,” Camila bobs her head in confirmation, “I feel like I’m especially excited since I didn’t manage to get a place last year, and I was super upset about it. Even though I’m not _really_ big on rides, it’s still a day off school.”

It takes Camila a moment to notice her slip up. She’d remembered something again. As Lauren and Ally chat, she focuses on what she knows to be true. _You auditioned for X Factor when you were fifteen. You were put in a group called Fifth Harmony with Lauren, Ally, Dinah and Normani. You didn’t win, but you did get a record deal. You left the group on December 18 th, 2016 and that’s when you woke up here._

After she’s reaffirmed all of that, she lets out a breath. Those are the most basic facts; if she forgets those, she knows she’s in trouble.

“Hey, Mila,” Normani says as she stops next to her, spotting the box of cookies. “Well, you’re sharing those.”

“Like I’ve said many times, I don’t know who this _sharing_ is,” Camila announces, looking around for Dinah. “Where’s Dinah?”

“She’s giving our overnight bags to the teacher,” Normani says, nodding over to the younger girl. “Why? Do you need to talk to her?”

“No, but I _do_ need to talk to you,” Camila decides to take this opportunity, grabbing Normani by the hand and pulling her away from Ally and Lauren. Once they’re out of earshot, she nods back in Lauren’s direction. “Do you think Lauren and I were meant to be?”

Normani bursts out laughing. “I thought you wanted to talk about something _serious_.”

“This _is_ serious,” Camila pouts, rolling her eyes, “I need to know from an outside source that Lauren and I have a connection. _I_ know we do, but I need other people to know that as well. I feel like maybe other people don’t take it seriously; she still gets asked out even though it’s obvious she’s with me.”

It’s a bullshit excuse; really, it’s just Camila’s way of finding out more about Fifth Harmony Lauren’s time here.

Normani frowns a little, but seems to remember something, and she smiles. “Yeah. I think you’re meant to be. In the last couple weeks of school last year, Lauren was acting really weird. She said it was college application stress, but she was all over the place, missing shifts at work and stuff. But whatever, that’s not important. Remember that day she bumped into you and you fell?”

Camila doesn’t know how to feel when the memory comes back to her in full force.

_She’s heading to the literature classroom, already done with the school day. She can’t wait to get home and spend time with Dinah and Ally tonight; they’d planned a movie marathon, and she’d been looking forward to it all week._

_She can’t wait for a whole summer full of movie marathons and sleepovers with her two best friends. She’d also promised Shawn she’d meet up with him; after she’d tutored him in Spanish this year, they’d gotten a lot closer, and he’s the only person she’s ever gotten the courage to come out to._

_Plus, he’s the only one who knows about her crush on Lauren Jauregui, and she needs somebody to gush to._

_She smiles to herself, thinking about Lauren, when she collides into someone and falls flat on her ass. She feels the blood rushing to her cheeks in embarrassment, but when she looks up, she’s absolutely mortified._

_Lauren Jauregui, and her best friend, Normani Kordei, are stood in front of her._

_Camila scrambles backwards a little, terrified. She hasn’t interacted with Lauren since she’d awkwardly tried talking to her last year, and she’d sworn to avoid her since._

_Lauren looks at her like she’s just seen a ghost. “Camila?”_

_“You know my name? I- um,” Camila blurts out, trying to get up, but slipping over again, “I’m sorry- I- I wasn’t looking- I…”_

_Lauren stares at her in shock, and Camila stutters, before, she pushes herself up off the ground and runs past the two older girls, hot tears streaming down her cheeks, because she_ constantly _fucks up and embarrasses herself._

_In Camila’s mind, she’s completely fucking useless._

“Yeah,” Camila finally replies with an awkward laugh. The memory is scary, because it’s not hers, but Lauren’s _reaction_ to her… it had to be _Fifth Harmony Lauren_. “What about it?”

“After that, for the next couple weeks until school finished, I always caught her looking at you.” Normani says, shrugging. “Like something was making her look. Something that knew you were supposed to be hers, even if she didn’t.”

 _Something,_ Camila thinks, _or someone_?

When she spots Lucy getting out of a car, Camila turns to Normani and blurts out a quick goodbye, running over to the other girl and grabbing her by the arm. It’s the first time she’d seen Lucy in person since their argument, and while Camila knows they’re okay now, she still isn’t completely comfortable just yet.

It’s weird, because she usually wouldn’t care about something like that. But then it hits her. When she was younger, sixteen and seventeen, she was so fucking insecure and was constantly in her own head about everything. It’s something she worked so hard to get over, and suddenly it feels like everything is coming back.

“It’s her,” Camila finally gets out, and Lucy stares at her in shock. “At least, it _was_ , at one point.”

Lucy bites down on her bottom lip and looks over to Lauren, who is busy talking to Dinah and Ally. “Either she figured it out and got back, or…”

“Or she forgot everything,” Camila finishes for her, letting out a shaky breath, “I can’t do it again, Lucy. I can’t go back to being so sad and insecure. I _can’t_.”

“You wrote everything down, right?” Lucy asks, and Camila nods; she’d written down everything she could when Lauren had fallen asleep the night of her birthday. “Okay, good. If Lauren got back, then she must’ve figured something out. We need to figure out _what_.”

“I just don’t get it. How could she have been here?” Camila asks, wracking her brain. “She hadn’t acted all weird back in our universe, right? She didn’t randomly forget anything. You’d think if she’d switched universes, she’d have at least forgotten the lyrics and choreography to some songs.”

“Like I told you, you’re perfectly fine there,” Lucy points out, “at least, from my perspective, your online stuff, you were fine. Maybe we’re just running on autopilot? I mean, Lo did go through a little bit of a… like, depressive episode, I guess? Up until I woke up here. But other than that…”

“I just… don’t know,” Camila sighs and shakes her head. “None of this makes sense.”

“We’re in an _alternate universe_ ,” Lucy reminds her, “what part of that is going to make sense?”

“Good point,” Camila reluctantly agrees, looking over at Lauren, “she must’ve been so scared when she started forgetting. At least you and I have each other to like, remind us that we’re not these people. But… at least she’s happy, right?”

Lucy follows her gaze and sighs. “Yeah. That’s… that’s true. I guess the whole _not famous_ life is more for her, because one time she told me… she…”

Camila looks at Lucy, concerned. “You don’t- you don’t remember, do you?”

“I-” Lucy frowns, looking deep in thought, as if she’s trying to pull the memory from her subconscious. “I don’t…”

Camila takes her hand and squeezes it. “We’re going to be okay. We’ve just… just got to remind each other.”

She lets go of Lucy’s hand when Lauren turns around and walks towards them, smiling a little. “You two make up?”

“Yeah,” Camila answers, nodding towards the bus, “do you want to go sit down? I think they’re letting us on now.”

“Sounds good, babe,” Lauren beams at her, taking her hand, “who are you rooming with, Luc?”

Lucy just shrugs, uncaring. “I don’t know. I didn’t sign up for a specific group, so I guess they’ll just stick me wherever.”

Lauren frowns a little. “I’ll go see if we can switch to a five person room. I know you’d hate being stuck with randoms.”

Lucy shakes her head. “It’s okay, you don’t have to-”

“You don’t have a choice in the matter, sorry,” Lauren cuts in with a teasing smile, “I would’ve signed you up with us in the first place, but things weren’t great, and I didn’t think they would be for a while.”

Lauren drags Camila over to their teacher and starts explaining things, and Camila smiles a little, happy she could help fix things between Lauren and Lucy. Unfortunately for them, there aren’t any five person rooms available, but their teacher offers to put Camila and Lauren in a two-person room, and Lucy in with Dinah and Normani.

Camila smirks to herself, thankful for the privacy, _and_ thankful for the heteronormative _you have to share with the same gender_ rule.

As they get on the bus, Lauren nudges her. “Don’t think I didn’t see you smirking back there.”

“Well… now we’re going to be away from any prying eyes,” Camila points out, playing with the hem of Lauren’s shirt. “I just want you to be comfortable, because I know sleeping in a sports bra isn’t your _first_ choice. And, you know, you can’t do that around Dinah and Mani, but around your _girlfriend_ … I think that’s perfectly acceptable.”

Lauren laughs a little. “You _really_ want to see me naked, don’t you?”

Camila just smiles innocently. “You said it, not me.”

Lauren lets out a sigh in content, and rests her head on Camila’s shoulder. “You know, when I met you, I definitely didn’t think you’d be so suggestive.”

Camila smirks. “You also probably thought you could get away with topping for once in your life.”

“Shhh,” Lauren hushes her, “you can’t expose me like this in _public_. I have a badass rep to uphold and all that. I’m supposed to be the intimidating one between me and Mani.”

Camila bursts out laughing. “No offence, Lo, but Mani is way more intimidating than you. You’re a little cuddly puppy, but Normani could kill a bitch and be unbothered.”

“That’s just what she _wants_ you to think,” Lauren insists, pouting, “I am _not_ a puppy.”

“You’re literally staring at me and pouting to get what you want,” Camila points out, laughing, “face it, Laur. You’re a whipped little baby who wants nothing more than cuddles with her top.”

Lauren scowls at her. “I don’t like you anymore.”

Camila smirks. “Nope, you _like like_ me.”

“I definitely don’t,” Lauren announces, holding her hand out, “give me back that necklace. I’ll get a new girlfriend who’s actually _nice_ to me.”

Camila puts a hand over her moon necklace, protecting it from Lauren. “Now _you’re_ the mean one.”

Lauren laughs a little, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. According to my teachers, I’m _a joy_. “

“Well, I don’t know which Lauren Jauregui they’re teaching, because it’s definitely not you,” Camila shoots back, and Lauren laughs, “Maybe they’re getting you confused with someone else.”

“Wow, six months ago, you wouldn’t have _dared_ to talk to me like that,” Lauren pouts a little, before her expression turns into a smirk. “Then again, you wouldn’t have dared to _talk to me_ in any way.”

“Shut up, okay?” Camila folds her arms across her chest. “I had a crush on you, and you seemed like this total badass, an indifferent asshole who wouldn’t care less what people think. And I had a lot of anxiety, _and_ wasn’t exactly comfortable in my sexuality yet.”

Lauren’s expression softens and she presses a kiss to Camila’s cheek. “You know I was kidding, right? Besides, I would’ve been flattered if you’d told me, even though I wouldn’t have reciprocated since I was with someone.”

“Mani told me that she caught you staring at me once,” Camila comments without thinking, “you know, when you _bulldozed_ into me that one time.”

“That was during my break with Lucy…” Lauren frowns to herself, and Camila watches the gears turning in her head. “Like I said, I was kind of on autopilot during that time, but… yeah. If I think about it, it was like I was being pulled to you. I felt like I’d known you for years or something, and I mean, technically I _had_ , but I didn’t actually _know you_. I just knew _of you_. It was weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird,” Camila comments, looping her arm through Lauren’s. “Something in us knew, and something in us will always know.”

Lauren tilts her head to the side. “Have you said that before? Not to, you know, kill the romantic moment or anything.”

“Too late, romantic moment murdered,” Camila laughs, not sure how to explain herself. She’d originally written that in a birthday post for Lauren on her Instagram, and while it’s a red flag that Lauren remembers, she can easily bullshit something. “But maybe I wrote it in a song or something that you heard me humming. I don’t know.”

Lauren just hums in agreement and sighs a little, squeezing Camila’s hand. “Well, I guess I couldn’t help staring. You _are_ beautiful, after all.”

Camila is a little shocked when she feels like she doesn’t believe Lauren. While Camila had been insecure about a lot of things when she was younger, like her chubby cheeks and her crooked teeth, some of them she’d grown to accept, and other things had just gone away with age. When she’d woken up here, she’d still had her puppy fat, and felt awkward and uncomfortable in her body.

Back in her real world, she’d taken to comparing herself to the girls, looking at their assets and wishing she had them. For a long time, she’d felt inadequate compared to her flawless bandmates, and once she’d finally grown into her looks and felt comfortable, she’d woken up and had it all taken away.

Camila brushes the thoughts away and tucks Lauren’s loose hair behind her ear. “I think you’re gorgeous, too. I know you’ve had insecurities in the past about certain things, like your weight, but you literally never need to worry. You’re beautiful in any way.”

Lauren is quiet for a moment, deep in thought. “I’ve never told you about any insecurities. Was it that obvious?”

“Don’t worry, your uncaring, badass façade is fully intact,” Camila assures her, squeezing her hand. “I guess I’m just good at reading you.”

After a few moments, Lauren sends her a soft smile. “You’ve got to be, if you want to be soulmate material.”

Camila laughs, and wraps an arm around Lauren’s waist, giving her a gentle squeeze. “And just for the record… I really love your tummy. I get that a lot of girls are insecure about their tummies, but like, having a flat tummy is literally impossible, because if you did, and you leant over, your intestines would come bursting out, and nobody wants to see that.”

Lauren bursts out laughing. “Trust you to turn a cute little speech into a joke.”

“It’s not a joke though, I don’t want to see _intestines,_ Lo,” Camila rolls her eyes, her fingers grazing across Lauren’s tummy over her shirt. “But I guess I could say I love how cute and squishy you are. It fits in perfectly with your personality.”

Lauren just scoffs. “I’m a _badass_.”

“ _Sure_ you are.”

-

“Well,” Camila stretches, kicking the door shut behind her and putting the chain on. “I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for bed.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows and watches as Camila dives onto the big double bed in the centre of their hotel room. “That isn’t exactly _news._ You’re always ready for bed, Camz.”

“True,” Camila murmurs, looking up at Lauren with a mischievous grin. “But you don’t look ready… I think we need to rectify that.”

Lauren watches as her girlfriend stands up and walks over to her, still flashing her a mischievous smile, and plays with the hem of Lauren’s shirt. “Someone looks a little devious.”

Camila leans in and kisses Lauren’s jawline. “Can I take your shirt off, babygirl?”

“Wait,” Lauren stops her, and Camila pouts, but moves back respectfully, “you know I want to make every single step possible with you, Camz… but isn’t it your first time if we… I want to make that special. And a hotel room on a school trip isn’t really… what I pictured.”

“ _Aw_ , baby,” Camila kisses her cheek, a wide smile on her face, “you’re so fucking cute. Honestly, I just wanted to tease you a little.”

Camila doesn’t answer the question Lauren had laced in there, about her first time or not. Of course it is, but—

 _It isn’t_ , Camila thinks to herself, trying to wrack her brain for the memory, _right? You’ve done it before, haven’t you?_

Camila almost laughs when she thinks about it. _Of course you haven’t, idiot. You’d remember it._ Something as big as that, she’d obviously remember. So, she kisses Lauren again, and decides to be honest.

“To answer your question, it’ll be my first time,” Camila says, taking Lauren’s hand, “and I think it’s so sweet that you want to make it special for me. There’s nobody else I’d ever want to share that with, Lo.”

Lauren smiles. “Okay. I just wanted to make sure.”

“So,” Camila smirks, stepping closer to her girl and using one hand to play with the hem of her t-shirt, “let’s get this off, baby.”

Lauren lets Camila take her shirt off her, but when she goes to do the same, the younger Latina, lightly smacks her hand away. “Not yet, babygirl.”

Lauren feels the heat between her thighs at the words, biting down on her bottom lip. She knows Camila would do it if she asked to be completely dominated, the way she’s always wanted, but she’s definitely not giving her girlfriend the ammunition to tease her.

Camila tugs Lauren over to the bed and pushes her down lightly, before straddling Lauren’s waist and leaning down, kissing the older girl’s bare tummy.

“Your body is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Camila murmurs against Lauren’s skin, kissing up to her girlfriend’s neck and sucking on the sensitive pulse point. When she pulls away, she laughs a little. “That’ll leave a mark. _Good_. I want everyone to know you’re mine, since people haven’t got the message yet.”

Lauren’s breath is shaky as she feels Camila’s hands playing with the strap of her bra. “Camz…”

“You want me to take it off?” Camila asks, and Lauren nods. The younger Latina smiles and kisses Lauren’s cheek. “You’re okay with me seeing you?”

“Yeah,” Lauren mumbles, looking up at Camila with nothing but sincerity in her eyes. “I trust you.”

Camila beams, and tugs her own shirt off, tossing it across the room. She reaches behind her and fumbles with her bra clasp, before she tosses that across the room as well, suddenly a lot shyer than she felt previously.

Camila has always felt like being naked around a person is being completely vulnerable. Of course, living on a tour bus with four other girls, it wasn’t uncommon for someone to walk in on someone else, _and_ there was that time when Normani had jumped into the shower with her, but this is nothing like that. This is a million times more intimate; Lauren is seeing her because she _wants_ to see her, because she’s _Camila’s_.

It’s overwhelming, but Camila fights through the anxiety, all of her worries washing away once Lauren pulls her in for a kiss. Camila uses one hand to undo Lauren’s bra as she kisses her, and when she pulls away, she smiles.

“You’re so beautiful,” Lauren beats her to the compliment, the older girl’s hands exploring Camila’s body, “I’m so fucking lucky.”

“Me too,” Camila mumbles, testing the waters and gently touching her thumb over Lauren’s nipple. “You’re fucking gorgeous. I can’t believe you’re all mine.”

Lauren shivers under her touch. “I’ll be yours as long as you want me.”

“I don’t want you,” Camila mumbles, kissing Lauren’s chest, “I need you.”

Lauren shifts, and for a moment, Camila thinks she’s going to flip them over, to do what she’d do on the tour bus, kiss her for a warm body, not for _her_ , but then her girl rests her head on Camila’s torso with a soft sigh.

“I’m so happy,” Lauren mumbles, putting a protective arm over Camila’s bare tummy and bringing the sheets up. “You make me happy.”

Camila kisses the top of Lauren’s head. “You make me happy too.”

They lay there for a moment, completely content, and Lauren is dozing off when her girlfriend speaks. Naturally.

“So, um, not to ruin the intimacy here, but,” Camila shifts a little, her hand touching Lauren’s waist, “I kind of… need to untuck all the sheets.”

Lauren bursts out laughing, shaking her head, but there’s a smile on her face. “Of course you do. It’s cool, I need to get up and grab Nala. And, you know, brush my teeth and shower, because _fuck_ showering in the morning.”

Camila pouts a little as Lauren gets up and digs through her overnight bag for her toothbrush and her stuffed animal, because she did _not_ want their cuddle session to end. She catches the cub when Lauren tosses it onto the bed, and she watches with appreciation as her girlfriend retreats into the bathroom.

When she hears the shower turn on, she sighs a little, and once she’s kicked the sheets out from their previous, tidy, tucked in state, she grabs her own toothbrush from the bag, ignoring her pyjamas. She considers going into the bathroom now, but she wants to respect any boundaries Lauren might have, and decides to wait for her girlfriend to finish before she gets ready for bed herself.

For now, Camila is perfectly happy thinking about the intimate moment they’d shared, and how she can’t wait for more in the future.

-

**_March 10 th, 2017_ **

“Oh my god, stop talking about _Final Destination._ ”

“It’s a possibility, Dinah,” Camila insists, pouting at her best friend. “The dude controlling the ride could press the wrong button at the wrong time, and the next thing I know, I’ll end up impaled on the rollercoaster track or something.”

“Yeah, well, you might have that worry, but _keep it to yourself_ , because I don’t want to think about that shit,” Dinah tells her, moving forward a little in the queue for the ride. “You might have a weird fixation with rollercoaster accidents, but I sure don’t.”

“I watched this YouTube video about deaths on rollercoasters,” Camila comments absentmindedly, looking up at the death machine Dinah is dragging her on. “I don’t think any of them were at Universal in the video I watched, but maybe… I wonder if someone has died on this ride before.”

“Literally _why_ would you think about that?” Normani looks at her like she’s insane, before nudging Lauren. “Laur, get your girl out of here, she’s freaking me out.”

“It’s probably better that we’re here, and not at Disney,” Camila continues like she hadn’t heard, because admittedly, while she _is_ scared, it’s funny to freak her friends out. “There’ve been so many deaths at Disney, but technically nobody has actually _died_ there. Even if they died on site, they take them to the hospital and pronounce them dead there.”

“That sounds like a conspiracy more than anything,” Lucy points out, and Camila considers this, shrugging. “But judging by all the stuff you’re saying… I really want to see your YouTube watch history.”

“Yeah, it’s mostly just documentaries about death and conspiracies.” Camila comments, before she trails off and frowns. “I really don’t know what that says about me as a person.”

Dinah rolls her eyes. “It says you’re a nutcase, but I knew that already.”

Lauren, who had been watching the entire exchange with an amused smile, finally decides to pitch in. “Are you done thinking about freaky accidents, because I think we’re on next?”

Camila looks over at the rollercoaster carriage that’s pulling into the room they’re in and feels the nerves building in her tummy. “Once we’re on it and we probably don’t die, I think I’ll be fine. But I can tell you some creepy Disney conspiracies after? Maybe when we get lunch.”

Lauren smiles slightly, taking Camila’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Alright, Camz. Whatever you want.”

“You’re sitting next to me, right?” Camila asks as the gates in front of them open and they’re ushered forwards. “Can I be between you and Dinah?”

“Uh, hell no, I’m not going on with you, you’ve jinxed it,” Dinah scoffs, but flashes her a teasing grin as she goes behind them with Normani, next to two other girls from their class.

Camila, not wanting to sit next to a random, grabs Lucy and pulls her down next to her. Once she’s got her harness down, she grabs both Lauren and Lucy’s hand and announces, “If this ride crashes, take one of them instead of me.”

Lauren chokes. “ _Camz_ , that’s brutal.”

“I’m just saying, I need to make it in music before I die.” Camila announces, quickly reminding herself that she’s already _made it_. “And no offence, Laur, but you want to be a politician, and politicians are evil.”

“But-” Lauren pouts as the guy checks their harnesses, “you like me. You’d vote for me anyway.”

Camila lets out a reluctant sigh, but smiles. “Yeah, I guess. Lucy, sorry, but I guess you gotta go down with the ship.”

Lucy snorts. “I’d take you with me, Cabello. Especially considering the death grip you have on my hand right now.”

Camila smiles innocently. “I just need the moral support.”

Lauren squeezes her other hand. “I’ll look after you, Camzi. Always.”

Before Camila has a chance to reply, the ride jolts to a start, and all of Camila’s anxiety bubbles to the surface. She keeps her supposed _death grip_ on both Lucy and Lauren’s hands, squeezing her eyes shut as they start climbing the hill. She knows it’s going to shoot them off into the first loop, but she screams anyway, her grip on Lauren’s hand tightening even more.

But, by the second loop, her screams aren’t ones of _oh my god, I’m going to die_ anymore, and they’re more _holy shit, this is fun_. By the time the ride pulls in at the end, and the harnesses are unlocked, Camila jumps up with a grin. “Let’s go again!”

“You changed your tune fast,” Lucy comments, flexing her hand and wincing a little. Camila cringes too, when she sees the red marks she’d left. “Thanks for breaking my hand, though.”

Lauren laughs a little, trying to be subtle about rubbing her own hand. “Why don’t we go on the _Jurassic Park_ log flume? That’s always a good time.”

“Oh my god, can we get those weird plastic bags to wear and take dumb pictures?” Camila laughs at the mental image, running over to Dinah and announcing their next ride. “Cheechee, you have to sit with me or I’ll replace you as my best friend.”

Dinah rolls her eyes. “Girl, you could never.”

After a few moments, Camila smiles and pulls her in for a hug. “Yeah, you’re right. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dinah answers, but when Camila jumps on her for the koala hug, she staggers a little. “Oh my god, you’re heavy.”

Camila pouts. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you _not_ to call girls heavy? Some people may take that the wrong way.”

“Shut up, I can call you whatever I want,” Dinah nudges her, “you’re my best friend. I _have_ to be mean to you. Anyway… how are _things_?”

Camila knows what Dinah is hinting at, and she sighs a little, shrugging. “Same old. Still stuck here. But at least… at least I have you guys. And I’ve finally managed to fix things with Lauren and be _with_ her, you know?”

“Aren’t you worried that it’ll hurt?” Dinah asks, and Camila frowns a little. “When you go back and you’re not with Lauren or friends with any of us… _them_.”

Camila’s heart sinks; she always seems to forget about that minor detail. Spending time with the girls like this makes her forget that things are supposed to be bad, that the girls don’t want anything to do with her anymore.

“I know it’ll hurt,” Camila finally replies, “but if I get some time with her… with all of you… maybe the hurt will be worth it.”

“Hey, babe,” when Camila feels someone’s hand in hers, she turns and smiles at Lauren, “are you okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking,” Camila shrugs, looping arms with Dinah and Lauren and plastering on a smile. “But I’m okay. I’ve got my two favourite girls, a day off school, _and_ I’m getting pizza for lunch to celebrate.”

Lauren pulls a face. “Just don’t puke it up on me on a ride.”

“Damn, and here’s me, trying to be nice,” Camila rolls her eyes. “Bitch.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Not wanting your vomit all over me makes me a bitch? Wow, okay.”

Dinah laughs. “Hate to break it to you, Walz, but I’m with Lauren.”

“You’re…. _you’re cheating on me with my best friend_?” Camila questions dramatically, gasping. “I can’t believe you guys would _canoodle_ behind my back.”

Dinah snorts, and when Camila brightens, because she’d actually made Dinah laugh at one of her jokes, the younger girl clarifies. “Oh, no, I wasn’t laughing at you, I was laughing at _canoodle_.”

Camila scowls. “Of course you were.”

“Hey,” Lauren nudges her comfortingly, “I laughed.”

“That doesn’t count, you laugh at all my jokes,” Camila remarks bitterly, before she points at Dinah with a scowl. “I’ll get you one day, China.”

Dinah shakes her head. “Yeah, don’t count on it, Walz.”

“Anyway, Camz, if you want to go on the Jurassic Park ride, we should do that now,” Lauren says, “then we can use lunchtime to dry off.”

“Smart move, Jauregui,” Camila kisses Lauren’s cheek, “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

“And that reason _isn’t_ my ass?” Lauren blinks in surprise. “Wow, this whole time, I thought you only liked me for the Cuban booty.”

“I mean, not going to lie, it was a _big_ appeal in my freshman year,” Camila laughs to herself, “you know, in my head, I called you _girl with nice ass_ until I learned your actual name.”

Dinah looks at her, as if she’s not sure whether Camila had made that up, or actually remembered something, and Camila is a little embarrassed to admit that it’s _not that false_.

“Okay, first, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were crushing on this loser for two years,” Dinah says, nodding over at Lauren, who looks slightly affronted by the affectionate _loser_. “Second, you didn’t tell me you were bi or whatever _first_ , which is like, totally a best friend foul, and third, _girl with nice ass? Really_? That should’ve been _my_ nickname.”

Camila snorts. “Okay, well, the first thing couldn’t have been announced without the second thing, which, uh, I’m kind of the gayest person on the planet, so… that’s that. But also, you’re _straight_ , so you could’ve hated me for it. And, uh…” Camila’s gaze flicks downwards, before she smirks. “Sorry, but Cuban booty outsold.”

Lauren smiles triumphantly. “Thanks, nugget. I’ll go get us some those weird plastic bag coats for the flume ride. Be right back.”

Lauren pulls her in for a kiss, before she heads off, and Dinah watches her go with a frown. “You’re remembering more stuff.”

“I know,” Camila sighs, “but I don’t think I’ve forgotten anything except the whole _which place we came,_ but Lucy reminded me about that, so that’s a good sign.”

Dinah frowns. “If you’d forgotten, you wouldn’t _know_ about it, would you?”

Dinah’s words strike fear into her heart, but she pushes them aside and reaffirms her situation in her head. _You auditioned for X Factor when you were fifteen. You got put in Fifth Harmony. You didn’t win, you came_ third _, and you got a record deal. You left the group on December 18 th, 2016, but then you woke up here._

“I think I’m fine,” Camila announces, watching Lauren, “it’s just Lauren I’m worried about. You know, in case the other one is still in there somewhere. If she comes back, things could be ruined, because that Lauren has never wanted me and she never will. This one… she’s different.”

Dinah watches her. “Do you love her?”

“Honestly? I think I’ve loved her since I was fifteen.” Camila admits, sighing a little. “She just never loved me back.”

“You haven’t known this one since you were fifteen.” Dinah points out, and Camila ignores that. “Besides… if the other one is in there somewhere, wouldn’t that affect this one’s actions in some way? Like… wouldn’t she have different feelings? If the other one is in there, clearly she feels something for you too.”

Camila frowns, shaking her head. “She hurt me, and part of that was her _telling_ me that she’s not in love with me. That we weren’t together and we never would be. _She doesn’t want me_ , Dinah. But this one does.”

“Oh my god, Camila, you’re such a fucking idiot,” Dinah announces, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. “She told me herself that she did.”

Camila stares at Dinah in shock, unable to believe the words that had come out of her mouth. _“What the fuck did you just say?”_

Dinah sighs and runs a hand through her hair, pulling Camila away from a busy area and behind a block of bathrooms. “Promise me you won’t get mad?”

“I- you- I’m not-” Camila stammers, not sure how to take this situation, her mind running a thousand miles a minute. “You- you’re-”

“Yeah,” Dinah admits biting down on her bottom lip, “and… and I’ve been here before.”

“You- you’ve been…” Camila frowns, still completely overwhelmed by everything that’s being thrown at her. “You’re…”

Dinah looks at her, concerned. “I broke you, didn’t I?”

“Uh-huh,” is all Camila manages to get out, before she slumps against a wall and stares over at a nearby rollercoaster. “When?”

“Well, I mean… you know how you… you woke up here and you didn’t know anything?” Dinah asks, sitting down next to her. “It wasn’t like that. Or, it was, the first time; I woke up and I was like _where the hell am I_. But this time, it was like I suddenly snapped back into it, remembering coming here and forgetting everything, living like some other person and remembering this other Dinah’s _whole life_. But I remembered Fifth Harmony, too. _Everything._ It’s like… I’m me but I’m not me at the same time. I left on your birthday. Your _twentieth_ birthday. But when I woke up here… the first time, it was May 11 th, 2016. Second time, it was New Year’s Day. You were telling me about how Lauren had kissed you, how you’d talked things over, and you were bitching about the other one…”

Camila stares down at her feet. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you’d be mad…” Dinah murmurs, “I didn’t want to lose you again.”

“DJ…” Camila shuffles over to her best friend, her _real_ best friend, her _soulmate_ , and buries her face in her shoulder. “You could never lose me.”

“I have,” Dinah mutters, shaking her head, “you completely cut yourself off from all of us. From me. And I’ve seen you in videos… you’re almost like, not human. Like, you are, but there’s something off about you. It _is_ like you’re running on autopilot.”

“I can’t believe… you remember everything?” Camila asks, needing to know everything she possibly can. “From here _and_ there?”

“Yeah.” Dinah nods, sighing a little. “That’s why I _think_ I’m me. You and Lucy both got here and didn’t know anything, which was the same the first time for me. Now I woke up and it was like I was _both_.”

“Lauren-” Camila thinks, remembering what Dinah had said. “You’re- she’s—is she okay? And Mani, and Ally?”

“They’re okay,” Dinah assures her, squeezing her hand. “I just… don’t be too hard on our Lauren, okay? She’s been scared for a long time, and she really misses you. I know she does. And like I said… she told me that she wished she’d done things differently with you. And if she’s somewhere inside this one… maybe that’s shining through.”

“Yeah,” Camila mumbles, wiping her eyes. “Maybe. I just… I can’t believe you’re here and you don’t…”

When Camila trails off Dinah tilts her head to the side and frowns. “Don’t what?”

“Hate me,” Camila mumbles, “you don’t hate me for leaving.”

“Walz, I told you I’d always be there for you. _No matter what you say, no matter what you do_ ,” Dinah teases her with the lyrics, “I’ll admit… I blamed you for a while. But when I got here the second time, I realised that you weren’t… you weren’t _there_. You didn’t just _stop_ caring.”

“Dinah,” Camila throws herself on her best friend in a hug, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Walz,” Dinah assures her, and it means so much more knowing that it’s _her_ Dinah. “Come on. Lo’s probably wondering where we are.”

“Alright, yeah,” Camila nods, and lets Dinah help her up, before she realises something. “We need to talk to Lucy about this. She’ll want to know.”

Dinah nods. “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll find her at lunch, okay?”

Camila just smiles, and when she takes her best friend’s hand, she knows she never wants to let go.


	29. twenty eight

**_March 18 th, 2017_ **

“Wow, Lo, you never told me you had a bedwetting problem.”

Lauren rolls her eyes so hard they almost pop out of her skull, and she turns around to send Camila a teasing smirk, pushing another packet of pull ups onto the shelf. “You know, the only reason I’m restocking these is because someone came in and bought them in bulk. I’m guessing it was your mom, saving you the embarrassment of coming in yourself.”

Camila claps a hand to her chest and lets out a dramatic gasp. “ _Lauren_! How could you say such a thing to your amazing and beautiful girlfriend?”

“Drag me, I’ll drag you back,” Lauren shrugs, checking her watch and figuring she only has another half hour left or something if Camila is here. She frowns when she notices the time; six thirty. Thirty minutes before opening time. “Um, you realise the store isn’t open, right?”

Camila shrugs nonchalantly. “The doors were unlocked.”

“But the store is closed,” Lauren points out, rolling her eyes again, “you’re going to get kicked out. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up getting me fired one of these days.”

“That’s the plan, babe,” Camila smirks, “I’m saving you from your ugly uniform.”

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Lauren mutters to herself, cutting open another box, “It’s not that bad.”

“Yeah, tell that to the vest,” Camila snorts, tracing over the obnoxious smiley face and _I’m happy to help_ plastered across her girlfriend’s back. “Why do I feel like you’re really _not_ happy to help?”

“You wouldn’t want to deal with customers either, if you’d been up since seven last night.” Lauren points out, before another question pops into her head. “Why are _you_ here, anyway? Your neighbours can’t have been drilling again.”

Camila casually shrugs. “I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep, and I knew you were working, so I figured I’d show up, spend time doing my favourite thing; mocking your uniform, and then treat my hardworking babygirl to breakfast once she’s finished. And before you say it; _yeah_ , I know, I’m pretty amazing.”

“The breakfast sounds nice, but the rest of it, not so much,” Lauren comments, grabbing a stool and standing on it to reach the top shelf. “I don’t see why you’re so _against_ my uniform, though. It’s still not as bad as that one tour outfit where my tummy was sticking out a lot. I hated that.”

Lauren doesn’t even think about the words when they come out of her mouth, and she has a weird image of being on a stage, with Camila, Normani, Ally and Dinah, all of them in white. She frowns, shaking the thought from her head and pushing another packet of pull-ups onto the shelf.

“Sorry, I don’t even know what I’m talking about,” Lauren sighs, focusing on her work. “Sometimes it’s like… I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, because you’ll think I’m insane, but it’s like I remember things that didn’t happen. It’s really starting to worry me, because that’s got to be some kind of like… mental health issue. Or something.”

Camila stares at her, still in shock over the words, shaking her head. “Maybe it did happen.”

“Camila,” Lauren rolls her eyes, brushing it off the way she always does. “I’m sure it’s just sleep deprivation from working shitty hours.”

“Tell me more,” Camila practically orders her, “about the things you remember. That didn’t happen.”

“I don’t know, it always fades after a while,” Lauren shrugs, sighing, “it’s happened pretty much ever since I had that really bad few months last year. Sometimes I see people I don’t know, and I feel like I _do_ know them. It’s weird. You probably think I’m a psycho.”

“I don’t,” Camila squeezes her shoulder comfortingly, “I believe you. Because… I mean, it happens to me, too.”

“Wait, what?” Lauren looks up in surprise, almost dropping the box she’s holding. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll remember things that didn’t happen to me.” Camila says, murmuring something else that Lauren doesn’t catch. “So… instead of you being a psycho, maybe it just happens to everyone on occasion, and nobody talks about it because they think it makes them crazy. Maybe it’s just… the human mind tapping into things we can’t even comprehend. Like… alternate universes and stuff.”

Lauren considers this for a moment, and she smiles a little. That makes perfect sense. “Yeah. I guess our minds _are_ pretty complex.”

“Exactly,” Camila smiles, pulling Lauren off the stool for a moment and into a kiss. “Don’t worry about it, okay, baby?”

“Okay,” Lauren agrees, pulling Camila in for another gentle kiss. Then, she nods in the general direction of the store’s entrance. “Now, get out of here. Come back when we open.”

Camila snorts. “Cute, but you can’t tell me what to do.”

Lauren sighs dramatically. “Alright, but I’m blaming you if my manager yells at me.”

“I guess I can handle that,” Camila smiles a little, nodding at the boxes in Lauren’s trolley. “Can I help you?”

“You won’t know where anything goes, loser,” Lauren states the obvious, and Camila laughs in agreement. “But feel free to entertain me while I work. I guess you being here _also_ makes it look like you’re a customer asking me a question, so _actual_ customers won’t bother me.”

“It’s the perfect plan,” Camila grins, as Lauren kicks the stool away and grabs the trolley, heading towards a different aisle. “Where are we going now?”

Lauren looks through her items and shrugs. “Either to the pet food or the cheese.”

Camila hums in thought. “Pet food sounds interesting.”

“Alright,” Lauren smiles a little, pulling her trolley along. Camila follows, humming happily, and Lauren is completely overwhelmed by Camila’s beauty. “So, you’re treating me to breakfast?”

“Mhm,” Camila nods, “we could find somewhere cute, but we could _also_ go to McDonalds and buy up their entire hash brown supply.”

Lauren laughs. “I feel like that’s your first choice.”

“Yeah, but I want to treat you, so you can pick,” Camila announces, her eyes widening when Lauren pulls one of the 10kg bags of dog food from the trolley and puts in on the shelf. “Alright, that’d kill me. The most lifting I do is lifting food to my mouth.”

Lauren chuckles at Camila’s joke, shrugging a little. “Sometimes it’s hard on my back, but I’ll just have a bubble bath tonight to make myself feel better.”

Camila pouts a little, shaking her head. “Nope. I just had a great idea. I’m going to give you a backrub.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “Do you even know _how_ to-”

“Yeah, I rub your back, obviously,” Camila rolls her eyes, “it can’t be that hard. It’s not like I’m going to pull a Monica, where she gives Chandler really bad back rubs.”

“You know, you really need to stop with the _Friends_ references,” Lauren laughs a little, stocking the last big bag and cutting open a box of dog treats. “Sometimes I feel like I want a dog.”

“Yeah?” Camila watches as Lauren starts stacking the treats, “get one, then. I mean, you’re responsible and stuff.”

“Yeah, but I’ll also be off at college in September,” Lauren reminds her, and Camila seems to deflate. Lauren knows it upsets Camila to think about that, and it upsets her too, but she’s really looking forward to showing her girlfriend off to all of her new college friends. “I guess if it was a family dog it wouldn’t be so bad, but my mom would never agree.”

Camila just sighs, clearly still stuck on the college thing. “My dad made me pick out a few places and send applications for colleges. Even though I don’t want to go.”

“Stay here under the guise of a gap year,” Lauren suggests, even if she’d had a few daydreams about Camila coming to Columbia as well. “Use that time to work on your music and post some stuff online. And, I mean, maybe you could do that at college, too. I know you said doing music for a grade would make you hate it, but if you picked something else and worked on your music… if everything worked out, you could drop out.”

“But if everything didn’t, I’d be stuck somewhere I don’t want to be,” Camila counters, sighing and murmuring something else under her breath. “Suddenly the idea of me having a career in music… it just seems impossible.”

Lauren sends her a comforting smile. “You never know until you try.”

-

“You’re okay?”

“Mhm,” Lauren mumbles into the pillow, closing her eyes, “you’re good at that.”

“Told you I wouldn’t pull a Monica,” Camila smiles, gently massaging Lauren’s lower back. “You know, my hands are good at other things, too.”

Camila has been trying to play it cool the past week; she’d talked to Dinah about everything, and even _with_ the younger girl’s insight, they’re no closer to figuring out how to get back. At first, Camila had held out hope; since Dinah had been here twice, maybe she’d figured it out and gotten back.

Turns out, it’s more like the Lauren situation; Dinah had been here, forgotten everything about Fifth Harmony, but _somehow_ , she’d remembered. She’d remembered _both_ lives.

Lauren laughs a little, and pulls Camila out of her thoughts, but shakes her head. “I wouldn’t know, would I? But please, never stop doing this. I might show up at your house every day after work and demand a backrub.”

Camila smiles, running her fingers over Lauren’s skin. “You know, for someone who constantly uses _I’m Cuban_ as an excuse for everything, you’re really fucking pale. Like a little vampire. Please don’t tell me you sparkle in the sunlight.”

Lauren opens her mouth, probably to send a sarcastic response Camila’s way, but the younger Latina rubs just the right spot on her back, and Lauren whimpers involuntarily. Camila smirks, but Lauren just flushes embarrassedly. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologise,” Camila murmurs, leaning down and kissing Lauren’s temple, before whispering in her ear, “I like making you moan.”

“And with that, I’m running a bubble bath,” Lauren announces, but Camila shakes her head and straddles Lauren’s waist again, rubbing her back. “Camz, let me up.”

“You don’t have to run a bubble bath,” Camila says, making no move to get up, “I want to give you a backrub to make you feel better. I know I tease you and joke a lot, but I don’t want to creep you out or be too suggestive. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable, Lo.”

“You didn’t,” Lauren shuffles a little, so Camila gets off her, and the older girl sits up, stretching. Camila appreciates the sight in front of her; after not much persuasion, Camila had managed to convince Lauren that a backrub would be better without a shirt _or_ bra on. “I know you were joking, and it’s not like I don’t want the same things as you. But I _do_ want a nice, warm bath, and then we can snuggle and watch a movie or something. Okay?”

After a few moments, Camila nods. “Can I come in with you?”

Lauren frowns. “And share the bath?”

“Yeah,” Camila smiles, standing up and stretching, “It’d be cute and romantic, _and_ a step of intimacy. We _are_ trying to be more intimate, right?”

“Yeah,” Lauren agrees, before she smiles and nods, “okay, yeah. I like the sound of a romantic bubble bath. Wash my hair for me?”

“Damn, I really _am_ treating you like a princess,” Camila comments, following Lauren into the bathroom, “first I give you a backrub, now you want me to be your personal hair stylist. Next thing you know, I’ll be rolling out the red carpet everywhere you walk.”

Lauren laughs a little. “Well, I wouldn’t be _opposed_ to that.”

“Of course you wouldn’t, babygirl,” Camila rolls her eyes, but she smiles and kisses Lauren’s cheek, leaning forwards to put the plug in the bath and turn the taps on. “Next time we do this, you should buy some rose petals or something.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “I know you meant that to be romantic, but bathing in wet rose petals seems a little gross.”

Camila thinks about it for a moment, then laughs. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess bubbles will be fine.”

Lauren makes the bubble bath, making sure to add some bath salts she’d received for Christmas from a miscellaneous family member, because this is pretty much the only time she’ll ever use them. She tests the water, making sure it’s hot enough, but not too hot, before she smiles and turns to Camila.

“Alright, that’s done,” Lauren stretches, and goes to take her pants off. Camila stops her, shaking her head. “Yes, Camz?”

“Can I undress you?” Camila asks, before tilting her head to the side and laughing. “Well, you know, at least do the _rest_.”

“First,” Lauren smirks, pulling Camila’s shirt off her. “You’ve got to catch up to me.”

Camila laughs as Lauren takes her bra off. “Aw, baby, you trying to be dominant is so cute.”

Lauren blushes, ignoring the squirming in her tummy in favour of rolling her eyes. “Shut up.”

“You don’t _really_ want me to shut up, do you, princess?” Camila pouts, tucking Lauren’s loose hair behind her ear, before her fingers graze her girl’s jawline. “No, no, you wouldn’t want that. But I _do_ think you want to get into the bath and let me take care of you. Would you like that?”

Lauren’s stomach flips, and she nods. “Yeah. I- yeah.”

“You’re going to let me undress you?” Camila asks, and Lauren drags her teeth across her bottom lip, before nodding again. Camila smiles. “Good girl.”

Lauren whines a little at the effect the words have on her, and when Camila toys with the hem of her sweatpants, Lauren tries to be subtle about clenching her thighs together. “Camz…”

Camila smirks, pulling Lauren’s sweatpants down, and watching her step out of them. “Damn, we haven’t gone near the bath yet, and you’re already wet.”

Lauren blushes, looking anywhere but Camila as the younger Latina’s fingers trace over her tummy. “Camila…”

“You’re beautiful in sweatpants _and_ out of them.” Camila comments, pulling her in for a kiss, her hands wandering down to the hem of Lauren’s panties. “Can I take these off, babygirl? We need to get in the bath.”

Lauren nods, and Camila takes her panties off, before pulling her own pyjama shorts and underwear off and settling down in the bathtub like she hadn’t just been _seducing_ Lauren. She smiles up at Lauren innocently, and the older Latina stares at her in complete shock.

“How do you- why do you-” Lauren splutters, looking totally baffled, “why do you do things like that?”

Again, Camila just sends her an innocent smile. “What?”

Lauren sighs and gets in the bath, sitting between Camila’s legs and leaning back, her stomach flipping when she feels Camila’s arms around her waist. “You love getting me hot and bothered, don’t you?”

“Mhm,” Camila grins, “how could you tell? Anyway, babe, it’s not like I can do anything _more_ than make you hot and bothered, since you want to _make it special_ and all.”

“It’s your first time, it has to be special,” Lauren insists, because she wants Camila to be able to share that with someone who cares about her, and wants it to be perfect. “You deserve the perfect first time, and I’m so honoured that you want me to be the person you’d share it with.”

“Damn, let’s go back in time and tell little freshman year Camila that she’ll be topping _the_ Lauren Jauregui when she’s seventeen,” Camila laughs to herself, and when Lauren rolls her eyes, Camila nudges her forwards. “Come on, let me wash your hair.”

Lauren does a little bit; she gets her hair wet, but sits back and lets out a relaxed sigh once Camila massages shampoo into her scalp. “You really _are_ into making girls feel like princesses.”

“Not girls,” Camila corrects her, using one hand to give Lauren an affectionate squeeze around the middle. “Just you.”

Lauren blushes, her tummy squirming. “You’re amazing.”

“I know,” Camila grins, before she squeezes Lauren again and smiles. “You are too, babygirl.”

Lauren closes her eyes as Camila starts washing the shampoo out of her hair, and sighs in contentment. “I’m really happy, Camz. You’ve really… I don’t know, you walked into my life and turned everything upside down in the best way.”

“Well, thank you, baby,” Camila smiles, running conditioner through Lauren’s hair. “I’m glad I can make you happy.”

Lauren sighs happily. “Can I take you out soon?”

Camila hums. “On a date or with a rifle? Because both is fine.”

Lauren laughs, shaking her head. “On a date, obviously. Where you let _me_ treat _you_ like a princess.”

“Alright, I can go for that.” Camila agrees easily, rubbing conditioner into the ends of Lauren’s hair. “Are you glad that you cut your hair?”

Lauren hums in thought. “Yeah. Sometimes I miss my long hair, but it’s easier to manage this way. Takes less time to dry, too.”

“I love how messy it gets. It’s honestly hot,” Camila comments, deciding to leave the conditioner in for a moment and quickly wash her own hair. “It gives me, like, badass, girl in a rock band vibes.”

Lauren grins. “You just admitted I’m a badass. Thanks for agreeing with me.”

“Um, actually, I called your _haircut_ badass,” Camila corrects her, “ _you’re_ still a little puppy.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but doesn’t argue, because she knows it’s true. She’d never _admit_ that, though. “Thank you for taking care of me today. Sometimes work takes its toll.”

“No problem, princess,” Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s cheek. “I just want to make you feel good. In any sense of the word. If I can ever help out with anything, just let me know.”

“Well,” Lauren smiles to herself as Camila starts washing the conditioner out of her hair, “you _could_ stop making fun of my work uniform.”

Camila winces. “Sorry, baby, but that’s the one thing that’s off the table. I can’t _not_ make fun of it. It’s so ugly, it’s practically _begging_ to be mocked.”

Lauren pouts. “But you’re supposed to think I’m sexy in anything.”

Camila looks a little conflicted, but seems to come to a conclusion and smiles to herself. “ _You’re_ sexy. The uniform isn’t. Though, I’ll admit, I have a little bit of a soft spot for ponytail Lauren.”

Lauren smiles; she knows it’s the best she’s going to get. “Alright then. I’ll take that as a win. Have you almost got the conditioner out? I want to dry my hair so we can get comfy and cuddle.”

“Mhm, give me a few seconds,” Camila says, gently washing the conditioner out. “Can I sleep in your old softball jersey?”

“Doesn’t seem fair that you get to cover up when you’re practically _forcing me_ to sleep shirtless,” Lauren teases her, laughing, “Kidding. Yeah, you can wear it.”

“I wish you still played, so I could wear your jersey in support at a game or something,” Camila daydreams, smiling, “Seeing your name across my back, everyone would know I’m yours.”

Lauren shrugs. “I quit last year to focus on my grades. I would’ve gone back this year, but I wasn’t sure about it, if I’d be able to deal with all the practices as well as my workload in school _and_ my job, so I didn’t bother. Wouldn’t be much point attempting to rejoin before I graduate, since the season has already started and they’ve been practicing since September. Would be cool to boss people around again, though.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “You were captain?”

“Mhm,” Lauren smiles proudly, remembering how happy her parents had been when she’d told them; she’d been the first sophomore in twenty years to be promoted to captain status on a girls’ sports team. “It was a pretty big catharsis to boss everyone around, and it was always amazing when my strategies worked out in actual games. We won the championship twice, but they didn’t win last year. I guess they couldn’t handle not having me around to lead them to an inevitable victory.”

Camila laughs. “Wow, so humble.”

“It’s not like I’m not telling the truth,” Lauren shrugs, flashing a cocky smirk. “I can’t help that I’m amazing.”

Expecting Camila to make a teasing, sarcastic reply, or put her in her place, Lauren is taken aback by her actual response.

“I guess I can’t argue with that,” Camila smiles, stretching, “come on, loser. Let’s get dry before we go all pruney. Even though it’ll be a perfect snapshot of us when we’re old and grey and inevitably still doing cute romantic stuff like this, I don’t particularly want wrinkles at seventeen.”

While Camila had hidden the sentiment underneath a joke, Lauren can’t help but pick up on it, and she feels her heart warm. “You’d really want to be stuck with me when I’m all withered away?”

“Lauren,” Camila just smiles, “I’d stay with you to the end of infinity.”

Again, Lauren’s stomach squirms happily. “You know, Camz… I think I just might be okay with that.”


	30. twenty nine

**_March 29 th, 2017_ **

Camila is sorting through her locker, grabbing the books she’ll need, and thinking about texting Lauren to find out where she is, when she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist and give her a soft squeeze around the middle. A body presses flush against hers, and Camila smiles when she catches Lauren’s familiar coconut scent, as her girlfriend rests her chin on Camila’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Camila puts one hand on top of Lauren’s and uses the other to close her locker. She turns around, going to pull her girlfriend into a kiss, but stops when she actually _looks_ at Lauren. “Um… who are you and what did you do to my girlfriend?”

Lauren laughs awkwardly, and shrugs. “Ask Normani.”

After looking Lauren over, Camila laughs a little. Her hair is parted to the side, and clipped out of her face, and she’s looking at Camila through a pair of fake glasses. She’s wearing a pastel pink, frilly dress, and it’s so unlike Lauren that Camila immediately pulls out her phone and snaps a photo.

“Hey, no, don’t-” Lauren pouts, and Camila takes another photograph. “Do you really need this documented?”

“Uh, _yeah_ , especially because it looks like the last thing you’d want on camera,” Camila snorts, playing with one of the frills on Lauren’s dress. “Well… even though I love the band tees and skinny jeans, as your _girlfriend,_ I guess I’ve got to support you in your sudden new fashion choices.”

“It’s not- _get off_ ,” Lauren smacks her hand away when Camila plays with the bottom of the dress, “Mani’s got this play she’s doing for her drama class, and she asked me to help out, and decided to make me play this character.”

When Lauren gestures over herself, Camila laughs again, before she reaches out and taps Lauren’s nose ring. “If you want this performance to be believable, maybe you should consider taking your nose ring out. I doubt a girl who dresses like she’s still six would get a nose piercing.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “I’m taking it out for the actual _performance_. Not _now_ , I don’t want to risk it closing up.”

“Well, even though you look _nothing_ like yourself, I think it’s adorable.” Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s cheek. “If this doesn’t completely expose you as the bottom you really are, though… I’ll be surprised.”

“Camz,” Lauren whines, “don’t be mean to me.”

“Not being mean, baby, just stating facts,” Camila teases her, before she takes Lauren’s hand and walks her down the corridor. She looks Lauren over again, unable to shake the feeling that she’s seen her girlfriend like this before, but she laughs it off, because Lauren would never wear something like this without a reason. “Oh my god, I have an idea.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “What’s your idea?”

Camila just tugs Lauren down the corridor excitedly, stopping in front of her girlfriend’s locker. “Open it.”

Lauren frowns a little at the order, but puts in her combo and opens her locker, and Camila grins when the thing she wants is in there. “Wait, what-”

Camila ignores her, pulling Lauren’s leather jacket on and grinning to herself. “Now _I’m_ clearly the badass.”

“You know, the only reason I’m letting you wear that is because I think you look cute in my clothes,” Lauren tells her, “not for any other reason.”

“Oh, so it’s _not_ because you want a bad girl to come and put you in your place?” Camila comments, smirking when Lauren blushes and looks down at her feet. “Okay then.”

“Hey, Camilla, looking good.”

Camila frowns at the voice, and when she sees Austin Mahone, unapologetically staring at her ass, she snorts. “My eyes are up here, asshole. But don’t bother, I’m not interested.”

Austin smirks a little, leaning against his locker. “Seemed like you were interested last year, when you tried asking me out and failed _hilariously_ by falling on your face.”

Camila cringes at the memory, more so at her other self than at the fact she _remembers_. Dinah remembers both, so she’s trying not to freak; she could just end up remembering both, too.

“You know, you must have some kind of magic power. I didn’t even have to _kiss_ you to realise how extremely gay I am. Just had to look at you for about ten seconds. You obviously have a talent for turning girls gay.” Camila muses, humming in thought. “No wonder you’re so repulsive. It’s just like, your _one earthly purpose_ or something; helping girls realise how gross boys are.”

Lauren snickers as Austin turns red and stomps away, embarrassed. Instead of teasing her, though, Lauren smiles proudly and squeezes her hand. “I love how confident you’ve gotten in the past year. I’m so proud of you for realising how amazing you are and not giving a fuck.”

“Thank you, babygirl. I think it’s mostly because I’m wearing this jacket and I feel a lot cooler than I actually am,” Camila smiles, pulling her in for a quick kiss. It’d actually taken her years to get to the point she’s at now; when she was actually seventeen, she was still struggling with her confidence and insecurities. “It is pretty funny that _I’m_ the one who just got hit on, though. You know, since people are always asking little miss popular Lauren out.”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “It’s not like I’m going to say yes to any of them.”

“Well, duh,” Camila laughs, “but still, you’d think people would’ve gotten the message by now. You tell people you’re with me, right? And they never tried asking you out when you were with Lucy. Sometimes, I feel like people don’t take me seriously.”

Lauren laughs. “You don’t take _yourself_ seriously most of the time.”

“Yeah, but you know what I mean,” Camila sighs, pulling the sleeves of Lauren’s leather jacket down. “It’s like they don’t think I’m legit. Like, because I’m _me_ , they still have the right to ask you out, because obviously super popular badass ex-softball star Lauren Jauregui wouldn’t be dating some random loser who nobody even _knows_.”

“You shouldn’t care what other people who _you_ don’t even know have to say about _our_ relationship. It’s ours. Therefore, only our opinions on it matter.” Lauren points out, shrugging. “But if it makes you feel any better, I can post a cute pic of us on my Instagram and tell everyone you’re my girlfriend.”

Camila sighs, running her hand through her hair. “You don’t have to do anything like that if you don’t-”

“Already doing it,” Lauren assures her, and Camila can’t help but find it adorable when Lauren looks through her camera roll, her nose crinkling in thought as she decides on a picture. “Is this one okay?”

Camila looks at the picture and nods. “Yeah, you look adorable there.”

“As do you, so we’re even,” Lauren smiles. As she types out a quick post, she pushes the fake glasses up her nose, and Camila finds _that_ absolutely adorable too. “Alright, it’s up.”

**_@laurenjauregui: I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and it’s all because of this lil nugget right here. Thank you @camila_cabello for being the best girlfriend I could ever ask for. You’re not only smart, funny, and beautiful, but you’re chivalrous in every sense of the word and you never fail to treat me like a queen. You’re everything to me._ **

**_@camila_cabello: you’re everything to me too babygirl_ **

Lauren blushes at Camila’s comment. “You really had to go there, didn’t you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Camila smiles innocently, before she takes Lauren’s hand again. “Can I walk you to class?”

“Sure,” Lauren smiles, swinging their hands as they walk down the corridor, “Anyway, are you free for a date night soon?”

“Mhm,” Camila answers, “I’m free any time for you. Can I come to your performance thing?”

“It’s not an actual performance that Mani needed my help for, like, in front of people or anything. Just in front of her teacher and class as an assessment,” Lauren shrugs. “And since you don’t get free periods…”

Camila pouts. “I wanted to support my baby.”

“You already support me,” Lauren smiles, squeezing her hand. “Anyway, I’m already excited to get home. I don’t have any spare clothes with me, assuming that Mani wanted me to come in costume, but then she announced that our first rehearsal will be at _lunch_. Basically, I’m going to be wandering around, looking like a dumbass all day.”

Camila laughs, shaking her head. “Nah, you just look a little nerdy, that’s all. It’s still cute.”

“But it’s ruining my badass _façade_.” Lauren sighs dramatically, adjusting the glasses. “Sad part is, these are actually my glasses. I just don’t wear them.”

“Wait, really?” Camila pauses in thought, but when the idea hits her, she laughs. “Lo… you don’t seriously walk around blind _just_ to prove you’re cool, do you?”

“No, no, it’s not like I can’t see fine without them,” Lauren is quick to clarify, which makes Camila feel like her assumption was at least a little true. “I just don’t have a hundred percent twenty/twenty vision, so when I got an eye test last year, they gave me these.”

“They’re cute,” Camila decides, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “You should wear them more often. At least around me.”

Lauren hums. “I’ll think about it. Anyway, thanks for walking me to class, babe.”

Camila pouts when Lauren stops them outside a classroom. “Can’t we like, do another lap of the school or something? I don’t want you to go in yet.”

Lauren laughs. “I mean, we _could_ , but we’d both be late, and I’d rather not get detention and be stuck in this dress longer than I have to be.”

“Fine,” Camila dramatically sighs, before she lets go of Lauren’s hand and nods towards the classroom door. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Actually, you won’t,” Lauren points out, “like I said, got to rehearse with Mani. But I’ll try and find a few minutes to come and see my girl, okay?”

“Okay,” Camila agrees, sighing again. She pulls Lauren in for a quick kiss goodbye, and watches as her girlfriend goes into her classroom. The warning bell jolts her out of her rather sulky thoughts about _not_ getting to spend lunch with Lauren, and she starts towards her next class, opening up the Instagram post again.

She knows that Fifth Harmony Lauren would never do something like this, and it makes her heart hurt, but if she thinks about it, she doesn’t have to worry about what Fifth Harmony Lauren would and wouldn’t do, because she’s not _with_ Fifth Harmony Lauren. She’s with _her_ Lauren.

There _is_ the possibility that the other Lauren is here, and trapped somewhere inside this one, but it’s not like this one _remembers_ that. Of course, Dinah had been telling her that Lauren missed her, that Lauren wished she’d treated her better. Even though Camila had always had the thought that Lauren would’ve been good for her if she were ready, she pushes it aside. After being with this Lauren, Camila knows that the other one would never be this good for her. That’s why Camila finds Dinah’s reassurances hard to believe, and knows it’s probably just her best friend trying to make her feel better.

 _Yeah, that’s got to be it_ , Camila smiles to herself as she sits down in her usual seat for her class, _my Lauren is nothing like that one. And I don’t want her to be._

-

**_March 31 st, 2017_ **

“You agree with me, right?”

“For sure,” Dinah nods, turning to Camila, “Lucy’s right. You’re getting too invested in this Lauren, when for all we know, this isn’t permanent.”

“For all we know, it _is_ permanent,” Camila argues back, laying back on Lucy’s bed with a long sigh. “I love Lauren. I know that. I love Lauren because she treats me right, she’s calm and patient, and most importantly, she’s open and proud about who she is. _And_ who I am. The other one would _never_ -”

“Our Lauren came out.” Dinah interrupts her. “Or did you conveniently forget about that?”

“She was outed, actually,” Camila points out, sending Lucy a stern look. “You’d know about that, since you were outed too.”

“Either way, she’s out,” Lucy says, brushing off Camila’s comment. “Your argument is invalid, because clearly she would, since she _is_.”

“No, she wouldn’t with _me_ , that’s my point,” Camila sighs, shaking her head. “Like, the thing she posted on Instagram. She’d never do that for me. I know she says she’s private, but she still posted things with you, with like, cheesy captions and saying she loves you. She’d _never_ do that for me.”

Dinah looks away, and Camila knows she’s got a point. But when Dinah speaks, she rolls her eyes. “You can’t know that for sure.”

“Neither can you. None of us can know anything for sure about _any of this_ ,” Camila emphasises, knowing she’s right. “I might as well try to be happy. If you two want to sulk, that’s fine. But I at least want to enjoy the time I have with a Lauren that treats me the way I deserve to be treated.”

“Camila, we’re not telling you to break up with her or anything,” Lucy tries assuring her, “we’re just saying that you need to be careful. We don’t know what could make us go back, and the harder you fall for her, the worse it’s going to hurt when you go back.”

“She’d be worth it. She’d be worth the heartbreak.” Camila says without thinking, looking down at her feet. “I love her. Maybe that’s why I’m here, to finally have her. Maybe it’s her or my career. And honestly, at this point, I don’t know what I’d pick.”

“Mila,” Dinah shakes her head, sitting down next to her, “you did a lot of things to get your career. Good and…and bad. And you’re just throwing it away for some girl who isn’t even _your_ actual soulmate. Lauren is. _Our_ Lauren.”

“She treated me like shit,” Camila snaps, shaking her head, “she used me for _four years_ , and then just ditched me for someone else when she was finally comfortable with her sexuality, something I _told her_ she could talk to me about at any point.”

When Lucy looks down guiltily, Camila sighs and lays back, staring at the ceiling. Dinah takes her hand and squeezes it. “She was scared of you. And confused. And torn. You can be upset at her for the things she did, but don’t _hate_ her for it so blindly.”

“I’m not- I don’t hate her,” Camila shakes her head, “I just- they’re different people. This Lauren - _my_ Lauren - and the other one. You wouldn’t be saying these things if it was someone _completely_ different, like… like _Austin_ or whatever. You wouldn’t be telling me, _oh, don’t hate him for being toxic and fucking you around for years_. You’d be telling me to stay with Lauren, because she treats me right.”

When Dinah and Lucy are quiet, Camila knows she’s made her point well, because it’s true. Just because they look the same, and have the same name, doesn’t mean they’re the same _person_.

Eventually, Dinah sighs. “Okay, Mila. But be careful. That’s all I ask.”

“I will.” Camila answers, before she sits up again and sighs. “Can we talk about what we actually need to talk about now? You know, _what_ we’re doing here? And DJ, you need to tell us everything you remember, from _both_ places, leading up to when we leave. _And_ if you noticed anything off about Lauren.”

“Alright, um,” Dinah frowns, shaking her head. “About Lo, there’s nothing. I hadn’t really spoken to her here, but you guys would’ve noticed something back with the other one, right?”

“I mean,” Lucy pauses, thinking. “There was a point where she seemed a little off. Kind of like she’d fallen into a weird depression all of a sudden. Like she wasn’t really thinking about what she was doing and just _doing_ it. Like she was… empty.”

“Like…” Camila pauses, thinking of the comparison _this_ Lauren had made. “Like she was on autopilot?”

“A little, yeah.” Lucy agrees, before she sees the concerned look on Camila’s face. “What, what’s wrong?”

“That’s what this Lauren told me.” Camila says, frowning. “That she was… I don’t know, on autopilot for a little while. When she said she’d been forgetting things. And I asked Mani, and she said she’d been forgetting stuff, missing shifts at work and everything, which would make sense if it was the other Lauren, because she wouldn’t know she’s got a job.”

“We could talk to Mani about it,” Dinah suggests, “and tell her everything. She’d help us-”

“Yeah, if she didn’t automatically think we’re insane or just took every drug under the sun,” Lucy interrupts, shaking her head, “We can’t talk to Mani. Or Ally. _Or_ Lauren. They’d think we’ve lost our minds, which at this point, we probably have.”

“Or that we’re messing with them,” Camila suggests, trying to think of a better solution. “But… do you think Lauren got back, or just… forgot everything?”

“I mean… I’ve noticed that my memories are a little cloudy,” Lucy admits reluctantly, like saying it out loud will make them fade faster. “And I’ve remembered things from here.”

“Me too,” Camila says, “but I always notice when I forget.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m here again.” Dinah says, “Since I remember both, and nothing seems to have faded. Maybe I’ve got to keep you two in check.”

“Maybe,” Camila murmurs, but then it hits her. “Or maybe you were here at the same time as Lauren, like Lucy and I are here together, and you were supposed to work together to keep from forgetting. Because you didn’t, you both forgot, and something has snapped _you_ back into it. Like… like a significant event.”

“But I didn’t _talk_ to Lauren, except for…” Dinah pauses, and Camila is practically about to burst with anxiety at the silence. “Mila. Lauren was here. Definitely.”

“What happened?” Lucy asks, looking deep in thought like she’s trying to remember something, too. “Did she realise you were you?”

“Oh my god, Mila,” Dinah shakes her head, “you might actually _right_ about something. Holy shit.”

_ June 13th, 2016 _

_Lauren runs a hand through her hair, her gaze drifting over to Camila again. She’s so small and innocent, the way she was when Lauren had met her. It’s weird, knowing everything about someone, but not knowing them at all._

_Then again, Lauren can say that about all of the girls, in this situation. Even Normani, her supposed best friend here. This Normani had grown up around a different version of her, which is insanity in itself. She hadn’t spoken to Dinah, or seen Ally at all, and the first time she’d seen Camila was when she’d knocked her over like some kind of bull in a china shop, and Camila had run off before she could try talking to her._

_She’d tried talking to Camila again, just a casual hello, but the younger girl had squeaked something out and ran away. Lauren has to admit, even her Camila was never this nervous and full of anxiety; in fact, Camila had been the one to talk to her, announcing that she liked Lauren’s shirt after her first audition._

_Being apart from all of them makes Lauren miss their group dynamic, even the rocky one they’d had before she’d woken up here. She barely spoke to Camila, Dinah was constantly trying to keep the peace between everyone, Ally wanted nothing to do with Camila, and Normani just tried to stay out of the arguments. And Camila… Camila seemed like she wanted nothing to do with any of them, except maybe Dinah._

_When her thoughts jump to the youngest Fifth Harmony girl, Lauren thinks that maybe she’d talk to her. Maybe her whole purpose here is to bring the girls back together. So, taking her gaze off Camila, she looks over at Dinah, nearly jumping in surprise when Dinah is staring right at her._

_Lauren directs her gaze onto something else; Lucy. When she’d woken up here, Lucy had been the one little slice of normalcy she’d had left. At first, in her actual universe, she’d felt so guilty when she realised she’d been falling for Lucy. She’d decided to ignore any temptations she’d had to kiss Camila while she was feeling this way, knowing that none of it was fair on either girl. But when it turned out that Lucy reciprocated, Lauren had been so happy, and she knew that Lucy would be okay with her still being closeted to the fans and the media. As long as their family and friends knew, they were happy._

_Lauren_ had _been happy for a while, but then she’d gotten back to the tour bus after a show to texts saying ‘oh my god, I’m so sorry, Lo’ or ‘I can’t believe someone would leak something like that’ and ‘text me as soon as you can so I can make sure you’re okay’. And of course, the less than warm messages from management, demanding a meeting to discuss the issue._

_And Lauren had seen the pictures. The private pictures, where she’d attended a wedding with her girlfriend by her side, with people she thought she could trust. Pictures from a night she’d finally felt normal and accepted by her family and friends, and she hadn’t felt famous, like there was all this pressure on her to be perfect. She was just a girl, in love and happy._

_Distraught, she hadn’t bothered reaching out to anyone, and cried herself to sleep, waking up not on a tour bus, but in her bedroom, in Miami, thinking it’d all been a bad dream._

_Little did she know, her nightmare was only just beginning._

_And now, she’s stuck here, in another universe, where she didn’t audition, where Fifth Harmony didn’t exist, and where she doesn’t have the pressure of fame and millions of people watching her every move._

_It was cathartic at first, but now, she’s lonely. She would give anything to talk to one of the girls about everything, but Normani would think she was messing with her, and Dinah, Camila and Ally wouldn’t even know who she was. And the worst part is… she’s starting to forget them, and everything they went through._

_She looks back to Camila again with a small sigh. She could talk to her; a few days after she’d woken up here, Lucy had suddenly blown up at her, yelling for forgetting their anniversary. Clearly, this Lauren and her Lucy had a different anniversary, because Lauren couldn’t think of any significant event that had happened on that day._

_That means Lauren is free to go after Camila, if she wanted to. She could do everything the way she wished she’d done it in the first place, the way she wanted things to go after the concert she’d taken Camila to and kissed her._

_She blinks back the tears she feels brimming at her eyes, and wishes she hadn’t been such a coward._

_When the bell rings, she excuses herself, giving Normani a quick hug, and decides that if Camila can’t handle saying more than two words to her, she should find the next best thing; Dinah._

_She waits around a corner and watches Camila pass her, holding Dinah’s hand and swinging it happily. She smiles a little, especially at the cute black bow on Camila’s head, and realises just how much she’d missed her._

I’m sorry, Camz, _Lauren thinks to herself,_ I’m sorry I hurt you and pushed you away.

_She tails them to the cafeteria, where Dinah breaks off from Camila, going inside, leaving the Latina to wait outside for her. Lauren acts casual and walks past Camila, smiling a little when the younger girl seems to blush embarrassedly and not so subtly check out Lauren’s ass._

_Lauren walks over to the line for food, and stands behind Dinah, deciding on a casual greeting. “The food here seriously sucks.”_

_Dinah seems a little surprised that she’s talking to her, turns around, and frowns even more. “Lo- Lauren?”_

_At the sound of the nickname, Lauren wonders for a moment, her suspicions rising. “Are you…” but she trails off before she can get it out; the last thing she wants is for Dinah to think she’s certifiably insane. “Um, yeah, I literally wouldn’t even be in this line if I wasn’t starving.”_

_Dinah seems to look at her suspiciously, too, but her phone buzzes and she quickly answers it. Lauren can’t hear the other person, but when she answers with, “Hey, Chancho,” she knows it’s Camila. After murmuring a few words of comfort down the line, she promises to be right out, and hangs up, glancing over at the food._

_“Everything okay?”_

_Dinah nods at Lauren’s question, looking concerned. “Yeah, that was just my friend, she told me she’d decided to go straight to the lit class where we sit at lunch instead of waiting outside for me.”_

_“Camila?” Lauren asks without thinking, and Dinah blinks in surprise, but nods. Lauren figures she might as well start planting seeds now. “Yeah, she’s pretty cute.”_

_Dinah looks even more surprised. “Don’t you have a girlfriend or something?”_

_“Uh, no, we broke up a few days after I…” Lauren was about to say ‘came here’ but she knows that’d do nothing but make Dinah more confused. “We’re on a break.”_

_Dinah grabs a banana, two chocolate bars, and a sandwich, and pays. Lauren figures out who the banana is for pretty easily. “I have to go meet my friend. Later, I guess.”_

_Lauren watches her go with a small smile, and tries to think back to the day she’d actually met Dinah, but for some reason, she can’t conjure it up. She frowns, trying to push the panic down, but she’s been forgetting so much, and remembering things she shouldn’t be, and it’s absolutely terrifying. She doesn’t want to lose herself, to be stuck here and trapped inside her own body, a prisoner behind her eyes, whose existence even_ she _wouldn’t know of._

You’re going to be fine _, Lauren tells herself,_ maybe it’s all just some fucked up dream you’re having, and you’re still laying in that bunk, scared because you’d been outed to millions.

I’m not going to forget, _Lauren promises,_ even if you hated it there sometimes, even though you find fame so hard, it’s your life, and it’s made you who you are. You can’t forget.

_The last thought that Lauren has before she wakes up feeling fine a few months later, unaware that she hadn’t been herself, and blaming everything on college application stress, is a tiny brunette walking up to her shyly and announcing ‘hey, I like your shirt’._


	31. thirty

**_April 7 th, 2017_ **

“Are you going to tell me how you did it?”

Camila blinks in surprise, looking up from her work; she’d neglected doing any homework when she thought she’d go back at any moment, and now she’s trying her best to catch up on everything lest she be held back.

God knows she wouldn’t want to be stuck in school _two_ years Lauren-less instead of one.

She glances up from the Spanish work she’s breezing through, and smiles at Shawn. “Hey! How’d I do _what_ , exactly?”

“Uh, you managed to get the girl you’d been crushing on for _years_ , duh?” Shawn looks at her like she’s crazy and sits down across from her. “And _then_ , you didn’t even tell me. Forget about our pact?”

Camila winces a little; if she’s being completely honest, she really had forgotten about that. “Um… sorry?”

Shawn sighs. “It’s okay. Now, spill. How’d you do it? I thought you couldn’t speak more than two words to her.”

 _Maybe this Camila couldn’t, but I like to think I’m pretty smooth_ , Camila thinks, knowing she’s definitely not, and she doesn’t really know _how_ she made Lauren fall for her. She just did. “Well, we made friends. I comforted her after a breakup. But if it wasn’t for me drinking my body weight in alcohol on New Year’s Eve and telling her I liked her, she and I would probably still be just friends.”

“Great, so all I need to do for Luis to like me back is get drunk and tell him?” Shawn sarcastically replies, and sighs. “Well, I’m happy for you, Mila. Even if it means I’ve got to find another lesbian to fake-date.”

Camila frowns. “You don’t need to do that. It doesn’t matter if people assume your sexuality, because the only person that can define that is you.”

Shawn shrugs. “I know, I just don’t want to disappoint anyone. But I’m happy for you, finally being comfortable enough to come out. _And_ get a cute girlfriend.”

Camila grins, thinking of Lauren. “Yeah, she _is_ really cute, isn’t she? God, I love her so much.”

The words tumble out before Camila can stop them, and she’s thankful it’s just Shawn hearing them, and not Lauren. She definitely wouldn’t want to freak Lauren out; Camila might’ve loved Lauren since she was fifteen, but Lauren definitely didn’t feel that way yet. Camila can tell.

“I’m glad you’re happy, Mila,” Shawn tells her, squeezing her hand. “Anyway, thanks for your subpar advice on getting your crush to like you, but I’ve got to run. Piano lesson.”

Camila smiles. “Alright, I’ll see you.”

When Shawn gets up and heads out of the library, Camila focuses back on her work, quickly finishing off the Spanish. She’d decided to focus on the stuff she finds easiest first, and breeze through it all until she got to the hard stuff, like math.

(Granted, she was just planning on making Dinah do that for her.)

She’s making annotations in pencil on her school-issued copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird_ , when there’s another interruption.

“Writing on a book?” Lauren’s raspy voice immediately makes Camila smile. “Blasphemy. Not allowed.”

Camila laughs softly, before she looks up and rolls her eyes. “It’s the school’s book. They told us we could write in them, as long as it’s in pencil, so we can rub the annotations out for the next students.”

“I know, I did the same last year,” Lauren says, sitting down and looking at Camila’s annotations, “I can’t even read those, your handwriting is too messy. But it’s cute.”

“You’re cute,” Camila shoots back straight away, “so, um, you know you care about me a lot and I’m the best girlfriend in the world and everything…”

“I’ll lend you my old notes, Camz,” Lauren promises her, as if she’d read Camila’s mind. “You know, when we were studying this book last year, everyone was complaining about how we couldn’t take the novel into the exam, and we had to memorise the quotes, but I’ve read it so many times that I could probably recite the whole thing from memory.”

Camila snorts. “Nerd.”

 _“When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow,”_ Lauren recites, and Camila rolls her eyes, laughing. “You’re going to do well with my help. I got the highest grade anyone has ever gotten on that, with a _college-level analysis_.”

“Wow, brag much?” Camila laughs. “Have you read _Go Set a Watchman?”_

“Ugh, yes,” Lauren pouts, shaking her head, “I wish I hadn’t, though. I didn’t enjoy it and it ruined Atticus’ character for me. And the whole thing with Jem…”

“Well, no spoilers, I haven’t read it,” Camila says, and Lauren just hums. “Anyway, what’re you doing here? Did the badass Jauregui get a detention or something?”

“Nope, I stayed late to work on my final piece in art class and I was heading to my car when I saw a cute girl in the library,” Lauren smiles, “ _then_ I realised that the cute girl was my girlfriend, and that just made me happier.”

Camila laughs, but doesn’t respond to Lauren’s compliment. She’s more interested in something else. “Your final piece in art? Can I see it?”

“When it’s finished,” Lauren smiles elusively, “which it’s not, yet.”

Camila frowns in thought. “You’re doing portraiture, right?”

“It’s cute that you remembered that,” Lauren beams, nodding in affirmation. “Yep, that’s what I’m doing. I’m painting my final piece, and today I started painting my subject.”

Camila hums. “So, Mani? Is she here too?”

“No, dumbass, I was painting you,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “I might be your muse when you’re writing songs, but you’re my muse when I paint.”

Camila smiles, practically throwing herself on Lauren in a hug. “You don’t know how much that means to me.”

Lauren kisses the top of her head and smiles. “Anyway, are we still on for our date tonight? I’ve got the takeout menus at the ready, so…”

“Of course,” Camila nods, deciding she’s done enough work and starting to pack her books away. “Am I coming to yours now?”

“I’m in need of a nap, so I won’t be the most lively of hostesses,” Lauren laughs, “I was at work this morning, and I didn’t really get much sleep before.”

“That’s fine, I love cuddling you,” Camila grins, pulling her backpack on and taking Lauren’s hand, following her girlfriend out of the library. “Anyway, is it just pyjamas tonight, or do I have to keep my jeans on?”

“Depends on what you consider the dress code for my house to be,” Lauren comments, and Camila grins, already looking forward to dinner, because she knows she’s going to force Lauren into ordering Domino’s. “Probably pyjamas, I’d say.”

“Nice,” Camila grins, letting go of Lauren’s hand once they get into the parking lot to skip over to her girlfriend’s car and get into the passenger side once it’s unlocked. Once she buckles herself in, and Lauren starts to drive, Camila smirks to herself. “I’m wearing your leather jacket the next time we go out to a restaurant or something, though.”

“Key word; _mine_.” Lauren points out, “I’m wearing it.”

“But- but…” Camila’s bottom lip juts out, and Lauren feels her resolve cracking a little, “I thought you liked it when I wore your clothes.”

“Well, I do, but…” Lauren feels a little conflicted, but sighs, deciding on a compromise. “You can wear my old softball jersey.”

“I want the leather jacket, though,” Camila points out, “it makes me feel, like, way cooler than I actually am, and I need that ego boost.”

Lauren decides to raise her offer higher. “You can wear my softball jersey… and _keep_ it.”

Camila doesn’t hesitate. “Done. Pleasure doing business with you, Jauregui.”

“Damn, I’m surprised that worked,” Lauren laughs to herself, “I’m glad we didn’t have to keep negotiating; I’m pretty tired so I would’ve caved soon.”

“If I’d known that, I’d have kept haggling,” Camila says, but smiles anyway, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “If your job makes you so tired, why do you keep doing it? Why not just get a different one?”

“They pay really well, and I get double the usual hourly rate for the first hour because I start before six a.m.” Lauren shrugs, “and, I mean, I’d rather work three or four hours at a shitty time, than work nine to five both days of the weekend for half the pay. Plus, I need the money for college.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” Camila trails off, but smirks, “I guess the ugly uniform is worth it.”

Lauren rolls her eyes, but doesn’t bother trying to defend her work uniform; she knows it’s bad, but it’s definitely not as atrocious as her girlfriend makes it out to be. “Anyway, I like working because sometimes this really cute girl comes in and talks to me. She’s kind of an asshole, but she’s hot, so I guess it’s okay.”

Camila gasps overdramatically, “I resent being called an asshole, Lauren Michelle.”

Lauren just laughs as she pulls into her driveway and stops the car, yawning. “Well, whatever, I’m in need of cuddles. Give them to me and you’ll be slightly less of an asshole.”

Camila hums in agreement, following Lauren inside, tensing a little when she catches Mike’s gaze and he practically shoots daggers at her as she and Lauren head upstairs. “You know, I don’t think your dad is warming up to me at all.”

“Well…” Lauren pauses in thought, “at least my mom likes you?”

Camila laughs, watching as Lauren takes off her band tee and skinny jeans, before she wriggles out of her sports bra and flops down on the bed. “Dammit, Lauren, I was really enjoying the show.”

Lauren snorts, grabbing Nala and bundling up under her blankets. “Come cuddle.”

Camila grins, and takes off her shirt and jeans, before she joins Lauren in bed. Almost immediately, the older girl snuggles up to her, burying her face in Camila’s neck, clearly enjoying the skin-on-skin contact.

Camila puts a protective arm around Lauren’s waist and smiles. “Comfy, Laur?”

“Mhm,” Lauren mumbles, already drifting off to sleep; she always sleeps well with Camila. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” Camila confirms, kissing the top of Lauren’s head as green eyes flutter closed. “Sleep well, baby.”

Lauren tries to mumble out a ‘you too’, but she’s so tired that it comes out as a small grunt, before she passes out in Camila’s arms, comfortable and content.

_ May 11th, 2016 _

_Lauren grumbles, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, feeling groggier than ever. She bundles back down in the pillow in her bunk, trying to go back to sleep, before the blissful ignorance of waking up disappears, and she remembers what had happened._

_She’d been outed, to the entire world._

_Her heart drops, and she scrambles to find her phone, but that’s when she realises she’s not in her bunk on the tour bus. She’s at home, in her bed in Miami. She blinks in surprise, and for a moment, her heart races. Had the entire thing been a dream? By some miracle, had she not been outed?_

_She grabs her phone and opens up Twitter as though it’s a reflex, but when her timeline is different, she frowns. She switches to her profile, and if anything, that confuses her more. First, she’s only got around 2,300 followers, compared to her previous two million. Secondly, when she looks up the band account… it doesn’t exist._

_Her heart rate quickens, and she’s a little terrified about all of this. She brushes it off, figuring that it’s just a Twitter glitch, but when she locks her phone, she spots the date._

_May 11 th, 2016. May. Not November. _

_With shaky hands, she pushes her duvet off and stands up, looking around her bedroom. It’s the same as it usually looks, except for the fact that she_ shouldn’t be here _. She should be on a tour bus, halfway across the country, with the girls. It’s like she’s gone back in time or something._

_But it also isn’t, because it’s not like she was here in May, either._

_She tries to keep her breathing in check – the last thing she wants is a full blown panic attack – and she stands up, making her way downstairs and hoping she can find something normal, something to explain what the hell is going on._

_She leaves her room, and as she’s passing by a mirror, she does a double-take. Staring back at her is her seventeen year old self, still baby-faced, and yet to get any piercings. She checks her arm, and spins around, trying to get a look at the back of her neck, but her tattoos are gone, too._

_Before she has a chance to freak out about whatever weirdness is going on, her phone buzzes, and she sees a text from_ someone.

**_mi amor (7:43AM): are you on your way to pick me up for school, baby?_ **

_School? Lauren stares down at the word, shaking her head. She’s graduated, there’s no way in hell she’s going back to school. Online school was stressful enough, she doesn’t think she could handle the real thing after so many years._

_She looks down at the text message, hoping it’s Lucy, because she’d feel so fucking weird if it wasn’t, but considering she doesn’t know who the hell this is, or where their supposed school is, she texts back a quick excuse._

**_babygirl (7:45AM): My car won’t start, so no. Sorry._ **

_She hopes it’s enough to get ‘_ mi amor’ _away for a minute, just so she can try and assess the situation she’s found herself in. Maybe she’s just dreaming. Yeah, that’s got to be it. She’s so upset about getting outed that she’s dreaming about a world where she never auditioned. Obviously._

_She smiles to herself, honestly a little proud that she’s managed to be self-aware in a dream, because that’s never happened to her before. She’s about to head back to bed, hoping that if she goes to sleep, she’ll wake up, but another text comes through._

**_mi amor (7:48PM): using dad’s car and on my way to yours now_ **

_Lauren stares down at the text with a frown, not sure how she feels about that, but decides she’ll see how this dream plays out. She goes downstairs, sharing an awkward breakfast with her parents and siblings, her mom asking her about school projects she literally knows nothing about, and it all seems so weird because it’s mundane and normal._

_Once she’s eaten a slice of toast, something else piques Lauren’s curiosity. If she hadn’t auditioned, maybe the other girls had. Maybe there’s a Fourth Harmony out there somewhere. She unlocks her phone again, thankful that it’s the same password as her actual phone, and opens up Twitter, pausing over the search bar._

_After a moment of thought, the first thing she types is @camilacabello97. Nothing comes up. She frowns, but tries Camila’s Instagram handle, @camila_cabello, and that’s when she gets a hit. Camila’s page has three hundred followers, and the last tweet is a lame dad joke about an upcoming movie. She smiles a little, and when she notices the ‘follows you’, she’s quick to follow back, a little surprised that she didn’t already. If Camila followed her, that means they know each other. Right?_

_After that, she searches for Dinah, Ally and Normani, finding Dinah and Ally’s profiles through Camila’s. Neither of them follow her. She already follows Normani, and after a quick stalk, she finds a picture of the two of them together. At that, she tilts her head to the side in confusion, unsure about how she’d know Normani. Theoretically, the only other Fifth Harmony member she could have possibly met by seventeen is Camila, since she lives in Miami, too._

_When the doorbell rings, her musings are cut short, and when nobody else answers, Lauren does. She hasn’t even registered the person behind the door before they’re pulling her in for a soft kiss, and Lauren melts into it, smiling at the familiarity._

_Lucy._

_She pulls away, and when Lucy takes her hand, Lauren’s stomach flips. Lucy had always been her rock, and knowing that she has her still, it makes Lauren incredibly happy._

_“Hi, baby,” Lucy greets her, pulling her in for another kiss, “missed you last night. We’re still on for date night tonight, right?”_

_“Of course,” Lauren answers immediately, “always.”_

_Lucy smiles. “Come on, we’d better go. We don’t want to be late and risk another detention.”_

_Lauren, having not had to worry about detentions since she was sixteen, nods awkwardly. “Yeah, sure.”_

_She’s quiet for most of the drive, listening to Lucy talk about tests and college applications, and wondering why the hell she’s dreaming about something as mundane as this. She thinks maybe it’s her subconscious coming into play, taking away the fame she hates so much, and giving her the life she could’ve had, but it’s honestly kind of boring._

_Since she’s sure she’s lucid dreaming, she squeezes her eyes shut and tries to conjure up something interesting, like a sudden zombie outbreak or a personal concert from The 1975, but when she opens her eyes, everything is the same._

_“You okay, babe?” Lucy looks over at her, concerned. “Is it work? Because I know you need the money for college, but it’s seriously not worth working weird hours if you’re going to be so tired.”_

_Lauren blinks in surprise. Work? She has a job? “Um, no… not work.”_

_Lucy reaches over and squeezes her hand. “You can talk to me about anything, baby. You know that.”_

_“Yeah, I just…” Lauren frowns and shakes her head, “it’s nothing, I’m good, I swear.”_

_Lucy looks at her through her peripheral, but eventually nods. “Okay, as long as you’re sure.”_

_ May 31st, 2016 _

_Okay, so maybe it’s not just a lucid dream._

_Lauren had been thinking that over, because she’s never heard of a lucid dream that could last half a month. Besides, it seems entirely too vivid; every kiss with Lucy feels real, every hug with Normani, and Lauren is still trying to find Dinah, Ally and Camila in person. It’s weird, and she doesn’t know what’s happening, or how it’s happening, and she feels like she’s had a long, continuous anxiety attack over it._

_When Lucy bursts into Lauren’s bedroom, looking distraught, admittedly, Lauren perks up. What if the same thing is happening to her, and she knows about Fifth Harmony? But when Lucy speaks, Lauren’s hope flies out the window._

_“You complete fucking asshole,” Lucy snaps at her, and Lauren blinks in surprise, unsure. “I can’t believe you’d just… fucking ignore our anniversary. You know how much this meant to me; it’s our first anniversary as an out and proud couple, and you’re just-”_

_“Wait, anniversary?” Lauren frowns, because her anniversary to mark a full, uninterrupted year with Lucy was in October. “It’s not until…”_

_“Until yesterday,” Lucy practically snarls at her, “and you fucking forgot. Do I mean_ nothing _to you?”_

_“What?” Lauren blinks, trying to take everything in, but it’s so overwhelming, when she literally knows nothing about this… dream? Universe? She still isn’t sure what this is, let alone anything about it. “But- Lucy, of course you mean something to me, you’re my girlfriend-”_

_Lucy scoffs at her, shaking her head. “I’m not your fucking girlfriend. If you wanted me to be, you wouldn’t just forget our anniversary. What happened to that romantic, fancy dinner that you were saving up for? It’s not even that, you didn’t even wish me a happy anniversary or anything, and that’s fucked up, because you know how much it meant and… just- fuck you, Lauren. I’m done. I’ve put up with so much shit from you, and this is the last goddamn straw.”_

_Lauren frowns even more, and she feels the sting of heartbreak in her chest; she knows she hurt Lucy, but it’s not like she intended to forget about an anniversary that isn’t even their anniversary. “Luc, I don’t… what have you put up with? I just- let me fix it, I’ll take you out tonight, or-”_

_“_ What have I put up with?” _Lucy shoots daggers at her. “Uh, maybe when you were blowing me off all the time and fucking with my head. Kissing me when nobody was around but ignoring me in public. I know you were scared and confused, but I’ve been so fucking patient with you, Lauren. I can’t keep doing it.”_

_Lauren opens her mouth to respond, because she never did those things to Lucy, she’d—_

_She’d done them to Camila. And she feels fucking awful about it. Lucy’s accusations bring all of those memories to the surface, of all the times she ran from Camila, from the things she could’ve shared with her, until she’d eventually pushed the girl away for good._

_She doesn’t know if she could handle that happening with another girl._

_“Lucy, babe, I’m so sorry, I’m really,” Lauren cuts herself off and shakes her head, “I’m not in a good place and I can’t focus and it’s like I don’t know anything, just… let me fix things-”_

_“I’ve given you plenty of chances,” Lucy snaps, shaking her head. “I’m done. Don’t talk to me again.”_

_And just like that, when Lucy walks out of the room, Lauren feels like she loses the one thing that was keeping her sane._

_ June 20th, 2016 _

_She’s losing herself._

_Ever since Lucy had broken up with her, Lauren had started to lose herself. She’d been forgetting things, things she should_ know _, about Fifth Harmony and her life. Her mind is cloudy, and she’s been saying things she shouldn’t say, blurting out childhood memories with Normani when she doesn’t have any of those, because she met Normani when she was sixteen, not five._

_The only relatively good news she’s had is about Camila._

_She’d bumped into her a few weeks ago, and before she’d had a chance to talk to her or say anything at all, Camila had run away, but at least she’s_ here _. She’s in Lauren’s general proximity, and she knows that all the girls are; she’d seen Dinah the other day, too. She just has to find Ally._

_She’s starting to feel like she’s here for a purpose, and maybe that purpose is to bring the girls together again. She knows that things have been strained within the group, and she misses the easy friendship they’d had when they were starting out. Maybe the point of her being here is to fix things with them._

_So, she’d taken to stalking, if she’s being honest._

_While Ally is like a ghost, and Lauren has yet to find her, she_ has _found Camila and Dinah. She’d tried talking to Camila, but the younger girl had let out an anxious squeak in reply and ran away. She’d tailed Dinah a few times, but the younger girl generally disappears or talks to someone else before Lauren can get her attention._

_Lauren decides to tail Camila again, since talking to her hadn’t gone spectacularly. She casually follows Camila to one of the literature classrooms, and pretends to look through a bookcase outside when Shawn Mendes walks into the room after Camila._

_Once she hears them talking, she tries to get closer and listen in._

_“…and I just… I really like her, and I feel like she thinks I’m weird,” Camila is saying, and Lauren gets closer to the door, “she’s just… she’s so beautiful, and it’s intimidating.”_

_“Mila, if you want her, now’s your chance,” Shawn replies, “she broke up with Lucy, everyone’s talking about it.”_

_Lauren blinks in surprise. Camila is talking about her?_

_“She wouldn’t want me,” Camila dismisses Shawn, and Lauren wants to stomp into the room and say ‘actually, Cabello, I would’, but she knows it’d freak Camila out._

_(That’d freak anyone out, though.)_

_Truth is, Lauren had wanted Camila. Lauren had_ loved _Camila. And it’d terrified her. She was so scared of what her friends and family would think, and she didn’t want to be seen as different. All she wanted as a scared seventeen year old was to just be straight, and to fit in. So, she tried to make herself be straight. She’d date the boys she was mildly attracted to, but because she had all these feelings for Camila, they never went anywhere._

_And Lauren? Lauren always ended up in Camila’s bunk after a few drinks. Liquid confidence made her steal a few kisses, but when she was sober again, the fear would hit. It was even worse with all of the Camren shippers on Twitter, practically pinning all of these labels on Lauren and scaring her even more._

_She’d hated herself, hated fame, and hated the music industry, but she’d never felt anything less than love for Camila._

_It hurts her heart, to think about how cowardly she’d been, and it hurts her even more when she thinks about how depressed Camila had seemed this year. The last time they’d talked was when Lauren had told the girls she was with Lucy; something she’d been dreading, mostly just because of Camila._

_Camila had come to talk to her, and without thinking, Lauren had said,_ “I can’t help it if I’m in love with her and not you.” _It was her final act of desperation, and it’d pushed Camila away for good._

_Lauren was in love with Lucy, and while she and Camila had slowly drifted apart, Lauren had gotten closer to Lucy and fallen for her. Lucy was from her past. Lucy reminded her of how good it felt to be out of the spotlight; she was an escape from the fame Lauren hates so much. Camila would’ve been a constant reminder of that. She knows that she and Camila could’ve had something beautiful, but Lauren pushed her away and ruined any chances._

_She wishes she’d done everything differently._

_“Mila, I’m serious,” Shawn says as Lauren tunes back into the conversation. “You’ve got to at least try and talk to her.”_

_“I can’t, Shawn. She’d just reject me.” Camila mumbles, sighing. “Why would she want me? I’m not even pretty.”_

_Again, Lauren wants to kick the classroom door open and give Camila a lecture on just how wrong she is, but she’s sure that’s not socially acceptable. She lets Shawn do the talking for her._

_“Camila,” Shawn says sternly, “you’re beautiful, okay? Inside and out.”_

_Camila snorts. “Yeah, great coming from you, you’re gay.”_

_“That doesn’t mean that I don’t know when a girl is beautiful,” Shawn argues, and Lauren smiles, happy Camila has a good friend in all of this. “Just… try talking to her, okay? I know you have a lot of anxiety about it, and it’ll be worse with her since you’ve been crushing for so long, but… promise me you’ll try?”_

_“Okay,” Camila mumbles, “I’ll try.”_

_She doesn’t. Her opportunity passes, because Lauren slowly loses herself even more, and suddenly feels so much for Lucy again, that she takes her out on a big date to apologise for forgetting their anniversary, and the older girl forgives her._

_No, Camila doesn’t talk to Lauren. Not until the first day of Lauren’s senior year, when Lauren has almost completely faded. When the brunette walks over to her, frantically asking her to give her directions to a classroom, Lauren feels weird. She remembers a murky image of Camila, telling her she liked her shirt, and can’t quite understand where it came from. The way Camila acts, how scared and confused she seems, makes Lauren feel alert, like maybe she knows what Camila is going through, but Lauren doesn’t even know what_ she’s _going through. She just knows she feels weird._

_She drops Camila off at the classroom, and it’s like a sweet sense of relief washes over her as she walks away from the other girl. She doesn’t even realise why she felt weird. She was just showing some random girl to a classroom._

_Lauren shrugs the encounter off, finally feeling like herself for the first time in months._

Lauren sits up, yawning a little. Camila is passed out next to her, even though she said she’d stay awake, and she smiles at the sight. She rubs her eyes and checks her phone, relieved that they hadn’t slept for too long.

She tries to think back to her dream, feeling like it’s important, but she doesn’t remember any of it, so she lays back down, uncaring. She snuggles against Camila again, wondering what her girlfriend is dreaming about, and hoping that it’s sweet.


	32. thirty one

**_April 16 th, 2017_ **

“Happy Easter, Camz.”

Camila smiles and moves aside to let Lauren in. “Hey. Excited to hunt for Easter eggs with Sofi?”

“Duh. That’s the clear highlight of my year,” Lauren smiles, pulling two Hershey’s Easter eggs from behind her back. “I picked these up on my way. Figured I should get my girl and her little sister an Easter egg, you know?”

Camila’s stomach flips ten times over and she physically can’t bite back her smile. _My girl_. She’ll never get tired of hearing that from Lauren.

Because it turns out that _this_ Lauren is _her_ Lauren. The Fifth Harmony one is no more than a distant memory at this point.

“Thanks, Laur,” Camila takes the egg and kisses Lauren’s cheek. “I didn’t get you one, but you don’t like chocolate, so…”

“You remembering something as trivial as that is present enough,” Lauren answers, squeezing her hand. “Where are we going for the egg hunt?”

“The nearby park area thing,” Camila describes as Lauren kicks her shoes off. “Apparently they do it every year to raise money for a charity that looks after… I think autistic kids? I’m not really sure. But they never put many eggs down though, so I’ve got a few mini individually wrapped ones in my pocket to subtly drop down. Want some? You can help deceive my sister.”

Lauren laughs, but takes the offered bag of little eggs. “Sure. When are we heading out?”

“Around twelve.” Camila answers. “So… we have some time to relax before we’re responsible for a child.”

“Nice,” Lauren smirks, her hand grazing Camila’s cheek. “I have a few ideas of how I’d like to spend that time.”

 “Really,” Camila breathes out shakily as Lauren tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. “What’s that?”

Lauren’s hand cups her jawline and she smiles. “I think you know, Camz.”

As Lauren pulls her in for a kiss, Camila’s stomach flips. Lauren’s lips are soft and plump, and even though Camila knows Lauren’s kisses well, she feels so much more every time she kisses this Lauren, because this time it’s _real_. This time, Lauren isn’t crawling into her bunk in the dead of night in search of a warm body. This time, Lauren is kissing her because she’s her girlfriend, because she’s _not_ famous, and she’s _not_ closeted.

When Lauren pulls away, Camila shakes her head, taking control and pulling Lauren back in for another kiss. This time, Camila exerts her dominance, knowing that Lauren likes that. Lauren’s breath hitching confirms Camila’s thoughts, and she smiles against her girlfriend’s lips, her fingers tangling in Lauren’s hair.

They part, and Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s cheek innocently. “That’s always fun.”

Lauren laughs. “I’ll take that as a compliment, babe.”

“Mhm, you should,” Camila laughs, “seriously, your kissing skills are off the charts. I bet when you were younger, you and Lucy would make out for _practice_ or whatever dumb excuse you could think of to make yourself _straight_.”

Lauren snorts, blushing a little. “You’re actually right…”

“Wow, I guess I’m psychic or something,” Camila laughs to herself, before she grabs Lauren’s hand and tugs her upstairs. “Are you sleeping over tonight?”

“Mhm,” Lauren answers, “ _someone’s_ got to keep your chocolate consumption under control.”

“I still can’t believe you don’t like chocolate,” Camila mumbles to herself, but loud enough that Lauren can hear it. “Weirdo.”

“You’re weirder than me, babe,” Lauren scoffs, before she sits down on Camila’s bed and gets herself comfortable. She notices a notebook, left open on Camila’s bedside table, but she doesn’t look at any of the words, respectful of her girlfriend’s privacy. “What’s that?”

Camila grabs the book and reads over the first page. It’s normally where she writes her lyrics, but she’s a little confused about everything written on the page.

_You were 15 when you auditioned for the X Factor._

Camila frowns at the words, because she doesn’t know how she could’ve gotten that wrong. She was _sixteen_ , duh.

 _Lauren kissed you at The 1975 concert_.

 _No, she didn’t_ , Camila thinks to herself, looking over at Lauren, _we’ve never been to a concert together._ She shrugs, flipping to one of her songs, and deciding that she needs to tell Lucy about how she’d fucked up when she’d written some things down. “It’s where I write my lyrics.”

Lauren smiles at her. “Written anything new?”

“I mean…” Camila flips to the most recent page, after the list of ‘truths’ from the other world. “I wrote one recently. About you.”

“About me?” Lauren smiles even wider and sits up. “Can I read the lyrics? Or- can you sing me a part of it?”

Camila looks down at the page and smiles at the words, but shakes her head. “I’m still working on it. You wouldn’t show me a painting if it was only half finished. I can’t do the same with my songs.”

“Alright, fine,” Lauren relents, but tries something else. “Can I at least hear the title?”

“Oh, yeah, I guess that’s okay,” Camila decides, putting her lyric book back on her side table and sitting down next to Lauren. “It’s called _Never Be the Same_.”

After a few moments of hesitation, Lauren tells Camila her thoughts. “Never be the same in a good way or a bad way?”

Camila laughs. “Obviously a good way, baby. You’ll see when I finish it. You’ll be the first person I’ll play it for.”

Lauren smiles, and cuddles up to Camila, kissing her cheek. “Good. Thank you for writing songs about me, Camz.”

“You’re my muse, babygirl,” Camila says, running her fingers through Lauren’s hair, “of course I’m going to write songs about you.”

Lauren breathes shakily at the pet name, and Camila picks up on it, but doesn’t tease her. Lauren shuffles up, kissing Camila on the cheek, before she settles down with another content sigh. “I have a plan. Just… are you free on Saturday?”

“Lauren, I’m free pretty much every day,” Camila snorts with laughter, squeezing Lauren around the waist. “But yeah, I am. I’m down for anything you’ve got planned.”

“Perfect,” Lauren nods, smiling to herself. She’d planned a whole romantic night out; not to celebrate anything in particular, just because she feels like Camila deserves it, and she wants to treat her girl; plus, the last date they’d gone on, Camila had completely hijacked Lauren’s plan to be chivalrous and treat Camila like a princess, and this time she’s putting her foot down.

She’s _not_ going to let Camila seduce her into compliance. It’s definitely not going to happen.

(At least, not until after dinner.)

“Aren’t you going to tell me the plan?” Camila’s voice pulls her from her thoughts. “I mean, I’ll need a dress code, a time, a-”

“The dress code is smart,” Lauren decides, “like our first date. But a little smarter. Like… pretend we’re going to an award show smart. I’ll deal with everything else, but I’ll pick you up at six.”

“Okay…” Camila seems to accept the plans and nods, “I’ll let you be weird and keep it all a secret.”

“Thanks,” Lauren smiles, threading her fingers through Camila’s, “don’t worry, you’ll like it, since-”

“ _Lolo!”_

When another weight lands on the bed, Lauren lets out a small sigh, because she’d been hoping for a little more alone time with Camila. But, she absolutely adores Sofi, and in a way, if it hadn’t been for Sofia Cabello, inviting her to lunch, Lauren wouldn’t be with Camila right now.

So, she kind of owes the kid _big time._

“Hey, Sofi,” Lauren smiles, and leans down to where Camila had left the Easter eggs. “I brought you a present. Happy Easter.”

Sofi squeals and throws herself on Lauren in a hug. “Thank you, Lolo. I like you more than Kaki, now.”

“Oh, so the huge Easter egg I bought you with my last five dollars isn’t good enough, huh?” Camila shoots back, sitting up and sending her sister a mock scowl. “You know what, Lolo can keep you. I’ve decided I don’t want a little sister anymore.”

Sofi pouts. “But you love me.”

“Do I?” Camila looks at her sister with a teasing smirk. “Do I _really_?”

“Mhm, I’m your favourite person ever,” Sofi says, and when her sister snuggles up to her, Camila has to admit that Sofi isn’t exactly wrong, and Camila would literally kill a man for her sister. “Love you, Kaki.”

“Love you too, Sofi,” Camila kisses the top of her sister’s head, before she stretches and nods over at Lauren. “Go harass your best friend.”

“When are we going out?” Sofi asks, almost immediately opening up the Easter egg that Lauren had brought over. “I want more chocolate.”

“As soon as mami and papi are ready,” Camila promises, and figuring since Sofi doesn’t want cuddles, pulls Lauren into her arms. Lauren blushes, and shifts so it’s more like _she’s_ the big spoon, and Camila wants to laugh at how adamant Lauren is to appear dominant in front of everyone. She whispers just that into Lauren’s ear. “You know, my sister doesn’t know what bottoms are, she’s only just seven. You don’t have to prove anything to her.”

Lauren scowls at her, but pulls away entirely, and Camila pouts. Lauren mumbles something that sounds a lot like _jackass_ , but Camila just laughs and pulls her back in for a cuddle, wrapping her arms around Lauren’s waist and sitting so her girlfriend is between her legs. Lauren pouts, but sighs and relaxes into Camila’s hold.

Sofi just holds out her Easter egg. “Want some chocolate, Lolo?”

Lauren crinkles her nose up in disgust. “I don’t like chocolate, but thanks for offering.”

Before Sofi can eat the piece she’s offering Lauren, Camila grabs it and eats it. “Thanks, Sof. Really appreciate my little sister sharing with me.”

“But you _have_ Easter eggs,” Sofi points out with a pout. “Lolo doesn’t have one here.”

“Because she doesn’t like chocolate,” Camila explains, before she kisses Lauren’s temple and announces, “which means she’s donating any unwanted Easter eggs she receives to me, since she cares about me so much.”

“Oh, I am?” Lauren laughs a little. “I was unaware of this generous idea I apparently had.”

“That’s okay, you remembered now,” Camila says, resting her chin on Lauren’s shoulder. “So, when can I expect these Easter eggs?”

“Honestly?” Lauren laughs, considering it. “Just come over to my house and take your pick. I’m not going to eat them, so…”

“Wait, seriously?” Camila knows it’s dumb, but her stomach flips, and she nuzzles her face into Lauren’s neck affectionately. “Wow, I honestly haven’t cared about anyone more than I care about you, right now.”

She wanted to say _love_ , but there’s no way in hell she’s saying that first. Nope.

Lauren just laughs. “Free chocolate is obviously the way to your heart.”

“Speaking of free chocolate,” when Camila’s bedroom door opens, Lauren jumps away from her, and Camila snorts a little, but Alejandro doesn’t seem to notice anything, “we’re going now.”

“Okay,” Camila manages to pry the Easter egg from Sofi and put the leftovers back in the box, before she nods over at her dad, “go with papi, Sofi.”

Sofi follows their dad out of the room, and Camila grabs Lauren’s hand, pulling her up. Lauren uses stretching as an excuse to drop Camila’s hand, and the younger Latina frowns a little.

“Are you mad at me?”

Lauren blinks in surprise as she grabs her phone from the bed. “No? Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know,” Camila mumbles, suddenly feeling very insecure, a small voice telling her _obviously she’s mad, she probably doesn’t even want to be with you anyway_. “I’m sorry if I’m annoying-”

“You could never annoy me,” Lauren kisses her, before she lets go and heads towards the bedroom door. She pushes it closed for a moment, before turning to Camila with an amused smile. “Honestly… it’s dumb, but I wasn’t sure about being affectionate with you around your parents. I know how my… well, _my dad_ gets when there’s even a little bit of PDA, and I don’t want to get you in trouble, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Camila brightens and takes Lauren’s hand, pulling her out of the room. “It’s fine, honestly. As long as you’re not shoving your tongue down my throat…”

Lauren laughs as they get downstairs, and sits down on the bottom step to pull her shoes on. “Well, I can assure you, there won’t be any of that.”

Camila puts her shoes on too, but takes Lauren’s hand again after. “Trust me, baby. My parents won’t care if I hold my girlfriend’s hand for a little while.”

Someone who _does_ care, apparently, is Sofi. Once they get to the park, and Camila grabs Lauren’s hand to walk them over to the little wooded area that the egg hunt is happening in, Sofi frowns and gives her sister a shove.

“I want to hold Lolo’s hand, because she’s helping me look for Easter eggs.” Sofi glares at Camila, “Not _you._ ”

“Um, she’s _my_ girlfriend,” Camila points out, “besides, I thought I was helping you look.”

“Well, yeah, but Lolo’s probably better at it, since I always find more than you anyway,” Sofi says, and Camila hears Lauren turn her laugh into a cough. “You can look in different areas.”

Camila shakes her head and wraps her arms around Lauren’s waist, pulling her away from her sister. “She’s mine, you’re on your own now, Sofi.”

“No need to fight over me,” Lauren holds her hands up in surrender, “I know I’m amazing and everything, but we can all be a team.”

“No, forget her,” Camila says, sticking her tongue out at Sofi, “she doesn’t get our help.”

Lauren just laughs and wriggles out of Camila’s grip, taking her girlfriend’s hand again. Then, she takes Sofi’s hand and smiles. “Problem solved. Let’s find some chocolate for my two favourite girls.”

As Alejandro and Sinu sit down on a park bench, leaving the entertainment to Camila, the younger Latina starts dropping a few of the mini wrapped eggs from her pocket and quickly pointing them out to Sofi with a loud, “hey, what’s that glint over there, is it an egg wrapper?”

Once Sofi is occupied with running around finding the eggs, Lauren joins in with the egg dropping, using the ones Camila had given her earlier that she’d stashed in her jacket pocket. They stop for a little while when they find a woman who is clearly part of the event, since she’s casually launching eggs everywhere and not even trying to be subtle about it.

They follow her for a little while, watching as more and more kids start to tail her, until it’s like a huge conga line.

“She’s like the pied piper. Except, you know, she’s probably not going to drown all the kids.” Lauren points out, and Camila snorts, “I’m just saying, if I had that job, I’d be way subtler, casually dropping them to the side or something instead of fucking launching them everywhere.”

Camila laughs. “I’m a total professional at that. I think I still have a few years until Sofi realises I’m dropping some for her.”

Lauren smiles a little, following the lady throwing the eggs at a distance. She watches as Sofi runs to the next handful the lady throws and hums in thought. “You’re a really good big sister, Camz.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “I am?”

“Yeah, I mean… you would’ve been like, eleven when Sofi was born,” Lauren muses, “and you’d been an only child that whole time. A lot of kids would’ve been like… resentful, almost. In case the new baby took all the attention away.”

Camila shrugs, blushing a little. “I mean, I was at first, when my mom told me she was pregnant and I’d be having a little sibling. But then when they came home with Sofi, and they let me hold her… it was like… none of the petty stuff mattered anymore. The only thing that mattered to me was making sure Sofi stayed safe, happy, and healthy.”

“That’s so cute. Sometimes I wish that I had a little sibling,” Lauren states, and when Camila looks at her like she’s crazy, because she’s the oldest of _three_ , Lauren clarifies, “like, a really little one. Sofi’s age. Because, I mean, Chris is only two years younger, and Taylor’s five years, so when Tay was little, I was in my bitchy _go away family_ stage and trying to be too cool for everyone. Sure, I look out for them and stuff, but it’s not like you and Sofi.”

“I guess the age gap is why we’re so close,” Camila shrugs, “but I’m definitely not looking forward to the early teen years. Or when she wants her first tattoo of something dumb.”

Lauren laughs. “Hey, my first tattoo isn’t going to be dumb.”

Camila blinks in surprise, but smiles a little. “Let me guess… a dragonfly?”

Lauren stares at her in shock. “How’d you know?”

Honestly, Camila doesn’t really know how. Fifth Harmony Lauren didn’t have any tattoos, right? Or did she? Again, Camila shrugs it off, because obviously she’d remember something like that. But, just in case, she sends a quick text to Lucy.

**_camEEla (1:25PM): hey 5h lauren doesn’t have any tattoos does she?_ **

Then, she turns to Lauren with a shrug. “I don’t know, just a guess. Maybe you’ve told me before.”

Lauren hums, accepting Camila’s answer. “Yeah, maybe.”

When Lucy’s response comes through, Camila’s good mood depletes, and she thinks that maybe she _does_ have something to worry about.

**_ma main gurl from anotha world (1:26PM): I don’t remember_ **

**_ma main gurl from anotha world (1:26PM): she might? I don’t know, we really need to talk to Dinah_ **

**_camEEla (1:27PM): yeah you’re right I’ll message her about meeting asap_ **

“Anyway, what dumb tattoo do you think Sofi will want?” Lauren pulls her out of her daydreams before she can panic properly, and suddenly she feels this weird sense of mellow, like there’s nothing to be worrying about. “You know, when she turns eighteen and does something dumb.”

Camila is quick to laugh and shakes her head. “It’s not the tattoo that’s the point, it’s just what puberty’s going to do to her. She won’t be the sweet little kid who still believes in Santa. She’ll probably think I’m uncool.”

“Camz,” Lauren laughs, “I think she _already_ thinks you’re uncool.”

“Oh, shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, “my point is, I was a total bitch because my hormones were all over the place. I suddenly got so moody when puberty hit. _And_ I was moody because I didn’t even look like I’d _started_ puberty. Except for the zits. And honestly? I still look thirteen.”

Lauren laughs, but shrugs, her eyes raking over Camila. “I’d say you’re pretty grown up.”

Camila blushes and looks down at her feet. “I mean, I can’t say I agree…”

“Seriously, Camz,” Lauren’s hand moves down from the small of her back and squeezes her ass, “you have a lot of good _ass_ ets.”

Camila’s cheeks are stained red when she pulls them away from the group, and the sight of her parents, behind some bushes. She pins Lauren up against a tree and leans in, as if she’s going to kiss her, but stops millimetres from Lauren’s lips and murmurs, “You don’t get to touch me like that without my permission, babygirl.”

She feels Lauren’s heart rate rising, and Camila just smirks. “See, you might act like a badass, Lauren, but everyone knows you want me to dominate you, to take all of your control away and fuck you until you can’t remember your own name. Would you like that?”

Lauren blushes, but doesn’t meet her gaze or say anything. Instead, she leans forwards as if she’s going to kiss Camila, but the younger girl shakes her head and pulls back.

“No, no, you don’t get to kiss me until you answer my question, Lauren,” Camila smirks at her, “so answer it.”

Lauren turns even redder, and drags her teeth along her bottom lip nervously, before she nods and mumbles, “yes.”

If anything, that gives Camila more fuel to tease her. “Yes _what_?”

“I- I-” Lauren looks up at Camila, who sends her a warning smirk, and she looks away again, mumbling, “I want you to… to dominate me.”

“There, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Camila sends her a small smile, pulling her in for a kiss. She notices how Lauren seems to squeeze her legs together subtly and smirks to herself, happy she has the power to do that. “Anyway, we should get back to the egg hunt, now you’ve learned your lesson.”

As Camila takes her hand, Lauren bites down on her bottom lip again, and follows her girlfriend back to everyone else, trying to ignore the ache between her legs and the heat in her stomach.

 _God,_ Lauren thinks, not-so-subtly glancing down at Camila’s ass, _get me to Saturday night._


	33. thirty two

**_April 23 rd, 2017_ **

“You look stunning.”

Camila takes the words straight out of Lauren’s mouth, and the older Latina pouts a little. “That was my line.”

Camila laughs. “It’s true, though. I’m used to seeing you in band tees and skinny jeans, so this… this is amazing.”

Lauren smooths out the black dress she’d chosen with a smile. “Well, thank you, Camz. You look beautiful, too.”

Camila had chosen a baby blue, long sleeved dress, and to Lauren’s surprise, had a pair of silver heels on. Admittedly, the heels make Lauren worry a little, because Camila struggles to walk in sneakers, but she promises herself she’s going to look after her.

“Alright, are you ready to go?” Lauren asks, as Camila picks up a small clutch bag to match her dress. “Wait, why are you bringing a bag? You don’t need to.”

Camila shrugs. “It’s got my phone, house key and wallet in, so…”

“Give me your phone and key,” Lauren practically commands, and Camila does, frowning at her as Lauren puts Camila’s phone and key in her own little clutch bag. Then, she holds out a hand. “Come on.”

“But…” Camila frowns at her, but takes her hand and lets Lauren lead her out of the house. “I need my wallet.”

“No, you don’t,” Lauren argues with her, “Tonight is my treat. I told you that I wanted to take you out on a real date, where I treat you like a princess. That’s this.”

Camila raises her eyebrows as she gets into the passenger seat of Lauren’s car. “But you’re the biggest bottom in the history of the universe?”

Lauren blushes, but rolls her eyes. “Shut the fuck up. I’m treating my girl to a fancy dinner, okay? No teasing me, no bottom jokes, and no seducing to get what you want. I really want to do this, to treat you and show you just how much you mean to me.”

Camila’s expression softens, and Lauren smiles, happy her girlfriend understands. “Okay. Just for tonight, you get to be in control.”

 _I won’t be later_ , Lauren thinks, almost smacking herself at the thought, _as long as Camila wants that. But it can’t be too over the top, because you want it to be special for her. It’s her first time. Remember that._

“Thank you,” Lauren answers, smiling a little, “so, I booked for this place I went to with my family one time. It was my abuela’s eightieth birthday, and my parents wanted to treat her, so we went there. We all had to dress up and all of the food on the menu was written in French, with English and Spanish translations underneath, because apparently that makes it classier, even though we’re nowhere near France.”

Camila laughs. “So, basically, it’s the stereotypical snooty rich people place?”

“Mhm,” Lauren confirms, “and tonight, you and I get to pretend we’re the snooty rich people. Maybe we’re billionaire business partners and we just closed a deal. Maybe we’re Oscar-winning actresses on a celebratory movie release dinner date. Maybe we’re rockstars, taking a night off from tour to go on a fancy dinner.”

Camila smiles a little sadly at the last suggestion, and Lauren frowns, but opens her mouth to rectify it. Maybe Camila would prefer a different kind of scenario. But before Lauren can do anything, Camila speaks.

“You’d really be with me in any of those situations?” Camila asks. “If we _were_ famous rockstars or… or pop stars, taking a night off from tour to go on a date.”

“Of course,” Lauren answers, without hesitation. “I’ve always believed that every decision we make shapes who we are as people, and in each possible… I guess _alternate_ _universe_ , it diverts from every big decision. But there are certain things in our lives that are fixed. Our person, in every single version of our universe, is a fixed thing. You’re my person, Camz. So… whether we’re rockstars, actresses, business partners… fucking _Pokémon trainers_ , I know we’d be together.”

Camila looks at her, eyes shining with tears. “You really mean that?”

“Yeah,” Lauren confirms, glancing at Camila and using her free hand to squeeze her girlfriend’s knee comfortingly. “I mean it. Plus, I mean, we’d make a pretty awesome team if we _were_ Pokémon trainers.”

Camila laughs a little, and is careful wiping her eyes, so she doesn’t ruin her eye makeup. “I’m totally redownloading _Pokémon GO_ and making you play with me.”

Lauren smiles as she pulls up in a parking spot by the restaurant. “I’m totally down for that. Anyway, stay there.”

Camila frowns at her, but does as she says, laughing when her girlfriend gets out of the car and walks around to Camila’s side, opening the door for her. “I can get out of a car fine, you know.”

“Shhh, I’m being chivalrous,” Lauren whispers, waiting until Camila has unbuckled her seatbelt. Then, she holds out a hand to help Camila out of the car. “This way, m’lady. You look absolutely beautiful tonight.”

Camila laughs, squeezing Lauren’s hand. “You really _are_ going all out.”

“I said I’d treat you like a princess,” Lauren points out, shrugging, “but then I changed my mind. I’m going to treat you like a queen.”

“Well,” Camila smiles, kissing Lauren’s cheek. “I love my beautifully chivalrous knight.”

Lauren sends her a proud smile, and holds the door open to the restaurant for Camila. Again, her girlfriend smiles brightly, and Lauren feels warm inside, knowing she’s made her happy. When they approach one of the hostesses, she looks at them, as if she’s wondering what the hell two high school kids are doing in an upscale Miami restaurant, but Lauren is quick to explain they have a booking before she can ignore them in favour of people who aren’t out of place.

When they’re led to their table, Lauren pulls out the chair for Camila before the hostess can, looking a little abashed when the woman pulls out Lauren’s chair for her, leaves the menus on the table and tells them their waiter will be with them shortly.

As soon as the hostess leaves, Camila blows out the candle on the table. “I really can’t bear to sit here with a candle in front of me and _not_ blow it out.”

Lauren laughs. “I didn’t mind either way.”

Camila opens up the menu, looking through the food, a contemplative frown on her face. Lauren goes to ask what she’s thinking of ordering, but the younger Latina answers before she can ask. “I’ll just- um, get a starter. Or… do you think they have a kid’s menu?”

Lauren gasps dramatically. “Camila Cabello, _not_ hungry? The apocalypse is truly here, folks.”

“No, it’s not…” Camila closes the menu and sighs. “You shouldn’t have brought me here.”

Lauren tilts her head to the side in confusion. “Why not?”

“It’s so expensive, Laur…” Camila picks at the hem of the tablecloth, frowning. “You can’t afford something like this…”

After a few moments, taking the words in, Lauren laughs. “Camila, surely by now, considering the amount of times you’ve shown up to mock my uniform, you’ve realised that I have a job?”

“At a _grocery store. Stacking shelves_.” Camila points out, and Lauren just shrugs. “You can’t afford to take me out for a fancy dinner because you need your money for college.”

“Camz, I’ve been working at the same place since mid-freshman year, and I’ve never been a big spender. I have a lot behind me for college,” Lauren assures her, “and, well… I was going to tell you this some other time, because tonight is about you, but… I got an academic scholarship to Columbia. It covers my tuition. I’ll still have living costs, but like I said, I’ve got money behind me, and my manager said I can have my job back over the summers, so whatever I spend, I’ll earn back.”

“You did?” Camila beams at her, reaching across the table and squeezing her hand. “I would jump on you and koala hug you, but I feel like that’d be _frowned upon_ in this restaurant. But I’m so fucking proud of you, baby.”

Lauren smiles, blushing at the pet name. “Thanks. I worked my ass off, and it takes a lot of pressure off my parents, especially since they have Chris and Tay to worry about getting through college, too.”

“Well… once we get our drinks, we should toast to it. Do you think they’ll have coke here?” Camila asks, picking up her menu again. “Or do you think it’ll be something like _elixir of god’s asscrack_?”

Lauren snorts, shaking her head and pick up her own menu, even though she already knows what she’s ordering; the same as last time. She’d fallen in love with the smoked salmon. “I’m pretty sure everywhere has coke. I’m just getting water.”

Camila pauses in thought, before she nods. “Yeah, same. Water is always free, right? I’m pretty sure there’s some law that states that water has to be free if the establishment sells alcohol. Then again, a place like this…”

“You don’t have to pick water just because it’ll cost me less,” Lauren looks over at her, taking Camila’s hand and squeezing, trying to convey complete sincerity. “I want to treat you, Camz. You can order anything from the menu.”

“Oh, so, the…” Camila runs a finger down the drinks portion of the menu, “the two hundred dollar bottle of champagne is fine?”

Lauren laughs, rolling her eyes. “You know what I meant. Nothing super excessive and ridiculous, but don’t feel like you’ve got to order like, a single slice of lettuce in case you break my bank.”

Finally, Camila smiles, nodding her head. “Alright. As long as you’re sure.”

“I am,” Lauren promises her, putting her menu down and waiting for Camila to choose something. When her girlfriend stays sat, frowning at the menu, she laughs. “You realise that the English and Spanish is underneath the French, right?”

“Yeah, I’m just… confused,” Camila frowns at the menu, “they don’t have chicken nuggets. Who doesn’t have chicken nuggets?”

“Uh…” Lauren looks at her in shock, trying to figure out how to remind Camila what kind of place they’re in _nicely_ , but then her girlfriend smirks, and Lauren rolls her eyes. “You actually had me there.”

“Yeah, I could tell.” Camila laughs. “I’m going to get the grilled garlic chicken breast thing. Seems like the only _not_ super posh thing here.”

“Good choice,” Lauren smiles, “Taylor had that when I came with my family and she said it was good.”

Once they’ve ordered, Camila asks Lauren a question, and she’s really not sure how to answer it.

“So, what exactly prompted this fancy dinner date?” Camila questions her. “I mean, it’s not like it’s an anniversary for us or anything.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, shrugging. There’s a multitude of reasons but part of it is wanting to make Camila’s first time special, and she doesn’t want Camila to think she’s taking her out like this just to get sex as some kind of a reward.

“I just… want you to know how happy you make me,” Lauren admits, “and… I don’t know, you deserve to be treated like this. You deserve the world, Camz, and I just… want to give you as much of it as I possibly can. I want you to feel special.”

Camila beams at her, so many emotions swimming in her chocolate brown eyes. “I never imagined I’d ever hear something like that coming from your mouth.”

Lauren smiles a little. “Well, it’s the truth.”

“I feel like the luckiest girl in the universe,” Camila admits, biting down on her bottom lip. “And I really… I really care about you, Lauren. I don’t want anything to mess this up.”

Lauren squeezes Camila’s hand. “Trust me, Camz… nothing could ever come between us. I promise.”

She says the words with every fibre of her being, knowing that she means it. She swears to herself that she’s going to keep her promise to Camila, because she never, _ever_ wants to lose her. She thinks that Camila’s song about her, the one she’s still writing, is extremely fitting for them.

Because ever since Camila had walked into her life, Lauren knew she’d never be the same.

-

“Admittedly, I _did_ kind of love the way you treated me tonight,” Camila muses as Lauren unlocks the front door to her house, knowing her parents aren’t home. “Your chivalry is off the charts, Jauregui.”

Lauren smiles, a little nervously. “Yeah, well… I just want you to know how special you are.”

“You definitely showed me that,” Camila assures her, squeezing her hand as Lauren shuts the front door, locking it. “Tonight was… a lot of things I never thought I’d get.”

Lauren pulls her in for a kiss. “You know I’ll give you everything I can, Camz.”

“I just… I really…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and pulls Lauren in for a tight hug. “You’re so important to me. I never want to lose what we have.”

“You won’t, babe,” Lauren assures her, nodding towards the stairs. “Do you want to… go upstairs?”

Almost instantly, Camila smirks. “So _that’s_ what all of this is about.”

Lauren splutters, because even though it’s half the truth, it’s not the entirety. “No, it seriously _was_ about making you feel special and cared for, and I don’t care if you don’t want that, because tonight has already been perfect…”

Camila shushes her, her hand cupping Lauren’s jaw and her thumb tracing lightly across Lauren’s cheek. “You’re such a sweetheart. I know you wanted to be in control tonight, but I _also_ know that the want for control ends right here. Doesn’t it, babygirl?”

At the pet name, Lauren’s stomach squirms, and she bites down on her bottom lip, hating the effect it has on her. “I… I don’t want this to be about that. It’s… it’s your first time.”

Camila smiles a little, kissing Lauren’s cheek. “I know it is. And it’s with _you_ , which means it’s already special and perfect. And… honestly, baby, I want you in every single way I can have you.”

Lauren swallows, her eyes raking appreciatively over Camila’s body. “You’re beautiful, Camila. And… I’ll do anything you want me to do.”

Camila hums, kissing Lauren’s jaw, before she whispers into her girlfriend’s ear, “then come upstairs and let me have my way with you.”

Again, Lauren swallows and nods, letting Camila lead her upstairs. Camila pushes open Lauren’s bedroom door, and once they’re inside, she closes it and pins Lauren against it, smirking at the way Lauren’s green eyes widen and her cheeks flood with pink.

Camila’s fingers play with the lock on Lauren’s door, before she turns it and looks at Lauren. “Now we won’t have to worry about any interruptions.”

Lauren lets out a shaky breath, but before she can say anything, Camila kisses her. It’s not what Lauren had expected; she’d expected something rough, but Camila’s kisses are gentle, yet controlling and dominant. She’s being soft, but exerting her power over Lauren at the same time, and if Lauren is being honest, it makes her knees go weak.

“Baby,” Camila murmurs, before she kisses down Lauren’s jaw and starts working on her neck. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

When Camila sucks on just the right point on her neck, Lauren whimpers, not caring about how much her girlfriend is going to tease her for that later. All she can think about is how much she _needs_ Camila, and how she never wants any of this to stop.

Camila kisses her again, playing with the zipper at the back of Lauren’s dress. “Can I get you out of this, baby?”

Lauren whimpers again at the lack of contact, trying to pull Camila in for another kiss, just to be close to her, but Camila shakes her head, pulling away.

“No, baby, I need you to tell me you’re okay with me taking your dress off,” Camila says, pulling her over to the bed, “consent is the most important thing here.”

“ _Yes,”_ Lauren breathes out, kissing Camila again, “ _please_ , Camz, take it off.”

Camila smiles and unzips Lauren’s dress, and when it drops to the ground, she kisses Lauren’s jaw again, murmuring, “you’re so beautiful, princess.”

Lauren toys with the zip on the back of Camila’s dress, looking up at the brown-eyed Latina for permission. Camila simply nods, kissing her again, and Lauren fumbles with the zipper while Camila kisses her, her mind going haywire at all of the things Camila’s tongue is doing, and the way Camila’s hands are on her waist, and the way Camila’s smells so comforting, like lavender, and how controlling yet gentle she is, and it takes her a moment to properly focus and unzip her girl’s dress.

Camila slips out of it and Lauren is blown away by just how beautiful she is. She knows she’s seen it all before, but every single time feels like the first, because she can never truly be prepared for the absolute perfection that is Camila Cabello.

Camila gently pushes her down to the bed, before she straddles Lauren’s waist and smiles down at her. Lauren feels so much towards the younger girl that she can’t quite comprehend it, and when Camila leans down and starts dotting gentle kisses across her tummy, Lauren whimpers again, wanting more.

When she bucks her hips upwards to get a little friction to her clothed centre, Camila laughs. “Not yet, babygirl. I need to spend as much time as I can appreciating every inch of your beautiful body.”

“Camz,” Lauren whines as Camila kisses up her tummy to her bra, “just- touch me, please…”

Camila smiles, and unclasps Lauren’s bra, tossing it across the room. The younger Latina runs her thumb over the hardening tip of Lauren’s left breast, and smirks a little at Lauren’s sharp intake of breath. “You like that?”

Lauren just hums in reply, her fingers digging into Camila’s back, pulling her closer. Camila laughs a little, and she leans down, sucking on the sensitive skin of Lauren’s breasts, leaving her mark, so Lauren will be reminded that she’s _Camila’s_ , and only Camila’s.                          

“Are you mine, babygirl?” Camila asks as she’s leaving her mark on Lauren. “Are you all mine?”

“Yes,” Lauren breathes out, whimpering when Camila sucks on the sensitive peak of her breast, “oh, _god,_ Camz, yes.”

“Good girl,” Camila says, and Lauren feels her tummy twist and turn at the words, and the ache between her legs intensifies. Camila smirks, kissing Lauren, making sure to grind against her and wind the older girl up even more. “Wow, you’re already soaked.”

Lauren tries to grind against Camila again, but the younger Latina stops her. “No, baby, you don’t get to come just yet.”

“ _Camila_ ,” Lauren whines, torn between needing a release and loving the way her girlfriend is dragging it out, holding it just out of her reach. “Please…”

“No, baby,” Camila kisses her neck again, and Lauren moans, “you’ve got to make me feel good first. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes,” Lauren replies instantly, “I can do that for you.”

“Good. You’re so good, princess,” Camila says again, and Lauren clenches her thighs together, squeezing her eyes shut. Camila guides Lauren’s chin upwards, “Open your eyes, baby.”

Lauren does as she’s told, and meets Camila’s gaze, watching as the younger girl takes her own bra off and tosses it across the room. “You’re gorgeous.”

“Thank you, baby,” Camila murmurs, straddling Lauren’s waist, but shifting forwards, “Are you going to make me feel good?”

Lauren nods, wanting to please her girlfriend, and pulls Camila’s panties down, tossing them across the room. Lauren kisses down Camila’s tummy, her hands exploring Camila’s upper thighs, when Camila shakes her head, and gently moves Lauren’s hands away. “No, babygirl, I want you to use your mouth.”

Lauren nods, and sits up, kissing Camila as she lays down on the bed, her head against the pillow. Lauren kisses down Camila’s tummy, before she shuffles down, planting gentle kisses to Camila’s inner thighs, before she finally reaches her girlfriend’s centre, kissing there too. At Camila’s small moan, Lauren smiles, happy to please her girlfriend, placing gentle kisses along Camila’s entrance.

“Laur, baby,” Camila moans, “you’re so good at this.”

Lauren smiles, before she kisses Camila’s clit, and the older girl gasps, letting out a small _fuck_. She uses her tongue to trace slow circles around her girlfriend’s clit, and Camila moans again, bucking her hips up to increase the pressure. Lauren knows she shouldn’t tease Camila; it’s not her place. So, she sucks on her girlfriend’s sex, listening to Camila’s moans of ecstasy, and if anything, it turns her on even more, to think about how she’s making Camila feel. To know that she’s making Camila feel absolute bliss, makes Lauren feel so much closer to her girl.

Camila doesn’t last long; she falls apart in minutes, moaning Lauren’s name, and the older Latina feels shivers when her girlfriend’s fingers dig into her shoulder blades. All she can taste, hear, see, and feel is Camila, and Lauren never wants that to change.

When Camila comes down from her high, she’s quick to flip them back over again, and Lauren sees the hunger and lust in Camila’s eyes, but there’s also caring and gentleness reflected in there, too.

“You’re so good at that, baby,” Camila compliments her, between kisses to Lauren’s tummy, “my beautiful babygirl. I can’t wait to make you feel like that. I can’t wait to make you moan.”

Lauren whimpers when Camila’s fingers tease her centre over her underwear. “Do you want me to make you feel good, baby?”

“Yes,” Lauren stammers, looking up at Camila in desperation. “ _Please_ , Camila.”

Camila hums in thought, still teasing Lauren over her underwear. “Do you deserve to come, baby?”

Lauren stops herself from replying with a _yes_ , and when Camila kisses her jaw again, she mumbles. “That’s- that- you- you decide.”

Camila smiles proudly. “Right answer, babygirl. And I think… I think you do deserve it. Do you want it?”

“Yes, _yes_ ,” Lauren mumbles as Camila pulls her panties down and tosses them aside carelessly. “I- I want _you_. Only you.”

“Okay, baby,” Camila kisses her jaw again, teasing Lauren’s entrance with a finger, “you’re so beautiful.”

Lauren squeezes her eyes shut as Camila slips two fingers into her soaked centre and starts slowly pumping them in and out, curling them in all the right places. Lauren moans, and Camila kisses her, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear as the tension builds in her lower tummy.

When Camila’s thumb presses lightly on her clit, Lauren gasps, and Camila uses that opportunity to slip her tongue inside Lauren’s mouth, kissing her passionately as Lauren feels everything building up, knowing she’s not far from the edge. It makes everything a million times better, Camila kissing her and telling her she’s beautiful while she’s making her feel this way, and Lauren whimpers when Camila starts rubbing gentle circles into her clit with her thumb.

When Camila curls her fingers in just the right place, Lauren falls apart in her girlfriend’s arms, crying out, “ _Camila,”_ but her girlfriend muffles it with another kiss. The kisses and the gentle touches as she comes makes Lauren feel so valued and worth something that Camila is the only thing on her mind as she comes down from her high.

And that’s when everything hits her.

The stolen kisses in the dark of a tour bus bunk, the fights, the toxicity, the _fear_. The times when she felt like she was ready but got scared away again, the way their friendship had fallen apart, the X Factor audition where Camila had told her _hey, I like your shirt._ She remembers it all.

She remembers _Fifth Harmony._

The fear is instant, in two different ways. A part of her is hurt, disgusted that _she_ was the girl Camila had always seemed so hurt by, and hating herself for what she’d done, and the other part is terrified, because she knows Camila hates her. She knows Camila wants nothing to do with her.

Camila must’ve noticed her horrified expression, because her smile falls from her face. “Was I not good? _Oh god_ , do you regret it? Shit, I-”

“No,” Lauren interrupts, her voice cracking, looking at the other girl and trying to figure out if it’s _still her_ , if it’d ever really been her, or if this is another fucked up joke that this universe is playing on her. “It was… it was amazing, Camila. It was everything.”

She means it. She really, _truly_ means it.

Camila beams, and lays down next to Lauren with a sigh of relief. “Thank _god_ for that.”

Lauren just hums in response, her mind reeling, remembering waking up here and everything from her _real life_ , wondering how the hell she could’ve forgotten in the first place. But then there’s a part of her, a part that remembers the _other_ life, the one she’s sure she didn’t live, and she’s not sure if she’s really her, or the other one, or _both_.

All she knows is that if Camila is herself, and she finds out, she’ll hate her. And Lauren isn’t messing this up a second time.

“You’re amazing, Camila,” Lauren murmurs, kissing her girlfriend’s temple, “you’re truly the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

Camila blushes, but beams, and Lauren is so happy that she can have this, that she hasn’t hurt Camila this time, that there’s no pressure to scare her away. “Sorry, Lo, but I’m afraid that’s you. I’ll make you a certificate.”

Lauren laughs a little, her heart warmer than it’s ever been. _She has Camila._ “Nope, don’t argue with me. I’ll make the certificate first.”

“Fine, then,” Camila pouts at her, smirking a little evilly. “I’ll just make one proclaiming you as the biggest bottom ever, and stick it on your wall for you. Either that or I’ll make a big banner that says _Lauren Jauregui is a bottom,_ and I’ll stick it across your locker at school.”

Lauren blushes, but shakes her head. “You’d never expose me like that.”

“We’ll see,” Camila laughs, standing up and stretching, “do you mind if I jump in the shower really quick?”

Lauren shakes her head, and watches Camila go, before she sits up and lets out a breath. She doesn’t know what the hell she’s going to do, not even sure if she’s entirely herself. She feels like she’s going crazy, but Lauren knows she’s not. She knows this is _real_ , because she’d woken up here before. She’d _forgotten who she really is_. She sighs again, running a hand though her hair, knowing one thing for certain.

She _can’t_ tell Camila a thing.


	34. thirty three

**_April 26 th, 2017_ **

Lauren doesn’t know what’s going on.

Her head hurts, because she knows she’s not one hundred percent _herself_ , even though she remembers auditioning for the X Factor, she remembers all of that life, and she knows she’s lived it. But she remembers growing up here, she remembers meeting Normani in first grade, she remembers going through everything she went through with Camila with _Lucy_. It’s like she’s herself, but she has all of this new insight that she shouldn’t have because of the way the other version of her had developed.

But most of all, Lauren remembers _forgetting._ Everything had slowly slipped away and she felt like she was constantly questioning her own sanity, not knowing what was real and what was fake, and she’d felt so alone, wishing that one of the girls were here with her.

And now, she thinks one of them might be.

She knows that Camila _was_ here, at least at one point. With all the drunken rambling she remembers from New Year’s Eve, it’d be impossible for her to be _this_ Camila. And, you know, she’s actually saying more than two words to Lauren.

But there’s no way to figure out _for definite_ , without telling Camila what she knows, and that would ruin everything. She knows Camila wants nothing to do with her.

A part of her was completely disgusted to remember that she was the girl Camila had been so hurt by. A part of her had already known, but she hadn’t realised the full extent of the pain she’d caused. She didn’t know she’d ever meant so much to Camila. She knew that Camila had had feelings for her at one point, but she didn’t know they ran that deep.

It makes her hate herself for being a coward more than she already did.

She didn’t know that her own feelings ran this deep, either. She knew she’d felt something for Camila at one point, but she’d never realised how strong those feelings actually were until she’d remembered everything. And she’d thought those feelings had gone away.

Turns out she was wrong about that.

“Are you okay?”

Lauren blinks in surprise; she hadn’t realised she’d looked so contemplative and upset. “Yeah? Of course I am.”

“Are you sure?” Camila asks, coming to sit down next to her and rest her head on Lauren’s shoulder, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. “You looked all upset and weird.”

Lauren tries to laugh it off. “Yeah, sorry, just thinking about all of the projects I’ve got to finish. It’s the last minute rush before exam season, so…”

Even though it’s trivial, it’s part of the reason she’s not sure if she’s really _herself._ She has all of this worry about things like that, about exams and about going away to college soon, but she knows she shouldn’t worry about it, because those aren’t _her_ worries.

Or maybe they are. Maybe she’s not entirely herself. Maybe she’s _this_ version of her, too. Maybe being stuck behind her own eyes for months, not even _realising_ that she was trapped somewhere, had influenced her. Maybe a part of this other Lauren’s soul had stuck with her. _Or_ maybe she’d always had this other person inside her all along, and it’s the _circumstances_ that made them different. She doesn’t know. She really doesn’t know _anything_.

“Well, my baby doesn’t have to worry about that,” Camila smiles, and Lauren’s stomach turns, because she knows if Camila knew, she wouldn’t be calling her that. “This little smarty pants has a scholarship to an Ivy League school.”

Lauren looks over at Camila with a small smile _._ “I still have to do well, though.”

“Yeah, but still,” Camila smiles, threading her fingers through Lauren’s and giving her another kiss on the cheek. “You’re going to kill it. I already know that. Because you’re my smart babygirl.”

Lauren blushes at the pet name, shifting embarrassedly, her mind flashing back to the night she’d been a little too drunk, and she’d crawled into Camila’s bunk with her, practically begging the girl to dominate her. She’d been so fucking mortified that she’d avoided Camila as best as she could in their situation, talking to the girl when she needed to, in rehearsals and at shows, but not outside of that.

“Seriously, what’s up?” Camila asks, pulling Lauren closer and dotting gentle kisses across her cheeks. “You’re all tense.”

“I’m just… thinking.” Lauren sighs a little, trying to figure out the best way to find out what Camila knows. “You know, um… that girl? The one who hurt you?”

Camila blinks in surprise, frowning a little. “Yeah?”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip. “Do you… still have feelings for her?”

“Baby…” Camila frowns, kissing the top of Lauren’s head. “Of course I don’t. I have feelings for _you_. She’s nothing to me at this point. I want _you_.”

Lauren looks down at her feet with a small sigh. She’d known that was coming, but it still made her heart hurt. “Do you hate her?”

“Again, no,” Camila shakes her head, and that gives Lauren a tiny bit of hope, “I just… don’t really feel anything for her by this point. Except maybe hurt and a little bit of residual anger. But _you’re_ the one I want. You’re the girl who treats me like a queen, you’re the girl who makes me smile when I’m feeling sad, and most importantly… you’re my soulmate.”

Lauren feels a mixture of both happy and sad emotions, because she knows that her desire to do things right had probably reflected in her actions while she didn’t remember anything, but she also has to recall all of the awful things she did at Camila’s words. She sighs again, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. “You really think… I’m your soulmate? Not her?”

 _Not me,_ Lauren means to say, _not the real me._

“Laur, baby,” Camila gives her a gentle squeeze around the middle. “She’s nothing to me. You’re everything.”

That solidifies all of Lauren’s thoughts. She knew Camila didn’t want her, but she hadn’t realised she’d completely lost her to this other version of herself, who might not even exist. Not if Lauren had been _her_ the whole time, just unaware of it.

 _The person you’ve got to keep pretending to be_ , she reminds herself before another thought pops into her head, _no, the person you already_ are _, dummy. You have all of her memories. All of her thoughts. As well as the other one._

Lauren frowns at the thought, wondering if this whole experience has affected her for good. If she was right, when she thought that a part of this other Lauren had rubbed off on her. She wonders if Camila would be okay with her not being entirely herself, or this other Lauren, but _both_.

“Look, are you sure you’re alright?” Camila asks her, taking her hand. “You seem like you’ve got a lot on your mind.”

 _You have no idea_ , Lauren thinks, but quickly backtracks, _or maybe you do._ “No, I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Camila accepts her answer with a smile, “ _but_ , I want you to take a break from your studying. You’re going to let me treat you to ice cream.”

“That girl,” Lauren blurts out, and Camila looks a little taken aback, “what was her name?”

Camila looks at her in surprise, and opens her mouth to reply, her jaw working. She looks deep in thought, as though she’s trying to remember something important, before she answers. “I don’t… I don’t r- _oh!_ Um, this is… embarrassing.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. Had Camila not remembered? Had she already forgotten, and this version of Camila had taken over, the same thing that had happened to her? Was Lauren too late? “You don’t remember her name?”

“No, it’s um,” Camila lets out an awkward laugh, “I had a small… mental block, but… um, her name was Lauren, actually.”

Lauren feels her heart hurt, and she nods, knowing for a fact that this is _her_ Camila, not the other one. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Camila laughs a little, “I guess I’ve got a thing for girls called Lauren, huh? Good thing is, you’re the superior one in every way.”

Lauren forces out a laugh, and when Camila kisses her, the worries dissipate for a second, but she knows Camila wouldn’t be kissing her if she knew. Because Camila doesn’t want her, or even _like_ her in any way.

Because Lauren is _nothing to her._ Camila had said that herself.

“Anyway, come on, up,” Camila stays, getting off Lauren’s bed and picking up the textbooks littered around her, “we’re going for ice cream. You need a well-deserved break.”

Lauren lets Camila pull her up, and the younger girl pulls her in for another kiss. When they part, Lauren looks her over and smiles a little. “You’re so beautiful, Camila.”

Camila laughs, taking her hand and squeezing it. “Thank you, baby. You’re pretty gorgeous, yourself.”

Lauren hums in reply, letting Camila tug her down the stairs, and when the younger girl grabs her car keys, she frowns, holding out her hand for them, but Camila just looks at her, shakes her head, and walks out the front door. Lauren’s eyes widen when Camila jumps into the driver’s seat.

 _What the hell is she doing? She can’t drive,_ Lauren thinks to herself. “Um, Camz, don’t you think I should drive?”

“No, you deserve to relax,” Camila shrugs, but frowns when Lauren makes no move to get in the car. “Well? Come on.”

Lauren looks at the passenger seat, a little confused. “But you can’t drive?”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Camila laughs, shaking her head. “I _can_ , I just don’t have my own car, and my parents are pretty much always hogging the family one, so I never get to drive much. But I have my license.”

Lauren frowns, because she’s about ninety nine percent certain that Camila Cabello _cannot_ drive, and she knows that this is most likely the Camila Cabello she knows. But… she can’t act suspicious, because Camila may start to catch on, and then she’ll lose her forever.

So, Lauren gets in the car, thinking that maybe if she dies in this universe, there might be a small chance she’ll wake up where she’s supposed to be, thinking about how she’d gotten outed and having to deal with that whole mess.

But, if she’s honest, she’d take that over this _any day._

They don’t die; turns out Camila actually can drive, and when they get to the beach, the younger Latina buys her an ice cream and holds her hand as they walk down the beach together. Lauren knows she’ll never get this, not if Camila knows, so she uses the memories from the other life, the one she lived but didn’t, and tries to act like everything is fine.

Camila seems to buy it, because she doesn’t question Lauren anymore, and holds her hand, content and happy as they stroll along the beach.

After a comfortable silence, Camila finally speaks. “You’re not going to break up with me when you go off to college, right?”

Lauren blinks in surprise at the question, and it’s only then that she remembers, _yeah, I’m a year older than her._ It didn’t seem like a big deal when they were in a girl group and spent ninety percent of the year together, but in a place like this, where Camila will be stuck in school another year… it causes an issue.

Before Lauren can think about it, she’s responding. “Why would I do that? You’re my soulmate, Camz.”

“I… I don’t know, a lot of the time when people go off to college, they break up with their high school partner,” Camila shrugs. “You know, in case they meet someone better. And… sometimes I feel like this is the only context I could have you in. Like, high school, where we live in the same city. We’re not… far apart… or… whatever.”

Lauren hears the underlying implications of that. _We’re not in a world famous girl group with intense shippers breathing down the back of our necks. We know who we are and we didn’t have to figure it out under the scrutiny of billions of people._ “I’m never going to leave you. I know I won’t meet someone better, because there _isn’t_ anyone better.”

“Okay, I just… had to ask,” Camila mumbles, shrugging, “and you’ll come home? To see me?”

“Or you can visit me,” Lauren suggests, squeezing Camila’s hand, “we’ll do both. And Skype exists.”

If she thinks about it, Lauren is pretty sure they’ll be able to maintain a healthier relationship with her away at college and Camila here, than they would’ve been able to when they were stuck on a tour bus for months on end.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Camila agrees, “I feel better about it now. I don’t like… thinking about the future. It’s honestly terrifying to me.”

“Same,” Lauren answers immediately, because she doesn’t know if she’ll still be stuck _here_ in the future. “You applied for a few colleges, right? Even though you’re not sure about going?”

“Yeah, mostly because of my dad’s persuasion.” Camila sighs, looking down at her feet. “And before you ask, I looked at a few near Columbia and in that general area. But like I said… I don’t really want to go to college. It’s not for me. I know that.”

“Because you want to do music,” Lauren finishes for her, thinking about how she’d felt, at age fifteen, thinking about going on The X Factor, not realising the pressure of fame and how much she’d truly hate it. “Have you ever thought about how much fame sucks, though?”

Camila laughs, and smiles a little knowingly. “Trust me, I’ve _more_ than thought about it.”

 _Me too_ , Lauren thinks. “And you’d live with it? You’d be okay with it?”

“I think so,” Camila murmurs, shrugging, “it’s not… it’s not like I’d love the fame, because a lot of hate comes with it. But I think if I just focused on the love, I’d cope. It’d be worth it to make music.”

Lauren frowns, not realising how much music was really worth to Camila. Personally, she doesn’t feel entirely the same, since they basically just get handed songs and get told to sing and dance to them like puppets. She doesn’t know how Camila could like that.

Then again… she’d had the feeling that Camila was going to leave for a while now. “What if… what if you got into it and you just got handed shit to sing. Songs you didn’t connect with.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip. “I mean… I’ve told you I only want to do _my_ music. That it’s… it’s personal for me. Writing songs is like my therapy.”

“I never realised how personal it was for you,” Lauren admits, even though she’d known Camila wasn’t happy in the group, but a lot of the time, none of them are. “And you… you write about _me_?”

“Yeah,” Camila smiles at her, kissing her cheek, “obviously. You’re my girlfriend and I… I have a lot of feelings for you. My songs are about my feelings.”

“Oh,” Lauren smiles a little. “Well, uh… you’re still going to let me hear them, right?”

“Of course, baby,” Camila smiles, “you’re the first person I’ll play them for.”

Lauren smiles, but her heart aches, because she knows Camila wouldn’t be saying things like that if she knew, which is all the more motivation to keep this from her. She just needs to figure out what she’s doing and how she’s going to do it.

It shouldn’t be that hard.

-

**_April 27 th, 2017_ **

“She’s being distant again.”

When Lauren hears her girlfriend’s voice drifting out of the classroom, she frowns, and stands closer to the door, trying to listen in.

“Have you tried talking to her?” Dinah asks, and Lauren blinks, wondering if they’re talking about her. “You know, since communication is normally the best way to go in relationships.”

“Yeah, we’ve spoken.” Camila sighs. “She says she’s fine but then she looks all daydreamy and weird, like she’s super deep in thought. I think maybe she… regrets sleeping with me. Maybe I wasn’t good enough or something.”

Lauren has to hold in her snort of amusement. Camila was probably the best she’s ever had, and she’s about to walk into the room and tell Camila just that, but she’s stopped by Dinah.

“Or maybe she’s _our_ Lo,” Dinah suggests, and Lauren freezes in shock. _Dinah’s here too?_ “And maybe she’s not telling you because she thinks you’re this Camila.”

“No, we’ve worried about that before, and it turned out she was just a little scared of ruining our friendship,” Camila shakes her head, “she’s not _that_ Lauren.”

Lauren has to admit, it stings a little to hear Dinah say _our Lauren_ and have it corrected to _that Lauren_. She’s trying to ignore it, but when someone _else_ speaks, her heart practically stops.

“I mean, Dinah’s got a point, Mila,” Lucy says, and Lauren hears Camila’s sigh. “We’re certain she’s been here before, like Dinah. Dinah snapped back into it, so maybe Lauren did too.”

“No,” Camila’s voice is shaky, and for a moment, Lauren is more blown away by the fact that _Lucy is here too,_ but at Camila’s words, her heart breaks. “I don’t _want her here._ She’ll ruin everything. I- I _love_ my Lauren, and I don’t want _her_ ruining the only chance I might have to be happy.”

Lauren feels like every single one of her heartstrings has snapped. She’d known it, of course, but it hurts so much to hear Camila _say_ it. _I don’t want her._ She knows she’d fucked up, and she hadn’t treated Camila properly before, but she’d do anything she could to fix it. She just hadn’t realised that maybe Camila didn’t _want_ her to fix it.

 _You’re my soulmate_ , she’d said. But she didn’t mean _you,_ Lauren tells herself, _she meant the other one. The one that wouldn’t ruin everything._

Lauren wipes at her eyes, hating herself for crying. She’s realised she hates herself for a lot of things, things she wishes she could fix, but she knows she can’t. Camila hates her, and she wants the other Lauren. The other Lauren makes her happy.

 _Even though you are the other one_ , a tiny voice in the back of her head tells her _, you just didn’t know you were somebody else while you were her. Subconsciously, you probably influenced her._

Lauren swallows the lump in her throat and tries to wipe her tears away, deciding something. She knows she can’t have Camila, and that’s her own fault. She can’t have Camila, but the _other_ Lauren can, and the other one makes Camila happy. If Camila wants her, with no memories of Fifth Harmony, then Lauren knows what she has to do.

Lauren makes a promise to herself. A promise that she’s going to figure things out and disappear, so Camila can have the Lauren she wants. It could end up with her being erased, or trapped inside her own head again, _or_ just going back to the real world, but she’s going to do everything she can to make sure things are back to the way before, when she was blissfully unaware of her own presence. She’s going to do everything she can to make sure Camila is happy.

She owes her at _least_ that much.

So, when she hears the others getting up, as if they’re leaving the classroom, Lauren hides. She watches as Dinah and Camila head down the hallway, and after a few moments, Lucy comes out of the classroom, lagging behind.

Lauren watches her for a moment, before she ducks out of the janitor’s closet she’d hidden in and grabs Lucy, pulling her inside.

“Jesus _Christ,_ what’s your fucking problem?” Lucy snaps, and for a moment, Lauren thinks she’s still mad about the breakup, but then her memories kick in; they’d gotten back together, until Lucy had broken up with her again, the only excuse being _we’re better as friends._ But, Lucy realises who it is, and her expression relaxes. “Oh. Um, hey? Not to be dense or anything, but why did you ambush me and drag me in here?”

“I need your help,” Lauren says, sighing. “With Camila.”

“You’re not breaking with her, are you? Because I’m _not_ going to be the messenger.” Lucy says, before she hesitates after seeing Lauren’s tear-filled eyes. “Wait, are you okay? Have you been crying?”

“I- I heard you guys. Talking.” Lauren mumbles, worrying on her bottom lip with her teeth. Lucy looks worried, like she’s trying to figure out some excuse for the crazy-talk, but Lauren interrupts her. “I- I don’t… I don’t really know how to explain it, but I- I kind of… after sleeping with Camila, I woke up again. Because you were _right,_ I have been here before, and it was like… like I was stuck in my own head, but I didn’t even _know_ until now, and- and… I need to figure out how to go away again. How to forget again.”

“You’re _you?”_ Lucy frowns. “Well, we could probably catch up with Camila and Dinah, and we could tell you our theories on how we think we’re going back and…”

“No. Not just… not necessarily go back,” Lauren interrupts, shaking her head. “I just need to… to forget again. Or disappear. I heard what Camila said. She doesn’t… she doesn’t want _me._ She wants things the way they were, when I didn’t know I was me, so… I need to go. For her. So she can be happy.”

“Lo…” Lucy looks at her in complete and utter heartbreak, and pulls her in for a tight hug. “You don’t need to think about that. Camila… she doesn’t mean the things she’s saying. She’s just confused and- and she’s focusing on all of your flaws. She’s created this weird separation between you and the other you, even though you’re the same person. But she _loves_ you. _Any_ you.”

Lauren ignores the tiny spark of hope in her heart and shakes her head. “She doesn’t. She wants things to be the way they were. You heard her. She… she called ‘this one’ _my Lauren_. She wants me when I don’t remember, and I’m- I’m going to give her that.”

“She wants _you_. I promise,” Lucy assures her, but Lauren shakes her head. “I’m telling you, she’s just too caught up in this whole thing and she doesn’t even realise that you’ve always been you. If you were here and you forgot, you were obviously still there subconsciously. You were having _dreams_ about it, so it’s obvious that you were influencing yourself, even if you weren’t aware of it. Maybe you being here is… is like, a wakeup call for Camila. It’ll tell her that this isn’t _her reality._ ”

“Just… don’t tell her,” Lauren pleads, “Camila can’t know. I’m trying to fix things and disappear, and if everything goes to plan she won’t _have_ to know.”

Lucy sighs, but nod. “Alright. I won’t tell her. But… I don’t think this is going to work.”

“I need it to work,” Lauren mumbles, shaking her head. “I need it to. I- I need to do this one thing for her, so she can be happy. She deserves it.”

Lucy just shakes her head, like she knows Lauren’s plan isn’t going to work, but Lauren does her best to assure herself it will. She’s going to do this for Camila.

Even if it kills her.


	35. thirty four

**_April 30 th, 2017_ **

“I’m starting to think that maybe I’m not all _me._ ” Lauren admits, pacing around Lucy’s room. “Like, I remember everything about this life, like I _am_ this person, but I know I’m not, because I’ve lived the other life. I remember everything from there too. It’s just so confusing.”

“You’ve always been you, but we’ve ruled out the possibility of this place being a dream. It’s obviously a separate reality where we still _exist_ , but we developed differently. Being trapped inside the other _version_ of you has to leave a mark,” Lucy shrugs, “maybe that means you’re both. Like… a big part of you is _you_ , but a smaller part is this version, like how Dinah doesn’t really feel wholly herself. _This_ Lauren is still a real person, but because you’ve always been there subconsciously, she’s not been herself at all, because you were always influencing her. If you think about it, Camila has technically never _met_ this Lauren. She’s always been with you.”

“What about Mani and Ally?” Lauren asks quickly, “Do they know anything?”

“No,” Lucy shakes her head. “They don’t. Not as far as we know, anyway. It’s just you, me, Camila and Dinah.”

“Okay…” Lauren trails off, frowning. “You really think I could be both? Just different… _percentages_?”

“I mean, it’s possible,” Lucy says, grabbing her hand to stop her from pacing, “stop pacing, you’ll end up leaving tracks in my floor. If you remember both, and you have the thoughts of both, then you’re both. Partly you but partly her.”

“But- that can’t be possible, I can’t be two people at the same time,” Lauren points out, shaking her head. “I have to be one or the other, and I know which one I am. I’m me in the way you’re you. But I don’t _feel_ like me.”

“Yeah, you probably can’t be two people at once,” Lucy agrees with her, “but maybe we don’t switch places completely. That might be why you guys forgot everything, and why Camila and I are forgetting, because there’s still a part of this other version of us in the back of our minds and the percentages are switching. If we _did_ switch completely, wouldn’t we look like ourselves, too? You and Camila would be twenty. I’d be twenty one. Dinah would be nineteen.”

“But… I don’t…” Lauren sighs, feeling like banging her head against a wall and seeing if that does anything. Instead, she flops down on Lucy’s bed next to her. “I don’t get any of this.”

“None of us do,” Lucy says, “but I kind of have a theory. Maybe it’s not a complete switch. Maybe we’re like… two parts of the same soul, coming together as one. Maybe that’s why you and Dinah remember both, and it’d explain us not ageing up. None of us are different people, we’re just different variations of the same soul. Like… these versions of us are just affected by different choices, but at our core, we’re still the same person. You’re probably not really _both_ , that’s just the easiest way to explain it. You’ve always been _you_ , Lo. You just didn’t remember.”

“Lucy…” Lauren trails off, staring at her, “I could kiss you. I think you might actually be right.”

Lucy snorts. “Save that for Camila. Don’t go cheating on another girlfriend.”

Lauren pauses when Lucy’s words register, and her face sinks into a frown. “ _What?”_

“It’s okay, Lo. I’m over it.” Lucy sighs a little, moving to get comfortable against the headboard of her bed, but Lauren pulls her back, staring at her in shock. “What? I mean it, I’m over it-”

“But I didn’t- I didn’t _cheat on you_ ,” Lauren stares at her, unable to believe the words. “You know I wouldn’t _ever_.”

Lucy frowns at her. “What’s the last thing you remember? From Fifth Harmony?”

“I- we… we got outed,” Lauren tells her, staring in shock, “the pictures of us kissing at that wedding got leaked and I freaked out and was so scared I couldn’t function and ended up crying myself to sleep and then I woke up here.”

“So you weren’t even there for…” Lucy trails off, staring down at her feet. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Lauren asks, her voice urgent when Lucy doesn’t elaborate. “ _Lucy, tell me.”_

“I’m right. I’m fucking _right about something.”_ Lucy blinks in surprise, grabbing her phone. “The soul thing. A part of you left, and that’s what brought you here. It’s why you were acting like you were on autopilot. That’s why you acted so depressed and unfeeling. And _that’s why you cheated._ You- You blamed it on me, saying that I wasn’t _fun_ enough, saying that you didn’t feel anything anymore. But you didn’t feel anything because a part of you had gone. You weren’t _you_. Not really.”

“I…” Lauren stares at her, trying to take it all in, but when she sees Lucy messaging someone, she gabs her phone and tosses it on the floor. “You can’t tell them. They can’t know I’m here.”

“Lauren, technically, you’ve always been here,” Lucy argues, “And they’re in the same position as us. They deserve to know.”

“But how are you going to tell them without them knowing I’m here?” Lauren says, thinking through Lucy’s explanation, but she stops again. “Wait… how long has _Camila_ been here?”

“Since September,” Lucy tells her absentmindedly, grabbing her phone again, “first day of her junior year.”

Lauren freezes. “That’s when she came up to me. She couldn’t remember her way to a classroom… and that- that’s the day I completely faded. I got this weird memory of- well, when we met on X Factor. That’s the last day I remember… well, remembering anything. Did she go backwards too? Because I left in November, but I woke up here in May.”

“Yeah, she came here the day she left,” Lucy waves her off, typing a text, “I have to tell them _something_ , okay?”

Lauren just rolls her eyes. “I know she came the day she left, obviously, since she _left_ there and came _here_. But what was the date for _us?_ Like, Fifth Harmony, I mean.”

“Wait…” Lucy stares at her for a moment, “of course, you wouldn’t know… Laur, Camila left Fifth Harmony. That’s what I mean by the day she left.”

“She did?” Lauren blinks in surprise, unsure of how to feel about that. To be honest, it seems kind of minor compared to the whole _trapped in an alternate universe_ thing. “I mean, I know she… she was thinking about it, but I didn’t think she’d actually go through with it…”

“I just… can’t believe any of this…” Lucy mumbles, shaking her head, “I can’t believe we’ve figured something out. And you didn’t… I know I said I was over it, but honestly, I was still kind of mad at you, and knowing that you didn’t actually…”

“Cheat on you?” Lauren frowns at her. “Of course I wouldn’t. Who would I even do that with?”

Lucy just shrugs. “You never told me. But I’m glad I know it wasn’t really _you_. I’ve texted Camila and Dinah to tell them I’ve figured something out. I’ll tell them I just figured out when you left.”

“Okay,” Lauren nods, letting out a long sigh and laying down next to Lucy, staring at the ceiling. “What I really want to know is _why._ Why we’re stuck here…”

“Laur… at this point, I don’t know if we’ll ever truly find out,” Lucy sighs, shrugging. “Maybe it’ll come down to a single thing. Honestly, I think it might be Camila.”

Lauren frowns. “Why? Four of us are here. Two of us showed up before she did. Why would it be because of her?”

“Because she’s the one who was on the outside, in a way. She wasn’t friends with you anymore, not after everything that went down between you two,” Lucy shrugs. “Dinah was the only one she was _kind of_ friends with by the time she left, and even that friendship had fizzled out and become all awkward. Ally and Mani basically just treated her as a colleague, not a friend. You four were all close, and she was on the outside.”

Lauren frowns, admitting that Lucy has a point. “That doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I don’t know,” Lucy sighs a little, looking over at Lauren. “Maybe it’s because at the time, you’d chosen me over her. Maybe I’m here to stop any drama happening between the three of us. At first, I thought I was here to move on from you, because you’d cheated and I never wanted to see you again. Maybe I’m here to learn the truth and fix our friendship. Because I never lied when I said you were my soulmate. Just not… in the way I thought.”

Lauren smiles; the first honest to god, full frontal grin she’s worn since she’d remembered everything. She practically attacks Lucy in a hug and snuggles her face into her best friend’s neck. “Yeah. You’re my soulmate too. Love you, Luc.”

Lucy hugs her back. “Love you too, Lo.”

“So,” Lauren pulls away from her friend and tries to lighten the mood a little, smirking. “How’s _Nicole?”_

Lucy raises her eyebrows. “Don’t you have more pressing matters to worry about?”

Lauren just cackles evilly. “Lucy’s in _love.”_

“Fuck off, Lauren.” Lucy rolls her eyes. “I don’t even know if I’ll find her again if we go back…”

“You’re always going to find your person, dumbass,” Lauren points out with a grin, “and I’m still going to tease you relentlessly, anyway.”

“You’re the worst.”

“You love me, though.”

“…yeah, I guess I do.”

-

Something is wrong with Lauren.

Camila knows it. She knows Lauren is being distant, and while sometimes she gets little flashes of Lauren, not worrying about anything, almost immediately, her girlfriend goes back into a slump. She knows that it’s almost exam season, and there’s graduation to worry about, but she doesn’t think it’d mess Lauren up _that much._

She’d spent a little while after talking with Dinah and Lucy trying to convince herself that there’s no way it could be Fifth Harmony Lauren. Fifth Harmony Lauren wouldn’t be being as sweet as Lauren is still being, but she _would_ be distant.

So, she decides to sleuth.

“Hey, baby?” Camila says, and for a moment, the glassy look in Lauren’s eyes disappears. “Have you had any more of those weird dreams?”

Lauren blinks in surprise. “What about?”

“About us,” Camila announces as casually as she can. “You know, when you had those weird dreams about you… hurting me? Blowing me off and stuff. And that whole… Fifth Harmony thing.”

Lauren tenses, and Camila’s heart rate quickens. _That’s not a good sign._ “Um, no. I’d forgotten about them until now.”

“Yeah, I mean, not many people remember their dreams,” Camila comments, “but I’m surprised you forgot that. I thought they were freaking you out.”

“Yeah, but…” Lauren trails off, thinking, “you told me not to worry about them.”

“I know, but I was just curious about something,” Camila comments, “Aren’t you interested about how real you said they felt? Maybe… maybe it’s like we dip into different universes in our dreams. Real universes.”

Again, Lauren tenses. “Interesting theory. But… I don’t know. Dreams are probably just dreams.”

“Yeah,” Camila finally agrees, looking Lauren over, “maybe. Anyway, how is your studying coming along?”

“It’s fine,” Lauren comments, shrugging, “boring, but fine. But thank you for being interested, Camz.”

“I’m always going to be interested in you, baby,” Camila smiles at her, finally feeling like _her_ Lauren is okay. “And- look, I know something is going on, but… I’m going to trust you’re okay and let you come to me when you feel ready.”

Lauren blinks up at her in surprise. “I _am_ okay.”

Camila frowns as Lauren sits up. “You are?”

“Yeah,” Lauren leans down and kisses her, pulling back with a small smile. “I’ve got you. That’s all I need to be okay.”

Camila feels all the anxiety in her chest ease away. _Fifth Harmony Lauren would never. This one is still your Lauren. Dinah and Lucy are wrong._ “You’re so cute, Lo.”

Lauren settles down next to her again, burying her face into Camila’s neck. “I’m not cute. I’m a badass. I’d do anything for my Camzi.”

Camila kisses the top of Lauren’s head. “I’d do anything for you too, Lo.”

Lauren smiles, a little sadly, and Camila frowns, but doesn’t question her. “Well, I’m tired. So... I should probably get going. I need to sleep early since I’m at work in the morning.”

“Sleep over here.” Camila immediately suggests, smiling. “I love falling asleep next to you.”

“You won’t love it that much when my alarm goes off at four.” Lauren comments, rolling her eyes. “Besides, I need to go home anyway. That’s where Nala is. And where my work uniform is.”

“Just go in your regular clothes and claim you’re protesting the ugliness of your uniform,” Camila shrugs like it’s the best idea in the world. “Besides, you don’t need to cuddle Nala when you could just cuddle me.”

Lauren pouts, but shakes her head. “No, I’ve got to go home. You could always come with.”

 _That_ makes Camila smile. “Nice. Yeah. I’ll come with.”

Lauren nods, like she knew Camila would say yes, and stands up, stretching. “You’re going to have to entertain yourself. Like I said, I need sleep.”

Camila hums in agreement, following Lauren out to the car. Her mind jumps to the text she’d gotten from Lucy earlier, telling them that they need to meet tomorrow, that she’d figured something out. “Have you seen Lucy lately?”

Lauren tenses again, and _that_ makes Camila suspicious. And when Lauren obviously lies to her, it makes her feel worse. “No. Why?”

 _Fifth Harmony Lauren cheated on Lucy, remember? Maybe she’s here and doing the same to you._ “And you say there’s nothing going on. But you just lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie?” Lauren is quick to reply. “I haven’t seen Lucy.”

“You did your tell. You were playing with your hair,” Camila points out, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re not getting back together with her, are you? Or- or seeing her on the side…”

“Camila, of course I’m not,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “but clearly if you came to that conclusion, you don’t think very highly of me.”

“Oh my god,” Camila mumbles, “it was just a question. I wanted to know why you were lying to me. Because you’ve been acting so weird ever since we slept together and I’m sick of it. It’s really hurting me, Lauren. You know, that thing you promised you’d never do.”

Lauren sighs, and looks incredibly indecisive as she sits down in the driver’s seat of her car. She bites down on her bottom lip and looks down at the steering wheel with tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you. Really. I never want that to happen.”

“But you’re hurting me _now._ First you weren’t talking to me, and now you’re blatantly lying.” Camila points out, putting her hand on top of Lauren’s. “I’ve told you a million times, you can tell me anything.”

“What if you won’t like what I’ll tell you?” Lauren looks at her, and Camila is terrified about what she _won’t like_. “Wouldn’t you rather say in the dark until it all blows over than find out and be unhappy? You’d never have to know.”

“I don’t care,” Camila firmly replies, because she doesn’t. What she cares about is the lack of communication that’s happening here. And Camila knows from past experience that she and Lauren _need_ to communicate. Any healthy couple does. “Tell me, Lo. I know better than anyone that we have to communicate for this to work.”

Lauren sighs again, looking indecisive. “Just… know I’m trying to fix it for you, okay?”

“Fix _what?”_ Camila frowns, rolling her eyes. “I don’t care if you broke something you borrowed from me or something dumb like that--”

“I’m me.” Lauren mumbles, squeezing her eyes shut. “Well, kind of. I think… I’ve always been me. I just forgot everything, so it’s kind of like I’m _both_. I remember everything from this world and the other one. It happened after… after we slept together. I suddenly remembered everything and- and a part of me was so _sickened_ at the thought that I was… the girl. But another part already _knew_ how you felt about me, and it’s like-”

“You’re _you?”_ Camila asks, blinking back the tears brimming at her eyes. She feels sick to her stomach at the thought. “No- no, you can’t…”

“Well, I- I think I always have been, like I said…” Lauren mumbles, and Camila shakes her head, because she doesn’t _care._ She was finally fucking _happy_ , and Lauren had ruined that for her. Again. “And I- I know you don’t want _me…”_

“You’re damn right I don’t want you,” Camila snaps, shooting the words at Lauren with venom. She fumbles to unbuckle her seatbelt, shaking her head. “I want nothing to do with _you._ You’re toxic and I – I just – you ruined _everything.”_

Lauren squeezes her eyes shut, and Camila sees the hurt on her face, but she doesn’t _care._ All she cares about is the fact that _Lauren,_ the toxic bitch who had made her life _miserable_ , had taken _her_ Lauren away from her.

“I’m trying to- to fix it for you,” Lauren murmurs, her voice shaking, “I didn’t want to- to have to tell you, because-”

“Because you figured you’d spend a little more time with me as your plaything before you move onto your next conquest.” Camila interrupts, glaring hatefully. “You’ve done a lot of fucked up things, Lauren, but you’ve taken _my soulmate_ away from me. And that’s-”

“That’s not fair, I didn’t- I didn’t _intend_ to remember everything, it just… happened,” Lauren finally meets her gaze and Camila ignores the sincerity in them. She knows it’s all a show. “But I’m- I’m trying to fix it. To forget again so you can have this version of me… _her…_ back. I’m trying to forget again. That’s why I- why I met with Lucy.”

“Well,” Camila spits at her, “until you figure it out, I want _nothing to do with you._ Stay the fuck away from me. God knows you’ve hurt me enough.”

Lauren looks completely heartbroken, but Camila doesn’t care. _It’s about time she got a taste of her own medicine._ “Camz-”

“No,” Camila snaps, “you lost any right you had to call me that when you chose someone else over me. And now you’ve ruined what I had with… with the _one_ person I thought could make me happy…”

“But that’s still… that’s still me,” Lauren argues weakly, “just… I was _her_ , but she was _me._ Like Dinah…”

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Camila glares at her, “you’re nothing like my Lauren. She’s never done anything to hurt me and _you_ couldn’t have cared less. As long as it didn’t affect you, what did it matter? You were so _blatantly_ against it, always got mad at even the _idea_ of dating me, and that was just an extra kick in the teeth after all the times _you_ kissed _me_ and then blew me off. I had feelings for you and you fucking took advantage of that. I want nothing to do with you.”

“I was scared.” Lauren defends herself, but her voice comes out weak and cracked. “I- I wasn’t comfortable in my sexuality and the fans- they always seemed to target _me._ To pin labels on _me._ They never really did that to you… or at least, not at the level they did to me.”

“It’s not an excuse.” Camila shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter, anyway, because you hate me. All of you do. So- just- just stay away from me, Lauren. Until you figure out how to disappear, because you’re not the one I want.”

“But it’s- it’s always been me, I just didn’t remember anything _,”_ Lauren insists again, pulling Camila back when she goes to get out of the car. “I swear, it’s like I’m both, I remember both, like Dinah does-”

“Yeah, the only difference there is that neither Dinah ever used me the way you did.” Camila wrenches her arm out of Lauren’s grip. “ _Dinah_ didn’t take my person away from me, did she?”

“But, Camila,” Lauren pulls her back again, and when Camila turns around and fixes her with an angry stare, she sees the desperation in Lauren’s eyes, “I’m still _here_ , it’s always been me, I just remember everything from both now, it’s not like-”

“Fuck off, Lauren,” Camila interrupts, snapping at her. “Stay away from me until you figure out how to do just that. I want my girlfriend back.”

Camila pulls away, getting out of the car and slamming the door behind her, before she runs upstairs and collapses on her bed, sobbing. _Why_ did Lauren have to come here? Why did she have to ruin everything? Camila was _happy_ , and Lauren Jauregui had destroyed it once again.

 _It’s always been me, I just didn’t remember,_ Lauren had insisted, _just like Dinah._

Camila rejects that thought, keeping it away. It hadn’t always been her. She knows that’s just a lie Lauren had constructed to make Camila keep her around, but there’s no way in hell she’s letting Lauren take advantage of her again. No, it’s not happening, and she’s going to get _her_ Lauren back.

Camila makes it her mission to make the other Lauren disappear, if it’s the last thing she does.


	36. thirty five

**_May 8 th, 2017_ **

Camila scowls at her mom as she’s dragged through the aisles of the grocery store. She’s been avoiding Lauren for days, and naturally, her mother had decided to drag her out to help with the shopping before she drops her off at school, because she was sick of her moping around constantly.

And _of course_ , Sinu would drag her right onto the aisle Lauren is working on, and because Camila had yet to tell her about a ‘break-up’ between her and Lauren, Sinu gets her attention.

(Granted, it’s not really a break-up. As soon as Camila figures out how to make Lauren forget again, everything will be fine.)

“Oh, Lauren, I hadn’t realised you worked here,” Sinu announces, and Lauren turns around, a charming smile on her face, but it falters a little once she sees Camila. “You don’t have any mangos in the back, do you? Sofia likes them for her packed lunch.”

“I- um, I’m not supposed to do this, but I can go check,” Lauren murmurs, not meeting Camila’s gaze, “I’ll be right back.”

As Lauren heads towards the back of the store, into the employees only section, Camila lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. Sinu doesn’t pick up on it. “I like her, mija, she’s always so polite.”

“Yeah,” Camila mumbles, sighing a little, “she is.”

When Lauren comes back with a mango in hand, Sinu smiles, and puts it in their shopping cart. “Thank you, Lauren. You know, you still haven’t come over for a proper dinner. Are you free next weekend?”

“I- um,” with a timid look over at Camila, Lauren just shrugs. “I’m not sure yet.”

“Oh, well, just let Karla know,” Sinu smiles over at Camila, who awkwardly looks down at her feet. “We’d love to have you over and get to know you properly.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Lauren quietly responds, looking anywhere but at Camila, “I’ll let Camila know.”

Sinu smiles, and asks Lauren about the location of another item on her shopping list, and once the older girl replies, the tension in Camila’s body floods away, because she won’t have to endure this awkwardness for much longer. But of _course,_ Lauren ruins that, too.

“Um, actually, Camila,” Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, “can I talk to you?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Camila shoots back bitterly. “It’s nothing you can’t text me about.”

“Well, I would, but you won’t respond,” Lauren murmurs, quiet enough for it to go unnoticed by Sinu, who has already set off up the aisle to look for a specific brand of toothpaste. “Look- can we talk? Please? I miss you…”

“No,” Camila glares at her, “you know, since talking to me has always been something you love avoiding. I’m just saving you the trouble.”

“Camila,” Lauren grabs her arm and pulls her back when she goes to walk away. “Please? It’s important we talk before… before you forget.”

“I’m not going to forget, I have Lucy and Dinah to help me.” Camila argues, wrenching her arm out of Lauren’s grip. “I don’t need you.”

“Come on, Camz,” Lauren stops her again, and Camila scowls at the nickname she has _no right_ to use. Even though she came up with it when they were… when… Camila can’t quite remember, but the point is, she doesn’t want Lauren to use that name. “Besides… are you really going to come here and not make fun of my uniform?”

Camila ignores the small smile on Lauren’s face, and ignores the way _Fifth Harmony Lauren_ shouldn’t know anything about that, and just shakes her head, turning away. “It’s not _your_ uniform.”

Lauren follows her up the aisle, pulling her back again. “Camila… can’t you understand that I’m still me? I’ve always _been_ me. I just didn’t remember for a while _._ How would I know where to put everything while I’m working if I didn’t have this other _me_ ’s memories? Explain that?”

“I- I don’t…” Camila’s mouth works as she tries to think of an explanation, but she shakes her head. “That doesn’t matter. You’re not… you’re not her, you’ve never _been_ her, you’re just… _controlling her._ ”

When Lauren’s manager shouts _Jauregui, back to work_ , Camila sends her a malicious smile and waves mockingly. Lauren ignores both Camila and her manager, and shakes her head. “Just… _please_ give me a chance to explain? Wait for me, and I’ll take you to school. We can talk on the ride there.”

“Why can’t you get it through your head that I want nothing to do with you?” Camila snaps at her, pulling away. “You took advantage of me when I was fifteen. You practically _stole_ my first kiss out of- out of _pity_. You- you took my first _everything.”_

“You and I _both_ know that you fucked Michael Clifford to make me jealous,” Lauren retorts, before she sighs and squeezes her eyes shut in frustration. Camila, on the other hand, is frowning at Lauren’s words, knowing that she hadn’t done anything with anyone other than Lauren, except from kissing Austin that one time. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. Just… just know I’m sorry, Camila. You were right; I took advantage of you, but… but that didn’t mean I never had feelings for you, too. I was just… I was _terrified._ I hated _everything_ about being famous, and I’d see all of these tweets, people telling me to just come out already, that they knew I was bisexual, and I wasn’t ready to accept that about myself. Let alone have millions of people know about it.”

“And I- I felt so much for you, Camz,” Lauren mumbles, looking down at her feet. “It scared me. So I ran. I pushed you away. And I’m sorry. You don’t know how badly I wish I’d done things differently. Could you… could you maybe give me another chance? To prove to you that I lo- to prove to you how much you mean to me?”

Camila almost falls for it. Looking into Lauren’s bright green eyes, she almost caves. She thinks back to everything Lauren had done, remembering the first kiss, remembering how Lauren had picked Lucy over her, how she’d constantly blown her off and… and…

She frowns. _What else had she done, again?_ She knows it was bad, obviously. She wouldn’t be this angry if it wasn’t bad. She knows most of it; she knows about the kisses and the lack of communication and all the nights she’d been up crying, but pieces of the puzzle are missing.

“It’s getting worse,” Camila blurts out without thinking, “I can’t remember… a lot.”

Lauren watches her carefully, and goes to take her hand, but Camila pushes her away, shaking her head. Lauren has the audacity to look hurt. “Camila…”

“No,” Camila snaps, shaking her head and backing away from her, “just stay away from me, Lauren. I don’t… I don’t need you.”

Camila runs down the aisle, away from her, and Lauren blinks away the tears in her eyes, sighing and going back to her work, pushing away the numbness in her chest. Camila, on the other hand, is trying to find her mom, her phone in her hand, sending messages to Dinah and Lucy, telling them that they need to meet, that Camila is forgetting too much.

Camila’s mind is reeling. She remembers summer days with Dinah and Ally more clearly than she remembers her tours with Fifth Harmony. She remembers seeing Lauren for the first time, on her first day of freshman year, when they were on a tour of the school and she saw the softball team practicing. There’s a blurred image in her head, hearing a deep, soulful, raspy singing voice, thinking _dang it, she can sing,_ and a girl walking out of the booth, and Camila thinking _dang it, she’s pretty too,_ but it doesn’t seem _real_.

That’s when she starts to panic, her breathing getting faster, but none of the air reaching her lungs. It’s like her throat is blocked by all of her fears and worries, and her chest is caving in from all of the anxiety weighing on it. She backs into a shelf, knocking a few loaves of bread off, but not caring, because she only thing she can think about is how lightheaded she feels, like she’s about to pass out.

She hates it; she hates how she’s becoming this weak version of herself, the one with so much anxiety, the one that gets panic attacks constantly, because she was _better._ She’d finally accepted herself for what she is, finally known her worth, but now she’s forgetting it all.

Strong arms wrap around her, and she buries her face into Lauren’s neck, not caring how mad she is at the other girl, because all she needs right now is someone to hold her and tell her it’s all going to be okay.

Lauren seems to understand, because she rubs comforting circles into Camila’s back and murmurs, “It’s okay, Camz. You’re okay.”

Camila can’t focus on anything but how badly she needs to breathe, and how the air won’t quite reach her lungs and she feels like she’s about to pass out. She cries out a small, “Lauren,” in despair, and the older girl shushes her, kissing the top of her head.

“Okay, baby, I’m going to need you to look at me,” Lauren murmurs, gently coaxing Camila’s gaze up to meet hers. She sends Camila a comforting smile, wiping the younger Latina’s tears away, and Camila tries to ignore the anger in the pit of her stomach. “Well done, Camz. I want you to copy my breathing, okay? In, and out. Slowly.”

Camila mimics Lauren’s slow, deep breaths, until she finally feels like she has enough air in her lungs. She feels weak and disgusted with herself, angry that she had to rely on Lauren when she’d sworn she hadn’t needed her help. She pushes the older girl away and stands up by herself, shaking.

“I didn’t need your help.”

Instead of arguing, Lauren just nods and stands up, restacking the bread Camila had knocked down. “Okay. But… I want to make sure you get back to your mom okay.”

To Camila’s irritation, Lauren trails behind her all the way back to Sinu, and to make matters worse, she hugs her before she goes back to her work. Camila feels a little guilty when she sees Lauren look at her watch, suddenly seem stressed, and start working a lot faster, but she pushes that guilt away. She didn’t _ask_ Lauren to help her.

Once her mom finishes shopping, and they leave the store at ten past eight, in a hurry to get Camila to school, she sees Lauren still working and bites down on her bottom lip, jogging over to Lauren’s manager and telling him some bullshit excuse, that she’s Lauren’s friend and Lauren is her ride to an important hospital appointment.

When she sees him go over to Lauren and take over for her, she smiles. _There,_ Camila thinks, _I don’t need to feel guilty anymore. I paid her back. We’re even, and now I don’t need to talk to her again._

Camila finds she’s second guessing that when she’s gazing out of her classroom door, waiting for her lesson to start, and she sees Lauren running into the school building from the parking lot.

-

“We shouldn’t meet here without Lauren. It’s not fair.”

Dinah hums in agreement. “Yeah, Walz. She’s in the same boat as us. She deserves to know everything we figure out.”

“I don’t want to be around her right now,” Camila shakes her head, sitting down. “I don’t want to be reminded of what she’s taken away from me.”

“Lauren hasn’t taken anything from you,” Dinah snaps at her, and Camila is a little taken aback by how harsh she’s being. She’d expect it from _Lucy_ , with her being Lauren’s best friend, but not from Dinah. “She didn’t ask to wake up here. None of us did. It’s not her fault. We get that you’re hurt, okay? Lauren did some messed up things when she was younger because she was _scared._ And she’s here, begging you to let her try again and do it differently, and suddenly you don’t want her because you’re obsessed with some other version of her _who was her the whole time anyway._ ”

“Lucy said it’s a soul thing,” Camila convinces herself, “two versions of the same soul coming together. Which means this version of her is real, and she’s still my soulmate. And she treats me so much better than Fifth Harmony Lauren ever did-”

“Um, what part of _it’s been her the whole time_ don’t you understand?” Dinah interrupts her, glaring. “Sure, our Lauren fucked up. Because she was _scared._ She wasn’t ready. You of all people should know what it’s like, to be uncomfortable in your sexuality. You can’t blame her for dealing with it differently.”

“I can, when she clearly took advantage of my feelings and used me for a warm body,” Camila argues, shaking her head, “I don’t want Fifth Harmony Lauren. I want the other one.”

“The other one _is_ Fifth Harmony Lauren. If we’re being honest here, technically you haven’t even _met_ this version of Lauren _.”_ Lucy rolls her eyes at her. “You don’t have trouble accepting that Dinah was here the whole time, she’d just forgotten. Why’s it different with Lauren? And don’t give me all of that _she took advantage of me_ bullshit, because I know you care about her.”

Camila opens her mouth to argue, and she tries to think of a good memory she has with Lauren, but she’s finding it hard to bring something up. “This isn’t why I needed to talk to you guys. I’m forgetting. And it’s bad. This morning, Lauren said I slept with Michael from 5 Seconds of Summer? But I can’t… I can’t remember ever doing that. I’m forgetting and I don’t even _realise_ it’s happening.”

Lucy’s expression softens and she sighs. “I know. It’s getting bad for me, too. I keep trying to think back through things, to keep it fresh in my mind, but I’ve noticed… there’s so much less. Like pieces of a puzzle are slowly being taken away.”

Dinah looks between the two of them with a frown. “You guys wrote as much down as you possibly could, right?”

They both nod, but Lucy sighs again. “Yeah, but there’s a difference between seeing words on a page and telling yourself it happened to you, and actually _remembering_ doing it.”

Camila mumbles to herself. “I auditioned for X Factor. I was… I was… _fifteen?_ Right? And… and I was… I was put in a group called Fifth Harmony. With four other girls. Lauren, Dinah, Normani, and Ally. I left the group on December… um… nineteenth? Or… did I even leave? Yeah, I did, didn’t I?”

Dinah looks at her in shock. “You don’t remember _leaving?”_

“See? This is what I mean! It’s all fading,” Camila feels like banging her head against a wall and hoping it sets her right again. “It’s going _fast._ Sometimes I catch myself, but there are so many things missing. _”_

“We probably don’t have much time left,” Lucy murmurs, and Camila feels panic again, “but… I mean, Dinah and Lauren remembered again. Which means we _could._ Something significant has to happen to snap us back into it.”

“So, it’s not entirely hopeless, it’s just _pretty_ hopeless,” Camila groans and collapses into a chair, sighing. “I just don’t want to lose myself. I can’t just… fall back into all of my old insecurities again.”

Lucy looks over at Dinah. “When you forgot, how did you feel?”

“I mean, I didn’t remember anything, so I felt like nothing was wrong,” Dinah shrugs, “but it was like… for a while, I felt weird. It was kind of like… I don’t know, I felt like I’d just been weird for a couple months. When I forgot, I felt like I was finally _whole_ again. I didn’t realise anything weird had happened.”

“We’ve talked about so much stuff though,” Camila points out, frowning, “I don’t get how we’ll just forget all of these conversations.”

“Maybe we won’t,” Lucy suggests, “and just think we went a little crazy.”

Camila sighs and shakes her head. “I just don’t want to forget. I don’t want to go back to feeling like I’m not good enough.”

“Hey,” Dinah pulls her in for a hug. “You’ll always be good enough to me, Walz.”

“I just… I hate to admit it, but I’m worried I’m going to forget Lauren and the time we had,” Camila mumbles, burying her face into Dinah’s shoulder. “I’ll forget everything and then I won’t be able to say anything to her. And the part of her that’s still in there… it’ll be so confusing for her.”

“How about instead of worrying about that, you worry about how much your friend is hurting right now because she thinks you hate her? Because you won’t fucking accept that it’s _always_ been our Lauren. She just didn’t remember anything.” Lucy looks at her with a frown and Camila sighs. “God, at least be _nice_ to her, Mila. It literally costs nothing.”

“I don’t owe her anything,” Camila replies, standing up and heading for the door. “And if all you guys are going to do is try and convince me to be _fine_ with the fact that my girlfriend has disappeared, then I’m going.”

“She hasn’t disappeared,” Dinah rolls her eyes, “Lauren is your girlfriend. She forgot Fifth Harmony and acted like this version of herself, but then she remembered everything again. But she _still_ remembers everything from this life, too. Like me. You’re just so mad at our Lauren that you’re letting your anger get in the way. She’s herself, and she’s _been_ herself the whole time. If anything, that makes it easier on you. Now you don’t have to hide anything from ‘this Lauren’. The one you’re so obsessed with. You know, even though _it’s been our Lauren the whole time_.”

Camila ignores Dinah’s point, shrugging. “Whatever. I just want to talk about something else. Not Lauren.”

“She should be involved,” Lucy argues, “that’s our point. She’s stuck in the same situation as us. She deserves to know what’s going on and be involved in what we figure out.”

“I’m not saying you can’t _tell_ her. I just don’t want to be around her.” Camila argues, turning towards the door. “But go on. Call her. I’ll be at home.”

Before they can argue with her, Camila walks out of the door and leaves the school, not caring about what her friends think. She sighs when she sees the only bus she could’ve caught driving away, and she feels like throwing herself in front of the next car to come along, because she’d rather die than walk home.

She sets off anyway, not wanting to grovel to Dinah for a ride, but she’s hardly even down the street when a car pulls up next to her.

“Need a ride?”

Camila rolls her eyes at the familiar raspy voice. “Why are you here late? Stalking me?”

“Don’t be so full of yourself,” Lauren rolls her eyes, “I stayed for art. Do you want a ride or not?”

After a few moments of thought, Camila sighs, opening up the passenger side door of Lauren’s car and getting in. She makes sure to slam the door behind her to make sure Lauren knows she’s not happy about this situation.

But, after a few minutes of awkward silence, she sighs. “Thank you for this morning.”

“It’s no problem.” Lauren shrugs, “you were upset, and it’s not like I haven’t talked you out of a panic attack before.”

Camila blushes embarrassedly: she’s almost always ashamed of her panic attacks, and she’d really hated it that one time she’d freaked out before a show and Lauren had talked her out of it. “Yeah, well… thanks anyway. Since we’re not exactly… on the best terms.”

Lauren just shrugs again. “You might not care about me, Camila, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you.”

Camila doesn’t reply. It’s not that she doesn’t care about Lauren – she’ll always have a soft spot for her, even after everything – it’s just that she’s had experiences with Lauren before, almost all of them negative.

 _But you’ve always believed that Lauren could’ve been good for you, if she wasn’t so scared,_ Camila reminds herself. _Maybe you should give her a chance. Or you could do it for your Lauren._

She looks at Lauren, and the older girl’s expression is neutral, but Camila can see the hurt and pain in her eyes; Lauren had never been good at hiding her emotions. She tries to ignore the rational thoughts in her mind, and decides that obviously that heartbreak is because of _her_ Lauren. Because Fifth Harmony Lauren didn’t care. Camila had accepted that.

Or… maybe she _did_ care.

“I care about you,” Camila finally admits, looking anywhere but Lauren. “And… and I’m sorry.”

Lauren blinks in surprise and once she gets the chance, she pulls over. “Wait, what?”

“Dinah and Lucy are right in a way. It’s not your fault that you’re here.” Camila murmurs, looking up at Lauren. “And you don’t… I don’t want you to disappear, Lo.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip. “I heard you speaking to Dinah and Lucy the other week. You were saying that you don’t want me. That the other one… or… me when I didn’t remember… she’s the one you want.”

Lauren is telling her what she wants to hear; she knows Camila has created a separation between her, and this version of her. Even if they’re the same.

“Prove me wrong,” Camila shrugs, trying to be casual about it. “Prove to me that you can be good for me. Because you don’t exactly have the best track record.”

“Wait, is this…” Lauren frowns, “are you giving me a chance?”

After a few moments, Camila nods. “Yeah. Don’t mess it up.”

Lauren pulls her in for a tight hug and buries her face into Camila’s shoulder. “Thank you, Camz. I’ve missed you so fucking much.”

Camila wraps her arms around Lauren and gives her a small squeeze. “One chance, Lauren. That’s all.”

Lauren pulls away from her and sends her a small smile. “That’s all I need.”

Camila _really_ hopes she’s telling the truth.


	37. thirty six

**_May 13 th, 2017_ **

When there’s a knock on her bedroom door, Camila frowns over at it, not expecting anyone to come over today. And, you know, nobody ever knocks. Sofi, Sinu and Dinah all walk in like they own the place, and her dad pretty much never comes up to her room. “Um… come in?”

Her bedroom door pushes open, and Lauren walks in, sending her a shy smile. “Hey. I hope you don’t mind, but your mom kind of ambushed me and asked me to stay for dinner tonight.”

“Oh,” Camila frowns as Lauren closes her bedroom door and sits down next to her. Admittedly, even after giving Lauren a chance, she’d felt awkward around her, so she’d been avoiding her. “Well, um, that’s fine. How are you?”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t avoid me,” Lauren admits, and Camila shifts uncomfortably. “I know you don’t trust me, and part of me… part of me _also_ doesn’t trust me.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “What?”

“I don’t know. It’s like… it’s like I don’t trust myself. There’s a part of me that… that’s still scared, but not scared of my feelings for you. It’s like… I’m scared of losing you. Of _hurting_ you,” Lauren comments, and Camila beams, because she knows that’s _her_ Lauren. “But I’m going to prove that part wrong. And I’m going to prove _you_ wrong, because I’m _not_ going to hurt you. I’m going to do things right. But to do that, I need you to stop avoiding me.”

If she’s being honest, Lauren thinks that the other _part_ of her, the girl she’d technically _been_ , the one who’d left some kind of lasting mark on her, is almost like a representation of the person she always wanted to be. The brave one, the one who owns her sexuality, the one who isn’t afraid of holding a girl’s hand in the street.

It’s comforting, in a way, to know she has that in her. To know that maybe she always _had_ had it in her.

Camila sighs. “I wasn’t… avoiding you. I just didn’t reach out.”

“Let me take you out,” Lauren suggests, ignoring her words for the most part. “Obviously not tonight, because Sinu roped me into dinner, but… soon. For a proper date.”

Camila raises her eyebrows, admittedly a little surprised by the request. “You want to take me on a date?”

“I thought that was obvious,” Lauren comments, shrugging. “I mean… you’re still my girlfriend, right? We never… we never broke up.”

“Well, I mean…” Camila bites down on her bottom lip and shrugs. “I didn’t know if you really wanted… this to be _that._ Since you don’t have feelings for me. Only a part of you does.”

“It’s always been me, Camz,” Lauren frowns at her, and when Camila feels a hand on top of hers, she jumps a little in shock. “I’ve always… I might’ve hated myself, Camz, but I never hated _you_. Every part of me has feelings for you.”

When Camila’s mind jumps to the dirtiest meaning possible, she snorts a little, trying to hold back her laugh. “Thanks?”

Lauren frowns, but catches on to what she’s laughing at and shakes her head. “Oh, god, no, I didn’t mean it like _that_.”

Camila laughs even harder and shakes her head. “Okay, Lauren.”

“I mean,” after a few moments of hesitation, Lauren smirks a little, “it’s still not a lie.”

Camila blushes, but looks away from Lauren, not wanting the older Latina to know the effect she has on her. So, she elects to change the subject. “Are you looking forward to a proper _meet the parents_ thing? You know, as my first girlfriend, they’ll probably going to interrogate you.”

Lauren beams when Camila says _as my girlfriend._ “Well, I am quite the charmer, so I’m not too worried. But anyway, you never answered my question. Can I take you out on a date, Camila?”

Finally, Camila smiles, nodding. “Yeah. You can.”

While she’s still a little uncomfortable with the idea that it’s Fifth Harmony Lauren, she knows that her Lauren is in there, and that’s who she’s doing it for. Her Lauren is probably the one influencing Fifth Harmony Lauren to do things right.

It’s definitely not like Dinah said. It’s definitely not that Fifth Harmony Lauren had been in there the whole time, influencing _this_ Lauren, even if she wasn’t aware of it. It’s got to be the other way around, because Camila can’t believe that Fifth Harmony Lauren had ever had feelings for her. Lauren had always been so unattainable, and Camila had made peace with the fact that Fifth Harmony Lauren could never want her.

“Perfect, I’ll start making plans,” Lauren flashes her a grin, resting her head on Camila’s shoulder. After a few moments of hesitation, Camila curls an arm around Lauren’s waist and pulls her closer. “Anyway… how are things? Lucy told me she’s been… well, forgetting a lot.”

Camila sighs. “Yeah, it’s been getting bad.”

“I’m sorry, Camz,” Lauren takes her hand and Camila feels butterflies, telling herself she’s doing it for her Lauren, not the Fifth Harmony one. Because they’re _not_ the same. “I know how frustrating it is. But… at least you’ve got people around to remind you, right?”

Camila shrugs. “You had Dinah. You guys were just too dense to realise.”

“I was a little suspicious of her one time,” Lauren admits, “but, you know, I shrugged it off, considering I thought I was losing my mind.”

“I told Dinah within like, two days of being here.” Camila tells her, laughing a little. “At the time, she said she believed me, but I could tell she was like _alright, what kind of prank are you pulling here?_ And, I mean, I know it’s not technically my world, but I’m kind of… warming up to it.”

Lauren looks a little sceptical, and Camila knows that Lucy has probably accused Camila of getting _sucked into this_ , just like she’d convinced Dinah. “Don’t you miss making music? Lucy- well, she told me… she told me you left Fifth Harmony. Is that true?”

Again, it takes a few moments for Camila to remember whether she did or not. “Yeah. I did.”

Lauren watches her carefully. “Why?”

“Why do you think?” Camila snaps without thinking, and Lauren looks more than a little taken aback. “Sorry. I left because… because…”

“You don’t remember?” Lauren asks, concerned, “That’s a big thing, Camz…”

“No, it just took a few seconds.” Camila is quick to brush it off, and answers Lauren’s question. “I left because I wanted to make music. My music. Actually get to use it as… as like, a therapy, to express everything I had to keep bottled up, because it’s not like I could talk to any of you about it. It was a toxic environment for me. You guys wanted me gone, and the fans wanted me gone, so what’s the point in staying?”

“I never… I never wanted you gone,” Lauren buries her face into Camila’s shoulder and wraps her arms around her waist, giving her a tight hug. “I know things weren’t… great. But I didn’t want to get rid of you. I just never knew what to do or say around you after everything and you never seemed like you wanted anything to do with me.”

“Look, I know that Lucy’s probably told you that I’m getting too _invested_ in all of this or whatever, but can you blame me?” Camila tries to justify, sick of people making judgements. “I actually _have_ you guys here. Mani and Ally barely spoke to me, and now they’re two of my best friends again. Everything is just so much happier and _easier_ here. And if I’m stuck here, I might as well embrace it.”

“But if you’re not stuck here, you’re just going to be crushed when you get back,” Lauren points out, and Camila ignores that. At this rate, she thinks she’s more likely to forget than she is to ever get back to where she belongs. “Look, I know what it’s like, okay? You’re on the brink of forgetting everything that makes you _you_ , and it feels like you’re running out of time. But it’s not hopeless. We can figure everything out and get back to where we all belong.”

Camila just frowns, another thought popping into her head. “Wait… if you didn’t know I left, then when did you come here?”

“The night I was outed. The night _Lucy_ and I were outed,” Lauren sighs, shaking her head. “Why is that important? We need to be thinking about-”

“You weren’t there when I left the group.” Camila monotonously states, her mind reeling. “Which means… the things you said… they were some _other_ you saying them?”

“No, it’s like what Lucy said, like… there, a part of me is _missing_. A part of all of us is missing, but we’re still functioning like people. Just… not one hundred percent ourselves. Like we’re kind of… empty, but not _completely_ empty.” Lauren explains. “Why? What did I say?”

“Just that I’m a manipulative bitch who only cares about myself and you can’t believe you were ever _friends_ with me.” Camila bitterly answers, squeezing her eyes shut. “But if you weren’t there for that…”

“I don’t think you’re any of those things,” Lauren murmurs, looking her in the eyes, “but I can see why in the heat of a moment like that, I could say something along those lines. Especialy with like… half of my entire sense of self _lost_ somewhere else. I mean, when Lucy told me you left the group… it hurt. It made me angry, because I felt like even though we’d all gone through so much together, with people constantly trying to fuck us over, that at least we had each other. But if you left… it made me think maybe you were like the people who wanted to tear us down. But I don’t _believe_ those things at all.”

Camila blinks in surprise. “You don’t?”

“No,” Lauren answers, “I don’t. Especially after realising how much your music means to you and how you’d felt like an outsider in the group. I can’t blame you for wanting to go.”

“Oh,” Camila looks around and frowns down at her feet. Eventually, she smiles. “I guess… I guess it’s comforting to know that at least you and Dinah aren’t really angry at me.”

Lauren laughs a little. “All it took was for us to get zapped into an alternate universe.”

Camila can’t help it; despite herself, she laughs. “You know, if the fans ever found out about this, they’d probably think we all just took a bunch of drugs together.”

“Maybe we did,” Lauren suggests, laughing a little, “maybe I just smoked some bad weed and this is all _my_ hallucination.”

Camila scrunches her nose up in disapproval. “You really need to stop doing that, you know? It’ll kill your vocal range. Or, at least, the cigarettes will.”

Lauren doesn’t comment on most of that. “You know I can hit the chorus in _Miss Movin’ On_ here? Not that I’d _want_ to, because that EP is not… not my thing… but still. It’s nice to have my old range back.”

Camila snorts. “ _When it’s just me and my girls…”_

“Sing that again and I’m throwing myself out of the window.” Lauren cringes in thought. “You know, my friends made so much fun of me for that performance we did on X Factor to promote it. _Oh god_ , the onesies…”

“You’re having war flashbacks?” Camila laughs, but when she tries to think back to the performance and doesn’t remember, she bites down on her bottom lip and frowns. “Wish I was.”

Lauren holds out her pinky, and Camila frowns, but doesn’t have time to question her. “I pinky swear you, right here and now, that I’m not going to let you forget. And if you do… then I promise I’ll do everything I can to make you remember. Okay?”

Camila looks at Lauren’s outstretched little finger, before she nods and loops her own pinky around it. Admittedly, it’s kind of comforting to have another person around to help her remember. “Okay.”

“Good.” Lauren smiles at her, and Camila smiles back, despite herself. “Anyway, let’s focus on something that’s a little less depressing.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “Like what?”

“Like that duet we were supposed to sing?” Lauren teases her, and Camila just blushes, rolling her eyes. “You know, it’s weird how you picked my favourite song from 7/27… since you don’t like me and all that. Just a thought.”

Camila gives her a light shove. “Fuck off. And you know I don’t… not like you. I was just mad at _you_ , you know? Because of everything.”

“I know,” Lauren says, sitting up and sending her a smile. “You had a right to be.”

Camila’s eyes narrow, and she frowns. _How can I be sure that this is real? How can I be sure that Lauren actually likes me, that it’s not just my Lauren’s influence?_ _Honestly, it seems pretty likely that that’s the case. Fifth Harmony Lauren had said it herself; ‘I can’t help it I’m in love with Lucy and not you’._ “Well, um, let’s… let’s watch a movie or something.”

After a few moments, Lauren nods, and Camila jumps up from the bed, grabbing her laptop and scrolling through Netflix for a movie, hoping things feel a lot less awkward at dinner.

-

“Are you okay? You seem a little distant.”

“Yeah, babe,” Lucy turns over with a sigh, looking Nicole over, smiling softly at the girl’s concerned expression. “Just a little tired.”

Nicole laughs a little, tracing patterns over Lucy’s bare stomach. “I mean, I’m pretty tired too, after all of that.”

Lucy laughs, shaking her head. “Not like that. I haven’t been getting much sleep lately.”

 _And I haven’t been remembering anything about my actual life, either,_ she adds on in her head, knowing she can’t tell Nicole about it. They’re in the early stages of their relationship, and Lucy is really starting to feel something, and doesn’t want to scare her away; announcing that she’s actually from an alternate universe would likely destroy any chance she has at a real relationship.

It’s times like these when she understands how sucked into this Camila has gotten. In the moments of pure bliss, when she forgets about her situation, it’s hard _not_ to be happy.

“What’re you thinking about?” Nicole asks her, and Lucy wishes she could tell her everything. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yeah,” Lucy sends her a soft smile, “I know. I’m just… thinking about Lauren.”

Nicole recoils a little. “Your ex?”

“Not like that,” Lucy is quick to make amends, not realising how that would’ve sounded. “She’s just going through kind of a rough patch with her girlfriend. They had a fight and she’s really stressed about it, and I want to help her out, but Camila isn’t… well, responding to anything I try and do to fix things for them.”

“Oh,” Nicole settles back down next to her with a small shrug, “maybe talking at them won’t help. Just… shove them in a room together and hope they don’t kill each other.”

Lucy laughs. “Yeah, for some reason, I don’t think that’ll work. They need to talk properly, but it’s Camila I’m concerned about. She’s got a _lot_ of things she needs to figure out, and she needs to learn how to put the past behind her. They both do.”

Nicole hums. “She’s been hurt before, huh?”

“Yeah.” Lucy answers, sighing. “Sometimes she acts like she doesn’t care, but it’s obvious that it gets to her, and that’s what stops her from trusting Lauren fully. And it sucks, because Lo really likes her and wants to treat her right, yet neither of them will _talk_ to each other about it. It honestly makes me want to bang their heads together out of frustration.”

Nicole laughs. “Why is Camila scared Lauren’s going to hurt her?”

“Because…” Lucy strains to remember, “because someone like Lauren had hurt her in the past. Some girl, I think. I don’t know, I don’t… I don’t think I ever met her. So… Camila is scared that it’ll happen again.”

“That’s fair,” Nicole hums, “but Lauren wouldn’t hurt her, right? Surely she’d know that.”

“Yeah, you’d think, but…” Lucy sighs, “everything is going wrong and they’re both talking to me about it so I’m just stuck in the middle and it’s seriously making me want to punch both of them.”

“Leave them to get their shit together by themselves,” Nicole shrugs, “I get that you’re trying to be a good friend, but there’s only so much you can do when someone won’t help themselves.”

Lucy pauses, before smiling down at Nicole. “I didn’t know you were so wise.”

Nicole grins. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.”

Lucy hums, tracing patterns on Nicole’s bare upper arm. “Hopefully you’ll let me learn everything about you.”

Nicole kisses her. “I plan on it.”

-

“So, Lauren, you mentioned on Karla’s birthday you had college plans?”

Lauren watches as Camila tenses, and for a moment, she’s a little confused. Aside from the whole _being on different ends of the country_ thing, why would Camila have to worry about college?

“Uh, yeah,” Lauren quickly answers, “I got accepted to Columbia on an academic scholarship, so that’s pretty cool. I’ll be starting there in the fall.”

“Something to do with politics, isn’t it?” Sinu asks, and Lauren nods. “That’s a very practical degree to study.”

Admittedly, when Lauren remembered everything again, she was a little shocked. Surely, she’d want to do something creative? For her, at least the _real_ her, she needed that creative outlet, and while she _does_ want to change the world, she wouldn’t choose politics over making her own art and putting it out there.

 _Maybe we’re here to leave a mark on these versions of us, too_ , Lauren considers for a moment, _maybe it’s a two way street._

Camila looks like she’s going to say something about her mom’s words. _A practical degree_ , Sinu had commented, and Lauren knows the only thing Camila wants to do is music. But she doesn’t even want to do a music degree, she’d said it’d suck all the fun out of it, and Lauren can completely understand that.

Admittedly, _Fifth Harmony_ had kind of sucked all the fun out of it for Lauren. Just getting handed songs to sing, that she almost always felt no connection to, and told to sing and dance like the label’s money-making puppets had made Lauren hate something she once loved. Music had become draining work, something she was _forced_ into, and art and painting had taken over as the thing she used to get all of her emotions out.

 _It’s hard to get your feelings out when you’re not allowed to sing about them_ , Lauren thinks to herself, remembering a time when she’d presented some lyrics to the girls, wondering if the label would let them be used, and been shot down.

(Later, when Lauren had been ranting loudly about it in their shared apartment they’d been staying in close to the studio, Camila had told her that she’d been shot down too, about the same thing, and she shouldn’t be too vocal about it. Camila had said she should just _keep her head down_ and _get by._ )

 _That’s probably why she was the label’s favourite. She had the personality, the voice, and she was so young and scared of them that she was easily manipulated,_ Lauren muses, looking over at the girl in question. It’s not Camila as she knows her; Lauren is used to seeing Camila as a confident woman, with probably the best ass she’s ever seen, stunningly toned abs, and a jawline that could literally cut her in half. Across from Lauren now is a small seventeen year old, _not_ all bows and dresses like Camila was actually like at that age, but still shy and unsure with lingering puppy fat.

Lauren is a little blown away by how she manages to be so beautiful either way.

“I mean, I was torn between doing my joint literature and politics, or doing something in art,” Lauren wonders aloud, trying to convey a _creative degrees and career paths are credible and valid and deserve equal respect._ “I love both creative things as well as academics, and painting is my creative outlet. I always considered graphic design as a possible career path.”

“Well, politics is a much more sensible one,” Alejandro says, probably trying to be nice, “it’s good you’ve considered lots of things.”

“It doesn’t matter if something is _sensible_ or not,” Lauren says, and she knows she probably _shouldn’t_ oppose her girlfriend’s father, but she can sense the way Camila’s mood is going sour. “What matters is if you’ve got the drive and passion for it. Like… I really admire the way Camila has such a passion for her songwriting. The way she’s _always_ had that passion for it. That’s how you can tell someone really loves what they do; they don’t care if it’s not safe or sensible. As long as it makes them happy, they don’t care how much they make off of it.”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip and sends Lauren a small smile. “You really see that passion in me?”

“Yeah,” Lauren confirms, dropping her fork in favour of squeezing her girlfriend’s hand on top of the table, “I’ve always seen that passion in you. Ever since the first time I heard you sing. I knew… I knew people were meant to hear your voice.”

Camila stares at her in shock, and Lauren hopes this means she’s getting through to her. She hopes this means she’s proving her wrong. “You really mean that?”

“Of course I do,” Lauren easily answers, “I didn’t know why whatever powerful force is out there let me be on that journey with you, but I knew you were going to do great things. That _we_ were going to do great things.”

Camila looks at her, with tears in her eyes, and for a moment, Lauren forgets that she’s sat in front of Sinu and Alejandro and Sofi, because she leans in and kisses Camila. When she hears a throat cleared, she quickly pulls away, sends Alejandro an apologetic look, and picks up her fork, quickly shovelling a forkful of food into her mouth to avoid any questions.

Camila clears her throat awkwardly, taps out a small pattern on the table, before she announces, “Um, so… are we having dessert after this?”

Lauren hears the unspoken _oh please god no_ , and snickers a little. Admittedly, she feels a little awkward herself, but the way Camila is so obviously against this whole dinner is a little amusing. If she felt like it, she’d tease her a little, but she knows she’s on thin ice and she doesn’t want to do anything to break the small amount of trust she’s managed to regain.

What’s important here, is fixing things with Camila. Lauren doesn’t care how long it takes; she’d wait forever for her.

“No,” Sinu answers, “there’s ice cream in the freezer if-”

“Perfect, looks like Lauren and I are both done!” Camila exclaims, grabbing Lauren by the wrist and pulling her up. “Thanks for dinner, love you guys!”

As Alejandro opens his mouth to protest, Camila pulls Lauren out of the room, and she lets herself get dragged upstairs. She smirks a little when Camila slams the bedroom door behind them, and says, “wow, I’m really that irresistible, huh?”

“Oh, shut up,” Camila rolls her eyes, “you really meant that stuff? About me?”

“Yeah,” Lauren answers, knowing that if she wants to fix things, she has to be honest. Honesty is what Camila really wanted from her. “I did. I believe that you’re meant to perform your music.”

Camila smiles at her. “That… that means a lot. So- um, this date?”

“Yeah,” Lauren asks, when Camila doesn’t elaborate, “what about it?”

“When are we going to… have it?” Camila asks her. “Soon?”

At the way she’s asking, the way she seems enthusiastic about it, Lauren grins. “As soon as you want it.”

“Next weekend.” Camila practically demands. “But… but if it doesn’t… if you run away from me again…”

“I won’t.” Lauren quickly assures her. “I promise you. I won’t run again.”

Camila looks at her, and Lauren swears she sees a little flash of doubt in her eyes before she nods and mumbles, “Okay.”

Lauren pushes it out of her mind; Camila said she was giving her a chance, and Lauren isn’t going to let _anything_ ruin that.

She can’t lose Camila again.


	38. thirty seven

**_May 20 th, 2017_ **

Lauren has to admit; she’s nervous.

In fact, she’s so nervous, that everyone had been questioning her. She’d been getting lunch with Dinah and Normani in the cafeteria, and Dinah had been shooting her glances, asking her what she was so jittery for. At the question, Normani had looked up, fixing her with a suspicious stare, as if she was trying to read Lauren’s mind and find out all of her intentions, but otherwise, her best friend had actually left her alone about it.

Even her mom starts questioning her, asking if she’s okay, if she’s worried about graduation and her grades, and when Lauren tells her she’s nervous for her date with Camila, her mom _laughs at her._

“You’re nervous to go out with the girl you’re _already_ in a relationship with?” Clara asks her, laughing. “You didn’t seem nervous when you took her out to that fancy place last month.”

‘’It’s just…” Lauren sighs, shaking her head. “I feel like this could make or break everything. And I just… I just want to treat her right. I want to treat her the way she deserves.”

Clara smiles at her, kissing the top of her head. “I’m proud of you. No, I’m proud of me, because I raised you to be so polite and caring.”

Lauren laughs, hugging her mom. “Thanks, mami. And I know I shouldn’t be nervous, I just really want everything to work out. I really lo- _like_ her.”

Clara sends her a knowing smile. “Yeah, you seem to _like_ her a lot.”

“Alright, and now you’re making things worse.” Lauren rolls her eyes, her phone pinging, telling her it’s time to set off so she can make it to Camila’s for six o’clock sharp. “I’ll see you when I get home. Love you, mami.”

“I love you too, Lauren,” Clara says, heading into the lounge. “Have fun.”

Lauren takes in her mom’s words, really hoping that she _will_. She hopes that this won’t end in tears, and even though she doesn’t have to worry about this, she’s still got some residual fear about being seen. She hasn’t experienced being properly _out_ , and she’d always felt that with girls, she had something to hide.

As Lauren starts to drive, she thinks about Camila, and tries to analyse everything that happened between them here. While she’s thinking about it, she realises that when she didn’t remember, she was everything Camila had always wanted her to be. Out and proud. Calm and patient when it came to their disagreements and fears. _Brave._

Lauren wishes more than anything that she could be brave, but it’s still so _hard_ , even without the fans breathing down the back of her neck, analysing her every move.

She pulls up outside of Camila’s house, and lets out a deep breath, trying to compose herself. She needs to look cool and confident. If Camila sees any kind of fear, she’ll take it as a red flag. She gets out of the car and walks up Camila’s driveway, knocking on the door.

She rocks on her heels as she waits for the door to open, but when it does, she puts on a confident smile and opens her mouth to greet Camila, but she can’t seem to get the words out, because the girl in front of her is the most beautiful human being she’s ever seen in her entire life.

Camila had curled her hair, and it’s been a _long_ time since Lauren had seen her like that. She has a simple summer dress on, but the fact that she hadn’t gone all out just proves Camila’s effortless beauty. She looks up at Lauren through her long eyelashes and smiles shyly. “Hey.”

 _“Wow,”_ is Lauren’s feeble response, and when Camila laughs, she realises she’d said it out loud, and quickly backtracks, “Um, I mean, hey. Hi. Hello.”

Camila laughs a little. “Hi.”

“Yeah. Hey.” Lauren repeats, dumbstruck and trying to remember how to function as an actual human being. “You look perfect. You _are_ perfect. Are you… ready to go?”

Camila blushes and bites down on her bottom lip, not meeting Lauren’s gaze. “Yeah, I just… can’t believe this is happening. That you’re my girlfriend.”

After a few moments the words register, and Lauren’s heart drops. _Had Camila forgotten?_ “Um, Camz? Fifth Harmony.”

Camila blinks in confusion for a second, and seems to snap back into reality. “Oh, yeah, of course. You’re Fifth Harmony Lauren. I’m Fifth Harmony Camila. Well… not anymore. Because I left.”

Lauren breathes out a small sigh of relief, even though she knows it’s getting bad for Camila. She holds out her hand, and when Camila takes it, she beams. “Alright, come on. I promise I’m going to make you talk about whatever dumb stuff we did when we were actually seventeen, to keep you remembering.”

“You forgot,” Camila sullenly replies, following Lauren to the car. “No matter how much you reassured yourself. Maybe it’s just an inevitability.”

“Maybe it is,” Lauren agrees with her, “but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t at least _try._ But I was also alone the whole time. You have me, Lucy and Dinah. Besides… I remembered everything eventually. Maybe it’ll be the same for you.”

Camila just sighs, buckling herself in. “Was it like being trapped? Were you in there the whole time, but you couldn’t do or say anything?”

“No. It wasn’t like that.” Lauren shakes her head, happy she can quell this fear, because it was one of hers. “It’s like… falling asleep. I was like, vaguely aware of everything that was happening, but it was like a dream. Fuzzy and surreal. That’s why I think I was influencing myself, why I think I was always me, since I was semi aware that there was something going on, but I didn’t realise _what_.”

“Oh… I guess that’s not _so_ bad.” Camila sighs a little, shrugging. “I just don’t want to have all of my big insecurities back. I don’t want to go back to not being able to say more than two words to you.”

“After all of this, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Lauren laughs, squeezing Camila’s hand comfortingly. “Even though you won’t remember _why_ , surely you’ll remember that you talked to me and nothing bad happened.”

“I guess,” Camila sighs dejectedly, “I’m just scared.”

“I know. I’ve been there.” Lauren says. “But you’ve got Dinah and I here. We’ll do everything we can to help you and Lucy remember if you guys forget.”

“ _When_ , at this point,” Camila mumbles, “ _when_. I don’t even… I don’t even remember some of the reasons I was so mad at you. I know you… you’d kiss me and then pretend like you didn’t, and ignore me for weeks on end, and generally why I’m so mad, but it doesn’t seem like… that bad suddenly? I don’t know, this whole part of me wants to punch you, and then this other part of me feels _so much_ for you, and I don’t know which part to believe.”

Lauren feels a little conflicted, because while she likes the idea of Camila forgetting _that_ part, she knows it’s hurting her. “I was scared and I fucked up. I didn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and I’m trying to make that right.”

“But- but I never used to be… mad?” Camila frowns down at her feet, sighing. “It’s like… from what I remember, when I got here… I never hated you, I- I missed you. And I always thought that if the timing wasn’t so wrong, then you would’ve… you would’ve been good for me. But then I started dating the other you, and… I don’t know. I guess I just had all of this resentment towards _you_ because I saw the way she treated me.”

“But I’m still… I’m still that one, too. I’ve always been that one.” Lauren points out, trying to get Camila to accept that it’d been her influence the entire time. It’s weird, knowing that the pull she always felt towards Camila when she didn’t remember was actually _herself,_ and not some kind of fate god pointing her towards the other Latina, and she hopes that Camila can see that. “And you have a right to be mad. I would be too.”

“But I _wasn’t_ ,” Camila is quick to insist, “I just _missed_ you. You were with Lucy and it hurt, but I wasn’t _mad_ at you for it. I just missed you and wished we could’ve had something. And since being here, it’s like… all of this anger bubbled up and I felt like I didn’t want you, I wanted her, because I was stuck on all the bad things you did.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, uncertain. “But… I did… I did good stuff, too. I always defended you-”

Camila rolls her eyes. “You haven’t done that for years, so fuck off with that bullshit.”

The words sting, but it means Camila remembers _something_ , so it’s almost a good thing. “I- I… you don’t understand. It’s… hard.”

“Hard to defend your bandmate?” Camila asks, and Lauren picks up on the word _bandmate_ , not _friend._ “There’s literally no harm in posting a tweet in my defence. You do it for the other girls.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, but shakes her head. “It’s not that simple. The fans would blow it out of proportion and it… it scared me so much. That’s why I… why I pulled away from you. Partially.”

“I know I’m going to forget.” Camila murmurs, squeezing her eyes shut. “So… can you just give me an explanation? A real one. About _everything_ , before I’m even more confused than I already am.”

“Is that the only reason you’re doing this?” Lauren frowns at her. “You’re not giving me a chance. You just want an explanation.”

Camila lets out a long sigh. “It’s not entirely like that.”

“But it _is_ like that,” Lauren repeats, shaking her head. “You just want an explanation, which I would’ve given you had you asked. Don’t act like you’re giving me a chance when you’re not. Don’t fuck with my head like that.”

“Oh, exactly the way you did to me?” Camila viciously replies. “Acted like you liked me and then pushed me away? Guess you know how it feels now.”

Lauren pulls over, gripping the steering wheel tightly. “Just say the words and I’ll turn around, drop you off at home, and never talk to you again. If that’s what you want.”

“I don’t… want you to do that,” Camila answers, “and it wasn’t that I was using a date as a chance to get an explanation, just to never call you back. But I do want one. And I _deserve_ one.”

“I know.” Lauren says, “and I’m going to give you one. I just wanted tonight to be… _happy._ I didn’t want things to be tense.”

Camila just sighs. “I just worry sometimes. But whatever. I’ll push all of that aside and we can have a real date. I _did_ say I’d give you a chance.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, but nods, hoping that Camila _means_ what she’s saying. She hopes it isn’t just some kind of ploy to get an explanation, and really, she kind of wants to get it over with now that the atmosphere in the car is so tense. “Okay. But, um, speaking of _us_ … we need to try as best as we can to keep you remembering. So… maybe we should talk about things. _Good_ things.”

Camila hums in thought, frowning like she’s trying to think about something. “Maybe… when we… the break. Christmas 2012. After X Factor. When you’d actually _see_ me during breaks. Tell me about that.”

Lauren allows herself a smile; if she’s being honest, she misses seeing Camila on breaks. But, she never calls her anymore, because of how distant they’d grown. She never felt like her presence would be welcomed during the only time of the year Camila _really_ gets to be with her family.

“Well… there’s that time when I’d just passed my driver’s test…” Lauren starts with a smile, “and I figured I’d take you for a surprise drive along the beach. We parked and got ice cream and went for a walk and it was really… cool. It was honestly one of the moments I realised how beautiful I thought you were. At the time, it scared me, and I imagined something like… like _this_. Where we’re not famous. Where we’re just two normal teenage girls, enjoying each other’s company.”

“You really hated it, huh?” Camila looks over at her. “Would you still audition? If you could go back?”

“If you’d asked me a year ago, I would’ve said no. I wouldn’t still audition.” Lauren answers. “It’s… it’s more complicated now. I was so young when I auditioned that being in the group pretty much shaped who I am. I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t audition. Besides… if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have met you. Or the other girls. I don’t hate Fifth Harmony. I just hate _fame_.”

Camila frowns. “All the time?”

“Most of the time,” Lauren continues, “but the times I don’t hate it are the times I forget about it. I think that’s what drew me to Lucy initially. She was something from my past, from before I auditioned, and when I was with her, it felt like I _hadn’t_. Like I was in that place where I was _normal_. I would visit her at Loyola and go to class with her and it felt like everything I could’ve had. It made me want nothing more than to turn back time and not audition.”

“But being with me would’ve been a constant reminder of the fame you hated so much,” Camila states, and Lauren has to admit that she has a point. “Just… can we get the explanation out of the way now? Then we can put it aside and have a nice night. But at the moment it’s all I can think about.”

Lauren parks outside the restaurant and if she’s honest, she has to agree. She looks over at Camila and nods. “Okay. Ask me anything. I’ll give you the answer.”

Camila pauses for a moment. “Why’d you kiss me? That first time, on _The X Factor_.”

“Well, I’d asked you if you’d ever been kissed, and you said no.” Lauren explains, thinking back to her motivations. “I didn’t want you to waste it on some guy who wouldn’t appreciate you. I wanted you to have a first kiss with someone who really cared about you.”

Camila raises her eyebrows. “So, it was pity?”

“At first, I thought it was,” Lauren honestly replies, “or, at least, me doing you a favour. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was so scary to me, because I didn’t understand _why_ I couldn’t get the way kissing you felt out of my head.”

“And that’s why you did it again.” Camila states, frowning. “Why’d you reject me when I asked you out?”

“Because I genuinely _did_ think I was straight.” Lauren explains, because she did. She hadn’t realised properly until she was seventeen, and promised herself she’d never tell anyone. “I didn’t realise I wasn’t until we were on the Harmonize America tour and I realised how much I… how much I liked you.”

Camila fixes her with an intense stare. “You genuinely liked me? You had _real_ feelings for me?”

 _I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen and I don’t know how to deal with it,_ Lauren thinks, the words stuck in the throat. She tries to say something, but she hides behind her worries, and says, “Yeah. I did.”

“Did,” Camila repeats, “past tense.”

Lauren shrugs. “Still do.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Camila asks. “I told you that you could. At _any_ time.”

“I might’ve _realised_ that I liked girls at seventeen, but I hadn’t _accepted_ it.” Lauren says. “I wasn’t ready to have that conversation. Not even with myself. That was made so much worse when the fans took the… the _Camren_ thing out of proportion. They started saying how it was obvious that I was in- that I liked you. That they’d always suspected I was into girls. I wasn’t ready at _all_ to even _think_ about that, and being around you meant the fans pushing that onto me. That’s why I started avoiding you. Besides, why would I talk to you about anything as time went on? We were barely even _friends_.”

“But then you’d get drunk. And sneak into my bunk at night. Or… I think you did...” Camila points out, trailing off a little at the uncertainty. “Then you wouldn’t talk to me about it when you were sober. You’d kiss me when you felt like it, but if I tried to talk, you pushed me away.”

“I started drinking because I was… depressed. Scared. I didn’t _want_ to like girls. I just wanted to fit in. I fucking _hated_ myself for it.” Lauren sighs, resting her head against the car window. “It honestly traumatised me, how much the fans were pinning all of these labels on me. So, I started acting out. Acting _repulsed_ by the thought of me dating girls. Dating _you_. Drinking so I would have the courage to kiss you.”

“I told you, you could’ve talked to me at any time,” Camila reminds her. “I promised you that.”

“We drifted apart as time went on. We barely spoke outside of rehearsals and shows.” Lauren points out. “Just like you felt on the outside of the group in the last year, like you couldn’t talk to us. I felt like that with you. We were barely _friends_ anymore. Sure, we had some… good moments, but we weren’t friends. Just… colleagues.”

“What about all the times I tried and you blew me off? Especially before the end.” Camila points out. “You acted like you wanted nothing to do with me most of the time. And you stopped kissing me, right? If you still had feelings for me, why would you do that?”

“I was just… scared.” Lauren sighs, shaking her head. “I would look at you, and think about kissing you. Think about everything we could’ve had. But I couldn’t do it. And there was everything with Lucy. I started to have feelings for her too. And I fell for her. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of you if I kept… doing that.”

Camila just sighs. “It’s the fact that you didn’t talk to me about anything. One minute, you’re my best friend and we kiss sometimes, then we just kiss and don’t talk about anything ever, then it’s like I’m nothing to you. If you just _told me_ you had feelings for her… I would’ve backed off.”

Lauren raises her eyebrows. “I doubt that.”

Camila frowns. “Why?”

“Well, you… your reaction when you found out I was with Lucy.” Lauren recalls, remembering how Camila had confronted her in one of the dressing rooms. How she’d lied to get her away, saying _I can’t help it that I don’t love you_. “I doubt you would’ve been okay if I’d spoken to you about it before. I know I did some fucked up things, Camz, but you’re no saint.”

“First of all, I don’t remember ever doing that. Why would I? Lucy is my friend. I never fucked _you_ over,” Camila harshly responds. “I never used you for _four years_.”

“No,” Lauren agrees with her, “but you’d flirt with people in front of me just to make me jealous. That’s fucking with _their_ emotions. And you slept with Michael Clifford for that same reason. Either that, or you lied about it when you were loudly talking about it with Dinah on the tour bus.”

“I don’t remember doing that,” Camila mumbles, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to remember. “I don’t know if I did or not. As far as I know, my Laur- um, I mean, _you_ were my first.”

Lauren feels the familiar sting when Camila starts to say _my Lauren_. She knows it’s going to be hard to get Camila to accept that it was her the entire time. “Um, yeah, well… like I said, I don’t know if you did or not. But you were definitely talking about it as loud as you could to make me jealous. And it _worked_. It _did_ hurt, to know that someone else could just take you and make you theirs. But I was too scared to do anything about it.”

“Well, whatever,” Camila mumbles, “I just… feel like it’s getting bad right now. I don’t remember a lot of the things I wrote down. I’m second guessing everything. But thank you for finally giving me an explanation.”

“It’s okay,” Lauren answers quietly, nodding over to the restaurant. “Can we… go inside?”

Camila follows her gaze to the building, and nods. “Okay. Yeah.”

Lauren gets out of the car and walks around to Camila’s side, planning on opening the door for her, but the younger Latina beats her to it and gets out of the car, walking ahead of her to the restaurant. Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, ignoring that small slight, and catches up to her, carefully taking Camila’s hand.

“So, um, what-”

“Oh my god,” Camila turns to her suddenly, her brown eyes bright. “I’ve been here before! For my sixteenth birthday, actually. Well, not on my birthday, but Dinah and I came here for a birthday meal.”

Lauren stares at her in shock, wondering if she’d just completely switched. “Camila… you spent your sixteenth birthday with me.”

Camila’s face sinks into a frown, before she looks absolutely horrified. “I don’t even… I- I told you it was getting bad.”

Lauren squeezes her hand comfortingly. “It’s okay. I’m here to remind you.”

Turns out, that doesn’t help.

Lauren is increasingly worried as the night progresses. All through dinner, Camila keeps having outbursts about things she did when she was younger, but they’re _this_ Camila’s memories, not Fifth Harmony Camila’s. And Lauren knows that while Camila had issues with anxiety and insecurities in the past, she’s at least coping with it now.

But suddenly, Camila will start stuttering, acting like she’s not used to talking to Lauren, the way Lauren remembers _this_ Camila being.

“Camila,” Lauren interrupts her as Camila launches into a stuttered story behind her Halloween costume from freshman year. “These aren’t your memories. And you’re talking to me like I’m a new person to you. Like you don’t know me. You’re acting more like _this_ universe’s Camila. Not like _you_.”

Camila blinks, like she’s just woken up. “Oh. Um, yeah, that’s not… not good. It’s just getting so bad these last few weeks and I don’t know…”

“Since I got here,” Lauren finishes for her, thinking back through the way Camila had been acting their whole relationship. “Ever since I remembered again, your memory has been deteriorating. And you’re getting all of these new memories. I guess that’s another thing you can be mad at me for.”

“Hey, no,” Camila frowns at her, “this isn’t your fault. I just don’t understand why we’re all here. And how we’re… supposed to get back.”

“I thought you wanted to stay here.” Lauren mumbles, because from what she’d heard from Lucy and Dinah, they think Camila is too invested in all of this. “You want to stay. To be with me. Her. Whatever.”

“I… not now I’m forgetting everything,” Camila murmurs, shaking her head. “I just- I- I don’t want to fall back into my old insecurities. I don’t want to be so scared again. And- and, I mean, I want my career. I wasn’t getting invested. I was just trying to be happy in case we were stuck here. But I don’t know how to get back and I’m no closer to figuring it out than I was when I got here. And I’m running out of time.”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip. “Lucy thinks it might be down to you. That you have a choice to make or… or something. That it’s going to come down to something, and you’ll have to make a choice.”

Camila sighs. “How could it be down to me if I’m forgetting who I am?”

Lauren bites down on her bottom lip, wishing she knew the answers. “I remembered again. You could too.”

“Just… promise me you’ll help me?” Camila asks, and Lauren nods. “Promise me that if I forget, you’ll do everything you can to help me.”

“I thought I already promised you,” Lauren murmurs, but reaches her hand across the table and holds out her pinky. She loops it around Camila’s and smiles at her. “I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you remember, Camz.”

Camila nods, still looking concerned, and as they leave the restaurant, she looks so scared that it makes Lauren’s heart break. They get back into the car, and Camila buckles herself in, mumbling something to herself. Lauren hears _Fifth Harmony,_ and figures she’s just assuring herself.

But then, Camila turns to her and stops her from turning the key in the ignition. “Don’t start the car.”

“Okay,” Lauren turns to her, sending her a soft smile. “What’s— _hmph,”_

Lauren lets out a surprised squeak when Camila pulls her in for a kiss, but realises what’s happening and reaches up, cupping Camila’s jaw with her hands. She sucks on the younger girl’s lower lip, her heart overcompensating at the way it feels to be so close to Camila, and she realises just how much she’d missed this.

Camila pulls apart from her, meeting Lauren’s gaze with a small smile. “I just realised… I haven’t really kissed you since you got here. Not counting that awkward little peck in front of my parents.”

“So…” Lauren tries to figure out the meaning of that. “You… you want to kiss _me_?”

Camila bites down on her bottom lip. “You’re still on probation, but… yeah. I want to kiss you.”

Lauren’s face breaks out into a grin, and she pulls Camila in for another kiss. Once they part, she stays close to her girl, and murmurs, “I’m going to prove you wrong,” into her ear, before she kisses Camila’s cheek and starts the car.

Lauren smiles to herself; she’s _definitely_ going to do things right this time.


End file.
